What An &&&-hole

, , , , | Right | July 2, 2020

I work in a bakery, helping customers place orders for cakes and other baked goods. One dark day, I answer the phone to this:

Customer: “I need to order a cake.”

The customer provides contact information and describes the type of cake.

Me: “Would you like a message written on it?”

Customer: “Yes, I’d like, ‘Happy Birthday [Name #1] and [Name #2].’ But instead of ‘and,’ could you use an ampersand?”

Me: “An… ampersand?”

Customer: “The symbol for ‘and.’”

I’ve never heard the term before, but of course, I am familiar with what he is talking about.

Me: “Oh, do you mean the one that looks like a treble clef?”

Customer: “No! It’s the backward three with a line through it! You know what? Next time, why don’t you find someone with a higher level of education to take my cake order?”

The customer hangs up. I stare at the phone and then go into the office and tell my coworkers on break what happened. Halfway through the story, one of them bolts straight up in her chair.

Coworker: “I KNOW THAT GUY! HE’S AN A**HOLE!”

I later discovered that I was in the right: the ampersand refers to the symbol that resembles a treble clef.

1 Thumbs
280

Making A Spectacle Of Himself

, , | Right | July 1, 2020

I am alone at work while my coworker is on her lunch break. A male customer has been browsing glasses for quite some time. He eventually picks out a pair and approaches me.

Me: “Hello, sir, how can I help?”

Customer: “I’d like these, please.”

Me: “Certainly. Do you have an up-to-date glasses prescription with you?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Okay, so, do we perhaps have one on our records for you, then?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Ah, right then. So, were you looking to book an appointment for a sight test today, instead?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: *Becoming more uncertain* “Did you just want the frame without prescription lenses maybe?”

Customer: “I want a pair of spectacles!”

Me: *Slightly taken aback* “Um… Well, without a prescription, I don’t think we’re able to help you today, I’m afraid.”

The customer sniffs and clenches his fists. For a few seconds, I think he is going to throw his chosen frames at me. Eventually, he just throws them down on the desk in front of me and storms out.

Me: “Have a nice day, then?”

1 Thumbs
253

Of All The Ways You Try To Get Someone To Pay For Your Ride

, , , , | Right | June 30, 2020

An employee of a temp service has just been fired from his job. He’s already called once and been directed to the on-call person for the temp agency.

Me: “Good evening, [after hours service]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, I was jumped by three people at this job and they told me to leave. [Temp Service] told me there’s nothing they can do but my ride won’t be here for another hour. I need to get home; can you call me a taxi?”

Me: “No, sir, I’m sorry. I am the answering service; I cannot call you a taxi.”

Caller: “Well… what I am supposed to do, then? I can’t wait here for an hour. I need you to call me a taxi.”

Me: “Sir, I will not call you a taxi. That’s something you need to do yourself.”

Caller: “Okay, well, who would I call then?”

Me: “Call for what, sir?”

Caller: “To get a ride home… Would I call the Department of Treasury?”

Me: *Sighs* “No, sir, you would call the taxi company.”

You can’t fix stupid.

1 Thumbs
299

Trying To Grease His Own Palms

, , , , , | Right | June 29, 2020

Customer: “I want my meal free for this!”

Me: “I’m… sorry, sir, what is the problem?”

Customer: “My burger is a little bit greasy.”

I work in the restaurant portion of, ostensibly, a truck stop. Burgers are greasy everywhere, but what do you expect? I examine the burger.

Me: “It doesn’t look any greasier than any of the other burgers we serve. It’s just the meat juices; it’s perfectly harmless.”

Customer: “It’s greasy, d*** you! I want my meal for free!”

Me: “Well, I could… get a napkin and soak up some of—”

Customer: “No, I want my meal free!”

Me: “Um, I’m not able to apply discounts to meals myself; I’ll have to get the manager for you. One moment.”

The guy started a scene and shouted quite a bit at the manager, who was adamant about not giving him a discount for acceptably-made food. The manager eventually kicked him out so he wouldn’t disturb the other customers and blacklisted his Trucker Rewards Card across our entire chain.

1 Thumbs
437

When The Managers Goals Become “A Go(al) Away!”

, , , , | Working | June 29, 2020

I had a manager who believed that pushing credit cards on people was only difficult because everyone else was doing it wrong. He had huge aspirations of what we could do and what he wanted to happen. He pushed, hard and often, for this lofty goal he had built up in his head.

Let’s say, for the sake of argument, that he wanted us to guarantee a store card signup every half hour, all day, so sixteen sign-ups per eight-hour shift. This was at a time when our best numbers were maybe three a day.

He wouldn’t let up on pushing us to meet his goals, insisting that it was possible if everyone followed his strategy. Finally, someone called him out on it and asked him to demonstrate. So, he got on a register to show us how “easy” it was to get those signups.

He harassed every customer, made them say no three times, and then shoved a pamphlet in their bag anyway. His spiel basically boiled down to the retail version of, “Your mouth says no but I say yes, so here’s a signup sheet so you can sign up anyway.”

Hoo boy, the fireworks flew!

Customers hate being badgered, and they really hate having their wishes so blatantly ignored. I got to witness massive explosions at the registers; he had people screaming at him and calling him names, and one or two ripped the applications out of their bags, ripped them apart, and threw them back on the counter.

After that, the manager just kind of slunk away and didn’t say anything more about his goals.

1 Thumbs
552