A Question So Dumb That The Title-Writer Quit

, , , , , , , | Right | November 29, 2017

(A woman comes to the front desk with an adult toy.)

Customer: “Can I try this out before I buy it?”

Wanted Anything… Except THAT

, , , , , , , | Right | November 29, 2017

Waitress: “And what would you like to drink?”

Me: “I don’t know. Anything. Surprise me.”

(She gives me this devilish smile that makes me instantly feel like I’m going to regret this.)

Waitress: “So, just to clarify: you want anything?”

Me: “Yep. Go crazy.”

Waitress: “I’ll be right back.”

(She comes back a few minutes later and sets my drink down on the table. She has made me a “root beer” float with mint chocolate chip ice cream and rainbow sprinkles, only instead of using root beer she has mixed [Dark Soda], [Lemon Lime Soda], and fruit punch. And then, once I start drinking it, I realize there is a strip of bacon torn into pieces at the bottom. It is the grossest thing I’ve ever had, but I drink it, anyway, because I really did say, “Anything.” The waitress returns later to ask how everything is.)

Waitress: “Holy crap! You actually drank that?”

Me: “Yes. If you ever see me in here after this and I ask you to surprise me again, please slap me with a menu and make me actually pick something.”

(She brought me some chocolate milk to wash the taste down and didn’t charge me for the first drink, because, apparently, the fact that I actually drank it was the funniest thing ever to her and her coworkers.)

Double The Room For Error

, , , , | Right | November 28, 2017

(I have just checked in a guest who was very unhappy with her room, so I switched her to another right across the hallway.)

Another Guest: “There are some people running back and forth between [Room #1] and [Room #2]. Their noise is waking me up.”

(I realize it’s the guest that I switched earlier, so I send a security guard to check it out. He reports that the guest’s kids are staying in the new room and she and her husband are sleeping in the old one. I call the guest.)

Me: “Ma’am, you can only have one room. If you want the second, you have to pay for it.”

Guest: *arguing* “Can’t we just keep it like this?”

(She argued and then finally agreed to move to her new room. Basically, she was trying to get two rooms for the price of one! Some people…)

Too Many Assumptions Spoil The Broth

, , , , , , | Working | November 28, 2017

(I’m interviewing for a position as a dishwasher in a local diner, and the manager seems nice.)

Manager: “Would you like to be a cook?”

Me: “Um, no. I don’t know how to cook.”

Manager: “Who doesn’t know how to cook?”

Me: “Me.”

(He kept insisting that I be a cook, even though I told him I would rather wash dishes. He seemed very disappointed and never called me back. I found another job elsewhere. I don’t know why they would advertise for a dishwasher and need a cook. Very weird.)

Let’s Try A New “Approach”

, , , , | Working | November 28, 2017

(We have a new manager transferred in. His old store is more than twice the size of our store and much busier than ours. He starts working during the first day of our in-house inventory, so we have our whole staff in for a meeting.)

Manager: “My first goal here is to make our customer service polls the highest in the company! In my old store, we had a ‘ten foot rule.’ If a customer is within ten feet of you, you must approach them and ask them how they are doing or if they need any help. From now on, this is the rule of this store! Approach every customer, whether you are here on your normal shift or helping with inventory.”

(For the first couple hours we are open, he coaches us on this ten foot rule, scolding us for not doing it even when customers have just spoken to different employees. His rationale is that maybe the customer didn’t want to talk to one employee, but would feel more comfortable talking to a different one. He has us re-approach customers who stepped out of the ten foot radius and came back. He has us approach customers who are actively being helped by another employee. Soon, every employee is dropping counting stock dozens of times to greet each customer, and the new manager seems happy. The next morning though, he is upset at the staff meeting.)

Manager: “I’m really disappointed in you guys. I did informal interviews yesterday on customers leaving the stores, and I got a ton of complaints about the same thing! Customers felt hassled by the sales team. Here, let me read you this comment card: “Every few seconds an employee was talking to me. I couldn’t shop because I couldn’t think.” Plus we are way behind on our counts for inventory. Now, I have no idea why this happened, but I’m willing to take suggestions.”

Me: “Well, it’s probably because you have a 600-square-foot store with twelve employees working who are all talking to every customer multiple times.”

(The other employees agree with me.)

Manager: “Are you saying this was my fault? Okay, I’ll tell you what. We will do things your way today and see how well it works, but when this fails, there will be consequences!”

(We did so. Sales staff helped customers, inventory staff worked on inventory and directing questions appropriately, and we scored a near perfect on our customer polls that day. The manager retransferred soon afterward.)

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