Needs To Invent Fly-Paper For Unwanted Customers

, , , , | Right | March 30, 2018

(I am working at the till near the end of the day. An older man with a stern expression comes to the counter, looks at the baked goods display, and shrugs dramatically.)

Me: “What can I get you?”

Customer: “Well, I was going to get a dozen donuts, but there’s a fly in your display.”

(I look and see that a fly is flying around the donuts.)

Me: “Oh, I’m so sorry about that. I’ll have the bakers remake that tray. Is there anything else I can get you?”

Customer: “You shouldn’t be letting flies into this place at all!”

Me: “I’m sorry again, sir. We try to keep the drive-thru windows closed when there aren’t any cars, and the doors are only open when customers walk in, but I guess one or two flies manage to sneak by every once in a while.”

Customer: “Your manager should be making sure flies don’t get in.”

(At this point one of my older coworkers is walking by behind me, and the customer starts yelling at her.)

Customer: “Hey! Are you the manager of this place? You’ve got to keep these g**d*** flies out of here!”

Me: “Sir, she’s not the manager. I can go get the manager for you, but I really don’t know what you expect her to do about it.”

Customer: “I’ve heard of a fly trap you can put in the doors that sucks them up as they come in.”

Me: “A fly sucker?”

Customer: *dead serious* “Yes. This restaurant should invest in one.”

(He shakes his head and wags his finger at me before turning and leaving.)

Coworker: “Let’s add it to the list of things that need to fixed around here.”

Giving Their Two Cents On Your Cent

, , , , , , | Right | March 29, 2018

(I’m a cashier at a very busy grocery store. I ring up this older guy’s items. He also has a young kid with him.)

Me: “Your total is $9.01.”

Customer: “Okay, can you just get rid of the penny, so I don’t have to break a dollar?”

Me: “I don’t have any pennies on me, and if you don’t have a penny I can put in my drawer, then, no, I can’t just ‘get rid of the penny.’”

Customer: “Are you serious? Wow, this is ridiculous. You guys do it for me all the time!”

(This makes me wonder how often he does this.)

Me: “Well, I don’t believe it’s allowed to just change the total.”

Customer: “Can’t you ask?” *rolls eyes*

Me: “Uh, no. I already know the answer. I’m sorry, but are you sure you don’t have any change?”

Customer: *angrily hands me a dollar*

Me: *gives him 99 cents back, with a big smile on my face* “Have a fantastic day, sir!”

(I know it’s just a penny, but come on, dude. Just pay your total and don’t throw a fit.)

Not One Of The 31 Flavors

, , , | Right | March 29, 2018

(I work in an ice cream shop. The phone rings and, as the manager on, I answer it.)

Caller: “Hi, do you sell Pepto-Bismol-flavored ice cream?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Caller: “Like the stomach-relief stuff. Do you have an ice cream flavor like that?”

Me: “Uh, no, we do not.”

Caller: “I have a headache; will ice cream help that?”

Me: “I really am not sure.”

Caller: *in a chipper voice* “Okay, thanks!” *hangs up*

Me: “What the f*** just happened?!”

Wasn’t Smart To Ask

, , , , , | Right | March 29, 2018

Me: “Aloha! [Hotel] operator. How may I help you?”

Guest: “Hi, I wanted to know if you guys charge for parking, and how much?”

Me: “Yes. We charge $29 for self-parking and $36 if you are going to use our valet services.”

(This seems really high, but for Waikiki, this is pretty good.)

Guest: “Oh, but my car is going to be one of those smaller smart cars. Do I get a discount for that?”

Me: *a couple of seconds of pause to register this* “No, ma’am. The price will be the same, because you are paying for the space.”

Guest: “But it’s not as big as a regular car. There’s no discount?”

Me: “No, ma’am, the price will remain the same, as long as you park within our parking structure.”

Guest: “Well, okay. Thanks.” *obviously disappointed and agitated, hangs up*

Customers Can Be A Strange Breed

, , , , | Right | March 29, 2018

(I work at a dog kennel. I am helping my manager work the front desk when a man walks in with a large dog. We are at 100% capacity, so we know he is a walk-in. My manager goes right over to head off any tantrums that might be coming.)

Manager: “I’m sorry, sir, but we are completely full at the moment. If you want to put your name on the waiting list, however, we will call you as soon as there is room.”

Man: “Oh, no, I’m not looking to board my dog; I’m looking to breed him.”

Manager: *confused* “I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t breed dogs here. This is a kennel.”

Man: *clearly not listening* “I want to breed my dog. He’s a purebred.”

Manager: “Sir, again, we don’t breed dogs here.”

Man: “Why not? He’s had all his shots and he’s a purebred!”

Manager: “Sir, again, we don’t breed dogs here, because these dogs do not belong to us. These dogs all belong to other people and they’d be very upset if we let your dog mate with their pet.”

Man: *sounding desperate* “You don’t understand! You could make a lot of money selling the puppies; this is a good deal!”

Manager: *totally fed up* “A good deal is not getting sued by an angry owner. Please leave; I have a line of actual customers waiting.”

(The man leaves with his dog, looking pretty dejected, but doesn’t try to argue further. Half an hour later, one of my coworkers who wasn’t there for the strange man answers the phone.)

Coworker: “Hello, this is [Kennel]. How can I help you today?”

(I can’t hear the other half of the conversation, but my coworker starts making this really confused face.)

Coworker: “I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t breed dogs here.”

Manager: *furious* “Oh, my God! [Coworker], hang up the d*** phone.” *turning to me* “If he calls back again, I’m going to neuter them both!”

Do you hate bad behavior? Then you're going to love our Antisocial collection in the NAR Store!
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