She Probably Needs Someone To Put Her Clothes On, Too

, | Right | January 19, 2008

Customer: “Is this the children’s department?”

Associate: “Yes this is.”

Customer: “And where’s the little girl’s?”

Associate: “Right over around the corner.”

Customer: “Well? Aren’t you going to do your job?”

Associate: “Ma’am?”

Customer: “You know, you pick out my outfits for me.”

Associate: “Like a personal shopper?”

Customer: “What is this, some sort of self-service store?”

Associate: “Typically, customers shop for themselves.”

Customer: “Well, fine! I’m going to shop somewhere else!”

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Focal Discrimination

, , , | Right | January 17, 2008

(I’m working at the cigarette counter. I wear glasses.)

Me: “How can I help you today?”

(Customer is clearly not from this country and speaks in broken English with a thick accent.)

Customer: “Glasses!” *points at my face* “Glasses!”

Me: “You like my glasses?”

Customer: “No glasses. No glasses!”

Me: “You don’t like my glasses.”

Customer: “Not you. No glasses.”

Me: “Not me? No glasses? You want someone without glasses?”

Customer: “Yes. No glasses!”

(I look over at another cashier and a nearby register who heard everything and have her switch with me. Meanwhile, everyone around us is cracking up laughing.)

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The Joys Of Self Righteousness

, , | Right | January 1, 2008

Caller: “Hello, I’d like to report a ticket.”

Me: “I beg your pardon?”

Caller: “I want to report a speeding ticket.”

Me: “I don’t really have the ability to write tickets over the phone.”

Caller: “He’s speeding down the road; he must be doing 90 mph!”

Me: “Generally, at this time of day we have patrols on every major street.”

Caller: “I caught up to him and he is doing about 102. His license plate is [Plate Info].

(I pretend to write it down so I can end this phone call.)

Me: “Thank you, I’ll get right on mailing this–”

Caller: “Did it come up?”

Me: “Yes, it did.”

Caller: “What did it say?”

Me: “It says the car is stolen.” (It didn’t.)

Caller: “Oh, my god!”

Me: “And what is your driver’s license number?”

Caller: “Why do you need that?”

Me: “You are aware it is illegal to drive and talk on your cellphone, right?”

Caller: *click*

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Playing Along

, , , | Right | December 26, 2007

Me: “Welcome to [Pizza], how can I help you?”

Customer: *sincerely* “Do you have any Chinese food?”

Me: “Errr… no.”

Customer: *still earnest* “Ohhh… really? What about Thai food?”

Me: “Oh! Yes.”

Customer: “Really?”

Me: “No. Not really. Just pizza.”

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Deep Pockets

, , | Right | December 24, 2007

Customer: “I’d like to buy the Internet, please.”

Sales: “The whole thing?”

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