Not Your Regular Pawn Shop

, , , , , , | Right | December 10, 2018

(I work in a small pawn shop. A regular comes in. He usually has unusual items he buys at garage sales to sell us. On this day he is slightly tipsy and empty-handed. My boss is working out in the back but can hear everything.)

Me: “Good afternoon, [Regular]. What can I do for you?”

Regular: “Um… Yeah, this is going to sound weird, but how much for me?”

Me: *in shock* “I’m sorry?”

Regular: “I’m broke until tomorrow, but I need more beer, smokes, and something to eat. How much will you give on a loan for me?”

Me: “I’m sorry, [Regular], but to pawn something, you need to leave the item here, so pawning yourself wouldn’t really help you.”

Regular: *with a sigh of defeat* “Oh, okay. Thanks, anyway.”

(He turns to leave but my boss stops him.)

Boss: “Hey, [Regular], in the twenty years I’ve owned the shop, that’s a first. I’ll personally loan you $50 just for having the balls to do it.”

(My boss — the owner — did lend him the money, and the regular was waiting for us to open the next morning to repay the loan. Over the next five years I worked there, he continued to sell us stuff. He would occasionally come in asking to pawn himself, and my boss always lent him the money.)

They’re Not The Only One With A Child

, , , , , , | Right | December 10, 2018

(I am serving a customer when another customer bypasses the other three people in line and stands next to the first customer. Usually, customers who want to ask questions do this.)

Me: *while packing my customer’s sales* “Hi. Do you have a question?”

Customer #1: “No, I’m in a hurry and I need to be served next.”

Me: “Sorry, but you need to join the line.”

Customer #1: “But I said I was in a hurry; it’s almost time for me to pick up my child from school and I’m going to be late. You need to serve me next.”

Me: “It’s not me you have to ask; there are other people waiting here, too.”

Customer #1: *to next customer in line* “Will you let me in?”

Customer #2: “No.”

Customer #1: “But I need to pick up my child.”

Customer #2: “I need to pick up my child, too.”

(She turns to the next customer.)

Customer #3: “No, I need to pick up my child, too.”

(Followed by:)

Customer #4: “No, you should have thought about that before you spent the last hour in here shopping.”

Wait Until He Sees A Chromebook

, , , , , , | Right | December 10, 2018

(I walk in the doors to clock in for my shift.)

Coworker: “So glad you’re here now. A customer asked me a question about a computer that I couldn’t answer, and I told him you’d be in shortly.”

(I clock in and find the customer, a middle-aged male.)

Me: “Hi there. I was told you had a question.”

Customer: “Yeah, this [Brand] Satellite laptop — does this mean it can connect with the satellite for Internet access?”

Me: “At this price—” *something like $299* “—definitely not. Just the hardware it would need to do that would make the laptop much more than that price.”

Customer: “Then why would it have ‘Satellite’ on it?”

Me: “It’s just a brand model name; I couldn’t tell you why [Brand] decided on that model name, just like I couldn’t tell you how Chevy, Ford, and Toyota come up with the model names for their vehicles.”

(The customer gives me a deer-in-headlights look, then thanks me and walks away.)

Me: *to coworker* “You seriously needed me to answer that question?”

Mention The Time When Mentioning The Times

, , , , | Right | December 9, 2018

Me:  “Hi. Thank you for calling [Bookstore]; how can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi. There was a book in the New York Times that I’d like to get.”

Me: “Okay. Do you know the title, or what it’s about?”

Customer: “No, but it was a full-page ad in the newspaper.”

Me: “Okay, give me one second.”

(I go and scan through the “Times” to find anything to go off of.)

Me: “Okay, I didn’t see anything. Are you sure it was the Times? I checked today’s paper and there weren’t any full-page ads like that.”

Customer: “Today’s paper? No, this was weeks ago. Do you know the book?”

Me: *pause* “We don’t have it.”

What Really Gets Their Goat Is A Lack Of Them

, , , , | Right | December 9, 2018

(I work as a manager at a local branch of a common fast food restaurant. All locations in the US have the same items, prepared the same way. We have never accepted and are not equipped for delivery or over-the-phone orders. I’m in the office, counting down a register, when the phone rings.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Restaurant]. [My Name] speaking. How can I help you?”

Caller: *with a noticeable Indian accent* “Hello. I’d like to place an order for pickup.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We don’t accept orders for pickup. You have to be in our store to order.”

Caller: “Oh, then, can I ask questions about your food?”

Me: “Of course. Go right ahead.”

Caller: “Do you sell burgers?”

(I am silent for a second, as our restaurant has the word “burger” in the name.)

Me: “Yes, ma’am, we do.”

Caller: “How big are your burgers?”

(This is a fairly common question, but since most customers are in the store when they ask, I usually give them an estimate with my hands.)

Me: “I don’t know the dimensions off the top of my head, but I can look them up for you.”

Caller: “Are they as big as the ones in India?”

Me: “I’ve never been to India, ma’am. I don’t know. If you give me a second, I can look it up for you.”

Caller: “Are your burgers made from cow?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. Most of them.”

Caller: “That’s horrible! How dare you use cow in your burgers?! Those poor cows! In India all our burgers are made with vegetables!”

Me: *taken aback* “We do have a veggie burger, ma’am. And a chicken burger.”

Caller: “You have a veggie burger and a chicken burger? What about goat?”

Me: “Sorry?”

Caller: “Do you have a goat burger?”

Me: “No, ma’am. We don’t have a goat burger.”

Caller: “You don’t have a goat burger?! How could you not have a goat burger?! I’m going to take my business somewhere else!” *hangs up*

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