She Has A Earing Problem

, , | Right | March 26, 2020

(I work with five other people as a cashier at a large furniture store, and one of the responsibilities is to answer the phones. One afternoon, my coworker picks up a call.)

Coworker: “Thank you for calling [Furniture Store]. This is [Coworker]; how may I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, I’m wondering why you haven’t called me yet.”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, do you have an order with us? May I have your phone number, so I can look it up?”

Caller: “No, I don’t have an order. I was in your store a month ago and lost an earring, and I’m wondering why you haven’t called to tell me you found it.”

Coworker: “Okay. Did you come to the front counter after you lost it, so we could take down your information?”

Caller: “You should have known to call me! Haven’t you found it yet? What is wrong with you people?! Don’t you clean your store?”

(Our store is pretty big, about the size of a regular grocery store. Finding a needle in a haystack is a gross understatement.)

Coworker: “I apologize, ma’am, but no one has turned in any jewelry. I’m also not sure how we would have contacted you without your information, had it turned up.”

Caller: “I bet you kept it for yourself. It was worth hundreds of dollars. This is unbelievable.”

Coworker: “I assure you, ma’am, we have not found any earrings. I am sorry. I can still take down your information if you’d—”

Caller: *click*

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No One Wants To Be The Guinea Pig For THAT Business Venture

, , , | Right | March 25, 2020

(I am at the register ringing up a couple buying bedding and toys for their guinea pig.)

Me: “Hi, did you find what you were looking for today?”

Woman: “I think so. I had a question, though.”

Me: “Okay. How can I help?”

Woman: “Well, I had two guinea pigs, and one of them just died. Would it be a good idea to change out all of the bedding?”

Man: “Yeah, I mean, she can probably smell the dead one in her cage now.”

Woman: *gives him a dirty look* “I just wanted to make sure she felt comfortable now that she doesn’t have a playmate anymore.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. Pets are always a part of the family. It definitely wouldn’t hurt if you’re worried about that.”

Man: “She’s just getting too worked up about this. It’s just a guinea pig. She probably won’t know the difference.”

(They quietly argue about the deceased guinea pig. I ring up their purchases and thank them for stopping in. Right before they leave, the man turns back to me.)

Man: “You don’t happen to sell guinea pig coffins, do you?”

(The woman literally dragged him out by the collar of his shirt.)

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The Ensuing Argument Will Not Be Nano

, , , , , | Right | March 25, 2020

(I work for an electronic store in the service department in 2013. A couple walks up to me with a five-year-old iPod Nano.)

Customer: “This got some water on it; is it busted?”

(The iPod has water in the screen sloshing around and no power at all.)

Me: “Was this dropped in a sink or something?”

Customer: “It got some food on it.”

Me: “Yeah, I’m sorry, but it’s done for.”

(The customer turns to look at the guy she is with.)

Customer: “This is all your fault! If it wasn’t your motherf****** food I had to get… You owe me a new iPad!”

(Again, she had a very old Nano, not an iPad. The man looked at me while the customer walked away cursing and gave me a look that said, “Kill me now,” before turning and walking away.)

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Soft And Squishy, Like Their Brain

, , , | Right | March 25, 2020

Customer: “Can you help me find a certain pillow?”

Me: “Sure, do you know the brand name?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Okay. Can you tell me what it looks like?”

Customer: “It’s soft… and squishy…”

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They Have Designs On A Refund

, , , , | Right | March 24, 2020

Me: “Thank you for calling [Business]; this is [My Name].”

Customer: “Hi! I was calling about your return policy. I bought this [Designer] dress and was wondering how to return it since I only needed it for a friend’s wedding.”

Me: *since we have an open return policy* “Oh, okay! No problem. All you would need to return it is your proof of purchase. It could be your online order number or a receipt and you could return it through mail or in one of our stores.”

Customer: “Oh, well, I don’t have any of those.”

Me: “I could certainly help you look it up.”

Customer: “Well, actually, I bought it at a second-hand bridal store and just wanted to return it to your store since you carry the line. The bridal store won’t accept a return.”

Me: “So, you want me to give you a refund for a dress that we may not carry — since you said we only carry the designer — that you never even purchased with us?”

Customer: “Exactly!”

Me: “No.”

(I later informed my manager of this and he joked that I am just a horrible person for not giving her a refund for the dress.)

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