I work as a merchandiser in a big box store. I delegate sales/product knowledge questions to whatever department I’m working in that day. If it’s an inventory-related thing, I can usually help.

A customer and his friend approached me while I was working on clearance and asked:

Customer: “Can you get something down for me?”

Me: “Could you point it out?”

What he was requesting was not only high, but also had a ton of other merchandise stacked on top. Even if I were ten feet tall, it would’ve been nearly impossible to get it down from the top rung without pulling it out directly and having all these other boxes flying everywhere.

Me: “That isn’t happening without a machine.”

Customer: *Impatient and irritated.* “I can just get on the ladder and get it myself!”

Definitely a safety violation.

Me: “We use power lifts for things that are too high, big, or bulky to get down with a ladder.”

Customer: *Complaining to his friend.* “It’s ridiculous that they need power equipment for something so simple.”

I didn’t care. I’ve fallen off a ladder before at a past job, and I was surely not risking it happening for someone this rude.

A couple of minutes later, I returned to the aisle, driving the machine. Unsurprisingly, they were gone, probably to go to a competitor. I decided that since I was there, I’d downstock the item anyway. If they returned, it would be there. If not, someone nicer could buy it. My supervisor said I made a good call and thanked me for keeping myself and others safe.

I work in a Chinese take-out place. A customer walks in, looks around, and then looks at me:

Customer: “Can I get a slice of pizza?”

Me: “Uh… this is a Chinese restaurant.”

Customer: “Oh, well, I’ll just have an eggroll pizza then.”

Me: “We do eggrolls, but not an eggroll pizza.”

Customer: “Don’t you do any kind of pizza?”

Me: “No. This is a Chinese place.”

Customer: “Thank God, an eggroll pizza sounds terrible!”

The customer walked out after saying that, giving me no indication of wanting to order anything else. I was just left to stand there and share a look with another customer who was waiting for his order.

Other Customer: “Not gonna lie, to me, an eggroll pizza sounds amazing.”

I work for a furniture store. A customer who received some furniture from us yesterday is now calling in a panicked tone.

Caller: “Quick! You need to send someone out here!”

Me: “For what reason? Is there an issue with your furniture?”

Caller: “Yes! There’s a nick on the side of the table!”

This is a wooden table that contains the natural woodgrain as a feature, so some nicks are part of the design.

Me: “What are you requesting, ma’am?”

Caller: “A replacement that isn’t deformed!”

Yes, she used the word ‘deformed.’

Me: “I can get a replacement out to you next week if—”

Caller: “—No! It must be today! It’s an emergency!”

Me: “I thought you said it was just a nick on the side of the table?”

Caller: “I did!”

Me: “That’s not an emergency, ma’am.”

Caller: “It is! It looks awful and embarrassing! What if my mother-in-law comes in for a surprise visit!?”

As much as I could relate to annoying in-laws, I could only get a replacement sorted the following week.

Customer: “I want your [salad that contains several hard-boiled eggs], but I’m lactose intolerant. Is there a way I can have it without the eggs? I can’t do dairy.”

Me: “So, it’s dairy you can’t have? You’re not allergic to eggs? Or specific parts of eggs, like the egg whites or yolks?”

Customer: “I’m not allergic, I’m just lactose intolerant!”

Me: “Then I can reassure you, ma’am, that our eggs contain no lactose whatsoever.”

Customer: “Oh, are they special eggs?”

Me: “I… uh…”

Customer’s Husband: *To his wife.* “Yes, dear, special lactose-free eggs.” *To me.* “She’ll have the salad as presented on the menu, please. I assure you it’ll be fine.”

I’m a little reluctant, but I put the order in. The customer loves her salad, and when I go back to check on them, she says:

Customer: “This is delicious! Thank you so much for having lactose-free eggs!”

Customer’s Husband: *Talking to his wife but staring at me.* “I told you the restaurant, like all the restaurants we go to, will have lactose-free eggs, dear.”

She thanks me again, and the husband smiles that long-suffering kind of smile that belongs to someone who chooses their battles…

I’m a librarian. I work in a library. We have a lot of cool stuff to look at, and we love to give people tours, but 99% of what we have is books. When someone comes in and has a great time, it really makes our day, but that doesn’t mean we don’t also get people who walk in and bark, “What is this? I don’t like it.”

We had one visitor a couple of weeks ago who looked around the library in awe and told me, “You know, this place could be so nice if it weren’t for all these books! No one cares about all this old stuff.”

Yes, he walked into a LIBRARY to tell me to get rid of the books. He called back later that day, disappointed that he didn’t have a direct line, with some more ideas about how to get rid of everything. 

He was also full of suggestions about other institutions he’d visited, and he just couldn’t figure out why he couldn’t get a reply from them when he wrote. It takes a certain kind of person to walk into someone else’s workplace and tell them how to do their job. A lot of people don’t realise, but you need a master’s degree to be a librarian, archivist, or curator. When this guy spoke to our intern and found out she’s currently in library school, he said, “Oh, you can go to school for that?” Yes, mate. Yes, you can.

I thought we’d seen the last of him, but to my horror, he came back the next week. This time, he asked about a very specific subject, and as it happened, we have a book about exactly that. I thought I finally had something that would make him happy. I brought him the book, and as he was leafing through it, he mused, “This kind of thing really doesn’t interest me.”

Some days you just can’t win.