An Inflating Sense Of Delusion

, , , , | Right | February 5, 2019

I work at a store that sells appliances.

A customer comes in. As all of our salespeople are busy with other customers, our manager walks over to help him.

This customer comes in often to check if the $400 hood fan he wants has gone on 50% off yet.

After spending almost an hour in our store, he leaves. The manager comes to my desk and tells me that this customer has seen every sales staff member in our store for the past five years asking the same question and never buys. Of course, with our inflating market, the price has gone up over the years and has not gone on sale. This time he was also inquiring about a high-end fridge known for starting at $5000, thinking he could get a deal on it.

Nice try!

Agree With Her Sentiment, Not Her Method

, , , , , , | Legal | February 4, 2019

(I am in a sporting goods store, picking up a shotgun I bought the day before. After signing the paperwork to take it home and getting it out the door, some woman is giving me a dirty look as I walk out of the store with the box. She decides to follow me to my car. After putting it in the trunk and closing it, she starts confronting me out of nowhere, demanding I give up the gun I just bought.)

Woman: “I’m going to have to ask you to give up your gun.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Woman: “Your gun. Give it up; you shouldn’t have it.”

Me: “And what makes you think I shouldn’t?”

Woman: “You’re not a cop or a soldier so you shouldn’t have one.”

Me: “And what are you going to do if I don’t?”

Woman: “I’ll call the police and watch them forcibly take it from you.”

Me: “Go ahead and call the police. And I’ll watch them put you in handcuffs for not only harassing me but infringing on my Second Amendment right.”

(She called the police and in five minutes they were there. I’m guessing they were nearby.)

Cop: “What seems to be the problem here?”

Woman: “This man has a gun in the trunk of his car and refuses to give it up.”

Cop: “Miss, calm down and let me talk to him and we’ll get this all straightened out.”

(He talks to me:)

Cop: “Sir, please open your trunk so I can what the problem is.”

(I open the trunk and the cop sees the box that has the gun it. I still have the receipt in hand so I show it to him. He inspects it and sees nothing wrong.)

Cop: “Okay, this checks out. You purchased it yesterday and waited the twenty-four hours to pick it up. So what appears to be the problem here?”

Woman: “He’s not a cop.”

Cop: “How do you know that?”

Woman: “He’s not in uniform.”

Cop: “So? He could be off duty.”

Woman: “He shouldn’t own one.”

(The cop turns to me again.)

Cop: “Sir, I hate to ask but can see a form of ID and your FOID card?”

(The Firearm Owner’s Identification card is required in Illinois.)

Me: “No problem, officer.”

(I hand him both and he examines them.)

Cop: “Well, miss, he is of age to buy one and this FOID card — which is pretty recent — allows him to own it, so I don’t see a problem here.”

Woman: “What about the background check? I bet he didn’t pass it.”

Cop: “Miss, if he didn’t pass a background check he wouldn’t have left the store with that gun let alone even have that FOID card.”

Woman: “Well, I bet he lied about it just to have it.”

Cop: “Look, miss, I don’t care about what you think because right now you are harassing this man and wasting my time, both of which are arrestable offenses.”

Woman: “I am not leaving until you do your job and take his gun away.”

Cop: “Miss, he has down nothing to warrant that. Now, final warning: leave it alone or I will arrest you.”

Woman: “No. Guns are evil and no one should own them.”

(She was arrested right there. The cop apologized to me for the trouble and told me to be safe getting home. Glad the cop actually did show up otherwise that could’ve gone on forever.)

Far From A Light-Bulb Moment

, , , , | Right | February 4, 2019

(I’m the manager at my store, and late one night I answer the phone.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Pet Store]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “How much are your pythons?”

Me: “We carry ball pythons here. The regular color morphs are $60, and the fancy color morphs are $120.”

Customer: “Do they come with a tank?”

Me: “No. You have to purchase a tank separately.”

Customer: “Then how do you get it home?”

Me: “We put them in a little box for you to transport them.”

Customer: “Can I keep it in the box?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Because it’s a python. Pythons get big. Plus, they’re cold-blooded, so you have to keep them in a tank with certain lighting so they can stay warm and digest their food properly. It’s usually pretty expensive.”

Customer: “Well, how much is the tank?”

Me: “We sell kits that have everything you need for a snake, including the tank, the lights, the bedding, a water bowl, and a heat pad. The prices usually start at around $140.”

Customer: “Well, uh, I might come by later.”

(I track down my employee on the floor and warn her about the customer, telling her that if someone comes in wanting a ball python, make sure to sell him what he needs to properly take care of it. About twenty minutes later, I get paged to the front. A man is standing next to my employee, who looks nervous and confused.)

Employee: “Um, he’s here for a ball python, but uh, he said…”

Customer: “I’m going to get the tank and stuff at [Other Store across the street].”

(The other store is not a pet store, and it does not carry anything the man needs for a ball python.)

Me: “Okay, but we match their prices, you know.”

Customer: “You do?”

Me: “Yep. You don’t have to buy anything from them. Anything they have at their store that’s equivalent to what we have, we can match their price.”

Customer: “Um, let me see what you guys have.”

(I send my employee to show him our tanks. After a few minutes, the man leaves empty-handed. I get a call a few minutes later.)

Customer: “So uh, if [Other Store] has a tank here for $40, you guys can match that?”

Me: “Maybe. If the tank at their store is the same as what we have, then we can match it. What size is their tank? What’s included in it?”

Customer: “Well, uh… You mean I can’t just have one of your tanks for $40?”

Me: “Not if what they sell is different from what we sell. If they’re selling the same size glass tank for $40, we can match that. But if they’re only selling the glass tank for $40, we can’t sell you a kit for $40, since our kit has the lights and everything else included, and we can’t just give you all that stuff for free. See what I mean?”

Customer: “Uh, how much are the lights on their own?”

Me: *taking a guess* “Usually the prices start around $35.”

Customer: “$35 just for lights?”

Me: “Yep. They aren’t like regular light bulbs. They’re designed to mimic sunlight and produce UVA or UVB rays so that the reptiles can absorb their Vitamin D and digest their calcium properly. Like I said, ball pythons are really expensive upfront.”

Customer: “Can’t you cut me a deal? How about $70 for the snake and everything else?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “What deal can you make for me?”

Me: “Sometimes things go on sale. Other than that, there’s not much I can do for you.”

Customer: *click*

Narcotics By Night

, , , , , | Healthy | February 4, 2019

(The pharmacy where I work is the only 24-hour one in town. We keep all our narcotics in a time-delayed safe that we don’t open at night. The only exception is a few we keep out for hospital patients. One night after 11:00 pm, a lady comes through the drive-thru to drop off a script for one of these medications.)

Me: “We have this in stock and we can have it ready for you around 7:00 am.”

Lady: “I can’t get it now? I’ve been out all day! Can’t you just give me a couple to get me by?”

(I’m thinking, “If you’ve been out all day, why wait until this late at night to get more?”)

Me: “This is in a time-delayed safe, so we can’t fill these at night.”

Lady: “Well, what’s the point in being a full-service, 24-hour pharmacy if you can’t fill prescriptions at night?”

Me: “We can fill most prescriptions at night, but this is in our time-delayed safe which can’t be opened after eight.”

Lady: “I don’t care about anyone else’s prescriptions. This is for me!”

Clipping The Wings Of That Complaint Before It Can Fly

, , , , , | Right | February 2, 2019

(It’s our policy at our pet store to clip the wings and nails of the birds that go home. We are advocates of keeping bird wings clipped, as we receive so many calls of people who lost their birds because they were fully-flighted and flew right out the door. I’m working by myself and have a store full of people first thing in the morning while I’m trying to clean the cages. One woman is here to pick up two birds she bought over the weekend when I was not working. She’s rather strange and seems to think I should know who she is and what she’s here for without telling me. When I finally gather from her which birds she’s here for, I start to get them ready to go home. The birds are nervous because of the chaos in the store, so I take them into the office to clip them. As I’m finishing, the woman opens the office door.)

Customer: “What are you doing?”

Me: “I’m clipping their wings and nails.”

Customer: “Oh, well, don’t clip too much.”

(I’ve already clipped them, but we never clip enough for the birds to plummet to the floor when they try to take off, just enough so that they don’t fly around the room and smash into window or mirrors. In the craziness, one of them snagged its nail. It bled very little, but the nail is loose and will probably fall off. My boss tells me over the phone that if it seems like the bird needs to be seen by a vet to bring him down to the vet next door.)

Me: “I just wanted to let you know that the bird snagged its nail a bit. It’s not bleeding, but the nail will probably fall off. It doesn’t look all that damaged, though, and I’m sure it’s going to grow back. However, if you’re worried about it, I can bring him down to the vet next door.”

Customer: “No, I’ve got birds; it’s not a problem. I can handle it.”

(Since the woman doesn’t seem fazed by it and says she can handle it, I send the birds home with her. Later that afternoon, my boss suggests that I call her to be sure the bird was all right when it got home.)

Me: *on the phone with the woman* “I just wanted to be sure the little bird’s toe was all right and it hadn’t started bleeding.”

Customer: “Yes, it’s fine, but I’m very upset about that whole fiasco while I was there. I intend to talk to [Owner] about it.”

Me: “What fiasco?”

Customer: “I am an experienced bird owner, and I did not want my birds’ wings clipped.”

(The birds’ wings were actually already clipped before she bought them, and I just trimmed the very ends of them. Mind you, the feathers grow back in a short period of time.)

Me: “I’m very sorry, but that’s our policy when we send birds home.”

Customer: “It should have been discussed with me beforehand.”

Me: “Again, I’m sorry, but that is our policy. The owner will sometimes make exceptions, but no one told me that you didn’t want it done.”

Customer: “I’ll be talking to [Owner] about it.”

Me: “Again, I’m sorry for the confusion. I’m happy that the little bird’s toe is all right, though.”

Customer: “Yes, it’s fine.”

(After that conversation, I called my boss to give her a heads-up. She said the woman was ridiculous and that it was our policy to clip. I know I had nothing to worry about, as the owner is very good about backing up her employees, but I like to let her know when she should be expecting a crazy customer to phone her.)

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