Leaves Mushroom For Error

, , , , | Right | September 23, 2017

Me: “Thank you for calling [Pizza Place], how may I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I just came into your store and picked up my pizza, and there were no mushrooms on it! Can you help me?”

Me: “Whoops! Sorry about that. Let me go ahead and take a look at your order and see what I can do. May I have your name, please?”

(She gives me her name and I look up her order. She placed her order online and therefore did not speak with any employee about it. The order was for a specialty cheese pizza without any extra toppings whatsoever.)

Me: “Hmm, it looks like you placed your order online without mushrooms, ma’am. Luckily—”

Customer: *interrupting* “What? Well, if that’s how you treat your customers, then I’m never ordering pizza from here again!” *hangs up*

(How she thought we were psychically supposed to know she wanted mushrooms on her pizza is beyond me. I was going to mention that at least she wasn’t charged for any extra toppings, but oh well!)

(Thermo)Dynamically Reacting To A Crazy Request

, , | Right | September 23, 2017

(I’ve worked at many different pools, but the number one complaint I get, no matter what pool I’m at, is that “the pool is too cold.” Some people don’t understand that a pool is not a bathtub, and we can’t turn up the heat on demand. Since the pool is so big, and filters gallons of water in and out, it literally takes days to cool down or heat up the pool. Furthermore, health and safety policies dictate that we have to keep the pool within a certain temperature range. My response to this complaint for years has been to explain these facts, and tell them what the temperature reading was at the last pool test. One day, at one of the biggest pools I’ve worked at, an elderly woman enters the pool and makes a big show of acting like she has just stepped into ice water.)

Patron: “The water is so cold today.”

Me: “The last temperature reading said 85 degrees.”

Patron: *confused* “What does that mean?”

Me: “Our policy aims to have our pool between 83 and 87 degrees in order to operate. We’re actually above the minimum level.”

Patron: “So, you have two more degrees to go.”

Me: “Uh, yes. Two more degrees until the maximum.”

Patron: “So, turn it up.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Patron: “It’s far too cold to be comfortable. Get someone to turn up the heat.”

Me: “Ma’am, if we turn it up too much, then the competitive swimmers could overheat.”

Patron: “You just said that you could go two degrees higher, so just go to the back and turn up the switch.”

Me: “Uh, I’m actually not trained to—”

Patron: “And hurry up; I’m only here for half an hour today.”

Me: “I’m very sorry, ma’am, but there is no way the heat will increase that much in so little time.”

(I’m about to explain to her why this is, when she sees a maintenance worker come onto the pool deck.)

Patron: “Oh, you’re useless. I’ll just ask [Worker]; he knows what to do.”

(She gets his attention and asks him what she asked me. I continue to guard, but I listen in, expecting him to say the same thing I did. To my surprise, I hear him say, “No problem,” and he walks away. The patron smiles smugly at me and begins her walking workout, while I stand there confused. Ten minutes later, he comes back, and I approach him before the lady sees him.)

Me: “Did you really turn up the heat for the pool?”

Worker: *smirks* “Oh, no, that’s just a line I shoot them so they’ll get off my back.”

(He then walks over to the lady.)

Worker: “How’s that?”

Patron: “Much better; thank you.”

Entitlement Comes Before The Custom

, , , , | Friendly | September 22, 2017

(I put a sign in my building saying I’m renting my parking spot monthly for the winter. A few days later, another tenant calls me.)

Tenant: “I saw your sign, and I’m wondering if I could pay every week instead of every month?”

Me: “I’d really prefer monthly checks to make it easier for everyone.”

Tenant: “I don’t know how checks work. Can’t I just meet you every week to give you money? See, it’s quite expensive, and I can’t afford it one month at a time, so I need to pay you every week. Also, could you lower the price because I’m on a low income?”

Me: “Sorry. As I said, I’d like the full amount to be paid monthly by check; it’s much more simple for me.”

Tenant: *getting flustered* “But I can’t use checks, and it’s too expensive, and I can only pay one week at a time. You’re not at all accommodating to your customers!”

Me: “Lady, I’m not a business; I’m just renting my parking spot. I don’t owe you anything. I hope you find another place to park. Goodbye.”

Stocking Up On Toilet Paper Is A Sign Of The Apocalypse

, , , , | Right | September 22, 2017

(The store manager authorizes a woman to purchase 42 packs of a particular brand of toilet paper, thus selling out our entire inventory, which is usually not allowed. The customer then uses coupons for each one, requiring me to do 11 different transactions because of coupon limits.)

Customer: “These won’t all fit in my car. Can I leave them here while I make multiple trips to my house?” *gestures right in front of guest service desk*

(Usually this is not allowed, but I am feeling nice and there isn’t much else she can do.)

Me: “Actually, if you could move them right over there around the corner, that should be all right.”

Customer: “Okay, thanks.”

(The customer leaves them right in front of desk and begins to walk off. My supervisor [not the manager from before] walks up.)

Customer: “Actually, can I get help to my car?”

Supervisor: “For insurance reasons, only cart attendants can help, and we don’t have any in right now. I’m sorry! Someone is coming in 20 minutes, if you’d like to wait.”

(The customer left angrily, came back an hour later, took the rest of the toilet paper, and would not accept help to her car, even though someone was now available. She then demanded I give her the name of my supervisor, and later called to complain about how we were all so rude and unhelpful. Later that day, we had four or five customers come in asking for that brand of toilet paper, but we didn’t have any. When we called other stores to see if they had any, we found out the same woman had bought out the inventory of two other stores.)

Exclusive To One Person Gets You Excluded

, , , , | Right | September 22, 2017

(I answer the phone over the lunch break at work. The CFL is the Canadian Football League.)

Customer: “Hi, I want to talk to the lady I talked to before about the CFL.”

Me: “I’m afraid it wasn’t me, but do you have the name of the person who was helping you?”

Customer: *snapping at me* “I don’t keep track of names!”

Me: “Okay, did you call earlier today?”

Customer: “No. It was like a month ago or something. Just find her for me.”

Me: “If it was that long ago, I really don’t know who that might be.”

Customer: “Well, just ask around!”

(I put him on hold and ask my coworkers at the desk. None of them remember talking to him.)

Me: “No one I spoke to seems to be the lady who you spoke with before.”

Customer: “Did you ask everyone?”

Me: “Well, sir, we have around thirty staff members. I don’t know which one might have spoken to you.”

Customer: “Oh, so, you’re like a big company then. Are they all there today?”

Me: “No. There are only about ten here today, and it’s lunch time, so there are only about five people available.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, my name is [Name] and my phone number is [number]. I want to talk to her about ordering a CFL playbook.”

Me: “Oh, all right. Could I possibly help you with that?”

Customer: “NO! I only want to talk to her!”

Me: “…All right, then. I’ll post a note with your contact information. Have a nice day.”

(The note is currently still sitting there, untouched.)

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