A Combo Of Crazy Requests

, , , , | Right | December 6, 2018

(The customer in front of me is arguing with staff.)

Customer: “Look. A sandwich is $5.50. Fries are $2. A drink is $1. But a combo of all three is $7.59. So why not give me a sandwich, fries, and a dollar bill? Answer me that?”

Employee: “Sir, we can’t give you money. The drink comes with the combo and…”

Customer: “Just open up the register and give me a dollar.”

Employee: “Sir, we have been through this before. Corporate has written to you. We aren’t allowed to just give you money.”

Customer: “It’s your setup! I should walk out of here with a dollar bill every day!”

(This continued for some time before I finally just handed the guy a dollar so I could order lunch!)

Surveys Designed For The Average Customer Should Be Redesigned For Lower-Than-Average Intelligence

, , , | Right | December 4, 2018

(At our store, if you fill out a survey online you get a discount on your next purchase.)

Customer: “Can I just bring my laptop in and have you guys help me fill it out?”

That’s Not How Retail Works, That’s Not How Any Of It Works

, , , , , , | Right | December 4, 2018

(I’m working at a computer store when the original Wii comes out. Due to Nintendo being the company they are, they gave certain places only a small pallet of these game consoles. We were sold out within the first three hours of getting them.)

Customer: *comes up with crying child* “Excuse me. I’m sorry, but we’ve been to three stores already. Do you have the Wii?”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, we sold out.” *I look down at the crying little girl feeling bad*

(Suddenly the woman looks flustered and a little upset.)

Customer: “Well, can you, like, go back there and make one for us?”

Me: “Um, ma’am, that’s not how it works…”

(I take the next ten minutes explaining to this woman how retail stores work… You would think being someone who lives in the city and goes to multiple retail stores would know this?)

Obamacare Now Provides Free Phones

, , , , , , | Right | December 3, 2018

(I work for a major cell phone provider in the US. My store is a “store-within-a-store” partnered with another electronics chain. Our partner chain previously serviced multiple contract and prepaid providers Tracfone, Net 10, etc. When we came in, which was about two years ago, the company stopped selling any services besides our brand. From time to time we get someone looking for brands we no longer offer and we are supposed to offer them service.)

Customer: “This phone is a f****** piece of s***. I need a new one. What do you guys have on sale? I have an ‘Obama phone’ but it doesn’t have Internet. That d**k gives illegal immigrants health care but he can’t give citizens a phone with f****** Internet.”

Me: “Okay, are you currently on a contract or prepaid service?”

Customer: “I don’t have no contract. I want a new phone; this thing is junk.”

Me: “Okay, do you have [prepaid option #1] or [prepaid option #2]?”

Customer: “No, I have [Competitor]. I need a new phone; can’t a just buy one of these so you can put it on my number?”

Me: “Unfortunately, these phones are for [prepaid options] and won’t work on [Competitor]’s network. But we have holiday promotions going on right now for both prepaid and contract service if you bring your number in from another company.”

Customer: “Well, right now when my time runs out I have to get another card or my phone shuts off. It’s bull-s***. Do you have anything that won’t do that?”

Me: “Well, we have unlimited service without contract plans. I can run your credit and see what your elig—”

Customer: “I don’t want a f****** contract. They are scams. What is the other option?”

Me: “Well, on [prepaid option #1] you can get unlimited talk, text, and data for [price] a month. You just have to buy airtime every thirty days to keep your service. If you bring in your phone number you get [Phone] for free. You just have to buy the airtime.”

Customer: “How do I do that?”

Me: “You can pay here in store, over the phone, through an app, or sign up for auto-pay.”

Customer: “No way. I’m not giving you a**holes my credit card number. I don’t want to have to get a card to turn my service on. I already told you that.”

Me: “So… You don’t want a contract and you don’t want to buy airtime cards each month?”

Customer: “Yeah. How do I do that?”

Me: “Well, I don’t know of any service that offers an option other than contract or prepaid.”

Customer: “I just want it not to shut me off without having to get a card.”

Me: “Do you mean the Internet? You don’t want to have to renew service when you use all of your Internet?”

Customer: “Exactly. I don’t know why you didn’t understand. I don’t know why [Store] hired such a dumb b****!”

Me: *at this point I’m ignoring his insults because I don’t have the energy to ask him to leave* “Sir, I thought you understood that unlimited means there is no limit.”

Customer: “You didn’t say unlimited Internet!”

Me: “I’m sorry. That’s what I meant by unlimited data.”

Customer: “Well, you shouldn’t say that. Data is what the s*** on my f****** phone is called? How did you get this f****** job?”

Me: *still ignoring his insults* “So, would you like to start service today?”

Customer: “How much will it cost?”

Me: “[Amount] plus tax, if you bring in your number.”

Customer: “I thought you said it was free! You’re trying to rip me off.”

Me: “Unfortunately, the only thing free on the promotion is the device. You would have to pay for airtime.”

Customer: “Why can’t you just bill me later?”

Me: “You said you didn’t want contract service.”

Customer: “I don’t!”

(At this point I had to excuse myself for a moment and get a manager. He had to have the same conversation, while I rage-smoked two cigarettes.)

Me: “So, what’d you tell him?”

Manager: “That if he wanted free service he’d have to stick with the ‘Obama phone,’ because I don’t know anyone else giving away free cell phones and service!”

Making Demands Of An Ex-Employee Is Icing On The Cake

, , , , | Right | December 2, 2018

(Up until recently, I was a cake decorator in a local supermarket. Even though I have a new job elsewhere, I still shop there all the time. I’m chatting with a former coworker at the bakery counter when a customer comes up.)

Customer: “Oh! Isn’t your name [My Name] or something? Do you remember me? You made me a custom, strawberry-filled cake earlier this year, for [Very Distinctive Name].”

Me: “Oh, I think so. With the pink strawberry icing, too, right? That was fun to make.”

Customer: “I’m glad I caught you! It was so delicious! I’m actually ordering another right now for my friend’s birthday. What days will you be working next week? I need it for Thursday.”

Me: “Well, actually, I don’t work here anymore. It’s not hard, though. [Ex-Coworker] will do a great job, and I can tell her how to do it right now.”

Customer: “What?! No, you have to make it! It was so good before!”

Me: “I’m happy you like it, but all the ingredients and items are very standard and honestly require no special training. [Ex-Coworker] would make an amazing cake no matter what you ordered, but I promise, yours is about as simple a special order as can be, so she really will be able to copy what I did perfectly.”

Customer: “You’re unbelievable. I guess customer service doesn’t matter anymore.”

Me: “Uh… Not to me, I guess, since I don’t work here.”

Customer: “I’m going straight to your manager, and he’ll wipe that smirk off your face!”

Me: “Well, make sure to add that I said you’re crazy, because, again, I DON’T WORK HERE AN-EE-MOOOORE.”

(She stormed off in a huff, and I was left bemused by the complete 180 personality change she’d done, and that she apparently seriously expected me to come back in to an old job just to make her cake. As I was shopping, my former manager DID come up to me and told me through barely restrained giggles of disbelief that she HAD gone up to complain about me, and gotten angrier when he’d told her he had no control over someone who didn’t work for him anymore. We laughed about what had happened, and I apologized for causing him an extra trouble by being snarky. He said his only regret was that he can’t do the same.)

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