The Work Day Started Swimmingly

, , , , | Working | June 13, 2017

(Overnight we had a pretty steady downpour of rain but I didn’t think much of it until I went to leave for work in the morning. I step out onto my front porch and am forced to stop for I can no longer see the street… or the stairs leading up to my building. They’re completely under water. Reluctantly I call my boss. Note: I don’t drive so I walk the 2.5 miles to work.)

Me: “So… I don’t think I’m going to be able to come in to work today. My apartment has become lakefront property.”

Boss: “What?”

Me: “The roads are completely flooded. I see nothing but water.”

Boss: “It’s not even raining that hard.”

Me: “I know.”

Boss: “I passed by [River near my apartment] on my way to work. It’s not even close to being flooded.”

Me: “It’s not the river. It’s the sewage drain. It’s clogged and backs up when it rains and it’s been raining nonstop since last night. Guess the water had nowhere to go.”

Boss: “It’s fine; there’s no reason you can’t come in.”

Me: “I don’t own a boat.”

Boss: “What?”

Me: “So the water has literally filled up half of the first floor hallway. The first floor is below ground. Fire-fighters are taking boats from [Main Street] to get to us to make sure we’re okay.”

Boss: “You can find a way to get here.”

Me: “[Boss], I’ve been standing here on the porch watching the cars in the parking lot slowly sinking under the water. Plus, I’m not sure I’m dedicated enough to the job to swim in sewer water to get there.”

(Needless to say, I did not go in to work that day, even though it stopped raining about an hour later and once that happened the water drained rather quickly. My boss was less angry with me after I showed him pictures of the damages done.)

Night Of The Entitled Dead

, , , , | Right | June 12, 2017

(I work for a complaints department in an insurance company. The caller stopped paying their life insurance premiums and understandably (you’d think), his policy was cancelled. He contacted us a few years later.)

Customer: “But how could you have cancelled the policy? You owe me £3,000!”

Me: “That’s the amount of cover you had on the policy. Because the premiums haven’t been paid, the policy has lapsed and you’re no longer covered. Because it was life insurance, it would only have paid out that amount on your death.”

Customer: “How DARE you tell me I’m not dead! I demand you pay me MY money IMMEDIATELY!”

Has The Power To Fire Them

, , , , , | Right | June 9, 2017

(Sometime the night before, an opossum got into the power box in our center and was electrocuted, causing power to go our building and others. We usually open at eight am. Our bosses texted the employees not to come in until nine am. When I came in at nine am there is an email from a customer saying he tried to call at eight am. I call him back immediately:)

Me: “Hello, I’m sorry you couldn’t get through this morning. We had a power outage.”

Customer: “Not answering the phone was unprofessional. You told me you would be there at eight am. I called; you didn’t answer.”

Me: “Yes, I understand. An opossum got into the power box, was electrocuted, and knocked out all the power.”

Customer: “Well, that was unprofessional of him!”

(Realizing the customer is not listening at all.)

Me: “You are completely correct. I assure the individual responsible was fired.”

(Or, should I say… fried)

Office Supply And Demanding

, , , , | Right | June 9, 2017

(I work as a supervisor in a retail office supply store. In fact, the company name has the word “Office” in it. A woman and her husband enter my store. Unfortunately, the following exchange takes place far too often…)

Me: “Good afternoon! Welcome to [Store]. What can I help you find today?”

Wife: “Oh, I’m just looking for some office supplies.”

(The woman’s husband looks sideways at her.)

Me: “Err… ma’am, we’re an office supply store. Everything in here counts as an office supply. Is there anything in particular you needed?”

Wife: *irritated* “Office supplies!”

Me: “Pens and pencils? Toner? Paper? Desk organizers? Calendars?”

Husband: “Honey, we—”

Wife: “No! God! How hard is it to just direct me to the office supplies!?”

(I spread my arms wide and turn to take in the scope of the entire store, which has many clearly labeled sections such as “Writing”, “Desk Accessories” and “Ink & Toner”, all of which are visible from the entrance.)

Me: “Ma’am, without knowing what specific items you’re looking for, I can’t really direct you anywhere.”

Husband: *before his wife can respond* “We’ll just look around by ourselves, thanks.”

Unable To Ship To Their Fantasyland

, , , , | Right | June 8, 2017

(We are an online-only store, and only have one option available for shipping, which is added automatically at the checkout. A repeat customer who has caused us problems before emailed in stating:)

Customer: “I do not believe in paying for shipping any more. I have been trying to delete it from my basket but there is no option for it. Remove it for me!”

Me: “Nope.”

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