Your Refund Idea Doesn’t Even Work On Paper

, , , | Right | December 20, 2017

(A woman comes up to our counter with a return. She pulls out packets of designer papers. I am serving other customers and keeping an eye out just in case it gets out of hand.)

Customer: “I want a refund on these; I’ve used some of them.”

Coworker: “These have all been opened.”

Customer: “Yes. I used what I needed from each pack. I just want you to work out what each sheet costs and give me the refund on them.”

Coworker: “That’s not how it works. These are sold as a pack; we only refund full packets”.

Customer: “I don’t want a refund on the full packs; I just want a refund on what I haven’t used.”

Coworker: “I can’t do that.”

Customer: “Why not? I shouldn’t have to pay for what I don’t use.”

Coworker: “We do not refund leftover items. If these papers were bought individually then we can, but they are in a packet, and we can not resell the packet if it is missing items.”

Customer: “I don’t understand why you won’t help me. I need a refund on these items I am not going to use. It’s a waste of my money when I only needed a couple of sheets out of each packet. There’s still ten in the packet. Just work out the price for the individual sheets.”

Coworker: “We can’t do refunds on partially-used items. Would you take back a box of cereal to a supermarket because you only wanted one bowl of cereal out of it?”

Customer: “Well, that’s just idiotic. No, I would not. What’s cereal got to do with it?”

Coworker: “It’s basically what you want me to do: take back a partially-used product that we can no longer sell for full price. I can’t do it.”

Customer: “Get me the manager.”

Coworker: “I am a supervisor. The manager is not in.”

Customer: “Well, get me your supervisor, then.”

Me: “That’ll be me, and I can’t do it, either.”

Customer: “I’ll be calling Head Office about this.”

Coworker: *handing the receipt back* “The phone number’s just there. Good luck with that.”

Customer: *to me* “Oh, but can’t you just do it?”

Coworker: “As I have already explained, no, she can’t. Now, if you would just move on; you are wasting your time and mine, and there are customers waiting. NEXT!”

Don’t Sweat The Sweater, Part 3

, , , | Right | December 19, 2017

(A national chain of department stores has moved into our area, and rather than building new stores, they purchased a regional chain and converted them over to the new brand. I begin working at the new store shortly after the change-over. In order to encourage the old store’s customers to shop in the new store, the return policy has been extended out so that customers who made purchases at the old store may return them to the new store up to a year later, even if the new store does not carry that item. Several years after the change-over, I am working in the misses’ department when I am approached by a lovely elderly lady.)

Elderly Lady: “Hello, I purchased this sweater at [Old Store] three years ago and never wore it. It still has the original tag. I bought it to wear someplace special, but then I got cancer, and almost died. I spent months in the hospital and never wore the sweater. May I return it?”

(This is far outside of that return policy, but the customer has been pleasant, and I want to help her out. I cannot process this kind of return myself, so I call a manager over. The elderly woman repeats her story about having cancer and almost dying, and wanting to return the sweater that she never wore.)

Manager: “I see the original tag here, and it doesn’t look worn. This is very much outside of our return policy, but I may be able to help you out.”

Elderly Lady: “Oh, bless you both! Thank you. You’re so kind! “

Manager: “Unfortunately, because this item is not in our system, and because we don’t carry this brand, about the best that I can do in this situation is look for a similar item on the clearance rack, and use that tag to make the return.”

Elderly Lady: “Oh, that’s fine, dear! Whatever you need to do. I’m just so glad that you could take it back. I bought it before I got cancer, and then I almost died, so I was never able to wear it.”

(The manager scans the tag of another, similar sweater from the clearance rack. The elderly lady continues on about her cancer, and how nice we are for taking the sweater back from her.)

Manager: *setting up the return in the register* “Okay, we’re all set here, and I can return the sweater and give you back $8.”

(The swiftness with which the customer goes from thanking us profusely to screaming at us is astounding.)

Elderly Lady: “WHAT?! What do you mean, you’ll only give me $8? This is an expensive sweater, young lady! Do you see what it says on that tag? It says $80!”

Manager: “Yes, ma’am. But as I’ve said, I had to get another item from the clearance rack to return that sweater, which was bought three years ago, from a store that no longer exists. Our return policy for [Old Store] merchandise only extended for one year after the change-over, and in cases where the item is no longer in the system, the policy is to get a similar item from clearance and use that barcode to help determine the return price. $8 is all that I can offer you.”

(The customer snatches the sweater back from the manager.)

Elderly Lady: “NO! This was an expensive sweater! I’m not taking $8 for it. I’ll give it as a gift to a friend!”

(We watched as she stalked back out of the store.)

Couching Your Request For Drama

, , , , | Right | December 19, 2017

(In the back of the store, we have a lounge for people waiting for friends and family to finish shopping. A woman emerges from the fitting room wearing an outfit from our racks. She walks over to the lounge and lounges back on the couch and asks me to bring a mirror. I bring out a standing mirror for her, then she asks for bottled water. She spends some time preening and posing in the mirror, then shakes her head angrily.)

Customer: “Is there another couch somewhere?”

Me: “No…. May I ask why?”

Customer: *sighing* ”I want to wear this to Christmas, but I have no idea how I’ll look in it. I’ll be sitting on my sister’s couch and that is FOREST GREEN and more of a rigid upholstery. I’m afraid I JUST can’t get this if I can’t see what I’ll look like on that couch!”

Me: “I honestly don’t have another couch to offer you…”

Customer: “HONESTLY! I swear this place has no service!”

You Need Coffee For Callers Like This

, , , | Right | December 18, 2017

(I work in an adult store that’s in the same building as a topless club. I answer their phone as well as ours, but most people call with questions about the club.)

Caller: “How’s it looking down there?”

(We get this question a lot, and I honestly don’t know if they would prefer it be packed or empty, so I usually respond the same way.)

Me: “I don’t know. I answer the phone in the adult store next door.”

Caller: “Oh, really? What’s your favorite thing in the adult store?

Me: *rolling my eyes* “I don’t have a favorite.”

Caller: “Oh, come on!”

Me: *looking around quickly* “My [Coffee Maker]. Does that work for you? My [Coffee Maker] is my favorite thing here.”

Caller: “Well, that’s no fun.”

Me: “It is for me. I really like coffee.” *click*

Never To Early To Consider Retirement

, , , | Right | December 18, 2017

(I visit elderly people in their own homes for routine maintenance of medical appliances supplied to them. I call ahead to let them know roughly what time I will be with them; as I do several visits each day I tend to give them a window of a couple of hours, and I can usually switch visits around to suit patients’ schedules. One patient doesn’t seem to quite get this. I’ve phoned him and arranged to visit him in the morning, sometime between 10:00 and 11:30 am. I arrive at 11:25 am and the visit is straightforward and quick. Thirty minutes later I’m about to leave.)

Me: “So, I’ll see you in six months. Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

Patient: “Well, I hope you can get here earlier next time; you were really late today and now I’m behind with everything.”

Me: “Sorry? I said I’d be here by 11:30. Was there a misunderstanding?”

Patient: “No, you were here right at 11:30.”

Me: “Yes.”

Patient: “So, next time, can you try to get here on time?”

Me: “Uh, I was here on time. I was here before 11:30, just like we arranged on the phone.”

Patient: “But I needed to go out! You said from 10:00 to 11:30. How was I to know you’d wait right up until 11:30?”

Me: “I don’t know what to tell you. I said I’d arrive between 10:00 and 11:30, and I did.”

Patient: “Well, next time, get here on time. That means early, not right at the end!”

Page 11/74First...910111213...Last
« Previous
Next »