You Should Quilt While You’re Ahead

, , , | Friendly | September 6, 2017

(My fiancé and I are on the market for a nice cabinet/wardrobe for storing my crafts. I decide to stop by this well-known furniture store and see if they have what I’m looking for. I’m greeted multiple times, before finally stopped by a woman who asks me what I’m looking for. After explaining, she shows me to a very nice Amish cabinet that’s a bit out of our budget, but I’m still willing to get a picture and show it to my fiancé.)

Sales Woman: “What are your plans for this?”

Me: *as I’m measuring the depth* “I’m into crafts, so I need a place to store them.”

Sales Woman: “Oh? What kind of crafts?”

Me: “I sew, mostly quilting, as a hobby.”

Sales Woman: “Going to turn it into a business? Quilts are popular around here.”

Me: “I’ve thought about it. Maybe. It might be nice.”

Sales Woman: “What kind of sewing machine do you have? Or do you sew by hand?”

Me: “Both, but I do have a [popular brand] that’s a bit on the big side, but designed to look like one of antiques. It’s gorgeous. My grandmother’s thinking of passing down my great-grandmother’s [sewing machine] to me. Not sure where we’ll hide that one.”

Sales Woman: “Oh! My great-grandmother passed down some quilts to me, made from muslin. Solid quilts, but they need to be stretched out and re-stitched. Let me get your name, number, and address, and you can fix them for me!”

Me: “Wai- What? No. I-I…”

(I start to panic, because I don’t like giving out my information to anyone I don’t know. I’m a beginner who has never worked with muslin before in the first place, much less something antique.)

Me: “It’s probably better for you to get someone with more experience to touch it up for you.”

Sales Woman: “But I’d really like this done inexpensively.”

Me: *I’m stepping back now because the woman keeps getting closer to me with a pen and paper.* “I’d really recommend you afford the extra costs to have someone with experience handle those. I can barely sew a corner correctly without tearing up the fabric because I’m so new to sewing. And since it’s your great-grandmother’s heirloom, I would feel horrible if I damaged the fabrics in any way.”

Sales Woman: “That’s not a problem. I’m sure you’ll do fine. Just give me your number and address and we’ll get started. We’ll work out prices later.”

Me: *I trip over a coffee table trying to back away and I can feel an anxiety attack coming on* “No, thanks! Ask someone else.”

(I turned and started rushing away from her as fast as I could, but unfortunately, I had to walk to the back of the store, round a corner, and skirt along the wall of the store just to get out, because she blocked the way to the exit and followed me halfway through the store before giving up. I’m never going back again.)

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The Jon Snow Burger: For Those Who Know Nothing

, , , , | Right | September 6, 2017

(I’m a manager at a very popular fast food restaurant. One of the cashiers comes up to me and says there’s a complaint. Being the manager, I go to the customer to handle it. The customer is already angry, and is more or less yelling everything.)

Customer: “There’s hardly anything on this cheeseburger! I want you to make it again! And I’m not paying extra!”

(Initially assuming the cheeseburger was made wrong, I apologize and go to throw it away. As I’m taking it back, I open it up and check it. It’s made perfectly. I go back to the customer.)

Me: “I’m sorry; I’m not sure what you need. This cheeseburger has everything it’s supposed to. Did you want a different sandwich?”

Customer: *pointing to the menu on the wall* “I want one of those!”

(The menu is digital and the pictures change. It does tend to show mostly fancier sandwiches, but they are labelled.)

Me: *glancing to the changing picture* “…did you want [sandwich that happens to be on the screen this second]?”

Customer: *as the picture continues to change* “I want what’s on the screen!”

(It’s at this point, I realize he has no idea what he wants, and is mad that his cheeseburger wasn’t as fancy as some of our other sandwiches.)

Me: “I’d be happy to get you what you want. The picture changes to show a variety of our sandwiches.” *I begin naming each sandwich as it appears on the screen.*

Customer: “Forget it! I’m never coming back to this [Restaurant] again!”

(I’m not sure what he expected. It’s a fast food place; a regular cheeseburger is the exact same in every one!)

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Preying On The Stupid

, , , | Right | September 4, 2017

(I work in a large chain pet store and approach three well-dressed college-age men to help them.)

Me: “Hi, can I help you guys find anything?”

Customer: “I’m interested in falconry. Do you guys sell birds of prey?”

Me: *startled* “No.”

Customer: “Do you know where we could buy any?”

Me: “No, sir. In fact, I’m thinking that hawks and falcons are going to be really hard to get a hold of. And there’s probably special licensing involved…”

Customer: *obviously not listening* “What size cage would you need for a bird of prey?”

Me: “You’d need a very, very large cage…”

Customer: *points to a small hummingbird feeder* “Could you keep a bird of prey in this?”

Me: “…no.”

Customer: *pointing at a slightly larger hummingbird feeder* “What about this?”

Me: “No, sir, that’s a bird feeder.”

(To this day, I’m still not sure if it was a prank or not!)

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The Supreme Court Handles Gay Rights, The Constitution, And Free Desserts

, , , | Right | September 3, 2017

(A man orders a piece of salmon at our restaurant. Later, he complains that the one on the menu looks bigger than what he gets. After the customer argues with the server and the manager for about 15 minutes, the manager reluctantly takes 25% off his entrée. This exchange occurs when he sees his server again:)

Customer: “How about you give me a dessert for free and we’ll call it even?”

Server: “No.”

Customer: “Excuse me?”

Server: “It is even, sir. We have already taken 25% off your dish, even though it’s against our restaurant’s policy. There is nothing I can do to change that.”

Customer: “Well, what the f*** is this?”

Server: “[Restaurant] in [City, State].”

Customer: “I want a dessert for free to make things even!”

Server: “Sir, I can’t do th—”

Customer: “I will go to the f****** U.S. Supreme Court if I have to!”

Server: “You do that. Have a nice night.”

(The man [and his wife?] didn’t leave a tip, but a nearby table enjoyed the comedy show and left enough to cover it.)

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Are Jew Crazy?!

, , , , | Right | September 3, 2017

(A waiter has called me out, as there is a couple refusing to pay.)

Me: “What appears to be the problem?”

Customer: “Our waiter isn’t Jewish, and I have it on good authority that I am not permitted to accept service from non-Jewish persons.”

Me: “Did you ask if she was Jewish?”

Customer: “I did.”

(I look at the waiter and she taps her watch.)

Me: “When?”

Customer: “Does it matter?”

Me: “It doesn’t, but I’m trying to decide whether you willfully ordered knowing my waiter wasn’t Jewish, or it was an afterthought, in which case you should have noted with us that you preferred a Jewish waiter. Either way, you’re paying, or I will be getting the police involved.”

(She opens her mouth, but her husband interrupts and offers to pay with his card. I take him over to our card reader.)

Customer’s Husband: “Sorry about that. She’s full of herself.”

Me: “That’s quite all right. I didn’t even know that was a Jewish custom.”

Husband: “She doesn’t either.”

Me: “She doesn’t?”

Husband: “Like I said, she’s full of herself. She isn’t Jewish and hasn’t claimed to be before today…”

Me: *speechless*

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