Brainless Through The Looking Glass

, , | Right | July 31, 2009

(I’m stocking milk when I see a customer tapping the mirror that reflects back down on the groceries in the refrigerated section.)

Customer: “Excuse me?”

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer: “I was wondering if you could open this case so I can get to the eggs on the other side?”

Me: “All the eggs should be in the same place.”

Customer: “No, I want the ones in the case.”

(She starts tapping the mirror above the eggs again.)

Me: “Ma’am, that’s a mirror.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “There are no other eggs; it’s a reflection of the same eggs.”

Customer: “But I want those eggs!”

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That’s A Lot Of Tubes

, , | Right | July 27, 2009

(A customer enters our pawn shop, and I motion her over to my counter.)

Me: “What can I do for you today?”

Customer: “Yeah, I wanna pawn my Internet.”

Me: “Do you mean your computer? If it’s complete and relatively new we’ll take it. You just have to bring it in so we can test it out first.”

Customer: *getting angry* “No, man, my Internet!”

Me: “Umm… do you mean your modem? Because we don’t take modems or routers by themselves.”

Customer: “No, man, I wanna pawn my Internet! My INTERNET!”

Me: “Like… your AOL account or something? We can’t do that either.”

Customer: “No! I wanna pawn my Internet, man! THE INTERNET!”

Me: “Ma’am, if you can actually bring me the Internet, I’ll give you $100 out of my own wallet and you can keep it.”

Customer: *happy again* “Okay, I’ll be right back!”

(She never came back.)

 

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The Law Of The South Paw

, , | Right | July 21, 2009

(I am scanning in the next customer’s items when this occurs.)

Customer: “You’re doing it wrong.”

Me: “Sorry?”

Customer: “You’re scanning my things in wrong.”

Me: “No, it’s done correctly. Every time the item is scanned it says beep.”

Customer: “But you’re left-handed.”

Me: “Yes, I am. Is there a problem?”

Customer: “I’m right-handed. I don’t want my things scanned in by a lefty! Undo it.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t un-scan all your items, and re-scan them with my right hand.”

Customer: “God, are you a cripple or something?”

Me: “No, but there are other customers waiting.”

Customer: “FINE! I’ll pay with a check.”

(She gets out her checkbook and starts writing with her left hand. Another customer in line speaks up.)

Other Customer: “Didn’t she say she was right-handed?”

(The woman looks up, and then at her left hand.)

Customer: “Are you stupid? This is right!”

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Great Game Until The Tornado Stole Home

, , , | Right | July 16, 2009

Customer: *on the phone and angry* “HOW DARE YOU RUN AN EMERGENCY ALERT DURING THE RED SOX GAME?! BASES LOADED!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry for the inconvenience. We have no control over the emergency alerts.”

Customer: “CAN’T THEY DO IT AT NIGHT?! I’M TRYING TO WATCH THE GAME! BASES ARE LOADED!”

Me: “Again, ma’am, unfortunately, the emergency alert will broadcast during an emergency situation; we have no control over when that will happen.

Customer: “WELL, YOU BETTER GET SOME CONTROL OVER IT!” *click*

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Constructive Criticism For The Music Industry

, , | Right | July 16, 2009

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Music Store]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I’m having a little trouble with this CD.” *holds up a Carrie Underwood CD*

Me: “All right, what’s the problem with it?”

Customer: “Well, I was listening to that song, you know, Before He Cheats.”

Me: “Yes?”

Customer: “Well, the lyrics don’t really make sense in one part.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Well, you see, she says, ‘I may have saved a little trouble for the next girl, because the next time that he cheats, you know it won’t be on me.'”

Me: “…”

Customer: “You see, she hasn’t really helped the next girl at all. She’s saying he’ll cheat again, and that it won’t be on her, so it’ll be on the next girl! That next girl isn’t being helped at all!”

Me: “…so there’s nothing wrong with the CD itself?”

Customer: “The lyrics don’t make any sense at all!”

Me: “Ma’am, if the CD itself plays correctly, then…”

Customer: “Well, I’m saying it DOESN’T play correctly! The words are wrong!”

Me: “Ma’am, there’s nothing I can do to change the lyrics of a song.”

Customer: “Can’t you just call her up, and make her change them? I mean, really, it’s in her best interest, since her song would make more sense, and more people would buy it that way!”

Me: “Ma’am, let me be sure I’m understanding you. You want me to somehow call Carrie Underwood, and have her change the lyrics to her song, which has sold millions of copies, because you don’t approve.”

Customer: “Exactly! I knew someone would understand. The other store I went to didn’t help at all!”

Me: “Ma’am, are you saying that, not only is the actual CD playing without skips, and the disk is not scratched, but that you bought it somewhere else?”

Customer: “Well, yes. So, can you call her?”

Me: “No, ma’am. I can not.”

(The customer refused to understand that I could not, in fact, change the lyrics, and spent another 10 minutes trying to explain why she was upset.)

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