The Customer Is Always Night

, , , | Right | February 9, 2018

(I work the front desk at a senior living facility. I am working the evening shift when a resident comes up to me. There are six managers that cover different departments in our building.)

Resident: “Who’s in charge today?”

Me: “[Manager], but she’s gone home for the day.”

Resident: “Who’s here, then?”

Me: “All the managers have left for the day, ma’am.”

Resident: “Left?! Why did they leave?”

Me: “They went home.”

Resident: “Why did they leave so early?”

Me: “It’s 6:30 at night.”

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Sofa, So Bad

, , , , | Right | February 8, 2018

(It is 2015. None of our upholstered furniture pieces have a factory warranty on the fabric or the stuffing for more than one year. I take a phone call in customer service.)

Customer: “Yes, I bought a sofa set from you people, and the cushions are starting to compress.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll just need your phone number to look up your account.”

(I pull up her info and flip through all her bills only to find a sofa set purchased in 2007, which we haven’t carried since 2009.)

Me: “Is this the set you purchased in 2007?”

Customer: “Yes. They actually started doing this about four years ago. My friend said I should call you about it.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I’m afraid your warranty expired in 2008.”

Customer: “Well, if I don’t get service on this, I guess I won’t be shopping through you ever again.”

(Yes. That absolutely makes sense. About as much sense as me calling Ford and demanding service cause my 1979 Lincoln leaks oil.)

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A Different Brand Of Bad Customer

, , , , | Right | February 8, 2018

(It’s my last day at a large grocery store chain where my main job is changing prices and making sure they are right in the system. My coworker is asking me a few questions about a price that corporate put into our system. A customer approaches.)

Me: “How can I help you today?”

Customer: “That’s what I want to know! I’ve been standing here waiting! I want frozen pot pies, and they can’t be [Brand #1]; I hate [Brand #1]!”

Me: “Okay, well, [Brand #2] is right here and they have many varieties.”

Customer: *becoming more angry* “No, no, no! I hate [Brand #2]!”

Coworker: “Well, there’s [Brand #3]?” *turns to me* “I’ll just ask you about that price later. Okay-thanks-bye!

(She runs back to her department to leave me with the customer. I grab my handheld computer to check if there are any [Brand #3] in stock.)

Me: “Sorry, sir, but it looks like we are all out of [Brand #3]. I see here we have three cases on order for tomorrow, so if you come back then, we will definitely have some in stock!”

Customer: “But I’m not here tomorrow! I’m here now, so I want them now!”

Me: “Well, sir, I can give you [Brand #1] — our most popular and expensive brand — for the price of [Brand #3], but I can’t get you [Brand #3]. We are all out of it. But we will have three cases tomorrow. Have a great day!”

Customer: “Yeah, thanks for nothing!”

(He walks away yelling, “But I’m here now, and I want it now!” Afterwards, I go up to my coworker and tell her what happened.)

Coworker: “Dude, it’s your last day. You should have just told him to wait a second while you pulled them out of your a**, since he was so intent on having them now! Do people in this world not realize we can’t s*** miracles?!”

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How To A-Dress Someone Crazy

, , , , | Right | February 7, 2018

(A lady comes into the store with her friend.)

Me: “Hi, how are you ladies today?”

Customer: “Your dress! I love it! “

(I am wearing a black tee with a black and white maxi skirt, not a dress.)

Me: “Oh, thank you!”

Customer: “I must have it.”

Me: “Well, I didn’t get the top here, but I can certainly show you where I got the skirt, if you’ll just follow me.”

Customer: “Take it off and sell it to me.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Go take your dress off and sell it to me!”

Me: “Um, I think I hear one of my other customers calling for me. If you’ll just excuse me…”

(Later on at the registers, I get stuck checking the two of them out. My on-duty manager is checking the merchandise locator for another customer, who is waiting at the opposite end.)

Customer: *to my manager* “You know, I tried to get this lady to sell me her outfit, but she just wouldn’t!”

Manager: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Oh, I was just kidding, of course.” *turns to me* “You should really learn to take a joke better.”

Manager: “Ma’am, whether you’re joking or not, you don’t go up to a complete stranger and demand they sell you their outfit. Not only is it extremely rude, but it’s just plain weird.”

(The customer and her friend silently pay for their purchases and leave.)

Next Customer In Line: “Wow. You ladies don’t get paid enough for that kind of crazy!”

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A Hair-Raising Time To Stay Awake

, , , , | Right | February 7, 2018

(I am a hairdresser. While I am fairly new to the industry, I am usually booked a week in advance as I specialize in fashion colour and blondes.)

Client: “Hi. Do you have any appointments available today?”

Me: “Unfortunately, I am fully booked until [late next week].”

Client: “What about tomorrow? At noon?”

Me: “My next availability is [late next week] at 9:00 am.”

Client: “That doesn’t work for me. Can I come after hours tonight?”

Me: “If you’d like an afternoon or after-hours appointment, my next one is [date two weeks from now].”

Client: “No, I’ll come tonight, thanks.”

Me: “Okay, I can squeeze you in at 2:00 am. Since it is so late, I will be charging 200% my usual rates.”

Client: “You are so rude!” *hangs up*

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