A Total Eclipse Of The Brain

, , , , | Right | January 8, 2018

(It is August 2017, a few weeks before a solar eclipse. News sources have reported that people can get solar eclipse glasses for free at libraries nationwide, misrepresenting our distribution process and availability. To make matters worse, all local retailers sell out of eclipse glasses weeks before the eclipse. Additionally, the day of the eclipse also happens to be the first day of school in our local district.)

Coworker: “Thank you for calling [Library]. How can I help you?”

Patron: “Hi, do you have any eclipse glasses available for purchase? My kids are going to be in school during the eclipse.”

Coworker: “Unfortunately, no. We are only distributing solar eclipse glasses at our solar eclipse programs to attendees. Because all of our other solar eclipse programs have already passed, we are distributing all remaining glasses at the viewing party on the day of the eclipse.”

(At this point, most patrons ask when the program will start and when glasses will be distributed. However, this patron has a better idea.)

Patron: “That’s really inconvenient, you know? Why would you have a family program like that on the first day of school? Now, none of the local students will be able to go!”

Coworker: “I’m very sorry, ma’am. We scheduled the program before the first day of school was announced.”

Patron: “If I complain to your superiors, do you think they might move the program to a different day, so that my kids can attend?”

Coworker: *pause* “You want us to move the solar eclipse viewing program to a different day?”

Patron: “Exactly!”

Pets-Not-Smart

, , , | Right | January 6, 2018

(It’s around opening time and I am working as a cashier. I am doing my opening duties and then the phone rings.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Restaurant] in [City]. My name is [My Name]. Could I start you off with a [Soda] product on limited time offer today?”

Customer: “No, sir, not today. Do you know what the name of the store is next to you? I think it’s called PetSmart or something like that.”

(In my mind I’m thinking, ‘What the f***, guy. Really?’)

Me: “I believe that’s what it’s called.”

Customer: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Standby, sir.”

(At this moment I put him on hold, walk outside, look at the sign, and walk back inside.)

Me: “Well, sir, I walked outside to double check and yes, that’s what the store is called.”

Customer: “Okay, cool! Do you know what time they’re open?”

(I’m typically very patient with my customers, but at this point, I was getting rather annoyed.)

Me: “No, sir, I do not know what time they’re open.”

Customer: “But you just walked outside and looked at the sign. I mean you should know that considering your stores are RIGHT NEXT TO EACH OTHER… Actually, never mind. I’m going to use Google.”

(He hangs up the phone.)

Me: *sighs*

A Crafty Way Of Getting Free Crafts

, , , | Friendly | January 5, 2018

(I run a small craft class at friend’s business. It is my second time doing so. The items we make turn out quite well. The small fee of $5 per person only just covers the cost of the materials. I am not worried because I’m not in it for the money. The next week one of the participants is showing off her creation at another group we are members of. Another woman takes interest in the item.)

Woman: “Ooh, that looks great. Are you able to make more, [My Name]?”

Me: *thinking, “here it comes”* “I’ve got a few supplies left. Not much, though.”

Woman: “Oh, great. I have a conference coming up in a few months. You could make some for me.”

Me: “Uh, how many is some?”

Woman: “A thousand.”

Me: “I’m not making a thousand!”

Woman: “Five hundred, then.”

Me: “No. I don’t have the time for that.”

Woman: “I’m giving you three months.”

Me: “How about I give you the instructions? You will need to source the supplies yourself.”

Woman: “I don’t have time to do that.”

Friend: “What makes you think [My Name] has the time, either? She works full-time.”

(This woman is always trying to get people to volunteer to do things for her. I can also see that she has no intentions of offering payment. She becomes insistent until people back down, but it’s never worked with me. She keeps on at me about making them.)

Me: “They will only cost you four or five dollars each to put together. It will be more if I have to do it.”

Woman: “Four or five? What? Maybe I better not.”

(Later:)

Friend: *to me* “I like how she backed off as soon as you mentioned it was going to cost her money.”

Me: “Yep. If I was going to make them, there’s no way I’d be paying.”

Rich People: What’s Their Deal?

, , , | Right | January 5, 2018

(I work in a convenience store. An older, well-dressed woman comes up with a carton of eggs:)

Me: “Okay, that will be $2.79.”

Customer: “No, that’s wrong, it should be $2.00! Your sign says two cartons for $4.00, therefore one carton should be $2.00!”

Me: “Oh, I am sorry for the confusion, ma’am, but that is a special. If you buy two cartons you get both for less. It says on the sign, two for $4.00 or one at regular price.”

Customer: *getting angry* “That is ridiculous! The grocery store doesn’t do it like that!”

Me: “Actually, I’m fairly certain they do? How else would it be a deal if you pay actual price for two?”

Customer: “Well, I am NOT paying $2.79 for a carton of eggs!”

Me: “Soooo, should I put these back for you?”

Customer: “NO! I WANT TO PAY $2.00 FOR THEM!”

Me: “Ma’am, with all due respect, 79 cents is not worth losing my job over.”

Customer: “You are an IDIOT! I demand to see your manager!”

Me: *relieved* “Fine by me.”

(My manager is an older gentleman who was in the Navy, so screaming, irrational customers do not phase him in the slightest, and he always takes the employees’ side when we’ve done nothing wrong. The lady starts screaming at him about how the I should sell her the eggs for two lousy bucks and he just gives her a flat “no” and she storms out of the store. As he’s complaining to me about entitled people we see her peel out of the parking lot in a brand new Mercedes.)

Manager: “She drives that and she couldn’t spare an extra 79 cents?”

Me: “I guess rich people don’t leave change under their seats like the rest of us?”

A Stamp Of Disapproval

, , , , , | Right | January 4, 2018

Me: “Hi, how can I help?”

Customer: “Do you sell stamps?”

Me: “Yes, we do; a book of six first-class or a book of twelve second-class?”

Customer: “Can I have two first-class, please?”

Me: “Two books?”

Customer: “No, just two stamps.”

Me: “We only sell them in books of six.”

Customer: “You’re kidding me?!”

Me: “No, sorry.”

Customer: “You’re having me on!”

Me: “No, sorry.”

Customer: “But I don’t want six!”

Me: “Sorry.”

Customer: “Huh!”

(He left, still muttering “Six! What am supposed to do with six?!”)

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