A Desperate Resort Customer Resorts To Lies

, , , , , | Right | December 8, 2017

(I work at a resort facility that attracts all kinds of customers from business people during the week to weddings on the weekends, but especially appeals to families with our waterpark and arcade fun-center. We have a cancellation policy of 24 hours prior to the guest’s check-in time at 4:00 pm. I overhear the following story between my coworker at the front desk and a lady on business travel. A guest walks in the door with a tight frown and balled fists.)

Coworker: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Guest: “I didn’t know that this was a family hotel! The website didn’t say anything about this being a family-friendly hotel! I want to cancel my reservation!”

(Doesn’t “resort” sort of imply that there is more to the building than JUST our hotel?)

Coworker: “Well, unfortunately, it is already past the cancellation window. So, you will still be charged for the night.”

Guest: *sourly* “What?! I can’t believe this! I’m here for business, and I don’t want to be bothered by kids running wild in your stupid hotel. I’m sure the rooms are just going to be crappy, too!”

(This is a Tuesday, and there is almost no one in our hotel today.)

Coworker: “I do apologize, ma’am, but that is our policy. It is actually fairly quiet today, as we are only at 22% occupancy. I will place you on our top floor so that you will have the most quiet, with no one above you. Also, since you are here for business, I would be glad to remove the $7.95 resort fee for you since you won’t be using the waterpark.”

(At this point the guest is quiet and they complete the check-in process. Five minutes later there is a call from our in-house phone from her room.)

Coworker: “Hello, this is [Coworker] at front desk.”

Guest: “I want to speak to a manager!”

Coworker: “All right, I will need to put you on hold while I radio him to come to the phone.”

(My manager comes to take the call and is silent for a long time while he listens to her complaints about the room being dusty, having a streak on the mirror, among other nitpicky things she tried to find as soon as she walked in the door. Apparently, she is pretty nasty about it, since I can hear her from my computer.)

Manager: “I’m very sorry about that. Let me see what I can do here for you, and I’ll give you a call back.”

(He upgrades her to our whirlpool suite at an even more reduced rate. Then he has our housekeeping inspector go make sure the room is perfect. Just as he is about to call the guest back, she arrives at the front desk.)

Manager: “Oh, I was just trying to call you. We have a whirlpool suite ready for you, if you would like.”

Guest: “NO! I am not staying here! The room was a mess! This is horrible service. And this was the last straw: I found a cockroach in the bathtub! I have pictures if you want to see.”

(Of course, he does want to; we don’t have bug problems, as it is March and still too cold for bugs. We certainly wouldn’t have roaches. Her photos don’t show much really and she conveniently does not have a photo of the bug.)

Guest: “I want to check out now and receive a receipt with my zeroed-out balance.”

Manager: “All right. I did reduce your rate for you, so it will only charge you $65.00. Here is your receipt.”

Guest: “WHAT?! You are still going to charge me?! You are a horrible manager, and I’ll get you fired for this! I’m going to call my attorney and take you to court! I’ll spread reviews all over the Internet!”

Manager: “You are free to do that.”

Guest: “Augh!” *storms out the door*

Manager: *under his breath* “You bet I’m still going to charge you!”

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The Color Of Incompetence

, , , , , | Working | December 8, 2017

I am draftsman in a construction company. I recently did a project modernizing a school. Since it was a public school, our client was the city’s planning department and the person in charge was a civil servant with degrees in architecture and engineering.

Right at the start, things got out of hand. After submitting our ground-plans I got a call from the civil servant. She explained to me that she didn’t like the colours in the plans. I politely explained to her that the colours were determined by a standard and that there was nothing I could do about it. Submitting plans not according to standard can be a huge hassle, since they can be rejected, and we’d have to start over with the approval process. Nevertheless, she insisted we change the colours, so I told her I’d talk to my boss about it.

He told me to propose to her that we’d change the colours under the condition that they pay the entire price for the planning twice as overhead. He hoped that this would make her back down, since that’s a lot of money for essentially ten minutes of work. The civil servant, however, immediately agreed to it.

From there on, it only went downhill. Turns out the architect had planned a server farm in a heritage-protected attic made out of extremely flammable 200-year-old wood. No way we could weld or solder up there without a 24/7 fire-watch person. We proposed a solution to the engineering lady: Using plastic tubes instead of the steel tubes, which would not only be cheaper but also last longer. The lady in charge immediately declined and said we should hire a fire-watch at their cost.

As you can imagine, the project soon went over budget and we had to stop working midway through, since there were no funds left. By then, we had installed all the tubes and cables, but the actual server farm and cooling units were still missing. Four years went by like that and the legal warranty for our work expired.

The city soon took note of that and pleaded to the state government for securing more funds. They got barely enough money to finish the project. However, engineering lady had another plan and used the money to extend the warranty for another four years… for a system not running. Always glad to see my tax dollars well spent.

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A Needling Attempt At A Refund

, , , , , | Right | December 8, 2017

(A coworker has come to me about a refund that she is unsure about.)

Coworker: “I have a lady who wants to return knitting needles, but I wasn’t sure if we did refunds on those.”

Me: “Yeah. We shouldn’t, but we do. Where’s the lady? I’ll help her.”

(She leads me over to an elderly lady who is standing near our knitting needle displays.)

Customer: “Hello, dear. I have some knitting needles here that I would like a refund for. Can you do that?”

Me: “I can, but first I need to see what needles they are, and I will need the receipt.”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t have the receipt.”

(She starts pulling out needles that are so old that they are in imperial sizing. They look ancient.)

Me: “Um, we don’t sell these brands. Did you say you bought these here?”

Customer: “Oh, no, I’ve had these at home for years. I can’t knit anymore. I just want a refund.”

Me: “I’m sorry; that’s not how refunds work. We can only refund on brands we sell, that you have actually bought from us, and have a receipt for.”

Customer: “But you sell knitting needles.”

Me: “Yes, we do, but we don’t sell or buy used knitting needles. I am so sorry, but there’s nothing I can do.”

Customer: “I am sorry for taking up your time; thank you for being patient.”

(As she shuffles off my coworker turns to me.)

Coworker: “Oh, thank you for that; I didn’t know what to do with her.”

(I felt so bad for the old lady.)

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Booby Cancer: The One You Can Laugh At

, , , , | Right | December 8, 2017

(I work in production for an extremely popular radio station; however, I occasionally fill in different roles when people are sick. On this particular day, I work production on the breakfast show, then answer phone calls at reception. This call comes through on the complaints line.)

Me: “Good morning. You’ve reached [Radio Station]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes. I would like to put in a complaint.”

Me: “Sorry to hear that, sir. What would you like to complain about?”

Customer: “I was listening to your breakfast show, and I am horrified by the language you use at that time of morning!”

(I’m confused, because I listened to the entire show while producing.)

Me: “May I ask what was said?”

Customer: “’Breasts.’”

Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

Customer: “Your announcers were talking about some disease and they said it… AT 7:30 IN THE MORNING!”

Me: “Sir, the disease they were talking about was breast cancer.”

Customer: “I don’t care what they were talking about! It shouldn’t be said on-air.”

Me: “’Breast’ is the biological term for that area of the body.”

Customer: “Stop making excuses!”

Me: “Well, what would you prefer they be called?”

(The customer thinks for a moment.)

Customer: “Boobies.”

(I laughed so hard I had to hang up on him.)

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Tabled That Discussion For A Few Hours

, , , , , | Right | December 8, 2017

(My husband, brother-in-law, and I enter a busy restaurant at around 1:00 in the afternoon. There are perhaps a half-dozen people standing in the lobby between us and the hostess station. As we approach, we overhear the exhausted-looking hostess telling a group of customers that their wait will be around two hours. Incredulous, my brother-in-law makes his way up to the desk to ask if the wait will be equally as long for our party of three. He returns to my husband and me, shaking his head and chuckling.)

Brother-in-Law: “We’ll have a table in a minute. Their wait is so long because they just requested tables for forty.”

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