Don’t Know What Lead Them Here

, , , | Right | December 15, 2017

(I work in a home improvement store, mixing paint.)

Me: “Hi! How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I need some lead-based paint.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We don’t sell lead-based paint.”

Customer: “I bought some here the other day.”

Me: “Lead-based paint has been off the consumer market since 1978, sir; we don’t sell it.”

Customer: *blank stare*

(At this point the customer and the woman with him proceed to walk down the aisle where our paint is kept, swearing they bought lead-based paint from us. They pick up a can of paint and turn it over to read the back of the label.)

Customer: “See?! Right here! Lead-based paint!”

Me: “That’s a warning against sanding on surfaces coated with lead-based paint, sir; it’s printed on every can of paint we sell.”

Customer: “Then what am I holding?!”

Me: “Oil-based paint for metal.”

Both Customers: *blank stare*

Customer: “Can I get it in white?”

Me: “It’s premixed white.”

(They then walked off without saying another word, and I bid them a good rest of the day.)

Baht Nothing

, , , , , , , | Right | December 15, 2017

(I am at a cafe at the departure lounge of the airport, queueing up behind some tourists heading home. Note: All the notes and coins are clearly marked.)

Tourist: “How much is this bottled water?”

Cashier: “It’s [amount], ma’am.”

Tourist: *shoving some change at the cashier* “Here.”

Cashier: “So sorry, but you are short by [amount].”

Tourist: *gives a note* “Fine. Here. I don’t understand your currency. I want my change in [Home Country’s currency].”

Cashier: “I’m sorry; I can only give you change in Thai Baht.”

Tourist: “This is outrageous! What kind of place is this that you can’t give me change in [Home Country’s currency]?!”

Enough To Lose One’s Shirt

, , , | Right | December 14, 2017

(I work in a well-known motorcycle dealership. We get a lot of phone calls from people looking for something specific. I get this particular type of call at least once a week.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Dealership]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I’m looking for a shirt and was wondering if you had it?”

Me: “Sure, do you have a part number?”

Customer: “Well, no.”

Me: “That’s okay; can you give me a quick description?”

Customer: “Yes, it’s black and has the [famous logo] on it somewhere.”

Me: “Uh… Well, that sounds like about 90% of our inventory.”

Customer: “Oh, that wasn’t very helpful was it?”

Me: “Nope.”

Customer: “It’s all right. I’ll just come in and look; I’m right down the road.”

Me: *internal screaming* “Sounds great. We look forward to seeing you.”

You Can “Take On Me” But Really You’ll Be “Livin’ On A Prayer”

, , , , , | Right | December 14, 2017

You Can “(My friend is the manager of a hotel in our town, and is also the DJ. The restaurant is having an eighties theme night, and he plays the music from that era. Past midnight, a quite-drunk man comes to him and makes demands.)

Customer: “You need to play something better! Play some new stuff!”

DJ: *jokingly* “Sorry, sir, but tonight is the night of the dinosaurs.”

Customer: *upset* “But I want some good music!”

(Again my friend shakes his head. The drunk man raises his voice and shouts:)

Customer: “If you don’t play the music I want to hear, right now, you will be very sorry. I know the manager of this place! I will call him and have you fired!”

DJ: *with a smile* “Really?”

Customer: “Yes! Will you play something better, now?”

DJ: “It is still a no!”

(The customer goes away, cursing. The DJ tells me later:)

DJ: “I really wish he would have gotten my number and called me right there. It would have been nice to see his face when I picked up my phone and looked him in the face and said, ‘Hello?’”

No Black Friday Is Music To My Ears

, , , | Right | December 14, 2017

(I live above a music store, which my landlady owns. It’s Black Friday, and I’m downstairs to give her my rent check. It’s around 11:00 am and the store ALWAYS opens at 10:00. A woman comes storming in and gets into my landlady’s face as much as she can, leaning over the counter.)


Landlady: *blinks, the woman taking her by surprise* “I don’t participate in Black Friday, ma’am. This is a music and instrument store.”

Customer: “I know it’s an instrument store! I was expecting to get one of those violins for $50!”

Landlady: “Ma’am, those violins are over $500. I would never sell them for so little. I’ve never posted any signs that I’d be open early, nor have I ever in the 30 years I’ve owned this store. Now, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

(The woman continues to argue, even trying to pull the “this is illegal!” card. Since the shop is located downtown, we’re only two blocks away from the police station. I cut in to her ranting.)

Me: “Lady, the police station is right over there. Should we just call them over to settle this?”

(She glares at me before stomping out.)

Landlady: *muttering* “Crazy old witch.”

(My landlady is still getting cancer treatments, and I’ll happily defend her against any bully.)

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