Maybe Find A Better Way To Word That

, , , | | Right | July 5, 2019

(We have reached a quiet moment and I am just standing at my checkout waiting for more customers. A man walks in from outside the shop and makes a beeline for my checkout.)

Man: “Give me all your money.”

Me: *absolutely terrified* “Uh… Pardon?”

Man: *holds up his EFTPOS card* “I need [large sum of money], and I just want to remove what you have available in your till and I’ll just get the rest from the others.”

Kombucha: Heavy Refreshment

, , , , , , | | Right | July 5, 2019

(I work in a grocery store that only bags items in paper bags. Because of this, we try to bag lightly so as to not have the bags broken when carried. I’m bagging someone’s groceries and every bag I put up they demand I bag heavier so they can have fewer bags.)

Customer: “You can put more in there. I don’t want too many bags.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, if I make it heavier it may break when you carry it.”

Customer: “I’ll hold it from the bottom; just make it heavier.”

(I do what she asks because the customer is always right, right? She goes to pick up the first bag, which is full of kombucha bottles, and only grabs one handle instead of both. It breaks immediately and the bottles of kombucha smash all over the floor and all over her shoes.)

Customer: “Oh, goodness! I’m so sorry! Can you clean this up while I get new ones?”

(At least she said sorry.)

Return Of The Returner: They Want The Earth

, , , , | | Right | July 5, 2019

(I work at a large department store part-time and often work Sundays. For some reason, we’ve noticed that our oddest and most difficult customers show up on Sundays. Sure enough, this day we aren’t disappointed. A woman comes up to the till with her husband and wants to return some handbags. Our store’s policy for returns is that if it has been sold as “faulty,” we can’t return it. You must have the receipt and credit card that was used for any other items you want to return in order to get a full refund. The receipt says that one of the items was faulty, so I explain that we can’t return that one.)

Customer: “Oh, well, that wasn’t explained to me when I bought it. Anyway, look closely; you can see it’s been crossed out.”

(I call over my supervisor who explains the same thing to her. It should also be noted that the bags are partly paid with cash and partly paid with other bags that have already been returned, which go back about four receipts. This woman has been buying and returning bags every couple of weeks.)

Supervisor: “Okay, well, in order to do the refund, we’d need the card you paid for these on and the original receipt, because we’ve got the information for the cash payment but not the card number.”

(The customer digs around in her and her husband’s bags looking for the card and receipt, between them trying to decide what card it was on. Eventually, she decides they must have issued her a new card and she doesn’t have the old one.)

Supervisor: “If we can confirm that you have been issued a recent card, then we might be able to approve it.”

(The customer hands her a random card from her purse that was clearly issued over two years ago.)

Supervisor: “Um… This isn’t a recent card. I’m afraid if you don’t have the card or the original receipt then all I can do is give you the part payment in cash from this receipt and the rest on a gift card.”

Customer: “What? I don’t understand. I was told I could have a refund. It seems to me that you’re just being fussy about this and nitpicking.”

(My supervisor is like the mum of our team and she begins to slip into full mum-mode at this point. I’ve served at least two other customers by now.)

Supervisor: “Look, there’s not much else I can do. I’ve already told you that we can’t accept refunds normally on faulty goods, and someone has clearly written that it’s non-returnable on this receipt. We also don’t have the original receipt with the proof of the card you used and you don’t know which that is—”

Me: *trying to be helpful* “If we refund it to some other card without proof, that could be considered fraud!”

Supervisor: “Right, so we’ve offered to meet you halfway and give you the cash back for the purchase and put the rest on a gift card.”

Customer: *getting angry* “I don’t want a gift card! I don’t have the original card! Why can’t you just put it on one of these cards? I don’t know why you’re being so difficult!”

(My supervisor explains the whole thing again, using the receipts as evidence that there is no way we can just use any random card in her purse because none of her card numbers are on them.)

Customer: “I was told I’d only need that receipt and I could have a full refund! I don’t have the original card I purchased them on and I don’t want a gift card. You’re being very unreasonable.”

Supervisor: “You can see where I’m coming from, can’t you? I can’t refund to a card that we don’t have. You’ll have the cash back that you spent, but the rest will have to go on a gift card unless you want to try to find the original receipt with the card number.”

Customer: “Well, I might have the original receipt at home but I am not coming back. I want you to sort this out now.”

Husband: “Just take the gift card; you’ll spend it, anyway.”

Customer: “No, I won’t! I’m never coming back here again! I don’t want a gift card, but I’ll take it if that’s all they’re going to do. This is shocking. I don’t know why they’re being so difficult.”

(I put the return through and give her the cash back, and then awkwardly hand her the gift card she doesn’t want.)

Husband: “You’re gonna spend it.”

Customer: “No, I won’t!”

(She storms out without taking her receipts, so my supervisor puts them aside in case she comes back. Meanwhile, my colleague turns to me and says:)

Colleague: “I heard that whole thing and it was BS. It was me that served her before. I wrote that it was a non-refundable item on there and explained that to her twice.”

Supervisor: “Some people just want the Earth.”

Return Of The Returner: Lines Of Anger
Return Of The Returner: Mysteries From The Past
Return Of The Returner: The Buyback

I Scream For Ice Coffee

, , , , , | | Right | July 4, 2019

(I just started work at popular fast food restaurant. Every morning we get nice old people who come in for coffee. It’s my first morning shift.)

Me: “Hi. Welcome to [Company]. What can I get for you?”

Customer #1: “I’d like a large, non-fat mocha with extra ice cream in it, please. Oh, and hot.”

Me: “Umm… do you mean extra whipped cream?”

Customer #1: “NO. I don’t mean extra whipped cream, I mean ice cream!

(Confused by her order, I punch in a regular mocha.)

Me: “Okay, your total is [amount].”

([Customer #1] pays and waits for her mocha. Once she gets it, she comes back to the counter and butts in front of the line.)


Me: “Mochas don’t normally have ice cream in them.”


(I call a manager over, and he tries to take the order but is just as confused as I am. [Customer #1] gets more upset and shouts profanities at both me and my manager. The line has built up, but everyone is just watching her.)

Customer #1: “What is this s***? Give me my f****** mocha with ice cream! How hard is that?!”

Owner: *walks out to the front of the store* “What seems to be the problem?”

Customer #1: “These two a**hats don’t know how to make a godd*** mocha with ice cream!”

Owner: “I’m terribly sorry about that. Here.” *does a refund for her purchase* “May I also see your punch card?”

(She hands him her punch card, just one shy of a free drink, and he rips it in half. The owner then hands out a card that has one punch on it.)

Owner: “I don’t like people who harass my employees and curse at them. We don’t make that kind of drink, and neither does any other coffee shop in the world, and you are no longer welcome here. Please leave, and have a nice day!”

Customer #1: *storms out flustered and still shouting profanities*

Me: “Next!”

Customer #2: “Hi there. I’d like a large nonfat hot mocha, please. Oh, and extra ice cream!”

When Principle Isn’t Cents-ible

, , , , , | | Right | July 4, 2019

(I’ve just finished ringing up a purchase for a customer.)

Me: “…and here’s your receipt!”

(The customer takes the receipt and looks over her purchase.)

Customer: “This item is wrong! It should be $2.78, not $2.98!”

Me: “Okay.”

Customer: “I want you to change this now, please!”

Me: “Okay, let me call my manager over so she can authorize a return for 20 cents.”

Customer: “It’s not about the money; it’s about the principle!”

(I page my manager over, who is just as dumbfounded as I am. She puts in her key, and I am finally able to process the return. As per standard procedure, I give the customer a form to fill out, like we always do with every return.)

Customer: “What’s with all the paperwork?! It’s only 20 cents!”

Me: “Well, it’s about the principle, right? I completely agree with you; we should do everything properly!”

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