They’ve Been Lobby-tomized

, , , | Right | December 4, 2017

(I work in a hotel.)

Customer: *takes sip of coffee from pot in lobby, sneers* “Coffee’s cold!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but there will be another pot made soon.”

Customer: “You should always have coffee. Always!

Me: “We are not a coffee shop; we are a hotel, with all due respect, sir.”

Customer:Always have coffee, hot and ready. Always. You have it listed on your website!”

Me: *snaps* “Sir, let me go now to our website and print out the list of our amenities.” *prints* “As you can see, there is no free coffee in the lobby 24/7. We put some out, out of kindness to you. It’s not required, and you are not paying for it.”

Customer: *sputtering, looking at paper* “I’ll be reporting your rudeness to your manager! Bunch of crooks!” *storms off*

Me: “My rudeness or my correctness?”

(He did report me to my manager, calling me rude and a smarta**. Good thing I warned my manager about it beforehand.)

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Plunging Towards Hazard Pay

, , , , | Right | December 4, 2017

Me: “Sir… I really can’t return a used plunger…”

Customer: “But it didn’t work! I need a snake.”

Me: “You know what, why don’t you go get what you need and I’ll page the manager to see what he says?”

(The customer leaves and I page the manager, who waits for the customer to return.)

Manager: “Sir, we really can’t return a used plunger!”

Customer: “It didn’t work!”

Manager: “Is it defective?”

Customer: “No, it just didn’t work.”

Manager: “So, it’s not that there’s something wrong with the plunger, but that your situation requires something more than a plunger and you want to return the plunger that you already used?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Manager: *to me* “Just return it and defect it.” *to customer* “This is the only time I’ll allow this. If the snake doesn’t work, you have to keep it and please, consider getting a plumber.”

(The manager leaves and I get to deal with disinfecting the plunger and my register. Later that day I see the cashier who handles defects…)

Me: “Hey, watch out for the plunger. It’s been used!”

Cashier: *horrified look*

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The Only Thing You’re Washing Is Yourself Of This Job

, , , , | Working | December 4, 2017

(I’m between jobs and doing temporary placements washing dishes to keep up. I’m doing a three-day job in my least favorite kitchen, which has by far the heaviest workload, despite servicing a canteen that’s open two hours a day, at an office in the middle of nowhere. Net result is that 90% of the food gets thrown away. On the third day, I get there, and I find the manager looking angry.)

Manager: “Where have you been?”

Me: “I’m due in at 10:00. It’s 9:50.”

Manager: “The others haven’t turned up. You should have coordinated and arranged to come in if they couldn’t make it!”

Me: “I… don’t know them outside work. If you needed me in earlier, you should have phoned me.”

Manager: “Well, you’d better sort this out now. We’ve had no one working pot wash all morning.”

(He shows me a station where no less than six trolleys are piled high with equipment.)

Me: “Wasn’t there anyone you could have assigned to it?”

(There are about 15 cooks working in this canteen.)

Manager: “I couldn’t spare anyone. Now get on with it!”

(I try my best, but things are piling up faster than I can wash them. After half an hour…)

Manager: “This pile’s bigger than it was before!”

Me: “I’m doing my best. This station is supposed to be run by three people.”

Manager: “Then pick up the pace. We need all this stuff in the next ten minutes!”

Me: “Or what? I’m not an expert, but I’ve seen [Big Restaurant] manage a whole day with half of what you’ve cooked so far. You’re cooking one meal, you’ve been cooking it since lunchtime yesterday, and there’s more food piled up than anywhere else I’ve worked. What do you think is going to happen if you have to wait ten minutes?”

(To my surprise, he can’t respond, but continues to shout at me. Fortunately, I get a call from a company I applied to inviting me to an interview. My contract allows me to use my phone, and I know they’ll offer the interview to someone else if I ask them to, so I find some jobs to do one-handed as I talk.)

Manager: “You need to turn that off!”

Me: *mouthing* “I need to take this.”

(He follows me round while I try to ignore him.)

Manager: “If you want to talk to your friends, I can send you home to do it!”

Me: *covers the speaker for a second* “Do it, then!”

(I dropped the tray I was carrying and left.)

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Doesn’t Make Ad-Sense

, , , , , , , | Right | December 4, 2017

(A call comes in ten minutes before closing:)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Restaurant], this is [My Name] speaking, how can I help you?”

Irate Caller: “I cannot believe that you would expose my children to such inappropriate television advertisements! This whole [new company slogan] is exposing my daughters to [oral sex], and they are only four and six years old. I should report you to the FCC!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but you are calling a local franchise location. The national corporate office creates the all advertisements, and we don’t have any say in it. I can help you get in contact with them, if you would like.”

Irate Caller: “Well, if you cared about your customers at all, you would take down those disgusting ads right now!”

Me: “Sir, I’m a local supervisor; I have no control over television ads. However, the number for [Restaurant]’s corporate office is [number]. We don’t have any interaction with them, other than buying our supplies, so you need to call them in the morning. I’m sure they can tell you who can help you.”

Irate Caller: “I’ve never seen such horrible things in my life, and you won’t help me. You’re harming my four- and six-year-olds, and all you will do is tell me to talk to someone else in the morning. I want these ads taken down now! I don’t want them to show up on my TV again.”

Me: “Sir, in all honestly, you’re just calling the wrong number. You need to call the corporate office. I’m sure they can help you.”

Irate Caller: “If you cared about your job, you would care about me! What lousy customer service! Don’t you even care about my daughters? Fix this now!!!!”

Me: “Sir, I’m a 19-year-old college student, working at a fast food joint making [just over minimum wage] an hour. I would love to help you, but I have absolutely no say over what is on television. I wouldn’t even know who to call to ask them to stop broadcasting them. Personally, I agree with you. I don’t like the new slogan. I think it’s dumb and I also think it’s inappropriate. However, I can’t help you; only the corporate office can.”

Irate Caller: “If you agree with me, why won’t you help me? I’m going to get you fired and, then sue for exposing my kids to [oral sex]! It’s not right what you’re doing.”

Me: “Okay, sir, if you call the corporate office, they can put you in contact with their legal department.”

Irate Caller: “Why are you doing this to my kids, you [swear word]?”

Me: “Sir, it is time for me to close the restaurant. I cannot help you and I really need to go. I’m sorry I couldn’t help you, but if you call the corporate office, I’m sure you can find someone with the authority to help. Do you need me to repeat the number?”

Irate Caller: “You know you’re going to Hell, right?” *slams down the phone*

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When The Schools Are Expected To Parent

, , , , | Learning | December 4, 2017

(I work in the reception of a school. We are just about to leave when the phone rings. Instead of letting it ring out, I decide to answer it. Note: At the beginning of the call, there is an automated message saying all calls are recorded.)

Me: “[School], how may I help you?”

Mother: “My daughter has told me she was in a fight with another boy at school, and that no one there did anything to stop it.”

Me: “I see. If you could give me the name of your daughter, and the time it occurred?”

Mother: “[Daughter], and literally just now!”

Me: “Now?” *looking at the clock which says 17:15* “And this happened at school?”

Mother: “No, right outside my house. I watched it from the window.”

Me: “Well, I’m not quite sure what you want me to do.”

Mother: “I want you to punish the boy!”

Me: “With all due respect, Miss [Mother], your daughter had this altercation outside of school hours, and outside school property. We have no control over the children at this time, and have no authority to reprimand them.”

Mother: “That’s ridiculous! I’m writing a letter to the school board!” *hangs up*

(Several weeks later, we heard about the letter, and it differed greatly from her account on the phone. The recording was sent to the board, and yesterday I was asked to remove her daughter from the roster. I don’t know if she was excluded or her mother decided to pull her out of school, but I hope she has a better time wherever she ends up.)

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