Thought You Wouldn’t Have A Cat In Hell’s Chance

, , , , , | | Right | June 15, 2019

(A while back I briefly looked at a book on the “New Fiction” wall in a bookstore and decided I didn’t really want to get it. Fast forward a few months. I can’t get that book out of my mind. I go to the bookstore in search of it and have to ask one of the cashiers for help.)

Me: “I have possibly an impossible question.”

Cashier: “All right. Well, shoot, and I’ll see if I can help you out.”

Me: “Okay. A while ago I came in and saw a book, but the thing is I can’t remember what the name was, who it was by, or what it looked like. All I know is that it was on the ‘New Fiction’ wall and it was about a cat.”

Cashier: “Hmm… Yeah, that’s tough. Well, do you know when you saw it? I can search up keywords on the computer, but a date would be more helpful.”

Me: “I feel so bad. I have no idea when I saw it. A few months ago, maybe? Definitely before September last year.”

Cashier: “Um… Okay. Let’s try looking up from January to now and put a few keywords in. Let’s go with cats and fiction… All right, it looks like we’ve got twelve books that came up.”

Me: “Well, that’s a lot less than I had thought would come up.”

Cashier: *after cancelling out ten books that were about cat training and behavior* “How about this one? [Book] is about a cat who used to live with a lady, but one day the lady never returned. Instead, her daughter came and picked her up, along with packing up all her mother’s belongings, and now the cat has to try and fit into her new lifestyle.”

Me: “Wow. Yes, that’s it. You are wonderful. Thank you so much!”

They Should Be Fired

, , , , , | | Working | June 11, 2019

(I am a tenancy support worker and one of the people I have been supporting, unfortunately, had a house fire a few days before this happened. They have had to move to a temporary flat with barely anything and cannot access their previous property until after the investigations are complete. Several days after the fire, I am with the tenant ringing various companies to change their address, cancel payments, and generally try to get things sorted. Near the top of our list is changing the address on the bank account.)

Me: *after going through security, etc.* “We just need to change the address on the account, as the previous address is unsafe to access.”

Bank: “Unfortunately, as telephone banking has not been set up, I am unable to do this for you over the phone. Their local branch can do this for you; just take two forms of ID and proof of your new address.”

Me: “They don’t have any ID; all they have is their bank card because there was a fire.”

Bank: “Alternatively, you could write to the head office with copies of your ID and change of address and they will process it within three weeks.”

Me: “I don’t think you’re quite understanding the situation. There was a fire. Everything was destroyed or is currently inaccessible and will be for several months. We need to change the address on the account as we cannot access any post that goes to the property.”

Bank: “And we will be happy to do that once they take ID into the local branch.”

Me: “What part of ‘there was a fire’ are you not understanding?”

(We went round in this circle several more times, including with the supervisor, getting nowhere. In the end, I hung up. We are going to go to the local branch with every piece of paperwork the tenant has left and hoping that someone there has enough common sense to understand why fire plus paperwork doesn’t have a good outcome!)

That’s Not How Movie Theaters Work

, , , | | Right | June 11, 2019

(It’s two days before Christmas and my uncle invites my brother and me to see a newly released movie with him, his wife, and their daughter. When we get to the theater, we realize he didn’t buy tickets ahead of time. As it’s so close to Christmas and the movie is new, they’re sold out.)

Employee: “I am sorry, sir, but the next four showings for [Movie] are sold out.”

Uncle: “WHAT?!”

Employee: “There is a showing available at 9:30 tonight; it currently has twelve seats open.”

Uncle: *yelling* “You didn’t save me a seat?!”

Employee: “Did you make a reservation?”

Uncle: “I shouldn’t have to! You should save me a seat!”

Employee: “The only way to make reservations is to go online or to come in ahead of time to do it in person.”

Uncle: “But you should have saved me a seat!”

Employee: “Um… but I don’t know you…”

(My brother and I were distancing ourselves as much as possible from the scenario and making excuses to leave. Yes, my uncle is always an a** like that. We ended up leaving and letting him and his wife and daughter try to figure out what they wanted to do.)

Daycare Snare

, , , , | | Right | June 10, 2019

(I work in a small, family-owned retail store. It’s the week before Christmas, and we’ve been very busy. I’m the only employee in the store when an older lady walks up to the counter with three small children in tow. Note that I’m busy helping another person at this point.)

Lady: “Hey, you!”

Me: “Just a minute, please. I’ll be with you when I’ve finished here.”

Lady: “No, you’ll talk to me now!”

(The customer I’m with rolls her eyes and whispers at me to go see what she needs.)

Me: “All right, what can I do for you?”

Lady: “I spent over $200 in here yesterday, and I want you to watch my grandkids while I go to [Nearby Supermarket] to do my shopping.”

Me: “Excuse me? I’m sorry, but I can’t do that. It’s not legal, and it’s not safe for them.”

Lady: *immediately enraged and yelling* “I SPENT OVER $200 IN HERE! YOU’LL DO IT BECAUSE I SAID SO, AND YOU OWE ME FOR BUYING S*** FROM HERE!”

Me: “Lady, for starters, buying products from my shop does not get you special treatment. Secondly, it. Is. Not. Legal. For. You. To. Leave. Children. Unattended. In. A. Retail. Store. Thirdly, I am not a babysitter and this shop is not a daycare. I don’t care how much money you spent here; I’m not looking after those kids. I don’t owe you a d*** thing, and my name is [MyName], not, ‘Hey, you.’ Now, I have people to help who are spending money today, so if there’s nothing else, have a great day and a merry Christmas.”

Lady: *now screeching* “LISTEN HERE, YOU F****** C***! YOU’LL DO WHAT I F****** TELL YOU TO DO OR I’LL—“

Me: *cutting her off* “You’ll do absolutely f****** nothing. Now, get the f*** out of my store and take your f****** grandkids with you, you rude, uppity b****. You try and leave them here, and I’ll call the f****** cops and report them as abandoned children. You can enjoy sorting that out with them and children’s services. Now, F*** OFF!”

(The lady turns purple and storms out of the store, swearing that she’ll call my boss and I’ll be sorry. I won’t, as my boss knows me very well, and knows that if I mouth off to someone, they’ve deserved it.)

Me: *to the other customers in the store* “Ahem. And that sorry note ends today’s episode of ‘Entitled Egomaniac Theatre.’ Please stay tuned to our website for repeat broadcast times. Now, who else needed assistance?”

(I ended up having two people commiserate with me for having to deal with people like her and got a high-five from another person who I knew worked in corporate retail. If you can, I highly recommend working for someone who doesn’t allow customers to get away with nonsense. It makes the job just a little more bearable.)

Nailed It!

, , | | Right | June 10, 2019

(I’m working in a store that sells sewing and knitting supplies. A man is standing by the pins and needles, looking a bit lost, so I go over and ask if he needs help.)

Customer: “I need something like these—“ *holds up a box of pins* “—but a bit longer and thicker. They need to be sturdier so I can hammer them in.”

Me: “You mean… like a nail.”

(The customer’s face lights up as if he has had a major revelation.)

Customer: “Yes. Nails. Indeed!”

Me: “I think you should check the home improvement store.”

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