How To A-Dress Someone Crazy

, , , , | Right | February 7, 2018

(A lady comes into the store with her friend.)

Me: “Hi, how are you ladies today?”

Customer: “Your dress! I love it! “

(I am wearing a black tee with a black and white maxi skirt, not a dress.)

Me: “Oh, thank you!”

Customer: “I must have it.”

Me: “Well, I didn’t get the top here, but I can certainly show you where I got the skirt, if you’ll just follow me.”

Customer: “Take it off and sell it to me.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Go take your dress off and sell it to me!”

Me: “Um, I think I hear one of my other customers calling for me. If you’ll just excuse me…”

(Later on at the registers, I get stuck checking the two of them out. My on-duty manager is checking the merchandise locator for another customer, who is waiting at the opposite end.)

Customer: *to my manager* “You know, I tried to get this lady to sell me her outfit, but she just wouldn’t!”

Manager: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Oh, I was just kidding, of course.” *turns to me* “You should really learn to take a joke better.”

Manager: “Ma’am, whether you’re joking or not, you don’t go up to a complete stranger and demand they sell you their outfit. Not only is it extremely rude, but it’s just plain weird.”

(The customer and her friend silently pay for their purchases and leave.)

Next Customer In Line: “Wow. You ladies don’t get paid enough for that kind of crazy!”

A Hair-Raising Time To Stay Awake

, , , , | Right | February 7, 2018

(I am a hairdresser. While I am fairly new to the industry, I am usually booked a week in advance as I specialize in fashion colour and blondes.)

Client: “Hi. Do you have any appointments available today?”

Me: “Unfortunately, I am fully booked until [late next week].”

Client: “What about tomorrow? At noon?”

Me: “My next availability is [late next week] at 9:00 am.”

Client: “That doesn’t work for me. Can I come after hours tonight?”

Me: “If you’d like an afternoon or after-hours appointment, my next one is [date two weeks from now].”

Client: “No, I’ll come tonight, thanks.”

Me: “Okay, I can squeeze you in at 2:00 am. Since it is so late, I will be charging 200% my usual rates.”

Client: “You are so rude!” *hangs up*

The Internot, Part 3

, , , | Right | February 6, 2018

(I work at a tech support call center for a large Internet, TV, and home phone service provider.)

Me: “Thank you for choosing [Company]. My name is [My Name]. May I have your name and account number, please?”

Customer: *provides details* “I need to speak to a supervisor!”

Me: “What’s going on, ma’am? Maybe I can help you out.”


Me: “Your laptop was stolen?!”

Customer: “I left it right on the sofa, and when I got back, it was gone!”

(I can see on my computer that the customer was just installed a day ago.)

Me: “That’s awful! Well, I’m assum—”

Customer: “I know it’s awful! They’re stealing everything around here. They stole my laptop. They stole my tires. They stole my lawn chairs. Heck, they’ve even been stealing my potted plants!”

Me: “Your plants, too?!”

Customer: “Mmhm. And now, they went and stole my laptop. Well, I need [Company] to send me a new one.”

Me: “I’m sorry… What?”

Customer: “I said, someone stole my laptop, and I need [Company] to send me a new one!”

Me: “I just want to make sure; it wasn’t a [Company] technician who stole your laptop, right?”

Customer: “No, I don’t know who stole my laptop.”

Me: “Ma’am, you probably want to file a police report.”

Customer: “I’ve already done that, and they don’t know who stole my laptop, either.”

Me: “Well, I can’t send you a laptop. I don’t even have any laptops to send. We don’t sell the computers; we just provide you with Internet service.”

Customer: “How can you tell me that I pay [Company] $120 a month, and you’re not going to send me a laptop?!”

Me: “We just don’t have laptops to send. The computer and the Internet are two separate things. The customer provides their own computer, and we connect them to the Internet.”

Customer: “Well, if you won’t send me a laptop, then I’m going to cancel.”

Me: “All right. The cancellations department is still open; would you like to speak to them now?”

Customer: “Really? You can’t just send me a laptop?”

Me: “No, I can’t. That’s not something we do… ever.”

Customer: “Well, fine. Connect me to them.”

(I transferred her to the cancellations team after that. A couple of days later, I pulled up her account again. She really did cancel her services.)

The Internot, Part 2
The Internot

Like Stealing Candy From A Cry-Baby

, , , , , | Right | February 6, 2018

(I work in the pro shop at a local golf course. Recently, there have been some large crows hanging around the parking area that will snatch candy, crackers, or chips right out of a golf cart if they have the opportunity.)

Customer: *storms into the pro shop* “That crow stole my candy bar out of the golf cart! I want another candy bar!”

Me: “No problem. That will be $1.00.”

Customer: “What? No! I want you to give me another candy bar free, because that crow took it out of your golf cart!”

Me: “Sorry, sir, but it’s not our responsibility what nature does to your food.”

Customer: *now almost screaming* “That’s wrong. It was a crow on your property!”

Me: “Sir, we have no control over what a bird does outside of our building.”

Customer: “That’s bulls***. I’m just going to take another candy bar!” *picks up one and starts walking toward the door*

Me: “Sir, you must pay for that candy bar; if you walk out without paying, I will have to call the police.”

Customer: “No, you won’t.”

Me: “Yes, I will. I have your name, and you gave us your phone number when you made your tee time. The police will find you and arrest you for petty theft.”

Customer: *returns the candy bar to the rack and leaves*

Having A Midday Crisis

, , , | Right | February 6, 2018

(I work as a waitress in a nice, small restaurant. You can get a particular midday dish from 11:00 am until 2:00 pm. One evening, an upset woman comes into our restaurant.)

Customer: “Why can’t I get the midday dish in the evening?”

Me: “Because it’s the midday dish, and it’s not midday anymore.”

Customer: “The midday dishes you offer are so nice compared to the s*** on your small menu.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that you don’t like the offerings on our menu.”

Customer: “It’s so stupid that you don’t offer that dish all day!”

Me: “We are just a small restaurant, and our cook already offers a lot of different dishes, freshly made for you. But I can ask the cook. If he has something left from the midday, you can still get this dish.”

Customer: “I just can’t understand why I can’t get this dish in the evening!”

Me: “Like I said, it is no problem to ask the cook; he will be willing to prepare this dish for you.”

Customer: “Now I don’t want it anymore.” *walks off*

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