A Pyrhhic Victory

, | Right | November 30, 2007

(Earlier in the day this guy called to make a reservation, even though we were totally booked. The manager decided to take it anyway. When he got to the restaurant, he proceeded to pick his own table though I had no idea he had.)

Me: “Okay, sir, just follow me and I can bring you to your table.”

Customer: “But I’ve been waiting for this one.”

Me: “Well, sir, that table is still occupied however I do have an available table for you.”

Customer: “NO! I don’t want that table. I’ve been waiting for this table for twenty minutes now! Why should I go sit at that table when I’ve been waiting for this one!”

Me: “Okay. But just so you know. It’s going to be another twenty minutes before they pay and get up, if they decide to get up after paying. Even then you’d still have to wait for a busser to clear it and another one to reset it and right now they are backed up.”

Customer: “I just don’t understand why I can’t have this table.”

Me: *annoyed* “And I don’t understand why you won’t sit at an open table that we have waiting for you where you can sit down and start enjoying your meal now instead of waiting another 30 minutes for THAT table to be ready for you.”

Customer: “Attitude? Are you giving me attitude? I don’t think so buddy!”

Me: “Weelll…”

(At this point the other hostesses gave me a death look to shut up so I gave up. The customers at the table he was waiting for actually did decide to camp out for another hour. By that time we sat the table we were to give him. He ended up waiting an extra hour and a half to be seated.)

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July, November, It’s All The Same

, , | Right | November 27, 2007

Customer: “Where is your jewelry?”

Me: *standing behind three counters full of jewelry* “Right here, ma’am.”

Customer: “No, the jewelry on sale!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we aren’t having a sale on jewelry this month.”

Customer: “But I was here in July and it was on sale.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, and now it’s November and it’s not on sale.”

Customer: “Well can’t you give me the sale prices, anyway?”

Me: “Ummm, no.”

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BA BA BEE DA DUM DUM BAAA!

, , , | Right | November 27, 2007

Customer: “Yeah, my son really likes this one band that has a really popular song out right now.”

Me: “Okay…”

Customer: “Well, I don’t know the name of their album, their band name, or the name of the song but the tune is like this: ‘ba ba bee da dum dum baaa.'”

Me: “…”

Customer: *not very happy with me* “Do you have any clue what I’m talking about?”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry but we can’t really look up ‘ba ba bee da dum dum baaa’ in our computer.”

Customer: “Don’t be a smart a** with me, missy.”

Me: *trying not to laugh* “Ma’am, I’m not trying to be a smart a**, I’m just saying there isn’t really any way I can help you unless you have some information I can look up.”

Customer: *yelling* “NEVER IN MY LIFE HAVE I EVER BEEN TREATED SO DISRESPECTFULLY AT SOME BULLS*** BOOK STORE! EVERY TIME I COME HERE YOU AND YOUR CO-WORKERS ACT AS IF IT’S SUCH A CHORE TO HELP CUSTOMERS!”

Me: *trying really hard not to laugh* “Would you like me to call my manager?”

Customer: “YES!”

(I page my manager. We have several, but I luck out and get the good one)

Rad manager: *irritated because she was busy* “Is there a problem?”

Customer: “Yes, the…”

Rad manager: “No, I wasn’t talking to you.”

Customer: “Well!”

Me: “She wants me to look up a song using only the tune.”

Rad manager: *laughs*

Customer: *again, yelling* “IS IT SO HARD TO ASK FOR A LITTLE HELP OR DO YOU NOT OFFER THAT FOR FREE? ALL I NEED FROM YOU IS THE BAND NAME THAT SINGS THAT ONE SONG THAT GOES LIKE THIS, ‘BA BA BEE DA DUM DUM BAAA’! IT ISN’T THAT HARD TO FIGURE IT OUT!”

Me: “So go home and figure it out and give us a call.”

Customer: “I will never shop here again! I’m taking my business to [Competitor]!”

Rad manager and Me: “Okay. Bye.”

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Nonsense Be Thy Name

, , , | Right | November 24, 2007

(I am a video editor, teleconferencing with a client about a commercial I edited for him)

Client: “I don’t like the music you picked. Do you have anything else?”

Me: “The order said you wanted your jingle in the spot. It’s the one you had the radio stations send us…”

Client: *interrupts* “Yeah, yeah. We gotta have the jingle. I just don’t like the music that goes with it.”

Me: “So you want the jingle without the music?”

Client: “Yeah. And, like, can you take the singing out of there? Like, the music, too; can you just edit it out?”

Me: “I don’t think I understand. You want me to edit the jingle so there’s no music or singing?”

Client: “Yeah. I mean you guys can do stuff like that, can’t you? Like, with the computers you got?”

Me: “We can’t really, um, do it like that. If you don’t want the jingle sung, we could have [The Jingle’s Hook] read in the voice-over.”

Client: “No, that won’t work. You can’t just read it. We gotta have the melody in there with it.”

Me: *loathes his career choice*

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(Telepathic) Help Wanted

, , | Right | November 24, 2007

Customer: “I’m looking for that movie.”

Me: “We have lots of movies, can I help narrow it down?”

Customer: “No, I want it full-sized.”

Me: “I meant, what can you tell me about the movie?”

Customer: “Isn’t it YOUR job to tell ME about the movie?”

Me: “Well, I’ll tell you everything I know about the movie as soon as you tell me which movie you’re looking for.”

Customer: “If I knew which movie I was looking for, wouldn’t I have found it by now? Jeez, the people they hire these days.”

(Customer storms out)

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