We’re About To Get A Wine-r

, , , , | Right | December 9, 2018

(I work in a low-budget supermarket. I am stacking the alcohol aisle while also being in charge of the self-checkout machines right next to me. I live in the highlands of Scotland where a lot of English people have relocated. An elderly English couple approaches me; I can immediately tell they are snobby. The lady of the couple approaches me while I am putting away an immense amount of alcohol.)

Customer: “Do you have the recommended wine from the August 2015 edition of ‘Home & Country’ magazine?”

Me: “Do you know the name of the wine?”

Customer: “No, why should I? You work here; you should know!”

Me: “Why should I know what third parties recommend from our products?”

Customer: *looking angry and huffing her breath loudly* “Well, you do work here, don’t you?! You should know these things! Have you not even been trained on what wines people would like to know about?”

(The self-service tills have started to bell for me to help the customers. We also do not get training on third-party recommendations, as that would be ridiculous; we just put out what we get sent.)

Me: “No, we do not. How would I be able to know every third-party recommendation? That is like you saying, ‘Do you have the wine my friend Mable told me about at the church bake sale?’ I have to go help at the self-checkouts now; I will be right back.”

(I go to help the other customers while she is left gaping and turning to her husband to complain. I come back after a few minutes to see them both still standing there, glaring at me.)

Me: “Did you find the wine yet? Or remember anything about it so I can actually help you?”

Customer: “Of course I haven’t! This would not happen if we were in England! Get me your manager.”

Me: “Lady, if that is what you prefer—” *points south* “—England is that way. Go back there if that’s what you prefer.”

(I left, with her now hurling abuse about how all Scottish people are inbred and cannot speak properly. I got my manager, and explained everything while we were walking up to the couple. We get a lot of these type of people coming in with ridiculous requests. My manager told them exactly what I said about third-party recommendations, and that if they didn’t like what we had, then maybe they should go back to England. The customer grabbed her husband, leaving her shopping trolley full, and stormed out the store. My manager and I just laughed when she was gone. We get far too many of these for it to be out of the norm.)

A Scary Lack Of Mummies

, , , | Right | December 8, 2018

(I work in an American art museum that is known for its stained glass pieces from a renowned artist. When people arrive, we suggest they start out in the video room so they can watch the introductory films. A middle-aged woman enters and pays for one admission into the museum.)

Visitor: “Where are the mummies?”

Me: *caught off guard by this* “We don’t have any mummies here; we are an art museum.”

(I motion towards the adjacent gallery and the large painting across from the desk.)

Visitor: *skeptical* “No, I know you have them here; I saw it on TV.”

Me: “Perhaps you are looking for the science center?”

(I check to see if she would like her ticket refunded, in case she would like to head over to the science center, instead, but she wants to stay.)

Me: “In the room behind you, you can watch our introduction videos to learn more about the collection.”

Visitor: *hesitates for a moment, then her eyes widen and she leans in closer to me, and in a sudden hushed and anxious voice* “Are they [the movies] scary?!”

Me: “Uh? No…”

The Final Unpedicured Nail In The Coffin

, , , , , | Right | December 7, 2018

(A wealthy-looking, middle-aged woman comes into the nail salon while I’m waiting for my appointment.)

Customer: “Hello. I’m here for my one o’clock appointment with [Nail Tech].”

Receptionist: “Okay, if I could just get your name, please?”

Customer: “It’s [Customer].”

Receptionist: “Oh, no, it looks like you’re late for your appointment.”

Customer: *laughs, thinking the receptionist is joking* “I know it’s 1:10 right now, but you know how it can just get so busy!”

Receptionist: “No, I mean your appointment was booked for noon.”

Customer: “No, it isn’t. I know for a fact that it was one o’clock.”

Manager: *takes over* “Ma’am, it’s written right here as being booked for 12:00 pm.”

Customer: “No, look.” *pulls out smartphone* “I have it written down here as… Oh. Oh, well. I guess the appointment was for noon. But I still need [Nail Tech] to do my mani-pedi now.”

Manager: “Ma’am, I’m very sorry but [Nail Tech] is booked up all day. However, we can have another employee help you at this time.”

Customer: “No, that won’t do. I must have [Nail Tech]. Anyone else is a waste of my time and money!”

Manager: “Well, we can book a new appointment with [Nail Tech] for another day.”

Customer: “No. I have a party tonight and I need my nails done before then! Can’t you just… give me someone else’s appointment with [Nail Tech], and schedule them with someone else?”

Manager: *starting to get impatient* “No, ma’am, we can’t do that.”

Customer: “You should have called me, then! I live only a couple blocks away! If you’d have called me when I missed my appointment, then I would have been here on time!”

Manager: “Well, we would have called you, ma’am, but you never gave us your phone number.”

Customer: “Well, I never! I guess I just won’t have my nails done for my dinner, then! I hope you feel bad about this!” *storms off in a huff*

Cof-Fee, Not Cof-Free

, , , , | Working | December 7, 2018

(In my office, people only come when they have an appointment. It surprises me that a salesman steps through the door. I am the receptionist.)

Salesman: “Hello, I am looking for [Employee].”

Me: “I can’t seem to find that name, I’m sorry.”

Salesman: “My information could be outdated. We talked in 2015.”

Me: “Well, he’s not working here anymore.”

Salesman: “Who is his replacement?”

Me: “What is your question?”

Salesman: “Well, we did business in 2015, and I thought we might be of service again. I brought a folder of things we can deliver now. Whom may I address this to?”

Me: “They work with a team, so there’s no one in charge. I can give it to them.”

Salesman: “No one is in?”

Me: “Yes, unfortunately no one is in.”

Salesman: “All right, then. Let them give me a call when they can!”

(He turns around and spots the cafe next to us, which also has an entrance in our building.)

Salesman: *eager* “Oh, can I get some coffee there?”

Me: “Yes, but it’s a different company, so it won’t be free.”

Salesman: “Ah, okay.” *looks very disappointed*

(The salesman leaves immediately. I go to the office the folder is for. I knew one person would be there, but she was very busy and I didn’t want to disturb her for a salesman. I tell her the story and give her the folder.)

Coworker: “We’ll discuss this next week, when the other members are here, as well.”

(I then tell the coworker about what happened when he asked about coffee.)

Coworker: “And he immediately left? Was he honestly fishing for free coffee?”

(I shrugged and the coworker looked at the folder. She tossed it into the bin right away. Guess the salesman didn’t make a great impression.)

Fix The Google! Fix All Of The Google!

, , , , | Right | December 6, 2018

(I am a scheduler at a busy medical clinic.)

Me: “Good afternoon. This is [My Name]. Thank you for calling [Clinic]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Is this [Doctor]’s office?”

Me: “Yes. Do you need to make an appointment?”

Caller: “How much are your light boxes?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Caller: “For light therapy! I Googled light boxes, and [Doctor]’s name came up!”

Me: “We’re a medical clinic. We don’t sell light boxes.”

Caller: “Do you know where I can get one?”

Me: “No.”

Caller: “Well, you need to fix Google, then!”

(I’m pretty sure the doctor in question isn’t even one known for light box therapy!)

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