A Yuneek Name

, , , , , | Right | April 5, 2019

(My name is Monika, which is pronounced exactly like Monica. My parents just chose the K because it would make my name unique. We all wear name tags at work so a lot of customers try and use our names.)

Me: “Can I help you guys with anything?”

Customer: “You sure can, Mow-neek-ah.”

Customer’s Wife: “It’s pronounced, ‘Monica,’ dumba**.”

Customer: “Well, it looks Spanish.”

Me: “Actually, it’s the German spelling.”

(I can’t tell you how many people mispronounced my entire name because of one letter which makes the same sound.)

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This Is One Diamond That Is Staying Rough

, , , , , | Right | April 1, 2019

(I am helping a woman out when another woman who has been here for hours approaches the counter with multiple baskets of jewelry.)

Customer: “I’d like to check out.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I’m with another customer. However, my coworker is free on the Misses side registers; that way there’s more room for you to put the jewelry so you can finish faster.”

(She leaves, and later I get a call from the coworker I sent her to.)

Coworker: “What did you say to that woman?”

Me: “I told her that I was with another customer and I sent her to you to check out since you had no line. Why?”

Coworker: “She said you were rude and refused to help her. She got so heated up that she stopped the transaction halfway through and she is coming over to check out in jewelry.”

(The woman comes back and sits on the floor in the middle of the department. She starts detangling the jewelry she didn’t buy, on the floor, for a good half hour until I call the manager over.)

Manager: “Ma’am, I’m sorry but you can’t do that. You are taking up too much room and this could be a tripping hazard to the other customers.”

Customer: “Well, is she finally ready to check me out?”

Me: “Ma’am, I could’ve checked you out the entire time you decided to sit there and sort and fix your jewelry. You also could’ve been gone by now if you had just checked out all at once.”

(My manager offers to help me check her out since she is a little crazy.)

Customer: “I want you to single-bag every item, please.”

(She has over $300 worth of clearance jewelry. We start to ring her out and she starts to make conversation.)

Customer: “So, I’m retired, but I’m bored, so I keep trying to find jobs, but I’m too overqualified. I worked several high-ranking government jobs, and now just regular retail places won’t hire me because of how competent I am.”

(My manager and I shoot each other looks at this.)

Customer: “I was so glad when I started to talk to [Other Manager] earlier and she offered me an interview for jewelry. It would be so fun to work here.”

(She keeps bragging about herself and how she can’t wait to start working here. When we get to the end, she swipes her card and it declines.)

Manager: “Do you have any other form of payment?”

Customer: “No, let’s go through them and I’ll figure out what all I want.”

(We have to void the whole order and unbag every single f****** piece of jewelry again while she decides what she wants and keeps talking about what a great person she is. She finally leaves after being in my department alone for a good hour and a half.)

Me: “So, when are you going to set up that interview?”

Manager: “I am going to kill [Other Manager]. She invited crazy into here and now she’s going to keep coming back asking about an interview!”

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You Make Me Feel Blue

, , , , , | Right | March 25, 2019

(A customer approaches with patchy blue lips.)

Customer: “I’d like to return this lipstick, please; it makes me look like a freak.”

Me: “You know this isn’t lipstick, right?”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “You would put this over lipstick to give it an iridescent effect which is why it’s called ‘mermaid.’ You could also put this over eye shadow or even highlighter. That’s why it’s a powder so you can dab it on where you want.”

Customer: “Whatever. I still want to return it.”

(After she leaves.)

Coworker: “She knowingly put on a blue sparkly powder onto her lips and questioned why it made her look like that. Honestly, I don’t know what she thought would happen. I mean, there are different colors like red and gold but she still went for the blue.”

Me: “People are weird.”

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