Trumpeting On About His Pages

, , , , , | Right | November 18, 2018

(I am working the desk when an elderly man approaches. He hands me a piece of scratch paper with a website written on it and asks me to go there on my computer. Mind you, he has already had me look up a music festival, and become frustrated when I couldn’t find a map, directions, location, and contact information within the first thirty seconds.)

Me: “Okay, this website sells gifts for musicians. Was that what you wanted?”

Patron: “Yeah, yeah. Give me whatever you’ve got on there.”

Me: “Okay… Well, it’s a very large website. What did you want from it?”

Patron: “I want trumpets. They got any trumpet stuff on there?”

Me: *types “trumpet” into search bar* “Yes, they have trumpets.”

Patron: “Okay, great! Just print off whatever you’ve got.”

Me: “Sir, there are nine pages of trumpet-related merchandise here.”

Patron: “Well, then give me the nine pages!”

Me: “I’m not allowed to print off that much—”

Patron: “Then print off whatever you can and give it to me!”

Me: “Sir, this is an online store. If you want to buy from them, you’ll need to get on a computer and browse their inventory yourself.”

Patron: “I don’t know how to use a computer. Just give me whatever they’ve got.”

Me: “Our library offers free computer classes. I could register you.”

Patron: “I don’t have that kind of time! Just get me the nine pages!”

Me: “Sir, even if I did that, you wouldn’t be able to purchase any of the items. You would have to go online and purchase them from the store.”

Patron: “Well, if you can’t do it, just say so!”

Me: “I can’t do it, sir.”

(He left in a huff.)

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A Candy Crush Saga

, , , , | Legal Right | November 18, 2018

(Our window displays out in front of the window feature jewelry mixed in with fake candy. My coworker is in the back helping a customer design a new setting for some heirloom stones. I am in the front. A woman enters, her cell phone held in front of her, obviously filming me, a smirk on her face.)

Woman: “I would like to buy some candy.”

Me: “Uh, candy?”

Woman: “You show candy in your window. I want to buy some.”

Me: “I’m afraid that’s not for sale. In fact, it’s plastic; it’s just display.”

Woman: *getting louder* “So you WON’T sell me candy?”

Me: “I don’t have candy to sell.”

Woman: *triumphantly lowers her phone* “Ha! You know I can bring a lawsuit against you for false advertising! I’m going to sue this store for all its worth!”

(At this point, the customer emerges from the back room, smiling.)

Customer: “Ma’am, I truly hope you do try to sue this place. I’m Judge [Name], and I occasionally need a laugh from the bench. And that’s what I would do, laugh you out of the courtroom.”

(The woman turned red and sputtered out that she didn’t think he was a real judge. When he pulled out his card, she slunk out of the door. The judge laughed and shared with us a few stories of crazy lawsuits he had seen, while my coworker finished designing the new piece. The store owner has promised to donate to his re-election campaign.)

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Too Dumb To Have Money

, , , , | Right | November 17, 2018

(I work as a bank teller.)

Customer: “I’d like to withdraw twelve hundred dollars from my account.”

Me: “Certainly. Can I have your account number?”

Customer: “I don’t know it, and I don’t have my card.”

Me: “In that case, can I have your social security number to look it up?

Customer: “I don’t give that out.”

Me: “Well… okay. What is your name?”

Customer: “I don’t give it out.”

Me: “Can I see your ID?”

Customer: “You shouldn’t need my ID; just give me my money and hurry up!”

Me: “Sir, without ID we are unable to give you any money.”

Customer: *slams his first on the counter and yells* “What’s the point of even banking here at [Our Rival Bank] then?!” *storms out*

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At What Point Do You Give Up?

, , , | Right | November 16, 2018

(I’m helping out in another location of the chain I work for. I’m a few minutes into my shift and attending customers together with a coworker. My coworker turns to another customer who she seems to know already. We have loyalty cards, which look like credit cards, where customers collect points for each coffee they buy. Twelve points equal one free coffee. After each transaction in which a card was used the screen shows the total of points already on the card. A customer hands over her loyalty card after ordering a coffee. My coworker finishes the transaction and hands over the coffee, but instead of leaving or moving to the side, the customer stays where she is and stares at the screen. All of what she says is in an incredibly snotty and arrogant tone.)

Coworker: “Would you move a little, please, so I can attend to the next customer?”

Customer: “Wait a minute. There are points missing. I had 936 points yesterday. There are 12 gone! And I paid, too!”

Coworker: “I don’t know where they have gone, ma’am. I didn’t take them because you said you didn’t want to use them yet.”

Customer: “Well, would you check? I was at [Other Location] two days ago and they must have taken my points, but I paid, too! That’s fraud!”

(My coworker prints off the recent transactions with her card and shows them to her.)

Coworker: “Here, it says you were at [Other Location] two days ago, but you were here yesterday and used your points, see?”

Customer: “Oh, I know what happened. I think this was [Store Manager]; she served me yesterday! And she took my money, too!”

Coworker: “No, you didn’t pay for the coffee, see? It says, ‘Total: 0€,’ here.”

Customer: “I did pay! Is [Store Manager] here?”

Coworker: “No, she’s at [Other Location]. I can give you their phone number, if you like?”

(My coworker writes down the phone number of our other location and the customer leaves, pulling out her phone. A while later the store manager calls our store, letting us know she has promised the customer twelve free hot drinks just to have her shut up; we should note down how many she already has on a list at the register. A while later the customer returns.)

Customer: “I want to start using my drinks now. I’d like four teas and one black coffee. I want to start collecting points again. I’ll be back tonight for the rest!”

Coworker: “Uh, you can use them one by one; we’re going to keep track of how many you had so you’ll get all the twelve drinks you’re promised. You can collect points in between.”

Customer: “NO, I’m going to have them today! And remember, not too much water into the coffee!”

Coworker: “Sure.”

(The customer gets her drinks and sits down with her five cups. Then, she waves me over as I’m heading into the back.)

Customer: “Hey, young woman!”

(I turn around and smile at her.)

Customer: *still incredibly snotty* “There’s still that stain on the table that I left earlier. What if I put my sleeve into it?! Come over and wipe the table for me, please!”

Me: *with the brightest smile I can muster* “Sure! I’ll be right back with a damp cloth.”

(I get a cloth and start wiping her table. The stain is already dry and takes a little scrubbing.)

Customer: *smugly* “Yes, that’s taking a little more action. It’s caramel sauce from my coffee earlier!”

(I finish cleaning the table.)

Customer: “Fine, and now turn over the cloth and do it again; I’m sure there’s something left!”

Me: *as cheerful as I can manage* “Of course. Here you go. Enjoy your coffee!”

Another Customer: *a few tables over, who has overheard everything* “I bet that’s your boss.”

Me: “No, luckily not!”

(I head into the back where I tell two coworkers what just happened.)

Coworker: “She’s like that every day. We all hate her.”

(Later I was doing the dishes and found her five cups. Each of the four tea bags was carefully tied to the cup and all of the cups contained at least three napkins each pushed down to the bottom, which took me ages to get out and off the cups. I really appreciate the customers at my usual location now; I’d never had such an demanding, unfriendly customer before.)

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The Long Summer Of Rental

, , , , , | Right | November 15, 2018

(We do roadside assistance insurance. Depending on what kind of insurance you have, we might cover the costs of a temporary replacement vehicle, but only if the repairs will take longer than 48 hours. If that is diagnosed, we look for a car at a car rental company. Since we deal with members traveling through Europe, these often need to be international rental cars. After one summer working at the company, I really hate the word “rental car.” Here are some examples why.)

Caller #1: “Why the h*** does it take so long for you guys to get my son another car? Come on; your company is so big! You have cars in stock in Europe…”

Me: “My colleagues are working on it, ma’am.”

Caller #1: “Oh, come on! Just make it happen! You are working at [Company], so don’t try to make me believe you can’t do it right now for me!”

Me: “I assure you that I can’t, ma’am. I’m not qualified, and I have never rented a car in my life.”

(Yes, because I work there, I’m supposed to push some button that makes a car available right now. Another example is people expecting service late at night and everything magically showing up in front of their face.)

Caller #2: “Will the people of the car rental pick me up here?”

(Also, some people not only expect the car to appear out of thin air, but they also misunderstand when my colleagues tell them the estimated time they will call back.)

Caller #3: “Hey. I was told there would be a rental car here in an hour, but I still don’t see anything.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Sometimes it just takes a little longer. I heard things are very busy in Germany today. You’d better make sure you find a place to stay.”

Caller #3: “WHAT?! THIS CANNOT BE! I’M HERE ON THE STREET WITH ALL OF MY STUFF BECAUSE THE GARAGE IS CLOSED! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO NOW? I HAVE TO BE BACK AT WORK TOMORROW! REALLY, YOU CAN’T DO THIS! I’M IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I really can’t help this. But Google Maps shows there’s a hotel very close to you, a few streets away.”

Caller #3: “HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO WALK THERE WITH MY STUFF? AND I’VE ONLY GOT ROMANIAN MONEY WITH ME!”

Me: “Do you perhaps have a credit card, sir?”

Caller #3: “HA, AS IF THEY WOULD TAKE A ROMANIAN CREDIT CARD! YOU KNOW WHAT? I’LL WALK THERE, BUT I’LL TAKE A PICTURE OF MY STUFF. IF I GET BACK AND ANYTHING IS MISSING, I’M HOLDING YOU GUYS RESPONSIBLE!”

Me: “We can’t help this situation, either, sir. Do you want to know how to get to the hotel or not?”

Caller #3: “You know what? I’ll just hang up and call back, and then I’ll get another guy on the phone!” *click*

(Apparently, we are responsible for his poor preparation and his far-too-high expectations? Finally, there are also people who REALLY don’t get the 48-hour rule.)

Caller #4: “Hello, I had a breakdown a few weeks ago, in Germany. I rented a car, but how do I get compensation for that from you guys?”

Me: “Let me check the file, sir. Um… I see you had a breakdown on [date]. You rented the car yourself, sir?”

Caller #4: “Yes. But I can get the money back through my insurance, right?”

Me: “Well, sir, sometimes that’s possible, if later it turns out to take over 48 hours to repair. But I see the car was ready next day, is that right?”

Caller #4: “Yes, but because of that I had to wait, anyway.”

Me: “I understand, sir. But if the car was ready the next day, the repair clearly took under 48 hours. A replacement vehicle is only covered if it takes over 48 hours.”

Caller #4: “Yes, but I had to wait, anyway.”

Me: “I heard you the first time, sir. But under 48 hours, the costs of a rental car aren’t covered. I’m sorry.”

Caller #4: *some vague sounds implying the caller has gotten angry and handed the phone to his wife while arguing with her*

(And all of this… only a few examples of a very tiresome summer!)

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