One Flu Way Over The Cuckoo’s Nest

, , , | Healthy | November 25, 2018

(I work in the physical therapy department inside of a hospital. I get a call.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Physical Therapy]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah. I don’t feel good. Can I take tamiflu?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but you’ve reached the physical therapy department.”


Me: “Ma’am, our therapists do not give out medical advice regarding medications. Is there another department I can transfer you to, or a doctor’s office?”

Caller: “Yeah, give me Eric.”

Me: “Eric who? Where does he work?”

Caller: “YOU KNOW! ERIC!”

(I have no idea why she thought she should call the physical therapy department to see if she should take tamiflu! And who the heck is Eric?!)

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Customers Versus The Law Of Thermodynamics

, , , | Right | November 25, 2018

Me: “Hi there. What can I get for you today?”

Customer: “Can I get a large tea, with three milk and three sugars?”

Me: “Sure, anything else?”

Customer: “No, thank you. But can you make sure the tea is hot this time? Last time I got this tea here, it was cold.”

Me: “Oh, no! Sorry about that! Sure thing.”

Customer: “Thanks.”

Me: *to coworker making drinks* “He said he wants it hot… Apparently last time it was cold.”

Coworker: “I wish people understood that, if you fill it almost halfway with milk, of course it’s going to cool down right away.”

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We’ll Give You The Magic Table At The Back That’s Always Empty

, , , , | Right | November 24, 2018

(I work at a pretty well-known family restaurant chain that does NOT take reservations. I often get people complaining about their long wait times on parties as it is; however, management has implemented a new rule where we are supposed to quote parties nearly twice as long as usual because they sit too long and take away from store earnings. It’s a Sunday morning, which is by far the busiest time of the week, and a party of twelve has been waiting roughly half an hour of their forty-five minute quote time. I’m currently placed up front to call names for next to be seated; that way guests don’t have to push through the crowd and waste time getting sat.)

Me: “May I please see one member of the [Guest] party to the hostess stand, please? Just one member.”

(As per usual, everyone currently here for the party comes to the stand, which makes things crowded.)

Guest: “Hi, we’re the [Guest] party.”

Me: “Great, we just wanted to see if you folks were all here.”

Guest: “Well… no.”

Me: “That’s all right. How many of you are here?”

Guest: *counting* “Um… six? Yeah, I think six.”

Me: “Okay, one moment.”

(I reiterate this information to the hostess in charge of deciding where to seat the parties. She confers with management, and they choose not to seat the half party because they don’t know how long until the rest of the party will arrive. The guests are not angry and are fine with this; however, about fifteen minutes after we seat the tables we had been saving, the rest of the party arrives.)

Guest: “Hi, we’re with the [Guest] party and we’re all here now.”

Me: “Great. We’re saving some tables for you now, and it looks like we’re just waiting on one more table to leave.”

Guest: “But I thought you already called us up here to be sat?”

Me: “I just needed to see how many of you were here; since you weren’t all here, my manager decided to go ahead and seat those tables with other guests and look for something else for you. We are, however, just waiting on one table to leave.”

Guest: “Well… are they going to be leaving soon?”

Me: “They’ve been there for about forty minutes, so one would think, but it’s hard to know how long a table might sit and talk.”

Guest: “Do they have their bill yet?”

Me: “I don’t know; they’ve been there forty minutes so I would imagine so. They’re most likely just talking.”

Guest: *now raising his voice* “Well, how do you not know if they have their bill? You guys are supposed to know everything.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I just don’t have access to that information. If you’d like, I can ask the hostess in charge to see how far along they are.”

Guest: “Why can’t you just answer my question?!”

Me: “I don’t have access to that information. I’m not allowed to leave the hostess stand while we’re on a wait.”

Guest: “This is bulls***.”

(About five minutes pass, and the table still hasn’t left.)

Guest: “How long are they going to be there?”

(My coworker and I are getting visibly agitated at this gentleman’s rude tone of voice.)

Me: “I’m not sure. I don’t have control over that, but we are still saving your tables.”

Guest: “Well, can’t you push the two tables you have together and get some of us sat?”

Me: *knowing this is really an act to just get everyone sat prematurely without enough space so they can complain* “Even if we could do that, which we can’t, the table we’re waiting on to leave is placed in the middle of the two we have open, so we couldn’t push them together if we had anything.”

Guest: “Can’t you do anything?”

Me: “I don’t have any control over the dining room. I can bring the hostess in charge up to show you the tables she is saving.”

Guest: “I don’t want her to show me; I want to sit down, now!

Me: *now getting verbally agitated* “I don’t have anywhere to sit you at the moment. Believe me; if I did, we would absolutely have you sitting down already.”

Guest: “I just can’t believe that; I can’t believe that you don’t have anything. There have been at least four or five other small groups that have gone in before us; why couldn’t you push those together?”

Me: “None of those tables were next to each other.”

Guest: “I just can’t believe that. You have to be able to do something. You have to be able to do something!

Me: “Unfortunately, there isn’t anything I can do right now.”

Guest: “This is bulls***; I don’t believe you. You just aren’t doing your job. I want to sit now. We’ve been waiting long enough, and this is f****** ridiculous! I think it’s our turn. You have to do something.”

Me: “There isn’t anything I can do.”

Guest: “I don’t believe that. You have to do something about this!

Me: “Look here, sir; unless you want to sit in three small groups of four that aren’t next to each other, there isn’t anything I can do.”

Guest:We want to sit together!

Me: “Then there isn’t anything I can do! You’ll just have to wait until the table leaves.”

(My coworker finally chimes in, she’s been complaining under her breath for the entire conversation and now is finally speaking up.)

Coworker: “Look. We can’t just kick people out because you’re tired of waiting. How would you feel if someone was up here complaining that you’ve been sitting too long enjoying your meal, but they’re tired of standing around so they think you should just leave? How would that make you feel, having someone breathing down your neck wondering how long you’re going to sit for?”

(The man looked at both me and my coworker, astonished that we finally had the audacity to say something. He huffed off with his girlfriend until their table was ready to be sat, at which time the rest of their party had to search for them because they were shopping and not ready. Might I add that not a single other person from the party complained or even looked agitated. The man later came up to me and stopped, opened his mouth as if to say something. Then, when I looked him directly in the eye and waited for an apology, he scurried off to the bathroom in a fit of embarrassment.)

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Sorry I’m Not A Walking, Talking Google Maps

, , , , | Right | November 24, 2018

(The phone rings.)

Me: “Good afternoon. [Restaurant]. [My Name] speaking; how can I help?”

Customer: “Are you the one in Ashford?”

Me: “Yes, we are.”

Customer: “Are you near [Car Rental Place]?”

Me: “Erm, no, I’m sorry; it’s not in the immediate area that I know of.”

Customer: “Oh, how do I get there?”

Me: “Where are you coming from?”

Customer: “[Area I live in, five miles away.]”

Me: “Oh, that’s a simple trip; you need to get either the 116 or 203 bus.”

Customer: “No, not to you. I know how to get to you. I need to get to [Car Rental Place].”

Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t know how to get there; I don’t know where that is.”

Customer: *interrupts* “But it’s on the same road!”

(This is a major road, many miles long.)

Me: “I think you may be better off calling [Car Rental Place] and asking them for directions. I’m sorry.”

Customer: “But I know how to get to you.”

Me: *getting a little irritated* “If you can hold the line for one moment, I’ll ask my manager if he knows how to get to [Car Rental Place].”

(I ask the manager; he doesn’t know it. We try Google Maps, etc. He goes off to ask other staff members who are more knowledgeable of the local area; they don’t know, either.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we really don’t know where it is. You should be able to call them and get directions, though; I’m sure they’ll know better than we do.”

Customer: “What if I come to you? Can you tell me, then?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry, we don’t know where it is. You should call them directly.”

Customer: “Can you call them?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry, you’ll have to contact them yourself.”

Customer: “Oh.” *pause* “I can’t believe you don’t know where it is.”

Me: “I don’t pass it on my way in, and we’ve asked everyone else working at the moment and they don’t know, either. I’m sorry. Your best bet is to call them.”

Customer: “But I don’t know where they are. I know how to get to you.”

(It’s been over half an hour and I’m ready to call them myself just to get rid of this woman. My manager Googles the name and can’t find any company of that name, or any car hire places anywhere near us.)

Me: “I really am sorry we can’t help any more, but we can’t find that company locally to us at all. You will have to call them and find out for yourself.”

Customer: “Hmm, okay, then. It’s bad you don’t know. Thanks for looking, though.” *hangs up*

Me: “I’m never answering that phone again.”

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A Dis-stir-bing Thing

, , , , | Right | November 24, 2018

(I work for a well-known coffee chain. I typically open Sunday mornings, and we always have this one guy in drive-thru who gets an espresso drink with five raw sugars, stirred. It HAS to be stirred. He repeats the instructions to stir it at least three times at the order box, and then drives around and repeats it again when I am taking his money at the window. Because he comes to the drive-thru so often, we are all very familiar with his drink, so this gets to be annoying. Even though he is unpleasant to serve, he is usually in and out very quickly. But one morning, he decides to be nasty.)

Me: *hands customer the drink* “Thank you. Have a great day!”

Customer: *forcefully shoves the drink back through the window* “She didn’t stir it!”

Me: *turns to my coworker who made the drink* “I watched her stir it.”

Customer: “How hard is it to stir a d*** drink!? Raw sugar doesn’t melt right; you have to stir it!”

(His face was beet red because he was yelling so loudly, so I handed the drink off to my coworker, who popped the lid off and made a point of standing directly in his sight line to stir the drink, put a new lid on, and hand it back. He snatched it out of my hand and drove off in a huff. Every time he came in after that, the barista working the espresso bar would walk right up to the window with his drink and stir it in front of him, just to be spiteful. I think that annoyed him more than if we had just stopped stirring it, which was satisfying, to say the least. He never complained again.)

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