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This Retail Tail Smacks Of Impossible Demands

, , , | Right | CREDIT: LemonFlavoredMelon | January 14, 2023

Our tale begins with a devilishly handsome retail worker in a [Computer Store] that has a video games section. This retail worker is pretty well versed in games and pop culture, so he was a shoo-in for the job.

In comes the antagonist of our story. A customer stomps in, looks among the games, and grabs two of them. In a shocking bout of wisdom, the customer approaches the retail worker and holds up both games.

Customer: “Which is best for a ten-year-old boy?”

The games in question? “Grand Theft Auto 4” — new at the time — and “Sonic’s Sega Collection”, both on PlayStation 3. Now, what did this retail worker do? Well, obviously, be a very responsible salesman and tell the customer that the Sega Collection is best, waxing poetic about how the retail worker grew up on those games and enjoyed them when he was ten years old.

The customer holds both games and deliberates for roughly ten minutes. This time, the customer decides to go against the retail worker’s best judgement and buy “Grand Theft Auto 4”. The worker thinks nothing of it, just the usual when it comes to customers like this.

But this is not where the tale ends. Oh, no, no. This honorable knight isn’t prepared for this dragon’s fiery breath.

The next day, our still handsome rogue of a retail worker has a weird feeling, that which feels like Spider-Man’s “Spidey Sense”. There the monster is when the store opens, clearly angry.

Customer: “You sold me a game that had violence, sex, and curse words in it!”

The roguish knight is taken aback! He musters up his courage, looks this dragon in the eye, and responds with the most customer-friendly voice.

Worker: “Ma’am, if I recall, I did suggest a better game for your ten-year-old: the Sega Collection.

This is his fatal mistake; using logic against a chaotic being will be his undoing and leave him mentally scarred for eternity. The monster rears its ugly head and spews these words:

Customer: “Well, maybe you should’ve been a more assertive salesman and smacked the game out of my hands!”

The words pierced the worker’s heart; the amount of Stupidity-elemental damage got past his armor and it was a critical hit to his logic stat. With the customer screaming for aid from the manager, he told her to leave the store.

Stick To The Basics

, , , , | Right | November 2, 2021

I’ve been re-creating a series of medical illustrations for an online hemophilia handbook. One of the diagrams is an example of parents passing on X and Y chromosomes to potential offspring. The client wanted the new diagram to be more “ethnically diverse” than the original.

After several hours and much illustrating later:

Client: I love it! But, I gave it some thought, and I don’t want readers to insinuate that ethnic people are more predisposed to hemophilia. Can you just do stick figures instead?

The Geese Will Never Know What Hit ‘Em

, , , | Right | June 18, 2009

(At our gardens, we use dogs to chase geese away from delicate areas. I encounter two elderly patrons who are clearly unhappy.)

Patron #1: “I think it’s disgusting that they allow dogs here.”

Me: “Don’t worry, ma’am, the dog is an employee. He has a name tag and a paycheck.”

Patron #2: “Then why don’t the employees chase the geese away?”

Me: “That’s because the geese are meaner than we are. If you think you can do a better job, feel free to!”

This story is part of our customers-treating-staff-like-they’re-sub-human roundup!

Read the next story in this roundup!

Read the customers-treating-staff-like-they’re-sub-human roundup!

Almost As Bad As The Large Hadron Collider

, , , | Right | September 24, 2008

Customer: “Hey, what’s the deal with this cherry slushie?”

Me: “Sorry, sir?”

Customer: “It’s WHITE!”

Me: “Yes, sir…”

Customer: “Why isn’t it RED?!”

Me: “Sir, the watermelon flavor is red.”

Customer: “That’s sacrilegious!”

Me: “Sir, the color does not make a difference in the flavor.”

Customer: “You should be ashamed!”

Customer’s Wife: “Okay, let’s just let the man do his job, it’s not his fault for the color of the slushies.”

Customer: “It’s embarrassing!”

Customer’s Wife: *to me* “I’m sorry…”

Me: “Have a nice day.”


The Lost And Take Whatever I Want

, , , | Right | April 7, 2008

Caller: “Hi, I lost my cellphone this weekend. I was wondering if you’d found it?”

Me: “Well, maybe. What does it look like?”

Caller: “It’s a black Nokia; orange on the sides.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but your phone is not here.”

Caller: “Oh. Well… can I come by and just, like, take another one?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Caller: “Well, you know, since I’ve lost my phone and all, and it’s not like the phones you have is anyone’s property…”

Me: “Ehm… well… how would you feel if I gave your phone away to someone else?”

Caller: *silence* “Well that would be kinda rude.”

Me: “Yes.”

Caller: *more silence* *click*