It’s Too Early In The Morning For This

, , , , , | Right | October 17, 2017

(I work for a large energy firm servicing department. Everyone gets this type of call several times a day.)

Me: “Good morning, you’re through to [Company] and [Department]. How can I help?”

Customer: “My fireplace isn’t working.”

(I go over security details and they pass, and we proceed to pull up a calendar for repair appointment.)

Me: “Okay, sir, the earliest available appointment is two days from now between 12:00 and 6:00 pm.”

Customer: “Have you got anything sooner?”

Me: “No, sir, two days is the earliest appointment, 12:00 until 6:00 pm.”

Customer: “Okay, I guess I’ll take the morning, then.”

Me: “Sir, the next appointment is two days from now in the afternoon, or three days from now in the morning. If you prefer a morning, you will have to wait until the third day or I will book you in for the afternoon.”

Customer: “Well, that isn’t very good. Why can’t I get an appointment in the morning for two days time?”

Me: “Because we work on a live system with limited staffing for repairs. If we have a high volume of breakdowns in your area, it is mainly first-come, first-serve.”

Customer: “I pay £35 a month for this agreement. Can’t you cancel someone else’s appointment?”

Me: “In the interest of equality, we do not cancel appointments to book in other customers; that is company policy.”

Customer: “I don’t care; I want an appointment in the morning.”

Me: “Sorry, sir, that is not a possibility, and due to it being a live system, if I do not book you an appointment now it may be gone soon.”

Customer: “Fine! Don’t know why I pay for this service.”

Me: “Because if you didn’t, it could be anything up to $400 or more for each repair and a wait of up to a week or more, sir.”

(We resolve the call and they hang up.)

Coworker: “So, no mornings, then?”

Me: “Don’t get me started!”

Not About To Have An Opening

, , , | Right | October 17, 2017

(Our building used to be located opposite the town library, but separated by a busy two-lane road. We have just moved to a new purpose-built building on the other side of town, when I get a call.)

Me: “Good morning! This is [College]. How can I help?”

Caller: “Yeah, get me the number for the library!”

Me: “Sure, I’ll just put you through to the campus library.”

Caller:No! I don’t want no crappy campus library! I mean the real library opposite you. I want you to go look at the opening times.”

Me: *speechless* “You want me to walk to the other side of town to the main library just to get their opening times?”

Caller: “I don’t see how it’s hard; just look out your window!”

Me: “We have moved buildings to the other side of town, so even if I wanted to, I couldn’t do that. You can either call them or go online to find out that information.”

Caller: “WHAT F****** GOOD ARE YOU?!” *hangs up*

It Was A Long Friday Night

, , , , , | Right | October 17, 2017

(The video game store I work at is in a mall with mostly retail stores, but a couple of snack-type stores and one sit-down style pizza restaurant. It’s about 10:30 am on a Saturday and the store is empty at the moment. A man with a very angry look on his face comes in directly to me.)

Customer: “Is there any place in the mall that sells alcohol?”

Me: “Uh, yeah, I’m pretty sure that [Pizza Place] has a bar, but—”

Customer: “Okay.”

(The man turns and walks hurriedly out of the store in the direction of [Pizza Place].)

Me: *finishing what I was going to say, to myself* “…but they don’t open until noon.”

Don’t Put Your Neck Out For Any Customer

, , , , | Right | October 17, 2017

(I am working as a cashier at a clothing company. We have just gotten a new scarf in that is more popular than the company anticipated, and we sell out super quickly. I am wearing the scarf while working the register.)

Customer: “That is such a great scarf!”

Me: “Thank you!”

Customer: “Where did you get it?”

Me: “Oh, I got it here, but we sold out, unfortunately!”

Customer: “How much is it?”

Me: “It was [price], but unfortunately, we sold out. I can maybe see if another store has it in stock?”

Customer: “How much is that one?”

Me: “It’s [price], but again, we’ve sold out. It may be available online.”

Customer: “No, how much is the one that you are wearing?”

Me: “Again, it’s [price], but we’ve sold out.”

Customer: “No, how much is the one that is literally around your neck? How much can I give you to sell me your scarf?”

Me: “Sir, I will not sell you clothing that I am literally wearing.”

In Starch Contrast To Medical Advice

, , , , , , | Right | October 17, 2017

(I work as a receptionist at a hotel. The bar in our lobby serves food as well as drinks. I am working the night shift. It is around 3:00 am when I get this call:)

Me: “Front desk, how may I help you?”

Guest: “Hi, can you connect me through to the bar?”

Me: “Sorry, sir, the bar closes at 11:00 pm.”

Guest: “Well, my daughter is having an allergic reaction, so we’d like some French fries.”

Me: *baffled* “Your daughter is having an allergic reaction… and you want French fries?”

Guest: “Yes.”

Me: “I think you should get her an ambulance.”

Guest: “No, it’s fine. We just need some French fries.”

Me: “I really think you should get her an ambulance. Besides, there is no one at the bar at this hour. How would French fries even help?”

Guest: *somewhat condescendingly* “Well, French fries are made of starch, and starch will help fight the allergy.”

Me: “Well, the deep fryer requires special training to operate. I couldn’t get you fries even if I wanted to. Again, I implore you to call an ambulance.”

Guest: *talking to someone else in the room* “He wants us to call an ambulance.” *click*

(They didn’t call again after that. No ambulance arrived. I hope his daughter was okay. I never heard of starch helping with allergies, and I couldn’t find anything on Google to support this.)

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