A Hair-Raising Time To Stay Awake

, , , , | Right | February 7, 2018

(I am a hairdresser. While I am fairly new to the industry, I am usually booked a week in advance as I specialize in fashion colour and blondes.)

Client: “Hi. Do you have any appointments available today?”

Me: “Unfortunately, I am fully booked until [late next week].”

Client: “What about tomorrow? At noon?”

Me: “My next availability is [late next week] at 9:00 am.”

Client: “That doesn’t work for me. Can I come after hours tonight?”

Me: “If you’d like an afternoon or after-hours appointment, my next one is [date two weeks from now].”

Client: “No, I’ll come tonight, thanks.”

Me: “Okay, I can squeeze you in at 2:00 am. Since it is so late, I will be charging 200% my usual rates.”

Client: “You are so rude!” *hangs up*

The Internot, Part 3

, , , | Right | February 6, 2018

(I work at a tech support call center for a large Internet, TV, and home phone service provider.)

Me: “Thank you for choosing [Company]. My name is [My Name]. May I have your name and account number, please?”

Customer: *provides details* “I need to speak to a supervisor!”

Me: “What’s going on, ma’am? Maybe I can help you out.”

Customer: “MY LAPTOP HAS BEEN STOLEN!”

Me: “Your laptop was stolen?!”

Customer: “I left it right on the sofa, and when I got back, it was gone!”

(I can see on my computer that the customer was just installed a day ago.)

Me: “That’s awful! Well, I’m assum—”

Customer: “I know it’s awful! They’re stealing everything around here. They stole my laptop. They stole my tires. They stole my lawn chairs. Heck, they’ve even been stealing my potted plants!”

Me: “Your plants, too?!”

Customer: “Mmhm. And now, they went and stole my laptop. Well, I need [Company] to send me a new one.”

Me: “I’m sorry… What?”

Customer: “I said, someone stole my laptop, and I need [Company] to send me a new one!”

Me: “I just want to make sure; it wasn’t a [Company] technician who stole your laptop, right?”

Customer: “No, I don’t know who stole my laptop.”

Me: “Ma’am, you probably want to file a police report.”

Customer: “I’ve already done that, and they don’t know who stole my laptop, either.”

Me: “Well, I can’t send you a laptop. I don’t even have any laptops to send. We don’t sell the computers; we just provide you with Internet service.”

Customer: “How can you tell me that I pay [Company] $120 a month, and you’re not going to send me a laptop?!”

Me: “We just don’t have laptops to send. The computer and the Internet are two separate things. The customer provides their own computer, and we connect them to the Internet.”

Customer: “Well, if you won’t send me a laptop, then I’m going to cancel.”

Me: “All right. The cancellations department is still open; would you like to speak to them now?”

Customer: “Really? You can’t just send me a laptop?”

Me: “No, I can’t. That’s not something we do… ever.”

Customer: “Well, fine. Connect me to them.”

(I transferred her to the cancellations team after that. A couple of days later, I pulled up her account again. She really did cancel her services.)

Related:
The Internot, Part 2
The Internot

Like Stealing Candy From A Cry-Baby

, , , , , | Right | February 6, 2018

(I work in the pro shop at a local golf course. Recently, there have been some large crows hanging around the parking area that will snatch candy, crackers, or chips right out of a golf cart if they have the opportunity.)

Customer: *storms into the pro shop* “That crow stole my candy bar out of the golf cart! I want another candy bar!”

Me: “No problem. That will be $1.00.”

Customer: “What? No! I want you to give me another candy bar free, because that crow took it out of your golf cart!”

Me: “Sorry, sir, but it’s not our responsibility what nature does to your food.”

Customer: *now almost screaming* “That’s wrong. It was a crow on your property!”

Me: “Sir, we have no control over what a bird does outside of our building.”

Customer: “That’s bulls***. I’m just going to take another candy bar!” *picks up one and starts walking toward the door*

Me: “Sir, you must pay for that candy bar; if you walk out without paying, I will have to call the police.”

Customer: “No, you won’t.”

Me: “Yes, I will. I have your name, and you gave us your phone number when you made your tee time. The police will find you and arrest you for petty theft.”

Customer: *returns the candy bar to the rack and leaves*

Having A Midday Crisis

, , , | Right | February 6, 2018

(I work as a waitress in a nice, small restaurant. You can get a particular midday dish from 11:00 am until 2:00 pm. One evening, an upset woman comes into our restaurant.)

Customer: “Why can’t I get the midday dish in the evening?”

Me: “Because it’s the midday dish, and it’s not midday anymore.”

Customer: “The midday dishes you offer are so nice compared to the s*** on your small menu.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that you don’t like the offerings on our menu.”

Customer: “It’s so stupid that you don’t offer that dish all day!”

Me: “We are just a small restaurant, and our cook already offers a lot of different dishes, freshly made for you. But I can ask the cook. If he has something left from the midday, you can still get this dish.”

Customer: “I just can’t understand why I can’t get this dish in the evening!”

Me: “Like I said, it is no problem to ask the cook; he will be willing to prepare this dish for you.”

Customer: “Now I don’t want it anymore.” *walks off*

Toying With The Numbers

, , , , , | Right | February 2, 2018

(The restaurant I work in has toys that go with the kids’ meals. There are various ones that change from time to time. Right now they are a very popular series of characters that are highly sought-after.)

Customer: “What toys do you have?”

Me: “We have numbers three and nine.”

Customer: “That’s all?”

Me: “That’s all for now. We may have another one later this week.”

Customer: “Do you have number five?”

Me: “No, just numbers three and nine.”

Customer: “Oh. Well do you have the [costume styled] one?”

Me: “No, just the two.”

Customer: “You have number two?! Well, I need that one; I’ll take one!”

Me: “We don’t have number two. I said we have two numbers: three and nine.”

Customer: “Well… do you have number seven?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “You’re very unhelpful.”

Me: “Sorry.”

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