Me: “Thank you for calling [My Company]. This is [My Name]; how may I help you today?”

Member: “Oh, honey, no. This isn’t gonna work. Transfer me out; your voice is just too squeaky.”

(An older man beside me at the superstore is looking at packages of boot tractions — those things that attach to the bottom of boots so you don’t slip on snow and ice — scowling at them, and then shoving them back. I decide to try and be helpful.)

Me: “What size are you looking for?”

Customer: “Medium.”

Me: “Oh, they come in small/medium and large/extra-large.”

Customer: “My wife said to get a medium.”

Me: *reading the package info* “Well, it says here that the small/medium fits women’s size five to nine. What size does your wife wear?”

Customer: “It’s for her boots. She said to get medium.”

Me: “It doesn’t look like it comes in a medium.”

Customer: “She said to get medium.”

Me: “Okay, good luck, then.”

Me: *picking up ringing phone* “Hi, welcome to [Solar Installation Company]. I’m [My Name]; how may I direct your call?”

Caller: “We got solar panels installed by you lot seven years ago, and now the [Component] isn’t working, and it’s not fair that it’s out of warranty; who can I speak to?!”

Me: *pause* “Miss, I’m very sorry, but the [Component] is only covered by a five-year manufacturer’s warranty—”

Caller: “But it’s not fair! Can’t you do anything for me?!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but no; it’s the standard warranty and practice for [component].”

Caller: “But it’s not fair!”

(Cue me head-desking and sighing.)

(I am selling my entry-level DSLR on eBay. Only twenty years old and pretty new to the whole camera world, I don’t notice some dust on the sensor and a few worn spots on the camera body itself, so I don’t include them in the listing. My bad, obviously. When the seller points that out, I agree to accept the camera back and issue a refund. The following conversation takes place over email.)

Me: “Once you return the camera to me, I will refund you the original price — camera + shipping — so [total]. I am sorry it did not work out for you.”

Buyer: “I paid you in advance in good faith for an item that did not arrive in the way that it should — i.e., as listed, and clean. Because of this, I have to return it to you, and go back on eBay and find another camera to bid on. You wrote in your last message, ‘Once you return the camera to me, I will refund you.’ That doesn’t make any sense. I had to trust you when I gave you [total] on winning the auction, and I did, and you were honest and sent the camera. As a matter of simple courtesy, I think is entirely reasonable for me to expect reciprocity in trust, which is to say, to have you refund me before I put it in the mail.”

Me: “As for refunds, standard business practice is to refund your money once I have received the camera back from you. Thank you.”

(The buyer is very argumentative — the whole conversation involves long, drawn-out messages like that — and we go back and forth quite a bit before he agrees to finally send my camera back to me. After I receive the camera back and I think the whole thing is all over, I get this gem:)

Buyer: “I hope that you nor any of the women in your family are able to bear children and bring any more people like you into this world.”

(I reported the conversation to eBay. Not sure if anything was done about it, but I’m pretty sure I could hear the woman on the other end softly chuckling when she read the whole transcript. I mean, seriously?! Who thinks they get a refund BEFORE sending back the item they want to return?)

(It is a late shift, we are closing in an hour, and I am making drinks while one of my coworkers is on register. One of our regulars comes up; most of our regulars are nice but this one always has a sour look on her face and is known for being difficult.) 

Coworker: “Hello! Wha–“

Customer: *cuts right to it* “Ultra-caramel frappe with extra milk, half ice, light ice, light whipped cream, and extra caramel drizzle.”

(I hear the order and start making the drink right away. Before she even finishes paying, she screams.)

Customer: “THAT’S TOO MUCH MILK!”

Coworker: “Would you like her to pour some out or start over?”

Customer: *gives blank angry state and says nothing*

(Before she can ask again…)

Me: *in a polite sweet voice* “I’m sorry, I will start over.”

(The regular finishes paying and waits at the pickup area. I show her the milk amount before I make the rest of the drink; I pour just over the standard amount and ask her if that is all right. She continues to stare angrily but refuses to say if it isn’t, so I continue with the drink. I make it with her specifications and put it on the counter for her.)

Me: “Here you go!”

Customer: *twists the drink* “This isn’t right.”

Me: “I am sorry, I will be happy to fix it. What is wrong?”

Customer: *hissing* “This isn’t how I usually get it.”

Me: “I’m sorry. I can fix it if I know what’s wrong.”

Customer: *snaps* “Just give me a refund.”

(I am fed up. There is a line of customers and I have to make a ton of drinks because this conversation is taking way too long.)

Me: “Okay, then, you can wait in line and [Coworker] will give you a refund.”

(She huffed off and straight-up cut in line. The people behind were shocked. My coworker asked if she should give her the refund and I told her to just do it and get her out of here. The next week, she came in and I found out the only difference between what I made and how she usually drinks her frappuccino is that I put the extra caramel drizzle she ordered on top and she likes it in the cup!)