This Conversation Is Revolving Nowhere

, , , | Right | November 15, 2017

(I work as a cashier in a supermarket. We’re just about to close, and I am counting the money in the cash registers in order to close them. A customer approaches me.)

Me: “Hi, how may I help you?”

Customer: “Hi. I was just wondering: does your revolving door always go that way around?”

Me: *surprised* “I haven’t really noticed, to be honest, but I sup—”

Customer: “It’s the wrong way, you see.”

Me: “Excuse me, the wrong way?”

Customer: “Yes, it goes the wrong way around. Can’t you see?”

Me: “I’m not quite sure that I know what you mean by ‘the wrong way around?’”

Customer: “You see, the door goes the other way around in every other store.”

Me: “Well, I’m sure there’s a reas—”

Customer: “It is supposed to go the other way around so that you walk around the same way as in a roundabout.”

Me: “Uh… I guess you could say that it goes clockwise, too?”

Customer: “Yes, and that’s wrong.”

Me: “I’m sure there’s a good reason if it’s not like in every other store as you say.”

(I pause and think for a second.)

Me: “Ah, I know. See, if it goes this way around, people exiting won’t have to cross paths with people entering.”

Customer: “I’m sure it goes the other way around in your other store in [Town].”

Me: “Well, I wouldn’t know, but they probably also have their reas–“

(The man calls to his wife, who has been browsing flowers near the entrance.)

Customer: “[Wife], didn’t you notice that the door—”

Wife: “—goes the wrong way around. Yes, I noticed that, too!”

Me: “Uh… Is there anything I can do for you? Because if not, I really need to get back to counting.”

Wife: “No, it’s fine, my dear.”

(The couple proceeds to talk about this literally two meters away from me, rather loudly, as if they are trying to convince me or something. This makes it hard for me to keep the right count. After a couple of minutes, they just leave the store without looking at anything in particular or buying anything. My coworker, who overheard everything, comes to help me close the store.)

Coworker: “I wonder what he wanted you to do about it. Make it go the other way around, just like that?”

A Hail Of Outrageous Requests

, , , , , , | Right | November 15, 2017

(I work at a theme park. It’s a particularly busy day and I’m working at a ride that includes live animals, such as giraffes and rhinos. It has just started thundering and hailing, and we have to cease operation, as have all the other outdoor rides in the park. Most people are leaving the queue to get somewhere dry. I am standing in the hail, dripping wet, only wearing my uniform, which consists of shorts and a polo shirt. I am already on the edge of tears when a customer fights her way to the front of the line and starts yelling.)

Customer: “WHAT IS THIS MADNESS? WHY ARE YOU REFUSING TO RUN THE RIDE?”

Me: “I am very sorry, madam, but under these weather conditions it is not possible to operate the ride safely.”

Customer: “It is just a stupid truck going around; that can’t be dangerous. You’re just making excuses!”

Me: “I’m very sorry, but this experience includes live animals such as rhinos and giraffes, and we can’t possibly account for their behaviour during this storm.”

Customer: “I AM GOING TO GO ON A DIFFERENT RIDE, THEN! LET ME OUT OF HERE!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but all of our other rides are going to be shut down due to the weather. It is not safe to operate under these conditions.”

Customer: “THEN MAKE IT STOP!”

(At this point my team leader comes over, sees that I’m covered in red spots from the hail, sends me inside the control box to warm up, and takes over dealing with the angry customer. My coworkers stare at me, bewildered.)

Coworker: “What the h*** was that about?”

Me: “I’m not quite sure, but I think someone just told me to control the weather.”

License To Kill The Sale

, , , , , , | Right | November 15, 2017

(I work at an international airport for a very large car rental company. A customer approaches the counter, provides me with a reservation number, and I request their driver’s license and credit card.)

Customer: “Here is my credit card.”

Me: “Okay, I will need to see your license as well, please.”

Customer: *begins doing something on his cell phone, seemingly ignoring me*

Me: “Sir, I just need to see your driver’s license.”

Customer: “HOLD ON, HOLD ON!” *puts hand up to shush me*

(The customer hands me his cell phone in which there is a photograph of a TEMPORARY license sitting on what looks like a kitchen counter.)

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. I need to have a physical driver’s license here in order to verify it.”

Customer: “This is a real driver’s license; there’s a photo right here.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Unfortunately, I cannot accept that as a valid driver’s license.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! I have a driver’s license! It is right here. This company is going to h***, I swear!”

Me: “Could you present your license to a police officer if you were to be pulled over?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Then I cannot complete this rental for you. I’m very sorry.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous. I have the license right here. Are you blind? You can see this, can’t you?”

Me: “I can see it, yes. But unless you have a valid license in your possession that could be presented if requested, I cannot legally rent you a vehicle, and legally you cannot drive a vehicle.”

Customer: “I DON’T KNOW HOW YOU GET OFF DOING THIS TO PEOPLE!” *stalks off*

Me: *slams face on desk*

Discovering New Dimensions Of Unreasonableness

, , , , , | Right | November 14, 2017

(I work at a photo center as a technician. We develop pictures in all standard sizes, ranging from wallet to giant posters, and usually can do almost anything with pictures. Note that a 4×8 is a small, long rectangle and an 8×10 is more of a square, two completely different shapes.)

Me: “Good morning! How may I help you today?”

Customer: “Hello! I need this picture to be an 8×10, please.” *hands me an invitation that measures 4×8*

Me: “Okay, just so you know, due to the shape of this picture, there will be a little white around the edges to make up for the missing space.”

Customer: “Oh, no! That won’t do! I need it to cover the whole 8×10 area!”

Me: “Well, in that case, the only thing I can do is stretch the image to make it reach the top, but the image will be squashed.”

Customer: “No! That won’t do either! I just want this to be in an 8×10! How hard could it be?!”

Me: “Well, ma’am, due to the law of mass it is physically impossible to put something with these measurements into an 8×10 without either squashing the image or having a small amount of space left over. If you like, I can cut the space off once it is printed.”

Customer: “NO! THE CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS RIGHT! YOU WILL DO THIS FOR ME!”

Me: “Ma’am, what you are asking would require me to break a law of physics. That is not possible!”

Customer: “Fine! If you will not print this for me, I will go find someone who will!”

Me: *under my breath* “Good luck, ma’am! I hear Stephen Hawking is hard to get a hold of, though.”

Prestigiously Entitled

, , , , , | Right | November 14, 2017

(I work at a makeup store that sells rather expensive products on one side of the store that we call “Prestige.” On the other side, we sell what we call “mass,” which are cheaper, more widely available products. We offer coupons that are usually only good for our mass section, but for a small amount of time we have a coupon that is available to use on the Prestige cosmetics. When these coupons come out, we usually have a rush of people that get excited to use them since they are rare. Note: We currently have a coupon out for our Prestige products. This coupon can only be used one time and it is clearly stated across the bottom of the paper.)

Customer #1: “I would like to do two separate transactions. I’d like to use the money I have saved up on my rewards card for one, and then use my coupon for the other.”

(I happily do this for her, even though two separate transactions takes longer and holds the line up even more. After I use her coupon on her first purchase, I move on to ringing up the second.)

Me: “Your total for this purchase, after your rewards points, is [total].”

Customer #1: “Is that with the coupon?”

Me: “I used the coupon on the first set of items like you asked, ma’am.”

Customer #1: “Well, I want to use it on this one, as well.”

Me: *cringing because I know how she is about to react* “I’m sorry, but these coupons are only available to scan once. After that our system will void the coupon as invalid. I didn’t realize you wanted to use it on both. I thought you wanted to use your points—”

Customer #1: “OF COURSE I WANTED TO USE IT ON BOTH! WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME IT WAS A ONE-TIME COUPON?!”

(She goes off into a rant about how she would have just used all of her points on one purchase, how I needed to tell her that it was only a one-time deal, and many other things that go over my head as she continues to yell. Meanwhile, the entire line is watching her go off on me. Finally, my manager comes over and tells her that it is written on the coupon that it is one time only, but ends up giving her the 20% off, anyway, to keep her happy. The customer finally leaves and I am left, slightly shaken, to take care of the next person in line.)

Customer #2: “So, I have one of those coupons to use, but I’m not going to yell at you about it.”