Customer: “I need to return this PS5 controller.”

Me: “What’s the reason for the return?”

Customer: “It’s haunted.”

Me: “Pardon?”

Customer: “It’s haunted. There are voices coming out of it.”

Me: “Voices coming out of, like, the speakers?”

Customer: “It has speakers?”

Me: “Yeah, right there. What game were you playing?”

Customer: “[Horror game].”

Me: “I think the game is using the controller to add extra immersive sound effects.”

Customer: “You sure?”

Me: “I’m surer of that than I am of your PS5 controller being haunted.”

Customer: “Hmm… okay.” *Leaves.*

Coworker: “So this guy hears voices coming out of his PS5 controller and instead of, like, Googling it, he goes straight to ‘haunted’ and wants to make it our problem? Like we got a Conjuring room in the back full of haunted videogame equipment?”

I work at an insurance agency. Literally the day before a major hurricane makes landfall, a customer calls me.

Caller: “I need to buy insurance on a home.”

Me: “Where is it?”

Caller: “Tampa Bay.”

Me: “Uh… isn’t Hurricane Helene about to hit there?”

Caller: “Yeah, which is why I need insurance, moron!”

Related:
A Storm Of Entitlement, Part 9
A Storm Of Entitlement, Part 8
A Storm Of Entitlement, Part 7
A Storm Of Entitlement, Part 6
A Storm Of Entitlement, Part 5

A customer is ordering a specific type of sandwich.

Me: “Sorry, sir, we’re out of the meat option for that particular sandwich. I can offer you any of the other meats as a substitute.”

Customer: “Even the deluxe meats?”

Me: “Yes, sir, I can do that.”

Customer: “Score! I’ll have…”

He proceeds to list every deluxe meat we have on the menu.

Me: “Sir, I can only add one of those into the sandwich. The others will need to be paid for on top of the standard price.”

Customer: “You said I could pick any meat as a replacement!”

Me: “Yes, sir, but just one. You’re replacing one meat item for one meat item.”

Customer: “You didn’t say that! You said I could have any of the other meats!”

Me: “But not all of them.”

Customer: “You should give me all of them if you can’t make my original order.”

Me: “So it’s all or nothing?”

Customer: “D*** right!”

Me: “Well then, sir, it’s nothing. I am sorry we could not fulfill your order today. It’s a shame that you decided getting a free upgrade to a deluxe meat for the price of a standard was not adequate, but I shall take this into consideration when serving you again. Please try again tomorrow.”

And with that, I take his half-made sandwich, put it aside, and start serving the next customer. This guy just stood there for a moment, slowly coming to the realization that he’d been defeated, and stormed out in a delayed reaction.

I made some soup for the diner/takeout place I worked in as a teen, but I put the carrots in later than I should have, and so they still had a slight crunch to them.

When the first customer bought a cup, he stormed back in after a few minutes.

Customer: “Are you f****** idiots trying to kill me?!”

Me: “Sir, what are you—”

Customer: “—The carrots in this soup are uncooked! You’re trying to give me food poisoning from uncooked carrots!”

Me: “Sir, you can’t—”

Customer: “—Give me a refund, or I’ll f****** sue this place!”

At hearing all this noise, my manager walks out from the back, holding a raw carrot, taking bites out it, while maintaining eye contact with the customer and keeping a straight face.

Manager: “What’s this I hear about suing us for food poisoning?”

Customer: “…”

Manager: *Takes another bite.* “Come back in a couple days, see if I’m still around, would ya?”

The customer swears at us and storms out. I turn to my manager.

Me: “You hate raw carrots.”

Manager: *Now making a disgusted face and throwing the uneaten part of the carrot into the trash.* “I know, but making dumb-a**es realize they’re being dumb-a**es tastes better!”

I worked at Staples. I had a guy come in with a printed copy of his online basket from our website, mostly binders, not yet purchased.

Customer: “I need you to beat this price.”

Me: “I can’t, sir.”

Customer: “You can. I’m a loyal customer and easily spend over ten grand here a year.”

Me: “Thank you, sir, but what I mean is, it’s the same price online and in store because in Canada it’s not legal to have two different prices.”

Customer: “You’re not being loyal to the loyal customer. I deserved to be treated better than that. If you can’t beat that price, then I’ll buy all this online instead.”

Me: *All smiles.* “Perfect! Hope you are satisfied with our online store!”

He looked surprised, looked at the sheet, realized he looked completely stupid, and bought all the d*** stuff in the store.