The Gift Of Closing

, , , , | Right | August 3, 2018

(I am the sole worker in a small antique and gift store. We close at 6:30 and it is now 6:35. I am at the register counting the till, with a clear view of the door. Most of the lights are out. I hear the door violently rattle. I look up and a man is staring in the door at me, yanking on the handle. I blink a few times, then go back to my counting. The phone rings. I think it might be my boss checking in, so I answer.)

Man: “Let me in.”

Me: “Excuse me? Who is this?!”

Man: “Let me in; I need to get a gift.”

(Disbelieving, I look at the door again. The man is staring in and talking on his cell phone.)

Me: *locking eyes with the man* “I’m sorry, but we closed at 6:30. You can come back tomorrow; we open at 10:00 am.”

Man: “No, I need a gift now. You can open up; you’ve only been closed for five minutes!”

Me: “I’m very sorry, but we are now closed. I have to continue my closing duties. Have a nice night.” *click*

(He called three more times and left a message the last time. I left a note for the next day’s person. Hopefully they’ll get a kick out of it.)

Cancelling Your Consideration

, , , | Right | August 2, 2018

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, my vehicle has been stuck at a tow yard; I need you guys to get this today!”

Me: “Okay, sir, are there any storage fees currently owed?”

Customer: “No, I’m taking care of those today, but I need it out of there today!”

Me: “I do apologize, sir, but the soonest I can have that vehicle picked up is tomorrow.”

Customer: “Can’t you guys cancel someone else’s pickup and put me on the schedule?”

Me: “No, sir, I would not be able to do that.”

Customer: “THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!” *hangs up*

Clearly They Need Drugs

, , , , | Right | August 2, 2018

(A customer comes up through my pharmacy drive-thru and hands me a script for Oxycontin, 30mg, which we do not carry.)

Customer: “I’d like to fill this script here.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t carry this particular medication.”

Customer: “But I want it.”

Me: “We don’t carry this, though. There’s a pharmacy a few blocks from here that does carry this; have you tried filling there?”

Customer: “I don’t want to fill it there. I want it here. You know what? I’m not going to argue with you morons. I’ll come back in an hour to pick it up.”

(I have had no chance to verify any information for this patient — no date of birth, no phone number. The patient comes back in about twenty minutes:)

Customer: “Is it ready yet?”

Me: “No, and we don’t carry this medication.”

Customer: “But I want it now! You had a whole hour to figure it out! Let me speak to your manager!”

(I bring my manager over, and she tells him the exact same thing.)

Customer: “Oh, really? I didn’t know that. Maybe your employee should have told me that before wasting my time.”

Blackout: The Movie

, , , , | Right | August 1, 2018

(I work as a library page at a few different libraries around the county. The power is out throughout the city; fortunately, we are able to remain open as some of the staff have been trained to do “paper checkouts” for the books. Unfortunately, we can’t check out DVDs, as they are kept in an electronic sorting tower. We put signs up everywhere explaining this, but some patrons refuse to comprehend the problem. One man fills his basket up with DVD cases — you scan the case and the machine spits out the discs — then spends ten minutes staring at the machine.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but we can’t check out DVDs because the power is out and the machine isn’t working.”

Patron: “Can’t you just turn it back on?”

Me: “Sorry, no. The power is out.”

Patron: “Just turn on the machine and get my DVDs.”

Me: “I can’t do that, sir. The power is–“

Patron: “This is ridiculous! You should be able to get my movies! You people are way too dependent on technology these days. These things wouldn’t happen if you just had books like the old libraries did!”

Me: “Well, fortunately, we can check out books for you. The people at the front desk would be happy to help–“

Patron: “Oh, so, you have books, but no movies?”

Me: “Well, our staff is trained to check out books using a paper system. Unfortunately, the movies can’t be checked out, because they are stored in the machine, which isn’t working because the power is out.”

Patron: “Then turn it back on!”

Me: “The power is out for the whole town, sir. I’m sorry, but I can’t just turn it on.”

Patron: “You don’t have to get smart with me! I think I should talk to your supervisor.”

Me: “All right, but I’m sure she’ll tell you the same thing.”

(I get her. She reiterates what I’ve just told him.)

Patron: *angrily throwing down his basket of DVD cases* “Ridiculous! I’ll take my business somewhere else. I’m never coming back here again.” *storms out*

(I don’t think he understood that he’d have a tough time finding FREE movies anywhere else. Oh, well. His taxes still pay to keep the library in business, anyway.)

Might Be Hiding A BB Gun

, , , , , , | Working | August 1, 2018

(I am in the military. I am temporarily assigned to another unit, which requires me to report to another base. As I am the only person from my unit going there, no transportation is provided, and since I don’t have a car, I am traveling by bus, with all my usual equipment. I get off the first bus outside of Jerusalem’s central bus station and head inside to catch the next one I need. This being Jerusalem, the security is tight. The following ensues at the entrance:)

Security Guard: *to me* “Sir, I need to inspect your bag.”

(I show him my military ID, which is usually enough to avoid the hassle. Not this time.)

Security Guard: “Sir, I still need to inspect your bag.”

(I look down at myself, then at my sports bag.)

Me: “So, let me get this straight… I’m in full military uniform, which you can see. I’m carrying an assault rifle on a sling, openly, which you can see. There are a couple of ammo mags hanging on my belt, which you can see. My full combat vest, a helmet, and several more mags are wrapped around the outside of my bag, which you can also clearly see. And with all this in plain view, you are suspicious of what I may have inside my bag?”

(Yes, he still made me open the bag.)

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