Will Only Touch A Mother Board

, , , , , | Right | April 10, 2019

(Apart from my main job, I started a minor side gig a few years ago of fixing women’s computers. I am a woman who, with my innate understanding of computers, started helping female relatives and friends, with their home computer issues. I then went to my local college to take night classes and got my IT certification. After that, I could start doing house calls for women whom I was referred to, and have it be a real business with my certificate. I charge very little because it is only my side job and I enjoy doing it. I like getting to hang out with women as I fix their computers and it is, for the most part, quite enjoyable. But it’s women only, 100%. I will never touch a man’s computer, so I get a few miffed callers after I tell them my rule, but this one takes the cake. I get a male caller:)

Caller: “Hi there. I got your name from [Family Friend]. Can you please come over and have a look at my computer?”

Me: “Sorry. Is this your wife’s or sister’s or girlfriend’s computer?”

Caller: “No, it’s mine.”

Me: “Sorry. I don’t fix men’s computers.”

Caller: “What?! That’s ridiculous! Why not?”

Me: “You have enough people to choose from to fix your computer. I only help women.”

Caller: “Look. I’ll bring it to you.”

Me: “It doesn’t matter where it is; it matters that it’s not a woman’s.”

Caller: “I… What? That doesn’t make any sense. I’m a paying customer. You have to fix my computer, too!”

Me: “There are hundreds of techs that can fix your computer. I offer my services only to women as I find they feel more comfortable having a woman come to their house.”

Caller: “I would prefer that, too!”

Me: “I don’t care. I don’t work on men’s computers, ever. Please call [Big Store Computer Repair Services] or something. There are literally hundreds of other options besides me!”

Caller: “That’s sexist. I’ll sue you.”

Me: “Oh, okay, then. I’ll come and fix your computer.”

Caller: “What? Really?”

Me: “Yeah. If you want me on your computer after you threatened me, I’ll be right over.”

Caller: “Um…” *click*

Donut Rush Me!

, , , , | Right | April 10, 2019

(Typically, we ask guests to call in advance with large orders so we have more time to prepare their order. In the drive-thru:)

Customer: “I’ll have twenty-four large iced capps, six dozen donuts, two dozen muffins, and a hundred-and-fifty timbits.”

Coworker: *somewhat speechless* “Okay, we’ll have your total at the window.”

(By this point, we’re all running around frantically trying to make their order so our drive-thru times are not completely destroyed. They’ve been at the window not even two minutes.)

Customer: “Holy s***! Could you hurry up a bit so I don’t run out of gas waiting here?!”

No Sugar Coating This Attitude

, , , , | Right | April 9, 2019

(I work at a little coffee shop and have lots of regulars that all staff are on a first-name basis with. In early December, half an hour before closing — the shop goes dead after about 3:00 usually — a couple walks in and orders their drinks. I’m sent off to serve their drinks: a tea and a coffee; the coffee is without sugar. The policy for the shop is two sugar sticks per drink unless they ask for more. So, I give them their drinks, when…)

Male Customer: “We’re going to need more than that.”

Me: *confused* “Of what, sir?”

Male Customer: *aggressively points at sugar sticks* “More sugar! Lots more!”

(I go to get more sugar, bearing in mind most customers who want more sugar only want one or two more, but I take four more, just in case. I hand them the sugar and…)

Me: “Here you go, sir!”

Male Customer: “No! No! No! We’re going to need at least double this!”

(Bear in mind they’ve had six sugars for this tea so far. After coming back with six more sugars:)

Me: “Terribly sorry, sir.”

Male Customer: “Yes, well, I did say a lot.”

(After they left, I was clearing the pots and the sugar residue left in the teacup was sludgy thick. If ever diabetes looked like a drink, I’m sure it was that tea.)

Your Movie Choices Are Off-Balance

, , , | Right | April 9, 2019

(A caller is upset that they are unable to rent a PPV movie. After explaining that they have exceeded their PPV limit — this is, of course, adult movie content…)

Customer: “Why can’t I rent a movie?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but you’ve exceeded your credit limit.”

Customer: “How can I rent a movie?”

Me: “Well, you can pay off your balance, and then be cleared to rent a movie.”

Customer: “Okay, how do I pay it off?”

Me: “I can take a credit card or check payment over the phone.”

Customer: “Can’t you just erase a movie and I can watch a new one?”

Me: “No, sir, I can’t do that, but would be happy to take a payment over the phone.”

Customer: “Well, could you just describe the movies?”

Me: “No, sir, I’m not able to see the titles.”

(I absolutely can, and um, ew.)

Customer: “Would you describe the movies to me?”

(Really? When did that become my job?)


, , , , , , | Right | April 9, 2019

(This happened several years ago at the call center for a local pizza chain. We stop taking orders at 11:00 pm but most activity dies down at 10:00, so most of the employees have gone home. I’m alone, aside from the manager, and bored at 10:55 pm when I get a call.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Pizza Chain]. My name is [My Name]. What can I get for you today?”

Customer: “Hi, [My Name]. So, we have a bet going.”

Me: “Um, okay.”

Customer: “Can you spell ‘pterodactyl’?”

Me: “Yes? P-T-E-R-O—“

Customer: “Thanks.” *yelling* “She got it! I knew [Pizza Chain] could spell.” *to me* “Thanks again.”

Me: *laughing* “You’re welcome. Have a great night.”

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