It’s A Worn Old Story

, , , , | Right | February 6, 2019

(I work at a very popular maternity store. It has numerous stores across North America.)

Me: “How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I would like to make a return.”

Me: “Sure, let me see what you have.”

(I pull out an obviously-worn pair of underwear.)

Me: “Umm, there are no tags on these and they are obviously worn. Unfortunately, I will not be able to refund you for these.”

Customer: “Why not? I only wore them for one day and I don’t like how they feel.”

Me: “Ma’am, it is a serious health violation for me to accept this return. I can show you some different options, though.”

Customer: *screams and starts yelling* “Fine! I will never shop here again, and I hope you rot in h***!”

(The customer storms out, and the manager comes out.)

Manager: “What just happened?”

Me: “She tried to return dirty underwear!”

Manager: “Ugh, that’s the fourth this week.”

Any Reasonableness Has Melted Away

, , , , , | Right | February 6, 2019

(It’s my last summer working at an ice cream store where I’ve been working for seven years now, and I’m working this closing shift with the other senior member of staff. This year we’ve had a troublesome customer, and every time she’s been in I’ve had to serve her, which has resulted in me witnessing a very personal fight between her and her boyfriend while trying to make her a banana split, as well as being hit on by said boyfriend. When she comes in on this particular shift, I decide that this is a good time for a bathroom break, as I know full well that my coworker can handle her. When I get back from the bathroom, she tells me all she made her was a small cone, which is unusual because usually, her orders are much more intricate. Maybe fifteen minutes later, we’re serving a large family when she comes back in. She’s holding her ice cream cone up in the air, and the look on her face is concerning. Of course, this time I get stuck with her.)

Me: “I’m sorry, I’m serving this group right now. I’ll be with you in a minute.”

Customer #2: “Oh, no, it’s fine. [Coworker] can finish helping us!”

Customer #1: “I need a refund for this ice cream.”

(It has been an incredibly hot summer. It’s around 9:00 pm now, but it’s still very hot outside. Her small ice cream has melted all down her arm.)

Me: “I can’t give you a refund for a cone you’ve partially eaten.”

Customer #1: “But it melted.”

Me: “Um…”

Customer #1: “And besides, it was disgusting. You shouldn’t serve this flavour to anyone. And especially not me, because I’m pregnant.”

Me: “You could have asked for a sample.”

Customer #1: “Well, I didn’t know you did that! I need a refund for this cone! I want to talk to your manager!”

Me: “I can’t give you a refund; my manager has gone home, but I can give you the card with our number and you can call tomorrow afternoon?”

(I gave her the card, and she left, still complaining about the flavour of the ice cream — which happens to be one of our most popular flavours. I texted my manager to warn him about what had happened, and he let me know that if she came in again or called to complain she’d be banned from the shop because of that and previous incidents. She never called, and we never saw her again. We weren’t very disappointed.)

A Catalog Of Physical Errors

, , , , | Right | February 6, 2019

(My mother works as a customer service representative for a company that makes lamps. About five years ago, they started listing all of their products online, rather than in print. Today she told me about a particular customer that called her.)

Mom: “Thank you for calling [Company]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, I have an old catalog of yours, and I was wondering if you could send me a more current one.”

Mom: “You can see our most current catalog online at [Website].”

Caller: “No, no, I need it in a book.”

Mom: “The last physical copy of our catalog was printed in 2012. Our catalog is online now.”

Caller: “So you haven’t been making lamps since 2012?”

Mom: “No, we still make lamps. Our catalog is on our website, [Website].”

(The caller starts to get angry.)

Caller: “No, no, no! I need a physical copy of your catalog to put on my shelf! Send me your most recent catalog in a book!”

Mom: “Sir, I can’t do that. We don’t print our catalog anymore. You need to use our website.”

(This went back and forth for another minute or so before the caller hung up. Some people just can’t take no for an answer.)

Oh, I Just Can’t Wait To Be Over This Shift

, , , , | Right | February 5, 2019

(We have been playing “The Lion King” for the past couple of weeks in a couple of our theaters. They are only for children and their parents/guardians. We have had quite a few strange encounters during this time.)

Me: “Hello.”

Customer #1: “Can I get one ticket for The Lion King, please?”

Me: “Just one?”

Customer #1: “For my son.”

(The son looks about five years old.)

Me: “He does need to be accompanied by a parent or guardian.”

Customer #1: “There will be other parents in there who can look after him.”

Me: “I’m afraid I can’t allow that to happen. They are complete strangers to both you and him.”

Customer #1: *nonchalant* “Fine. I guess I’ll watch it with him. Where’s the bar? I need a mojito.”

Me: “We don’t have a bar.”


(Another customer:)

Me: “Good afternoon. How can I help you?”

Customer #2: “I’d like to book an entire theatre, please, for The Lion King.”

Me: “Oh, okay. The next empty screening is 5:00 pm. We normally charge at the adult rate, with 10% discount because you’re buying en masse. That should be… £446.40.”

Customer #2: “For one ticket? That’s outrageous!

Me: “No, that’s for the whole theatre.”

Customer #2: “But I only want one ticket. My son has social anxiety and can’t sit with anyone.”

Me: “But booking an entire theatre means paying for every seat.”

Customer #2: “But you have to give me special treatment. My son has a mental illness!”

Me: “I’m afraid that doesn’t affect how we operate. I know my manager wouldn’t authorise booking an entire theatre for the price of one ticket. It would be a significant loss in revenue.”

Customer #2: “Then what am I supposed to do?”

Me: “He could watch it on DVD?”

Customer #2: “That won’t be very special. He hasn’t seen it in twenty years!”

Me: “Twenty? The viewings are for children only.”


(Another customer:)

Customer #3: “Is this a new Lion King movie?”

Me: “No, this is a rescreening for the original movie. It’s for children.”

Customer #3: “Why would children be interested? They wouldn’t have been born.”

Me: “Well, the owners feel these films are important, because they are part of what is called the ‘Disney Renaissance.’ Films like this may never be created again, or capture the true magic of that age.”

Customer #3: *laughing* “Oh, my. You women really are stupid. No one is going to be interested in watching a crappy old film!”

(He then stood around for twenty minutes, laughing at anyone who bought a ticket for “The Lion King.” We had to call the police. Another customer… This woman comes up to the counter wearing a lion headpiece, that looks a lot like the one worn by Luna Lovegood in one of the Harry Potter movies.)

Customer #4:The Lion King, please.”

Me: “How many tickets?”

Customer #4: “Just one. It’s just me.”

Me: “Oh, I’m afraid these screenings are only for children and their parents or guardians.”

Customer #4: *looking absolutely devastated and tearing up* “Oh, no. That’s so sad. It’s my favourite movie.”

Me: “I am sorry. Maybe you could watch it on DVD or Bluray. I assume you have it?”

Customer #4: “Oh, I have several!”

Me: “Well, there you go.”

Customer #4: “I can’t take them out of the packaging, though. That would ruin them!” *sighs* “I guess I’ll just have to torrent it.”

Brace(let) Yourselves For An Angry Ending

, , , , , | Right Working | February 5, 2019

(On my first day working at a well-known department store, I am put on the floor with another coworker for training. It is a very slow day and my coworker is telling me about how the managers will do anything to make their customers happy, even if it means breaking a policy. As we were talking, an older woman comes up to us and glares at us.)

Customer: “I have a return. I am unsatisfied with this purchase and will be contacting the BBB.”

Coworker: “I am sorry to hear that, but I will be happy to assist you.”

(The woman literally takes the bracelet she is wearing off her arm and throws it on the counter. My coworker looks at the bracelet and back at her.)

Coworker: “Ma’am, you just took that bracelet off your arm with no price tag on it, and we don’t sell that brand.”

Customer: “I don’t care. Just do your job and give me my money back.”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but there is no price tag on the bracelet, you obviously have no receipt, and we don’t even sell [Brand], so there is no way you could’ve bought it here. I cannot process this return.”

Customer: “You will do the return. I don’t care if I bought it here or not; just give me my money or I will tell everyone I know that your company is made up of nothing but thieves.”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, I cannot accept this return.”

Customer: *screaming at the top of her voice* “Get me your manager now!”

(My coworker sighs and picks up the phone to call my manager on duty. He comes down to the register and my coworker explains the situation. He picks up the bracelet and examines it. Then, to my shock, he goes into the register, finds a bracelet that is similar to the one the woman tried returning, and prints out a slip and hands it to my coworker.)

Manager: “Ring it up under this barcode and process the return. How did you pay for the bracelet, ma’am?”

Customer: *very smugly* “Cash.”

(My coworker processes the return and to my surprise, when it comes to choosing the type of refund, my manager hits the cash option.)

Manager: “Your refund total is $80.95. I am so sorry for the inconvenience, ma’am, and I hope you shop with us again soon.”

Customer: *excitedly* “$80.95? I only paid $15 dollars for it!”

(The customer and my manager left, and I turned to my coworker, who was just as appalled as I was.)

Me: “Did he really just gave her that much money back for an item she didn’t even buy here?”

Coworker: *sighs* “Welcome to [Department Store]!”

(I ended up quitting that day.)

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