Right Working Romantic Related Learning Friendly Healthy Legal Inspirational Unfiltered

DIY: Dental It Yourself

, | Right | July 31, 2011

Me: “How may I help you?”

Customer: “I need a very fine grit sandpaper.”

Me: “Here you go.”

Customer: “Thanks! This will be perfect for my teeth!”

For A Few Dollars Less

, , , , | Right | April 19, 2011

(We have closed. I’m letting two employees out when a man runs up to the doors.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we’re closed.”

Customer: “I’ll only be a minute.”

(He comes towards me, trying to squeeze between me and the door.)

Me: “Sir, the store has been closed for ten minutes. Our registers have been shut down.”

Customer: “I’ll only be a minute; I just need one thing. I’ll be out before you know it.”

Me: “Sir, even if I could let you in the store, our registers have been shut down so no one would be able to check you out.”

Customer: “I was only going to buy a 99-cent item. I swear I’ll only be a minute. I’ll never come back if you don’t let me in.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. There’s nothing I can do.”

Customer: “It’s just a 99-cent item!”

Me: “I do apologise, but we open tomorrow at nine.”

Customer: “You just lost a very large sum of money! I’m never coming back!”


This story is part of the Closing Time roundup!

Read the next Closing Time roundup story!

Read the Closing Time roundup!

That’s A Very Good Point

, , , , | Right | January 26, 2011

Customer #1: “What size needles do I need to use?”

Customer #2: “Well, it depends on the tension of your knitting.”

Customer #1: “Oh, I’m quite loose.”

Customer #2: *laughs* “I wouldn’t say that in this town. You might get in trouble.”

Best Try The Duet Yourself Checkout

, , , , , , | Right | December 23, 2010

(An elderly gentleman selects a paintbrush and takes it to the counter.)

Customer: “Now, I don’t pay for items. I sing and dance on the tabletops instead.”

Me: *I laugh, thinking he’s joking* “That’s $1.19 please.”

Customer: “Well, I reckon that’d be about a minute’s worth of singing.”

Me: *still thinking he’s joking* “Actually, it’s $1.19, so it’s probably more like a minute and twenty seconds.”

(The customer then starts singing a monotone song — something about a cat. He is hobbling from side to side. I can’t help it; I just laugh until tears are running down my face.)

Customer: “That was verse one! There are 93 more!”

Me: “In that case, I’ll just take the cash.”


This story is part of our Musically Ignorant Customers roundup!

Read the next Musically Ignorant Customers roundup story!

Read the Musically Ignorant Customers roundup!

Ah, Mothers, Part 2

, , , , , | Right | April 27, 2009

(I overhear the following conversation as I’m stocking crafts; it’s a forty-something mother and her teenage daughter.)

Mother: “… okay, we need beads.”

Daughter: “Just make it fast.”

Mother: “Don’t take that attitude with me.”

Daughter: “I don’t know why I go anywhere with you!”

Mother: “Oh, look! Gift boxes! With Rudolph on them!”

Daughter: “Mom, be quiet. Just shut up… please.”

Mother: “Look! Rudolph! You see Rudolph?”

Daughter: “Mom, shut up! Can we leave?”

Mother: “It’s just so god-d*** a** f***ing cute!”

Daughter: *rolls her eyes and stomps off*