Stop Guarding Lives!

, , , | Right | February 10, 2020

(This is my first year as a lifeguard on the beach and all has been smooth sailing, just a few rescues and warning people… except for this one mother who walks up to me with her son in tow.)

Mum: “My son lost his action camera out in the surf.”

Me: “Okay, did it have a floaty on it?”

Mum: “No.”

Me: “Well, I’ll keep my eye out for any that are handed in.”

Mum: *starts to get mad* “No, aren’t you going to go and look for it now?”

Me: “No, ma’am, I can’t go out looking for it as it is a busy day and I can’t leave my spot.”

(I’m the only lifeguard on duty.)

Mum: “What do you mean? Of course, you can! No one is in trouble and he just lost it over there!”

Me: “Look. Even if there was no one in the surf, I would still not go looking for your son’s lost action camera.”

(She grabs her son and walked away, yelling at me.)

Mum: “I’m calling your manager for not doing your job and have you fired.”

(Did this lady really think I was going to leave my spot watching the ocean to go and look for her son’s missing action camera?)

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Not Even Thinking Drinking

, , , , | Right | February 10, 2020

(I work at a tasting room, serving beer in house and to-go. We close at 9:00 pm. I get this call at 8:52 pm.)

Me: “[Store], how may I help you?”

Caller: “Hi. What time do you close?”

Me: “We actually close at 9:00 pm.”

Caller: “Oh, I am five minutes away. Can I still come?”

Me: “Were you looking for to-go?”

Caller: “No, I wanted to drink there.”

Me: “Um…”

Caller: *brusquely* “Never mind, don’t worry about it.”

(To-go options are quick, and I have no problem staying a few minutes late to keep customers happy. But for here can take people up to an hour, sometimes longer. Please observe opening hours. Workers want to go home after a long day!)

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Well, You’ve Been A Real Ham…

, , , , | Right | February 10, 2020

(The place where I work has a canteen including a deli where you can get sandwiches made. I am queueing at the sandwich counter behind a guy who is relatively high-up in the organisation. He is in the middle of ordering a sandwich.)

High-Up Guy: “A slice of ham…”

(The chef opens a new packet of ham. There are about twenty slices and they are all identical looking.)

High-Up Guy: “Give me a lean one if you have one.”

(I start giggling at the sheer madness of this request. They all look exactly the same. The chef catches my eye and I can tell he is now trying not to laugh. My giggling becomes uncontrollable and I step out of line to recover. The chef is now openly smiling and the high-up guy looks really embarrassed as he finishes ordering. The high-up guy takes his sandwich and leaves, still looking really embarrassed. I step up to the counter.)

Me: “Oh, my God, did he expect you to look through them all?”

Chef: “Yes. Yes, he did.”

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She Loves To Wine And Moan

, , , , | Right | February 10, 2020

(A woman somehow manages to tip her glass of wine over, and it smashes onto the floor. I go over to make sure she’s okay and clean it up. Thankfully, it is easy to clean as it was mostly empty, so I don’t need to contend with a puddle of wine.)

Customer: “Thanks for that.”

Me: “No worries; it happens. There we go, all cleaned up! Hope you enjoy the rest of your meal.”

Customer: *pretentiously* “What? Aren’t you going to replace my glass? I was drinking sav blanc.”

Me: “That’ll be [price] for the new glass, then, please.”

(I work at a really casual restaurant where you have to pay first at the counter, rather than pay after your meal, although for things like this we can take cash or card and get it for them.)

Customer: “You actually want me to pay? My glass just broke!”

Me: “You want us to replace your mostly empty drink for free after a glass just smashed? I’m not going to do that, sorry.”

Customer: “Seriously? Can I speak to a manager, please?”

Me: “The manager’s not in at the moment, but I’m the supervisor for tonight.”

Customer: “Well, I think you’re being really unreasonable! This is ridiculous!”

Me: “Sorry you feel that way, but you’re free to contact our manager or corporate if you want. Is there anything else you need?”

(She left in a s*** mood, but not my problem. Maybe if she had been nice rather than demanding, I would have replaced it.)

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A Stormy Attitude

, , , | Right | February 10, 2020

Me: “Hi. Thank you for calling [Company]; how can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi. Channel [number] is out.”

Me: “Ah. Yes, we know about that one, and in fact, all channels provided by [Company] are out right now due to a storm on the west coast.”

Customer: “Well, when are you going to fix it?!”

Me: “Uh… There’s no telling when the storm will be over, ma’am. We just have to wait and see.”

Customer: “So?! What are you going to do about it?!”

Me: “Uh… There’s nothing to be done to ‘fix’ it, ma’am. We just have to be patient and wait for the storm to be over, and it will come back all on its own.”

Customer: “HMPH! That’s unacceptable!” *hangs up*

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