Deal With The Burning Issue First

, , , , | Right | August 6, 2010

(There is a small electrical fire in our backroom. I run out to the nearest placed fire extinguisher and I am literally running while pulling the pin out to put the fire out. A customer gets in my way.)

Customer: “I need you to help me find this brand of cat food.”

Me: “Ma’am, the back room is currently on fire and I am trying to get back there to put it out.”

Customer: “What?! You can’t take two minutes to help me find this cat food?”

Me: “Ma’am, unless you want this whole building to go up in flames I need to you move so I can get to the backroom.”

Customer: “I can’t believe you won’t help me! I am never shopping here again!”

Me: “I don’t care at this point. I need you to move.”

(I push her cart out of the way and make it in to the backroom to get the fire out before it causes any serious damage. I then come back out with the obviously used fire extinguisher.)

Customer: “Oh… you weren’t making that up?”

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The Problem With Dirty Words

, , , | Right | August 2, 2010

Me: “How can I help you?”

Caller: “Is this a joke?”

Me: “Pardon me?”

Caller: “Your company just did some landscaping for us and the dirt that you put in is dirty.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Caller: “The dirt is dirty.”

Me: “Is there trash or rocks in the dirt?”

Caller: “No, the dirt is just really dirty.”

Me: “So you want us to come out and replace the dirty dirt with clean dirt?”

Caller: “Yes, and I need it done as soon as possible. I don’t want it to make the rest of my dirt dirty, too.”


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Ordering Meatballs, Talking Baloney

, , , , | Right | July 30, 2010

Customer: “Hi, I would like a sandwich.”

Me: “Sure, what sandwich would you like?”

Customer: “I want a hot sandwich.”

Me: “Okay, do you mean heated or spicy?”

Customer: “Oh, heated; I don’t like spicy. So, I will have meatball.”

Me: “Sure, would that be six-inch or foot-long?”

Customer: “Uhm… whole, please.”

Me: “Okay, foot-long? What type of bread?”

Customer: “White.”

Me: “We don’t have white, but we have Italian.”

Customer: “Fine, whatever. Oh, and I think my daughter wants a sandwich, too.”

Me: “What type of sandwich does she want?”

Customer: “How am I supposed to know? She’s not here!”

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The Sun Is Such A Slacker Sometimes, Part 2

, , , | Right | July 30, 2010

(I work in a restaurant near a city park where a lot of events, like fairs or public concerts, are held.)

Me: “Thank you for calling. How may I help you?”

Caller: “You will be shooting off fireworks tonight, right?”

Me: “We won’t be, but yes, the city is setting off fireworks.”

Caller: “When is that going to happen? When have you scheduled it?”

Me: “We aren’t scheduling it, but my guess is the city will be shooting them off around sunset.”

Caller: “Well, when is that going to happen?”

Me: “I don’t know. We aren’t in charge of that. Perhaps you want to try calling the park and rec department?”

Caller: “How can you not know when you scheduled the sun to set?”


This story is part of our Customers Versus Mother Nature roundup!

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Has More Than A Few Issues

, , , , | Right | July 28, 2010

(A customer walks in with five magazines under her arm.)

Customer: “Hi, how much does it cost to laminate one A4 page?”

Me: “That’ll be $0.10.”

Customer: “Great and um, about how many pages are in a magazine?”

Me: “I’d say about 100.”

Customer: “Great, so 100 multiplied by five is 500 hundred right?”

Me: “Yes, it is.”

Customer: “So 500 multiplied by $0.10 would be $50.00 right?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Customer: “Yeah. So, can you, like, laminate each page in the magazine?”

Me: “Why would you want to do that?”

Customer: “So I can read them in the bath.”

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