Not Much Going On Upstairs

, , , | Right | April 12, 2019

(I work at a big chain grocery store. Normally, I collect carts from the parking lot, but today, they are short staffed and I am “blessed” with the task of bagging groceries.)

Me: “Paper or plastic?”

Customer: “I want the things that go upstairs in plastic and the things that go downstairs in paper.”

Me: “Sure, we can do that.”

(The scanned items start coming down the belt. I am waiting for the customer to tell me what goes where when they decide to look up and see me not working.)

Customer: “Get moving. I don’t have all day.”

Me: “I need you to tell me which goes in each bag.”

Customer: “I have been coming here for years!”

Me: *confused* “And we appreciate your business.”

Customer: “I shouldn’t have to tell you people this every time I come in here.”

Me: *trying to be polite* “Well, I normally work outside and—“

Customer: *interrupts* “I don’t want excuses. JUST BAG MY GROCERIES!”

(I think the customer wants normal bagging now, so I start putting items into bags. The customer gets mad when they have to tell each time I put something in the wrong bag. After many insults, and screaming towards the end, they leave and the cashier grins at me.)

Cashier: “Well, you had to meet [Customer] sooner or later.”

Me: “They always like that?”

Cashier: “This was a good day. Smash the bread next time if you want to see a show. But be careful; [Manager] got pelted with a can of cat food once.”

(I found out that everyone knew [Customer] and had a similar story of yelling and thrown groceries. Cashiers would close lanes and baggers would take restroom breaks to avoid the customer.)

Ridiculousness Is In Full Bloom

, , , | Right | April 11, 2019

(I work for a cleaning service. We get a new client and I’m assigned to clean the house. It’s a gorgeous spring day, so I open all the doors and windows as I’m cleaning and the scent of the garden comes in: lots of jasmine and daphne, as well as many other fragrant flowers. By the time I’m finished, the place smells divine. The client arrives back with several shopping bags just as I’m finishing.)

Client: “Oh, the house looks lovely. But why are all the windows and doors open?”

Me: “Just to give it a good airing out; I’m about to close them.”

Client: “Oh, yes? What’s that smell?”

(I’m nonplussed; has she literally never stopped to smell the flowers in her own garden?)

Me: “That’s the scent of all your lovely jasmine just under these windows here. Glorious, isn’t it?”

Client: “Oh, I don’t like that. Close the windows and use this, instead!”

(She pulled from her shopping bag a can of air freshener… jasmine scented.)

The Meter Is Running Out Of Patience

, , , | Right | April 11, 2019

(A customer comes in and begins talking to one of my less experienced colleagues about a pair of shoes she bought. Knowing I’m the one who would have to do any potential refund or exchange, I go over to find out what’s wrong and help.)

Me: “Hi there. What’s the problem?”

Customer: “I was in last night and bought these shoes, but I need the half size up.”

(The customer doesn’t have her receipt, but looking at the shoes I can see they haven’t been worn, and I know from colleagues that a shoe of that style and size was sold the previous night so I offer to exchange them as a goodwill gesture.)

Me: *after checking the stockroom* “I’m afraid I don’t have a pair in the size you’re after, but I can order them in and return this pair to cover the cost.”

Customer: “Okay, but hurry up; I have a taxi waiting outside and the meter’s running.”

(I think, “Why would you come in a taxi when things like this can take a while, especially if you have no receipt?”)

Me: “No problem. Let me take some details at the till and I’ll get this sorted as fast as I can.”

(I try to take the details I need such as name, a contact number to let her know when they’re in, and a postcode so we have her on the system if she ever wants to order to home in the future.)

Me: “Okay, I’ve got your name. Can I have a contact number, please?”

Customer: “I can’t remember it.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll just use the shop’s number, but you’ll have to wait until Thursday to be sure they’re here before coming as it can take two to four working days and there’s a bank holiday this Monday. Can I have a postcode, please, for our system?”

Customer: “I don’t have one. I’ll come in on Wednesday and they’d better be here.”

(I am starting to get irritated as I am going as fast as I can with her giving me nothing, even using my own postcode in lieu of hers to speed things up. All the while, she continues to tell me to hurry because the taxi’s waiting.)

Customer: “Can I order the whole size up, too, in case the half size doesn’t fit?”

Me: “Of course, but since the exchange will only cover the price of the first pair, you will have to pay the extra for the second.”

Customer: “That’s a disgrace! I shouldn’t have to pay more! I’ll just get the first ones and change them if they don’t fit.”

Me: *through gritted teeth, as I’m really starting to lose patience as she’s making this take ten times longer and she’s still complaining about my speed and the waiting taxi* “Okay, those have been ordered, and I’ve returned these to cover the cost, so you just need to pick them up.”

Customer: “Do I have to pay extra when they get here?!”

Me: “No, as I explained, the cost has been covered by the returned pair.”

Customer: “Good. It takes ages for me to walk here.” *leaves*

(By this point my colleague and her customer have come over to the till and have been watching for the past few minutes.)

Colleague: “You okay? I’m amazed you didn’t snap. Didn’t she say she had gotten a taxi here? Why is she complaining about walking?”

Me: *shrugs while taking deep breaths to calm down*

Customer #2: “You did very well. I would have screamed at her.”

Lost The Street Drug Catalog

, , , , , | Right | April 10, 2019

(I am a pharmacist. While I’m on lunch, a customer comes up to the counter while my technician is helping another customer in the drive-thru.)

Customer: “Do you have a pharmacist working? It’s an emergency! I need to speak to her now!”

(My technician calls me back to the pharmacy. The customer sees me arrive and tries to stop me outside the pharmacy, but I make her wait until I get in the pharmacy.)

Customer: “I just bought these pills off the street, and they are supposed to be Xanax. But I looked on my phone with Google, and it said they weren’t Xanax. I need you to tell me what this is now. It’s an emergency that I know what this is.”

Me: *looking blankly* “I will not identify any medication that is purchased illegally.”

Customer: “I need to know what this is. It’s an emergency! Why won’t you tell me what it is?”

Me: “Because it was illegally purchased, and I’m not helping people purchase drugs on the street.”

(She looked at me for a few seconds and then walked off.)

All The Nuggets In The World

, , , , | Right | April 10, 2019

(I’m working drive-thru at the first window, taking cash and taking orders on the second lane. When a customer pulls into my lane, it beeps twice every second until I answer. It’s our policy to answer in less than three beeps.)

Customer: *pulls up in the middle of lunch rush*

Me: “Hi! Welcome to [Fast Food Restaurant]? How can I help you?”

Customer: “You know, some people like to have a minute or two when they pull up, instead of being rudely bothered by you guys while they’re thinking.”

(If you don’t know what you want when you pull up, go inside.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Take your time.”

(He takes a couple of minutes and then is ready to order.)

Customer:Now I know what I’m going to get.”

Me: “All right, what can I get you?”

Customer: “Ten [chicken sandwiches], ten [burgers], two twenty-piece nuggets, and half a dozen large fries.”

Me: *amazed that someone would order that during lunch rush* “All right, sir, since that order is over $50, I need to get a manager’s approval. It’ll be just a second.”

Customer: “That’s okay; it’s only money. I have $1800 in my left pocket.”

(My manager comes over and approves the total.)

Me: “Will that be all today?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Your total is $57.84 at your first window, please.”

(After I sit through a few minutes of dread, the customer comes around to the window. I confirm the order and he gives me a $100 bill.)

Me: “All right, sir, since this is a $100, I need a manager to complete the transaction. It’ll be just a second.”

(A manager comes over and enters his code into the point-of-sale system.)

Customer: “Yeah, when I go to the bank, they don’t give me tens or twenties; they give me hundreds. I’m a Massachusetts contractor. I get thousands of dollars per check.”

Me: “That’s nice, sir.”

(He ended up being parked for five or ten minutes waiting for his food, and I hopefully won’t ever see him again.)

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