We Don’t Know Who Juices Lettuce, But They’re Probably Like That

, , , , , | Right | November 17, 2019

(We have a small shelf near the cash registers with a few candies and juice boxes and all that. One day, when I’m working at the register, a lady comes charging up to me.)

Customer: *very angry* “LETTUCE JUUUICE!” 

Me: *gives confused expression* “Sorry, ma’am, what?”

Customer: *now triggered* “LETTUCE JUICE! WHERE’S MY LETTUCE JUUUUUICCEEE?!” 

Me: *thinking she’s talking about the shelf, I point to it* “Erm, ma’am—”

Customer: *slaps my hand* “NOOOO! LETTUCE JUICE!”

(I now give up and let her keep going.)

Customer: “LETTUCE JUICE! This is ABSOLUTELY HORRIBLE! I’m calling corporate!” *storms out of store*

(I’ve never actually figured what she was trying to say.)

It’s Never Crunch Time

, , , , , | Right | November 17, 2019

(I work night-shift as a doughnut fryer. I don’t see people often, but when I do, I try to be extra helpful. It is about 11:00 pm.)

Customer: “Do you know where the crunchies are?”

Me: “Crunchies? Um, I don’t think so. Can you describe them?”

Customer: “They’re like apple pie, but with oatmeal on top.”

(I ponder for a moment, for that could apply to a great many things we make. Then it hits me. Cobbler. She means cobbler. Interesting fact: our store’s kitchen actually makes the cobbler. So, I show her where it is.) 

Me: “Here it is. The kitchen labeled it ‘cobbler’ but I think this may be what you are looking for.”

Customer: *sneers* “Yes, it is, but in my family, we call it crunchies.”

(Then, she walked away all snooty. All I could think was, “Yeah, but if you want people to understand you, you call it what everyone else f****** does.”)

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When Day Off Becomes Last Day

, , , , | Working | November 16, 2019

(I have not had a day without something work-related happening in weeks. If I’m not at work, my store manager calls at least once a day to ask a question or tell me about something at the store. I’m not even a manager — I barely make $10 an hour as a floor associate — so most of the things she calls about have nothing to do with me. She has called me when the register systems will be updating overnight, she’s called when our inventory doesn’t line up, and she even called to tell me one of the registers was off by $100 and she wondered if I thought a certain coworker would have taken it. Every one of these conversations was above my pay grade, which she knows. I am supposed to have three days off in a row but, as usual, my days are interrupted by my store manager calling. On the second day, I’m in the middle of a call with my mother when my phone beeps to tell me someone is on the other line. I see it’s work and decide I’ll call back after my current call. The beeping stops for a moment before resuming. Again, work is calling. This time, I send the call straight to voicemail. Another minute passes and the store ID shows up AGAIN. I apologize to my mother and switch calls.)

Me: *annoyed* “Hello?”

SM: “[My Name], what are you doing?”

Me: “I was on the phone with my mom. What did you want?”

SM: “Oh, [Customer] will be in shortly.”

Me: “…and?”

SM: “She wants to talk to you.”

Me: “I’m not working today.”

SM: “I know, but I just thought that since she asked for you by name, you could swing by and find out what she needs.”

Me: “You didn’t ask her?”

SM: “No. But she’ll be here in about an hour, so if you could be here I–”

Me: “It’s my day off.”

SM: “Yes, I know, but [Customer] asked for you specifically.”

Me: “And I will be happy to help her when I’m scheduled. I’m not driving half an hour to help one customer and then turn around and go home.”

SM: “But… But she asked for you. I told her you’d be here.”

Me: “She can come in during my next shift.”

SM: *angry* “Your job is to help customers, [My Name].”

Me: “When I’m on the clock. Which I’m not. And I’m not coming in for, what, 20 minutes of work?”

SM: “Yes, that’s all I need! Maybe half an hour.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t justify coming in for that short period of time. “

SM: *gritting her teeth* “[Customer] asked for you by name.”

Me: “Then you should have told her I was unavailable.”

SM: *growls* “Fine.” *Hangs up*

(Frustrated, I call my mother back. I tell her what happened and that, adding in all the other annoying things my manager does, I want to quit. My mother tells me she doesn’t think I should, but if I feel that strongly, it’s my choice. My next shift, the store manager calls me into the office, where she and the assistant manager are waiting. My two-week notice is folded in my back pocket.)

Me: “You called?”

SM: “[My Name], have a seat. We need to discuss your conduct regarding [Customer] the other day.”

Me: “Okay.”

SM: “It is your job to assist customers.”

Me: “Yes.”

SM: “You should have come in.”

Me: “No.”

SM: “I– What?”

Me: “No. I am sorry, but I work to make money. Coming in for the little time you wanted me to help [Customer] would have cost me money.”

SM: “Well, when I told [Customer] you weren’t in, she left. So you cost us money.”

Me: “You told her I would be here, on my day off, before you asked me?”

SM: “Your availability states that you can come in.”

Me: “Not for 20 minutes! That’s ridiculous!”

SM: “[My Name], I’m afraid you’ve left me no choice.” *slides a paper toward me* “Read over this and sign.”

Me: “What is it?”

SM: “It’s a writeup for not coming in.”

Me: *laughing* “On my day off?”

SM: “When you were requested.”

Me: *seriously* “On my day off.”

SM: “Let’s not escalate this.”

Me: “Do you have a pen?”

SM: “Yes!”

(I read over the writeup and see that it says I refused to come in AND refused to assist a customer who asked for me by name. Coincidentally, this writeup leaves out the part where I was supposed to have the day off and that I was requested for less than an hour of work, roughly an hour before I was asked to be there.)

Me: *pull out my notice* “This was my two-week notice. But… I quit. Now.”

(I crossed out the last day of employment, wrote the current date, and added that my store manager tried to write me up for not coming in on my day off. I took a picture of the final product and the writeup before leaving the store. A few days later, the assistant manager called and apologized for the way things went down. I told her it wasn’t her fault at all, and I don’t hold anything against her or the company itself, I just refused to work for the store manager.)

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Get Me To The Hotel On Time

, , , , | Right | November 15, 2019

(I work at the front desk at a very well-known hotel chain. The phone rings.)

Me: “Hello, [Guest Services], this is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “Hi, I’d like to make a reservation.”

Me: “Great! What’s the date of arrival?”

Caller: “I don’t know! It’s for a wedding!”

Me: “Okay… However, I’ll need a date of arrival to look up because there are a lot of weddings happening this year and next. Do you have the invitation?”

Caller: “No! It’s not my job! It’s your job to know the dates!”

Me: “Actually, it’s only my job to make the reservation, sir. Why don’t you call me back when you know the date of arrival?”

Caller: “F***, really? You should know the date for me!”

Me: “Have a wonderful night, sir!” *click*

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The Music Is Not As Off-Putting As Your Stare

, , , | Right | November 15, 2019

(I work in a department store, roughly fifty feet from the cosmetics counters. I’m ringing up a family when the mother comes closer and says:)

Customer: “By the way, I wanted to let you know that the music they play over at the [Famous Cosmetics] counter is really off-putting. It makes me not want to shop around here.” *looks at me expectantly*

Me: “I’m sorry about that. We actually don’t have much say over their music choices, though, since they lease that space from us. You would have to bring that up with their employees.”

Customer: “Oh, no, I don’t want to do that. I just wanted to let you know that the music is a nuisance.” *another expectant look*

Me: “Well, if you talked to the employees about it, they might turn it down while you’re over there. They’re not our employees, and they’re using their own sound system, so you’d want to talk directly to them.”

Customer: “I’m just letting you know how irritating it is to have that playing while you’re trying to shop, and that it drives people away.” *still looks like she’s waiting for something*

Me: “Um… I could get you in touch with the store manager, if you like? He could bring it up to them.”

Customer: “No, that’s not necessary, I just wanted to tell you that it’s difficult for me to shop there while that music is playing.” *gives me another pointed look*

Me: “Okay, ma’am.”

(This must have satisfied her because she and her family finally left. I have no idea what she wanted to accomplish.)

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