Groomed For Disappointment

, , , | Right | August 29, 2018

(I work as a mobile pet groomer. A client leaves this message on the phone on a Tuesday.)

Client: “Hi, I’m new and from [City]. I have a Schnauzer and a Shih-Tzu that need grooming; it’s been a while. I’m not working this summer and am very open for times, so your soonest available appointment.”

Me: *calling back that afternoon* “Hi, I’m just getting back to you after you left us a message. We do have an opening due to a cancellation this Friday afternoon.”

Client: “Oh, yeah, Friday isn’t good for me. Do you have anything sooner, even if it’s just one dog?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but this Friday is the soonest opening, and the next is in July.”

(July is over two weeks away.)

Client: “Well, that’s too far out! I’ll just have to get him groomed somewhere else; I need this week, but not Friday, or this weekend, but not tomorrow. Bye.”

(She wanted in right away — which rarely happens for mobile grooming — and she wasn’t really free, and it was not even really summer yet… She never asked the prices, either.)

Supply And Demanding

, , , , | Right | August 28, 2018

(I have this conversation on an almost daily basis:)

Customer: “Do you have [thing that was produced in very small quantity and became unexpectedly popular, and is therefore sold out everywhere]?”

Me: “No, we sold out almost immediately, and our distributor didn’t have any left by the time we reordered. We’re waiting on it to be reprinted.”

Customer: “Well, can’t you order it?”

Me: “We have. As soon as we drop below our minimum inventory threshold, we order a restock, but since even the manufacturer doesn’t have any we can’t get them.”

Customer: “But why don’t you just order more?”

Me: *inside my mind* “Because we knew infuriating people like you would want them, and we want to be able to tell you, ‘No,’ honestly.” *out loud* “I can take your name and number and wait-list you for when the reprint finally happens, but that will probably be a few months from now.” *our industry is chronically undercapitalized and multi-month stock outages are common* “If you’re in a hurry you can buy it from a price-gouger on Amazon or eBay.”

Customer: “No, that’s okay. I’ll just come back.”

(Repeat entire conversation next weekend because “months” means “days” in customer-land.)

Phone Company Lost Her Number On Purpose

, , , | Right | August 28, 2018

(I am working the front desk of a grocery store. An elderly lady approaches the desk and asks for a piece of paper. She writes something down on it and turns the paper to me; it has her home phone number, a landline, written on it.)

Elderly Lady: “I need you to call the phone company and tell them my phone is not working.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but that’s something I can’t help you with; this is a grocery store.”

Elderly Lady: “I know it’s a grocery store, but I need you to call the phone company and tell them my phone isn’t working.”

(I do an internal eye roll and figure I’ll try to help her because it’s slow.)

Me: “Okay, ma’am, who provides your phone service?”

Elderly Lady: *getting agitated* “The phone company!”

Me: “Right, which one?”

Elderly Lady: “The. Phone. Company. How can I be more clear?”

(I rattle off a few of the local companies, and she gives me the “deer in the headlights” look.)

Elderly Lady: “You are not being very helpful!”

Me: “Well, I need a little more info.”

Elderly Lady: “Now you are just wasting my time!”

(The woman grabs the paper and heads for the exit. The coworker who overheard the conversation comes up to me:)

Coworker: “Next time she is going to ask you to cut her grass.”

You Won’t End Up In The Soup

, , , , | Right | August 28, 2018

(I work at a coffee franchise. The particular location is nestled into the corner of a gas station, and as such, we have no area for customers to sit and eat their food. It’s almost nine pm, and a middle-aged man walks up to my register, and I’m the only senior employee in the store at the moment.)

Customer: “I’ll take a large [coffee] — two milk, two sugar — your soup of the day, and a BLT.”

Me: “Okay, will that be everything for today?”

Customer: “Can I get the food in those china dishes you guys have?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, we don’t carry china dishes at this location. If you’d like, I can direct you to [Other Location nearby with a dining area, owned by the same person as my location].”

Customer: “Bulls***! I know you guys have those d*** dishes; I got my food in them just yesterday!”

Me: “I’m not sure what you want me to do, sir; we don’t have any dishes at this location. We have no tables, as we’re in a gas station, so there is no reason for us to store them here.”

Customer: “I see plenty of f****** reason! I want my food in them! I want to speak to your supervisor.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but she is only in from six until three. However, I’m currently acting supervisor as the senior employee right now.”

Customer: “Well, f*** you, then! I’m going to [Place I told him he should go to]!” *storms out*

New Hire: “Well, that was interesting. Are you worried he’s going to complain?”

Me: “Nah, the camera’s are recording everything, and [Manager] knows me better than that. There’s no way she’s going to take the word of some dude who wants to eat soup on the floor of a gas station over me.”

(As I predicted, my manager called me in during a shift next week to bring up the complaint from the man. She had gone over the tape and heard the whole exchange. Apparently he had gone to the other location and threw a tantrum because, as it had passed nine pm, they had tossed their soup because were going to close in a half-hour. She told me I did all I could, and even tried to make sure the owner still got a sale.)

Sounds Like They Really Need The Coffee

, , , , , | Right | August 28, 2018

(A lady calls on the phone.)

Caller: “Hi. Is this [Coffee Shop]?”

Manager On Duty: “Yes, it is. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Can you tell me what your dinner special is?”

Manager On Duty: “Ma’am, this is a coffee shop.”

Caller: “So, you don’t have dinner?”

Manager On Duty: “We have some sandwiches and snacks, but we mostly have coffee.”

Caller: “Oh, so, you sell coffee there?”

Manager On Duty: “Yes, ma’am.”

Caller: “Do you sell mattresses?”

Manager On Duty: “No, ma’am. Coffee.”

Caller: “Oh. Okay.”

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