American Sniping Comments

, , , , , | Right | August 11, 2017

(It is opening night of “American Sniper” and we we’re playing it in our biggest theater as well as some other smaller theaters to offer more showtimes. We had our 7:45 show sell out at 7:00 pm so we quickly canceled other movies to be able to add showtimes at 8:10 pm and 8:30 pm. A guest arrives at 8:00 pm expecting to still have seats available for the 7:45 pm.)

Guest: “Is there a reason you are only playing this movie in tiny theaters?”

Coworker: “Well, sir, we are also playing it in larger theaters but to make room for more people we had to put it in smaller theaters.”

Guest: “This is ridiculous. It’s up for an Academy.”

Coworker: “Sir, I would be happy to switch you to a later showtime in a bigger theater.”

Guest: “I want to see it now in a big theater.”

(He continues to complain for a while before deciding not to see it at all.)

Other Guest: “I am so sorry people are a**-holes. Thank you for adding showtimes. We really appreciate how much you do for your guests!”

Your Ink Or Your Life

, , , , | Right | August 11, 2017

(There are usually a few days every winter where most stores in our mall close early due to bad winter weather. On this day, we close the store at three pm as the blowing snow has already caused many accidents, which then closes many main roads out of and into town. We close before it gets dark for the safety of our staff who would otherwise have to drive home or into work in the dark. Many other stores in the mall also close at three pm or even earlier that day. We have a sign on the door apologizing about being closed, and I have just let out the last customer and locked the doors, when a lady comes and yells at me through the doors.)

Customer: “WHAT?! ARE YOU SERIOUS?!”

Me: “Yes, sorry, we closed 10 minutes ago because of the weather.”

Customer: “ARE YOU SERIOUS?! I NEED INK!”

Me: “I’m sorry.”

Customer: “ALL I NEED IS INK! JUST LET ME GET MY INK!”

Me: “We’ve already taken all the tills off. I’m sorry.”

Customer: “THIS IS RIDICULOUS! CLOSING BECAUSE OF THE WEATHER! I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS!”

(She storms off, swearing.)

Me: *to myself* “It’s snowing so bad out you can’t even see across the road, but yes, it’s ridiculous not to expect people to drive in that for a minimum wage job. Sure.”

(My manager who lived out of town didn’t even drive home that night; she stayed in a hotel across the street.)

Closing Time Really Sets Them On Fire

, , , | Right | August 11, 2017

(About five minutes before we’re scheduled to close, we notice smoke coming from the back office, so we evacuate the building and call 911. A car pulls up and parks a few minutes later while the fire department is inside. A man gets out, and begins walking toward the building.)

Man: “Looks like there’s something going on at [Restaurant], huh?”

Manager: “Yeah. We had a small fire tonight, but it’s under control and nobody was hurt.”

(He breezes past us, toward the door of the restaurant.)

Manager: “Sir! What are you doing?”

Man: “I was just going to swing into [Restaurant] for dinner really quickly.”

Manager: “You can’t go in there, sir.”

Man: “I don’t need to mess with the fire. I just want a sandwich.”

Manager: “There’s nobody in there to serve you. We’re all out here.” *she motions to the group of us, all in shirts with the restaurant’s logo on it* “We evacuated the building because it was on fire.”

Man: “But you said it was under control now! What if I gave you my money, and you went in, made my sandwich, and brought it back out to me?”

Manager: “We closed fifteen minutes ago. Even if nothing had happened and we were all inside, you still wouldn’t be able to come in, because we’d be closed.”

Man: “That’s bull-s**t; you guys just don’t want to make my food! I’ll take my business to [Competitor].”

Manager: “And they’ll let you in, because not only are they still open, but their building is also not currently on fire.”

(The man stormed back to his car, swearing to never come to our restaurant again, and sped off in a huff.)

An Alarming Lack Of Alarm, Part 2

, , , , , | Right | August 10, 2017

(I take a telephone call from a female caller.)

Caller: “Hello. My partner’s having a pacemaker fitted and for personal reasons, I’d like to know where he is on the list.”

Me: “I don’t know that. Have you tried speaking to the consultant’s secretary?”

Caller: “I’m not ringing her. Can’t you tell me?”

Me: “But she would be the best person to help you.”

Caller: “I don’t know if she’s Australian or Canadian, but she’s never there. She’s either on holiday or off sick.”

Me: “She would still be the best person to ask.”

Caller: “But can’t you tell me?”

Me: “I don’t know that information. Would they even know the surgery lists at this point?”

Caller: “Yes, they would.”

(The fire alarm starts to go off.)

Me: “Can I take your number and try to find out and give you a ring back.”

Caller: “What’s that noise? It’s hurting my ears.”

Me: “That’s the fire alarm. We may have to evacuate the building.”

Caller: “You don’t have to go. It’s probably just a practice.”

Me: “We’ve not been told it’s a practice. If I can take your phone number, I can try and find out and call you back.”

Caller: “No, don’t call me back. I want to know when he’s having his pacemaker fitted.”

Me: “Sorry, madam, we are actually evacuating the building.”

Caller: “But you can’t. I want to know when his pacemaker’s going to be fitted.”

(The best bit? I found out from a colleague that the order of patients is decided on the day!)

Your Pay Is Weak

, , , , , | Working | August 10, 2017

(I work in an office that regularly addresses employee concerns, including payroll issues. Since many of our employees don’t work full-time hours or take extended time off, this is a frequent conversation.)

Employee: “Hey, I don’t think I got paid this week!”

Me: “Okay, let’s look into that. Are you signed up for direct deposit?”

Employee: “Yeah, but nothing went into my bank this week! Do you guys have a check here for me?”

Me: “Let me see.” *checks our live checks* “No, I don’t see any live checks here with your name. Have you checked your paystubs on the company website?”

Employee: “Yeah, and I didn’t see a paystub for last week. Why didn’t I get paid?”

Me: “Did you work last week?”

Employee: “Um… I think so. I worked a while ago.”

Me: “Okay. Well, when was the last day that you worked?”

Employee: “It was on [Date more than a week ago].”

Me: “The pay period you’re asking about is from [more recent date] through [even more recent date]. Did you work at all during that time?”

Employee: “Um, no, I don’t think so.”

Me: “Well, that’s why you didn’t get paid.”

Employee: “I thought we got paid every week here!”

Me: “That’s true, but you only get paid for the time you actually have worked.”

(I don’t know what company will pay someone for not working, but I’d sure like to work there!)

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