Unable To Be Per-suede-d When They’re Being Outrageous

, , , | Right | December 2, 2018

(I am an assistant manager for a comfort footwear company.)

Customer: *over the phone* “Yes, I would like to exchange my [Brand]s for a different pair. I can’t remember what they’re called, and I don’t quite remember when I bought them. I know you have records of this, though; look it up for me!”

(I go to look up her records, but our system has been down all day. Our physical records only go back two months, and I cannot find her name or order.)

Me: “Unfortunately, I cannot find your records in my store, as they only go back so far, and I would be happy to look them up in my system, but it’s been acting up all day and I cannot access it. Can you please tell me anything you remember about your boots so I can see if they are still available to order or if I have them in my store?”

Customer: “Why is your system down?”

Me: “I don’t know. We have been having terrible weather; perhaps—”

Customer: “You guys need to fix it! My boots were brown.”

Me: “Okay… Anything else? Many of our boots are brown.”

(We hardly have any boots in this brand left, anyhow, and I am almost positive we don’t have her style left. She keeps giving me one-word answers, all the time pointedly sighing about how affected she is.)

Customer: “I don’t know why this has to be difficult… I’ve got the shoe box right next to me with the name of the shoe.”

Me: *face palms* “That’s very helpful! What is the name of the shoe?”

(Her shoe has been sold out in our store for at least a month and is no longer available to order in her size in any color. I tell her this, being apologetic and recognizing her frustration.)

Customer: “When are you going to get more? I need new ones! What am I going to do?”

Me: “Since they are all sold out, you may be able to find a replacement on the brand’s general website, or check our other stores in the hopes that one has come back. Do you mind if I ask why you’d like the exchange? Is the shoe damaged?”

Customer: “The suede is two different colors on the boots! I can see it! The right one is lighter than the left one! Everyone says they can’t see it but they’re just so different!”

Customers Not Finding The Opening They’re Looking For

, , | Right | December 2, 2018

(I have just clocked out of work and am walking to the back to collect my things. A customer comes running towards me with two items in her hands; one of them is missing the tag.)

Customer: “Hey, you. This, 50% off!”

(She then shoves the item without the tag in my face.)

Me: “No—”

Customer: “This, 50% off!”

Me: “No, it is full price.”

Customer: *waving the item around* “It is opened! So, 50% off!”

Me: “No, it is not on sale.”

Customer: “Why won’t you give it to me for 50% off?”

Me: “Because the item is fully functional.”

(The item she wants  and is waving around has a part you can unscrew, and at this point it falls off.)

Customer: “It is broken. 50% off.”

Me: “No, you will not get it for 50% off.”

(The customer shoves her items at me, stating that she does not want them, before she finally decides to leave. I give my coworker the items so that they can be put away.)

Coworker: “You know, she tried the same thing on me. She was also the one who actually opened the item! If she comes back, I am simply going to call security!”

(We have never had to call security on a customer before, but for this customer we actually had to consider it!)

Doing It The (Foot)Long Way

, , , , | Right | December 2, 2018

Customer: “I’d like to order twelves subs for my workers, for pick up around twelve?”

Me: “Okay! Let me write this down.”

Customer: “All right, so, three subs will be turkey, four will be Italian, three will be tuna, one a BLT, and one a veggie. The first turkey is a six-inch; it has provolone cheese. Oh! And one of the Italian subs has provolone, and the BLT has American. Oh, one of the tuna is American, too, but that’s a foot-long. That one has extra onions on it; it’s for [Worker #1]. Can you write everyone’s names on the outside? The BLT has tomatoes on it, and there’s no tomatoes on one of the turkey subs because [Worker #2] is allergic, but she wants olives. Hmm, it looks like [Worker #3] only wants a six-inch, but extra meat. Oh, and can you put green peppers on mine?”

Me: “Okay, hold on. Let’s start over; I’m a little confused. The first turkey, is it six-inch or foot-long?”

Customer: “Foot-long.”

Me: “What toppings do you want on that sub?”

Customer: “American cheese, mustard, green peppers, lettuce, and onions.”

Me: “And who is that sandwich for?”

Customer: “[Worker #4].”

(We repeat this for every sub.)

Me: “Okay, I think I got it all.”

Customer: *scoffs* “Took long enough. That was the easy way?”

Customer Service Only Applies To Actual Customers

, , , , | Right | December 2, 2018

(I work at a chain grocery store, and I am one of the few authorized to do returns. One day a cashier signals he needs help with a customer.)

Me: “Hello. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I bought this at [Other Store]. This lady is saying I can’t return it here!”

(I look at the item, and it is indeed not one of ours. It’s actually another store brand product, not a national product.)

Me: “She’s right. I can’t accept this since this is a [Other Store Brand] item. There’s nothing I can do.”

Customer: “But I know you guys are owned by the same person! That means you can take this back! I don’t want to have to go all the way to the other store since I’m already here!”

Me: “Yes, we are owned by the same company, but that doesn’t mean we have the same system or products. You will have to return it to them to get your money back.”

Customer: “But it’s so far away! Are you going to pay for my gas so I go there?”

Me: “No, I will not. You have to go there to get your money back.”

Customer: “You a**hole! You know the customer is always right!”

Me: “But you are not our customer, so in this case, you are not right.”

(I got a verbal warning for it. But I don’t think my manager was serious about it, since he was trying hard not to laugh.)

“Never Coming Back Again” Means You’ll See Them Tomorrow

, , , , | Right | November 29, 2018

(I work in a well-known jewelry store, but I’m just a cashier.)

Guest: “Do I have any discounts?”

Me: “Let me check.” *types in her name* “Oh, you had one, but it expired yesterday.”

Guest: “Oh, this always happens. I keep on having discounts but they never show up. This always happens.”

Me: “Oh… Sorry.”

Guest: “Last time, the manager manually put it in.”

Me: “Oh, well, my manager is on break so—”

Guest: “Oh, okay. This happens every time. I’m never shopping here again.”

Me: *printing her receipt* “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that.”

(After the guest left, I typed in her name again and checked her history. Her history would show every discount she had ever gotten. There was only one discount on her history, the one that expired. I rolled my eyes. Did she really expect me to just GIVE her a discount?)

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