Nice Knowing You

, , , , | Right | September 26, 2017

(We have a regular library patron who always asks for help researching his book, which is on a topic we all think is rather silly. He never says ‘thank you,’ and he treats the female librarians like dirt, but he likes our boss because he is a man and recently had a book published.)

Patron: “Is Mr. [Boss] in today?”

Me: “I’m sorry; he’s on vacation for a few weeks. Is there something I can help you with?”

Patron: “No, I need Mr. [Boss]. I’m almost finished with my book, and I need him to introduce me to his publisher.”

Me: “I’m afraid that’s not a service the library provides.”

Patron: “I know that, but I thought he might do it to be nice.”

Me: “I’m afraid you don’t know Mr. [Boss] very well. He’s really not that nice.”

(When my boss got back from vacation and I told him this story, he thanked me profusely for saving him from the patron.)

Droning On With Outrageous Demands

, , , , , | Right | September 26, 2017

(People can put their orders in online and then come in later to pick them up. Since I am the most comfortable with computers, I am put in charge of that department. I get an order that has a multitude of items that are currently out of stock. I assemble the email informing the customer that their items are not in stock yet, and that we will contact them when their order is ready, and I send it out. A couple of hours later, a woman comes up to my desk.)

Customer: “Hi, I’m [Name]. I’m here to pick up my order.”

(I punch her name into the computer.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but we’re still waiting for a restock. We will send you an email when we have the items in stock, and you can pick them up then.”

Customer: “No, you don’t understand; I need them now. Are you sure you haven’t checked the back?”

Me: “Ma’am, I know for certain that we don’t have these items in stock. Did you receive the automatic email saying we would notify you when your order is ready?”

Customer: “Yes, but it’s junk so I deleted it. Do you have my stuff or not?”

Me: “No, we don’t, because we still need to restock.”

Customer: “Then why do you offer this in the first place?! Can’t you have your drones fly faster?”

Me: “Pardon?”

Customer: “You know, the drones in the [Online Shopping Center] commercial! Once you order something, they can fly a piano straight to your house within 24 hours!”

(Apparently this woman thought that a single ten-pound drone could easily lift a 400-pound piano and get it to its destination in the blink of an eye. The conversation continued, as I tried to tell this woman that things take time to get here due to traffic, weather, drivers, etc. I reassured her that we would have her things in a few days. She ended up leaving in a huff, yelling that she would prove me wrong by ordering her items from [Online Shopping Center] and having them in her arms in ten minutes. The next time I saw her, we made eye contact, she turned bright red and hurried through self-checkout, and as she stormed past my counter she gave me the finger. I guess she didn’t get her items in ten minutes.)

Calling Back Is Not His Calling

, , , , , | Right | September 25, 2017

(I work in a call center and offer customer service through chat. I am completely separate from the phones.)

Customer: “Here is my phone number. Call me.”

Me: “I apologize; I do not have access to the phones. Is there anything I can do for you?”

Customer: “YES! My phone is not working, and I want you to call me and fix it now!”

Me: “We can’t do technical troubleshooting on the chat.” *I give him all information on how to call technical support*

Customer: “NO! I don’t want to call technical support! My phone is not working! I want you to send a technician now!”

Me: “Only technical support has access to sending out technicians for technical issues. You will need to call them to get this fixed.”

Customer: “What don’t you understand? MY PHONE IS NOT WORKING!”

Me: “If your phone is not working, then how could we call you?”

(He was wordless for a few seconds, then started to say he never asked for a call, and kept pushing for technical support until he closed the chat 15 minutes later.)

Oh My Gourd: Seriously?

, , , , | Right | September 25, 2017

(I am team leader in the produce department. It is a busy Saturday, shortly before I am due to go home. The customer is an older lady, probably in her 60’s.)

Customer: “Hi. Do you have any half cucumbers left?”

Me: “Hi there! No, sorry. We have run out of those, I’m afraid; it’s been a busy day. I can find out when they are next coming in if you like, or we have whole cucumbers you could buy instead.”

Customer: “Don’t you have anymore in the back?”

Me: “No, sorry. We’ve completely sold out.”

Customer: “Aren’t you going to go and check?”

Me: “No, I know for a fact we don’t have any in the back. I’ve been here since 7 am, I worked the delivery that we had this morning, and I have personally been looking after this aisle today, so I know we don’t have any more. Sorry.”

Customer: “My husband and I couldn’t possibly eat a whole one; what do you expect me to do with a whole cucumber?”

(I could think of several possibilities as to where she could put it, but didn’t share these with her!)

Me: “Well, you don’t have to buy a whole one; you could come back another day when we have half cucumbers back in stock.”

Customer: “Oh, no, we definitely need one for tonight. Can’t you cut one in half for me?”

Me: “I’m afraid we can’t do that, as they are different products. The stock on the system would mess up.”

Customer: “How do you normally get half cucumbers?”

Me: “They are delivered to the store pre-packaged, whole ones and half ones in different crates.”

Customer: *turns to her husband* “Did you hear that? He thinks they come in like that.”

Me: “No, I don’t think that, I know that; I have personally taken produce deliveries off the truck and I know for a fact they come into the store pre-packaged like that.”

Customer: “This is outrageous, you wouldn’t get this at [Other High-End Supermarket]. The managing director himself would come down and cut a cucumber in half for you before he let you leave without one!”

Me: “I’m not saying you have to leave without one; I have offered you an alternative whole cucumber. Other than that, I can’t really help, I’m afraid. I can’t cut one in half, because it is essentially a different product. If you wanted a pint of milk, and we only had two-pint bottles left, you wouldn’t expect me to pour a pint out, would you?”

(She didn’t have much to say to that but then started complaining about the price difference, and asked if I could give her a whole cucumber for the price of a half. Half a cucumber was £0.39, a full cucumber was £0.69. But I’d be d***ed if I was going to cave into her. After getting nowhere with me, she approached other colleagues in my department, but they all told her the same thing and referred her back to me as the team leader. She then went to the customer service desk to complain, who, naturally, called someone from my department – me. She then asked to speak to a manager, and after I informed her I was in charge of the department, she stormed off, husband in tow. I thought that was the end of it, until I returned to my department a few minutes later to find her asking bewildered customers if they wanted to go halves on a whole cucumber. She found someone who agreed and snapped one in half, giving me a smug look as she walked away. The best bit, though, is that cucumbers are sold at the same price irrelevant of weight, and her half had the barcode on it, so she paid the full price and the other customer got half for free!)

Don’t Worry, Your Order Will Be Apples

, , , , , | Right | September 25, 2017

(We sell squeezable pouches of applesauce, but usually only with our kids’ meals as a side. As I’m reading back a woman’s order, she decides she wants to add just one more thing.)

Me: “Can I get you anything else tonight?”

Customer: “Actually, would you mind adding some applesauce, please? That’ll be all.”

Me: “All right.”

(I start searching the order screen for how I can just put a pouch of applesauce; I look through sides, extras, value menus…)

Customer: “Hello?”

Me: “Yes, I’m sorry; it’ll just be one moment.”

(Finally, I find a button that says “substitute applesauce,” and go with that. Unfortunately, the system thinks I’m trying to substitute a side for applesauce, so on the screen it puts the last item that the lady ordered, which happens to be iced coffee, with a plus sign and applesauce.)

Customer: “It’s not showing a charge for the applesauce.”

Me: “That’s because I had to put it in as an add on.”

Customer: “But I don’t want it with my coffee. I just want one of those pouches y’all have.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. I’m sorry; that’s just the only way I could put it in the system.”

Customer: *pauses* “It won’t be in my coffee, right?”

Me: *looking out the corner of my eye, as I hear my manager laughing, trying not to laugh myself* “I promise there won’t be any applesauce in your iced coffee.”

Page 11/34First...910111213...Last
« Previous
Next »