Our state is going through its worst snowstorm in a decade, but of course, my manager calls me and tells me I still need to be there to open the d*** store. Why me?”

Manager: “You live closest! I’ll see you when my shift starts!”

I turn up and open the store at 9 AM, and it turns out I was the only one who could make it into the store. Normally, we’d have three or four people working opening shift, but this wasn’t a problem today, as we had zero customers. Zero. The snow was still coming down, so it wasn’t a surprise.

My manager calls me at 2 PM:

Manager: “Yeah, so I can’t get in for my shift. The freeway closed.”

Me: “No s***. So, do I close up and go home?”

Manager: “What gave you that idea? You need to stay until closing.”

Me: “You want me to stay until 9 PM? Even after I opened?

Manager: “No one else can make it in!”

Me: “That applies to the customers too, you know?”

Manager: “Stay until close.” *Click.*

I should have told him where to stuff it, but I was young, and I needed the job, so I dealt with it and actually worked the full twelve hours. I didn’t mind so much because we had zero customers; I was able to get a lot of college studying done without the distractions of home.

The manager called me at 10 PM to ask how the day went.

Me: “I’m just leaving the store.”

Manager: “Why so late? I thought you said foot traffic was light?”

Me: “Practically non-existent. But I did get an urgent customer come in ten minutes before close.”

Manager: “Well, at least you were able to help someone with an urgent need.”

Me: “Yeah… an urgent need to do a huge-a** refund. Which meant we ended the day with negative sales. Oh, and kept me behind an hour past closing, which means I’m getting paid more for a negative sales day.”

Manager: “…” *Click.*

The manager reviewed the footage the next day and confirmed that we had zero customers in twelve hours (apart from that one at the end), and I got a lot of studying done! Did this change Corporate’s policy when it came to severe weather events? Ha ha, of course not.

I was in the queue at the checkout with one man in front of me with a small basket of shopping on the conveyor belt. 

The shop assistant scans a bottle of wine and hands it to him, and both of them fumble with it: her handing it over, him taking it from her. In what seemed like slow motion, the bottle fell onto the little plinth the card reader sits on, *bounces*, tumbles gracefully in the air for a few feet, and then lands behind the checkout area with a massive smash.

Being British, we all go silent for a beat, and then everybody, me, the shop assistant, the man, other shoppers nearby who saw and heard it, start laughing.

There happens to be a store cleaner going past, who immediately starts dealing with the spill and glass shards, so it all looks like it’s quickly and easily dealt with.

Assistant: “Do you want me to get someone to get you a replacement? It might be quicker to get it yourself. It’s up to you.”

The man makes eye contact with me, and I shrug and smile: it’s up to him.

Man: “I’ll go get another one.”

He’s gone for about forty-five seconds, so that’s quick and easy too. He returns and seemingly, without thinking, puts the new bottle on the conveyor belt. Also, seemingly without thinking, the sales assistant picks it up and scans it.

Man: “There will be two on my bill now, can you take that off?”

Assistant: “Yeah, but you’ve had two bottles.”

Man: “But we dropped one of them.”

Assistant: “After I scanned it. So, it was yours.”

Man: “But I haven’t paid yet, so it was still yours.”

Assistant: “I’ve scanned it, so it was yours.”

Man: “It’s not mine until I’ve paid for it.”

Assistant: “I scanned it. What you do with it after that isn’t up to me.”

Man: “I’m not going to pay for two bottles and only get one, though, am I?”

Assistant: “I scanned both, so you have to pay for both.”

The man makes eye contact with me. Mine are like saucers at this point.

Man: “Call the manager, please.”

Assistant: “No. That’s £27.78 please.”

Man: “It bloody well isn’t, you know. Fetch the manager.”

Assistant: “He’ll only agree with me. You’re holding up the queue. £27.78.”

The man takes a deep breath, but at that moment, a manager appears.

Manager: “What seems to be the problem?”

The man and the assistant speak at the same time, both saying that a bottle of wine was dropped and a replacement obtained.

Manager: *To the assistant.* “Had you scanned the first one before it was broken?”

Assistant: “Yes.”

Manager: “Then I don’t see what the problem is. Sir, if you could just pay for both now, please, you’re holding up the queue.”

Man: “Goodbye.”

He leaves without his shopping, with both the assistant and the manager looking confused.

Manager: “I’ll void this off, and then you can help the next person.”

Me: “Yeah, no.”

I leave my shopping on the conveyor belt and also walk towards the exit.

Assistant: “And what was her problem?”

According to the customer services helpline, about an hour later, I was the third person to call in about the incident. Without asking for it, I got a £5 voucher added to my loyalty card and a promise that things would be changing at that store starting the next day.

I hope the man in front got more than a fiver, and I hope he got his wine from somewhere else. He deserved a glass or three.

I work in a store that sells exclusively paper and stationery, with the word “paper store” in the title of the store:

Customer: “I’ve been down every aisle, and I can’t find any nails!”

Me: “We don’t sell nails, sir.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Because this is a stationery and paper store.”

Customer: “But you do have a nail section?”

Me: “We don’t.”

Customer: “You sold out?”

Me: “No, we used them all up to nail the sign above the shop that says “paper store”.”

The customer didn’t get my smart-a** comment, and left to look for nails elsewhere… maybe a bakery or something.

Caller: “My pizza is late!”

Me: “Sorry, sir, we’re very busy tonight due to the heavy rain and the big game playing. We are warning customers to give us an extra half an hour. Your pizzas should be with you any minute.”

Caller: “Oh, I already have the pizza. It came a few minutes ago.”

Me: “Oh… well, is there anything wrong with the pizzas?”

Caller: “Yeah, they were late!”

Me: “Well, I apologize for that, but as I explained, it couldn’t be helped tonight. Enjoy your pizzas!”

Caller: “You aren’t going to offer me anything?”

Me: “Sir, we explained to you when you ordered that deliveries are taking half an hour longer than usual. You got yours in less than that half an hour extra time, so no, I won’t be offering you anything.”

Caller: “Well, this is ridiculous! I won’t be ordering from you again!”

Me: “We appreciate you lightening our already overburdened load by taking your business elsewhere. Enjoy your pizzas.”

Caller: “No, wait, I didn’t mean—”

Me: *Click.*

Customer: “When does [other store in the mall] close?”

Me: “Well, the mall closes at—”

Customer: “—I’m not asking when the mall closes, I’m asking when [other store] closes.”

Me: “I don’t work in that store, ma’am, so I don’t know.”

Customer: “But it’s in the same mall!”

Me: “But I don’t work there.”

Customer: “You should have the information for every store in the same mall as you!”

Me: “Ma’am, where do you work?”

Caller: “That’s none of your business!”

Me: “And other stores’ operating hours are none of ours.”

She left with a typical customer ‘hmph.’

My manager asked me how I knew the customer was going to answer my question that way, and I told him I didn’t. I was actually going to assume she was going to tell me where she worked, and I was going to ask if she knew the favorite foods of all of her coworkers, because they all worked in the same building so she must know everything about them… but how the conversation turned out was way better.