Not All Re-Cycling Is Good

, , , | Right | June 15, 2010

(I am in a public park, riding my quad. A little girl comes up and asks for a ride. Since I’m not accustomed to giving strangers rides, I politely decline. A few minutes later, an angry woman storms up.)

Woman: “Excuse me!”

Me: “Uh, yes?”

Woman: “Why won’t you give my daughter a ride?! You made her cry!”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry about that.”

Woman: “So you’ll give her a ride?”

Me: “No, ma’am, I’m sorry. I just don’t feel comfortable giving strangers rides.”

Woman: “What terrible service! I am going to report you!”

(I hear her on the phone with the police.)

Woman: “Yes, this person refuses to give my daughter a ride on her quad. No, I don’t know her. What?! No, I am not on drugs!”

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The Last Scupper

, , , , | Right | June 7, 2010

(I notice a customer looking at the Passover cards, looking frustrated, so I go over to help her.)

Me: “Can I help you find anything, ma’am?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’m looking for Christian Passover cards.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, we don’t carry any Christian Passover cards. Were you maybe looking for the Easter cards?”

Customer: “No, I need Passover cards for a Christian.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but Passover is a Jewish holiday. We don’t carry Christian Passover cards because Christians don’t celebrate it.”

Customer: “Jesus did!”

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Early Bird-Brained

, , , | Right | May 21, 2010

(I am at work doing a before-opening clean of the trolley handles and checkout counters.)

Customer: “Excuse me, I’d like to buy these now, please.”

Me: “Um, ma’am, I’m not a checkout operator.”

Customer: “Yes, but I’m here now and I’m running late, so can you just run these through the scanner for me?”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s five-thirty. There are no checkout operators as we don’t open for another hour and a half.”

Customer: “Oh, I was wondering why there wasn’t anyone in the deli, but that’s okay because I went back behind the counter and got the ham out the freezer.”

Me: “Ma’am, you’re not allowed to do that. How did you get in? The doors are locked until the security guard gets here.”

Customer: “Oh, I broke the window because I thought your door wasn’t working. Can you run these through for me now?”

 

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He Who Shall Not Be Sprayed

, , , | Right | February 24, 2010

Customer: “I would like to use my upgrades to spray tan.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we can’t do that anymore, our new system doesn’t allow us to.”

Customer: “Well, just type in your magic code or something!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry. It physically won’t let us do that.”

Customer: “You don’t have a magic code?”

Me: “No, sorry.”

Customer: “But you look like Hermione from that magic movie…”

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Dog On Demand

, , , , , , | Right | February 23, 2010

Customer: “Hi, I need some help.”

Me: “Of course, sir. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I want to buy a dog.”

Me: “We don’t sell dogs or cats here. Our company has a policy against it because of the number of unwanted dogs in animal shelters.”

Customer: “What the h*** are you talking about? Of course you sell dogs, they’re right there!”

Me: “Actually, that’s our grooming salon, where customers can bring their pets for a haircut or bath. Would you like me to show you the adoption computer?”

Customer: “It’s nice that you’re making the dogs pretty for me. Now, when can I see them?”

Me: “Those dogs belong to other people, sir. It’s a grooming salon.”

Customer: *sighs* “Fine, I get it. They’re all sold.”

(The customer sees a woman walking by with a Labrador on a leash.)

Customer: “I’ll take that one then. I can get a discount since it’s a floor model, right?”

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