I Work Customer Support, Not 1-800-Oracle

, , , | Right | June 25, 2020

I work at a factory that manufactures over a thousand products that are distributed throughout the country of South Africa to just about all the major and minor stores that are in the country.

We make it, it gets sold to distribution warehouses all over, the big stores order from them, and the small stores order from the big stores.

As you can guess, the variety of stock can vary in every store and branch, so it is impossible to know where one particular variant of a brand of product can be; we supply probably about 250,000 stores. This is a call we get regularly.

Customer: “Hi, I can’t find [specific variant] of this product; can you tell me where I can find it in [Very Small Suburb]?”

Me: “Hi, ma’am, we are sorry to hear that you are having difficulty finding this product. Can you tell me which stores you have looked at so far?”

Customer: “I only shop at [Small Mini Shop] that is down the road from me; it’s where I always shop. I haven’t looked elsewhere. Why can’t I find it?”

Me: *Pause* “All right, well, have you spoken to the store manager? They would be able to tell you if they have it listed, or if they have placed an order, or even if another branch has stock.”

Customer: “Oh, no, I haven’t taken it that far yet. I was at the shop today and I didn’t see it on the shelf, so I thought I’d call you and ask you, instead. So, where is it? Are you out of stock?”

Me: “Okay, I can see on our stock tracker that we have sufficient stock, so there shouldn’t be any shortage of stock on the shelf. Unfortunately, I cannot accurately advise on where [specific variant] is right now in your specific area. See, we don’t supply the stores directly; we supply the distribution warehouses in your region, and then the [Major Brand] head office places an order with them and that stock gets allocated to the majority of the [Major Brand] branches in your city. The variety of stock is dependent on their orders and it can vary from region to region. We would recommend looking at more than one store, or alternatively, speaking to the store manager, as they may be able to order the [specific variant] of the product that you are looking for.”

Customer: “Oh! So, you don’t just, have a list or something of where your stuff is sold? I guess I’ll speak to the store manager, then.”

I can’t understand how customers think we have a list of a thousand different products that are in all 250,000 stores in the country that we can just whip out.

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You Can’t Remove Them From The Hill They Have Chosen To Die On

, , , | Right | June 24, 2020

I work in a chain coffee shop and am working the drive-thru when a regular customer comes through. Her order is a large hot coffee, half milk/half coffee. It’s hard to forget and even harder to get wrong. This happens at the window after she has already paid.

Customer: “Can I ask you something?”

Me: “Sure thing!”

Customer: “I came through here last week and got my coffee. I got all the way to [A Few Towns Over] and took a sip. And, ugh, it had sugar!”

I realize this is a complaint, not a question.

Me: “I’m sorry about that! You know there is another [Coffee Shop] right there in [Other Town], right? If you had brought it to them they would have fixed it for you. We’re all affiliated in this area.”

Customer: “I don’t like the way that they make their coffee; that’s why I come to you guys.”

Me: “Oh, I understand. I know it can be a little different between locations.” *Awkward laugh* “Well, you could always bring the coffee back here and we’ll replace it for you. It doesn’t matter if it’s stone cold or a week old. I know people don’t always have time to turn around.” 

Customer: *Frowns* “How am I supposed to do that? I had to go to work.” 

Me: “I know. Like I said, it doesn’t have to be right away! I just can’t replace something if you finished the drink.” 

Customer: “I didn’t finish it! I threw it away!” 

Me: “Oh. If it happens again, just save the coffee and—”

Customer: “I’m not going to save it all day just to bring it back here!”

Me: “I see. What about your receipt? We just need proof of purchase to—”

Customer: “I don’t take the receipt! You guys hand those out with every order. That’s too much paper.”

I realize that nothing will appease her.

Me: “Let’s just avoid letting it happen again, shall we?”

Customer: “Tch! If it happens again, it won’t be a problem; I won’t come back here!” 

Me: “Well, all right, ma’am. Have a nice day!” *Closes window*

Normally, for regulars, I don’t mind handing out a complimentary coffee or two, but her tone only became more condescending and rude with every word she spoke to me! It didn’t help that she complained after she paid on a card, so I couldn’t even do anything about it right then.

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Proof That Alcohol Ruins The Brain

, , , , | Right | June 24, 2020

Customer: “Can I have four shots of Fireball whiskey?”

Me: “Sure!”

Customer: “Can you make them really strong?”

Me: “…”

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At Least Your Money Is Secure

, , , , , | Working | June 24, 2020

I have to call my bank to ask them a question.

Bank Employee: “Hi, I’m [Employee] from [Bank]. How can I help you?”

Me: “Hi, I have a question about a withdrawal that was made from my account.”

Bank Employee: “Not a problem, sir! May I ask you some security questions before we continue?”

Me: “Sure. No problem.”

Bank Employee: “How long have you been a customer of [Bank]?”

Me: “Over forty years, since I was five years old.”

Bank Employee: “Do you remember the date?”

Me: *Puzzled and doing calculations* “I think that was 1976.”

Bank Employee: “No, sir. Do remember the exact date?”

Me: “How am I supposed to remember the date? I was five years old when my parents opened the account!”

After this exchange, my temper started to flare. What a stupid question to ask! So, I just said, “Thank you. I’ll call back later.”

I then discovered that the employee put a security hold on all my accounts, including my credit cards, because, “Customer refused to answer security questions.”

I had to drive all the way to my local branch, and it took them forty-five minutes to sort out the mess and reopen my accounts!

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A “Prime” Example

, , , | Right | June 24, 2020

Customer: “Hi. I was wondering if I could return this book?”

Me: “Certainly. Do you have your receipt?”

Customer: “Oh, no, I don’t. I ordered it online, so…”

Me: “I can look you up by your order number, if you have that.”

I move toward the computer to pull up our mail order list.

Customer: “I won’t be in there. I bought on Amazon and just wanted to see if I could return in here.”

Me: “Oh, no, I’m sorry, but we can only take back items that were purchased at our store.”

I looked over to my coworker as the customer left, and he looked as baffled as I felt.

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