Can’t Hold A Candle To Some People

| Working | December 24, 2013

(It’s the day before Hanukkah and I have been trying to find a menorah. I’ve have already checked with four different stores that did not have any. Though this is a ‘hobby’ store they have at least a dozen aisles of Christmas decorations. I approach a clerk who is stacking some shelves.)

Me: “Do you guys sell menorahs?”

Clerk: “Um, what’s a menorah? Is that a kind of hat?”

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Arts And Crafts Is So Rock And (Toilet) Roll

| Right | November 27, 2013

(I run into a customer coming out of the store bathroom. She’s clutching two empty toilet paper rolls and looks angry. I’m expecting her to round on me about no toilet paper in the stalls.)

Customer: “You work in a craft store. How can you let people just throw these away!?”

(The customer puts them in her shopping basket and stalks off. It left me wondering what craft is so awesome that the finished product would negate the ick-factor of digging through a public toilet’s trash bags.)

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Sage Age Advice

| Right | November 1, 2013

(I’m head cashier in a craft store, and do all the returns. I have a couple come in with several bags and are rummaging through receipts. I start working through their transactions and find items that aren’t from my company and items without receipts.)

Me: “I am sorry, ma’am, but I cannot process a return for these items.”

Wife: “You should give me the money for these items anyway, because I have had a hard life! I have to take care of my mother and my four siblings!”

Me: “I can understand that, but—”

Wife: “What do you know about taking care of the elderly?”

Me: “Since I was 12 I cared for my father with cancer, who died when I was 18. Then my uncle was diagnosed also with cancer. He passed away two days ago. Between that I have another uncle diagnosed and living with me. Previously, my grandmother who had Alzheimer’s also lived with me and passed last summer. I’m also taking care of my mother who has severe arthritis. I have 5 siblings and 20 cousins, but everyone is dropped on me with no care or help.”

Wife: “I’m so sorry; I guess you do know what it’s like. Does it get better?”

Me: “No, but bubble wrap helps.”

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Expects You To Buy That Story

| Working | October 27, 2013

(I’ve been scouring a very large craft store searching for a certain kind of glass jar, but I can’t find it anywhere. I approach a very bored-looking employee.)

Me: “Excuse me; do you have a moment? I’m having trouble finding mason jars. Could you point me in the right direction?”

(The employee heaves a sigh and rolls her eyes.)

Employee: “Mason jars? Where do you think we are? This isn’t a… a…”

(The employee trails off, searching for the right word.)

Employee: “…this isn’t a ‘buying things’ store!”

Me: “…a what?”

Employee: “You heard me!”

Me: “…but [Competitor] carries all kinds of mason jars. Are you sure you don’t have them at all?”

Employee: “WE’RE. NOT. A. BUYING. THINGS. STORE. Go to Walmart!”

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Spinning A Yarn About Being Sorry

| Right | October 23, 2013

(A customer brings up a skein of yarn to the register. I see she is intending to use a coupon.)

Me: “Ma’am, that coupon won’t work on the yarn because it is on clearance.”

Customer: “Well, that’s not very fair. It’s only a few cents off from the normal price, anyway.”

Me: “Actually, these are normally about $6, and it’s coming up for $2.64, so it’s cheaper than you would get using a coupon on a regular-priced one. Would you still like to buy it?”

Customer: “It’s not fair! Why can’t I get my discount!? This is ridiculous!”

Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way, but we don’t give discounts on clearance items.”

Customer: “Oh, I bet you are.”

(I am becoming both annoyed and nervous that the customer is going to have a full-on meltdown over this. I attempt to sound deeply sorry.)

Me: “I cannot express how bad I feel about this, ma’am. There’s really just not much I can do here.”

(The customer suddenly starts laughing and smiling.)

Customer: “Oh, I’m sure. I still don’t think it’s fair, but thank you for having some humor about it!”

(The customer pays for her yarn and leaves. The next customer in my line has been watching the whole exchange and is just as surprised as me that things didn’t turn ugly.)

Next Customer: “Is your boss around?”

Me: “Actually, I’m the boss right now; I’m the only manager here tonight.”

Next Customer: “Oh, well I would like to compliment the crap out of you! I was going to say something pretty soon if she kept on like that!”

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