Nonsense Be Thy Name

, , , | Right | November 24, 2007

(I am a video editor, teleconferencing with a client about a commercial I edited for him)

Client: “I don’t like the music you picked. Do you have anything else?”

Me: “The order said you wanted your jingle in the spot. It’s the one you had the radio stations send us…”

Client: *interrupts* “Yeah, yeah. We gotta have the jingle. I just don’t like the music that goes with it.”

Me: “So you want the jingle without the music?”

Client: “Yeah. And, like, can you take the singing out of there? Like, the music, too; can you just edit it out?”

Me: “I don’t think I understand. You want me to edit the jingle so there’s no music or singing?”

Client: “Yeah. I mean you guys can do stuff like that, can’t you? Like, with the computers you got?”

Me: “We can’t really, um, do it like that. If you don’t want the jingle sung, we could have [The Jingle’s Hook] read in the voice-over.”

Client: “No, that won’t work. You can’t just read it. We gotta have the melody in there with it.”

Me: *loathes his career choice*

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Please, Tell Me About Myself

, , | Right | November 13, 2007

Customer: “How long will this pen last?”

Me: “Depends how often you use it.”

Customer: “How often is that?”

(I really didn’t know what to say.)

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Hopeless

, , | Right | November 9, 2007

(A customer comes up behind my counter just as I am about to serve another customer.)

Customer: “Excuse me, but why isn’t this WA Salvage?”

Me: “Because all the WA Salvages closed down and we bought the building.”

Customer: “So where’s the nearest one?”

Me: “Uh, they’ve all been bought out.”

Customer I was serving: “Mate, there aren’t anymore. They all closed down!”

Customer: “So wheres the nearest one?”

(I gave him a bad look, turned around, and continued serving the original customer)

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Arr, Matey! I Be Wanting Ye Gold Doubloons!

, , | Right | October 30, 2007

Me: “Welcome to [Bank]. What can I do for you today?”

Customer: “Do you guys sell gold here?”

Me: “Well, our financial advisor can take care of all your commodity trades. Let me introduce…”

Customer: “No, I mean do you SELL gold here?”

Me: “Um… what do you mean, exactly?”

Customer: “Can I buy gold?”

Me: “As in… a brick of gold?”

Customer: “Yes, I want to buy a couple of bricks.”

Me: “Um… no. I believe they stopped doing that in the 1920s.”

Customer: “Well, you SHOULD!”

Me: “Okay…”

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