(At our gardens, we use dogs to chase geese away from delicate areas. I encounter two elderly patrons who are clearly unhappy.)
Patron #1: “I think it’s disgusting that they allow dogs here.”
Me: “Don’t worry, ma’am, the dog is an employee. He has a name tag and a paycheck.”
Patron #2: “Then why don’t the employees chase the geese away?”
Me: “That’s because the geese are meaner than we are. If you think you can do a better job, feel free to!”
Customer: “Hey, what’s the deal with this cherry slushie?”
Me: “Sorry, sir?”
Customer: “It’s WHITE!”
Me: “Yes, sir…”
Customer: “Why isn’t it RED?!”
Me: “Sir, the watermelon flavor is red.”
Customer: “That’s sacrilegious!”
Me: “Sir, the color does not make a difference in the flavor.”
Customer: “You should be ashamed!”
Customer’s Wife: “Okay, let’s just let the man do his job, it’s not his fault for the color of the slushies.”
Customer: “It’s embarrassing!”
Customer’s Wife: *to me* “I’m sorry…”
Me: “Have a nice day.”
Customer: “YOU SHOULD ALL BE ASHAMED!”
Caller: “Hi, I lost my cellphone this weekend. I was wondering if you’d found it?”
Me: “Well, maybe. What does it look like?”
Caller: “It’s a black Nokia; orange on the sides.”
Me: “I’m sorry, but your phone is not here.”
Caller: “Oh. Well… can I come by and just, like, take another one?”
Me: “Excuse me?”
Caller: “Well, you know, since I’ve lost my phone and all, and it’s not like the phones you have is anyone’s property…”
Me: “Ehm… well… how would you feel if I gave your phone away to someone else?”
Caller: *silence* “Well that would be kinda rude.”
Me: “Yes.”
Caller: *more silence* *click*
