No Dollars, No Sense

, , , , | Right | March 5, 2009

Me: “Thank you for calling [Bank]; may I have your full name, please?”

Customer: “I’m not giving you my full name. I want to speak to a supervisor.”

Me: “I’m sure I can help you solve your problem, ma’am.. Just give me your full name so I can look up your information.”

Customer: “All right, FINE! My name is [Customer].”

Me: “Thank you, Ms. [Customer]. What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “I was at the store trying to buy baby formula, but I didn’t have any money left on my account. Why is that?”

Me: “Well, it appears you have made several purchases throughout the day, and you eventually ran out of money.”

Customer: *yelling* “I KNOW THAT! I BOUGHT STUFF EARLIER, BUT WHY DON’T I HAVE ANY MONEY LEFT?!”

Me: “Well, ma’am, you could go ahead and return what you bought to get your money back and–”

Customer: *interrupting, baby crying in the background* “HOLD ON, SIR!”

Background Voice: “Hi, welcome to [Store]. How can I help you today?”

(The customer starts placing a food order while I wait on the line for her to get back to me, and the baby keeps crying.)

Customer: “Here, baby, don’t cry… Have some fries.”

Me: “Ms. [Customer], are you still there?”

Customer: “Yes, I’m here. Have you put my money back in my account yet?”

Me: “I’m afraid I can’t do that. You’ve already spent the money, so your best bet is to go and return some of the things you bought earlier.”

Customer: “I THOUGHT YOU WERE GONNA DO THAT FOR ME!”

Me: “I can’t do that; you have to do it personally.”

Customer: “CAN’T YOU JUST DO IT ON YOUR COMPUTER?!”

Me: “No, ma’am, it’s not physically possible for me to walk into a store with your stuff through my computer.”

Customer: *yelling louder* “WELL, IF YOU CAN’T USE ALL YOUR TECHNOLOGY TO DO A SIMPLE THING LIKE THAT, I’M GONNA HAVE TO SWITCH BANKS! THANKS FOR NOTHING!” *hangs up*

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The Spirit Is Willing But The Mind Is Dumb

, | Right | March 3, 2009

Customer: “I have an account at one of your other branches, but I’ve never rented here before.”

Me: “Okay, I just need to take a look at a valid photo ID and give them a call to get you set up.” (She holds out her ID card. When I go to take it from her hand, she tightens her grip and refuses to let go.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I’ll need to take a look at your ID to confirm that you are who you say you are.”

Customer: “You can see my picture. That’s enough.”

Me: “I’m afraid it isn’t. I need to enter the number on your ID and confirm that it matches the information the other store has in its system.”

Customer: “When I rented at your other store they didn’t ask to do that.”

Me: “If that is, in fact, the case, they didn’t follow procedure. I’m the manager of this store and if I found out someone on my staff was ignoring this procedure, I’d be quite upset. We need to confirm your identity in order to protect you.”

Customer: *yelling* “My privacy is very important! I know that you’re only saying these things because your computer won’t let you rent to me without something in that field! I don’t want my personal information compromised! Call my regular store and get my id number from them so I can take my movies and never have to come back here and deal with this sort of treatment!”

Me: “I understand that your privacy is important to you. If you would just let me see your ID I can put your information in the system and you can be on your way.”

Customer: “You saw my ID! Now call the other store and get my ID number from them! My privacy is very important to me!”

Me: “So in the interest of protecting your privacy, you would like me to call the other store, on a Friday night, at 7:00 pm, and have the clerk read your ID number over the phone, out loud, in the middle of the store.”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: “Instead of just letting me enter the information from your ID.”

Customer: “Yes! Why is this so hard to understand?!”

Me: “Because that would seem to be a much greater risk to your privacy than–”

Customer: “Just do your job and respect my privacy! My privacy is very important to me!”

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Hair-Brained

, , | Right | February 27, 2009

(I work as a receptionist at a place where they cut little kid’s hair. This one lady walks into the store with her child and decides to get her daughter’s hair cut).

Hairstylist: “Okay, before we start, are you sure you want this much off?” *shows length*

Customer: “Yes.”

Hairstylist: “Are you absolutely sure? It’s very very short, you want it ALL off of your daughter?”

Customer: “Yes! Yes! I know what I want, I know what my daughter wants!”

Hairstylist: “Okay, if you’re sure.”

(She proceeds to cut the kid’s hair up to the desired length. The mother then starts wandering out of the store.)

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am, may I suggest you please stay in the store? We want to make sure you see what is happening with your daughter’s cut.”

Customer: “But I have to go shopping. It’ll be fine.”

Me: “Yes, but we aren’t a babysitting service–”

Customer: “I’ll be right back!”

(The customer leaves. The hairstylist finishes the cut and the poor kid is waiting for her mom. She sits in a corner and plays with some toys until her mother comes back.)

Customer: *eyeing the haircut* “What!? It’s too short! Who said I gave you permission to cut it that short!”

Hairstylist: “But ma’am, I asked you three ti–”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! I come in here and I pay all this money and you don’t do it the way I want it!”

Me: “But–”

Customer: “She’s supposed to be at a piano recital today! Now she’s going to be upset and can’t play! I can’t show her to the other parents now! I’m calling the cops!”

Me: “…What?”

Customer: “I SAID I’M CALLING THE COPS, give me your phone!”

Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, I don’t think the police will be interested in this. I can try and get the hairstylist to fix it for you–”

Customer: “I’M GOING!”

(She takes her child and storms out of the store.)

Hairstylist: “I take it she didn’t leave me a tip.”

Me: “She didn’t pay either…”

(I ended up calling mall security, and she sheepishly comes back later after calming down. A few months later, she comes back and wants the same hairstylist again. Go figure!)

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Be Ver-wee Ver-wee Qwiet – I’m Hunting Wii-bits

, , | Right | February 25, 2009

Me: *on the phone* “Thank you for calling [Game Store]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “What kind of game do you specialize in?”

Me: “Er… what do you mean, sir?”

Customer: “I mean, do you specialize in deer, or what?”

Me: “Um, sir, we sell video games.”

Customer: “Oh, um, well,V then… goodbye.” *click*

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God Ma’amit

, , | Right | February 25, 2009

Me: “Good afternoon, ma’am; how can I help you?”

Customer: “Don’t call me ma’am; that’s rude! That’s like me calling you stupid!”

Me: “I apologize… I was just trying to be courteous.”

Customer: “I want to speak to the manager.”

Manager: “What seems to be the problem, ma’am?”

Customer: “You’re stupid, and he’s stupid, and everybody that works here is stupid! I’m leaving!”

Me: “Have a great day, ma’am!”

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