Barking Up The Wrong Christmas Tree, Part 2

| Rockville, MD, USA | Working | December 26, 2015

(Our company is selling fake Christmas trees for the first time. My manager decides to save on floor space by rigging a couple trees to hang from the ceiling, against a wall. They can be seen from anywhere in the store and he is clearly proud of himself.)

Manager: “So, would you buy one of the trees based on seeing my display?”

Me: “No.”

Manager: “Why not?”

Me: “I’m Jewish.”

(The manager went to get someone else’s opinion!)

Barking Up The Wrong Christmas Tree

The Twelve Months Of Christmas

| Cedar Rapids, IA, USA | Working | December 22, 2015

(I work at a well-known craft chain. Because of the nature of our merchandise, we get seasonal stuff pretty early so that people who want to do handmade gifts and decorations can get started early. So it’s September, but not only do we have all our Halloween stuff, we have a good portion of our Christmas stuff. And it’s all covered in glitter.)

Manager: *over the headset* “I’m sick of Christmas already and it’s only September.”

Me: “It’s only going to get worse from here. Merry Christmas!”

Manager: “Noooooo!”

Coworker: *singing over the headset* “Feliz navidad! Feliz navidad!”

Me: You’re fired, [Coworker]. You’re feliz navi-dead.

Losing Heat And Patience

| Pleasant Hill, CA, USA | Working | December 15, 2015

(It’s our first really cold night of the season and I work graveyard. I come out to find frost on my car and spend the drive to work with the heaters going full blast. I get to the front door and knock to be let in.)

Coworker: *teasing* “What’s the password?”

Me: “My cold hands on your bare skin!”

Coworker: “Uh, good guess!”

(He quickly let me in.)

Don’t Run Away With Scissors

| OR, USA | Right | December 6, 2015

(I am a receptionist in a retail office. We sell a variety of scissors, but have to order most of them. A regular — rather annoying — customer has us order one pair of each type of scissors for her, so she can touch them and decide which pair she wants. They all arrive and she is looking at them.)

Customer: “Well, this is the pair that I wanted! They’re perfect!” *holds up a single pair of scissors, out of several different kinds*

Me: “Awesome!” *beginning to clear away the other products, implying she did not want them*

Customer: *starts smacking the tops of my hands repeatedly* “No! No! No! No! No!”

Me: *I immediately drop the scissors and stare at her in shock* “Um…”

Customer: “OBVIOUSLY, I wanted to look at the rest of them!” *proceeds to examine all the other scissors, then only buy the original pair she liked*

Sizing You Up And Letting You Down

| Roseville, MI, USA | Friendly | November 21, 2015

(I’m 10 years old and looking at stickers for my scrapbook. I’m dressed in a tie-dye shirt, bright purple shorts, and light-up shoes. I’m tall for my age, but I’m quite obviously a child. A woman approaches me in the aisle.)

Woman: “Excuse me, miss, where are your knitting needles?”

Me: “Uh… I don’t know, I—”

Woman: “It’s a simple question, sugar. Where are your knitting needles?”

Me: “I don’t work here.”

Woman: “Of course you do. You’re wearing a lanyard.”

(I look down at my Spice Girls lanyard that looks nothing like the bright red lanyards the employees wear.)

Me: “I’m sorry. I’m ten years old. I don’t work here.”

Woman: “So you can’t even fathom a guess as to where the knitting needles are?”

Me: “I guess by the sewing stuff?”

Woman: “Useless. Absolutely useless. A girl your size should be more intelligent.”

Me: “I’m taller than you.”

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