The World’s Oldest Craft

| Right | November 19, 2015

(My mum and I are in a craft store buying supplies for a skirt I am making. We cannot find the hooks and eyes. We ask a worker at the store for help.)

Worker: “How may I help you?”

Mum: “We need to find hookers.”

(She just stares at us.)

Mum: *laughs uncontrollably* “I mean hooks and eyes!”

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Endowed With Knowledge

| Working | November 3, 2015

(I work as a cashier at a popular craft store in my area. A customer has asked me a question I don’t know the answer to and it just happens that my manager is up front talking to my supervisor. I escort the customer over to ask the manager to help us.)

Me: “Here’s my manager! He’ll be able to help answer your question!”

Supervisor: “Yep, he’s very well endowed!”

(There’s a very long pause as she and everyone else processes what she just said.)

Supervisor: *who is now a bright red* “Oh d***, I meant well INFORMED! WELL INFORMED!” *we’re all laughing at her at this point* “I’m never going to live this down, am I?”

(Nope, she’s never gonna live it down!)

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Completely ‘Stuffed’ That Application

| Working | October 22, 2015

(I work for a national retail craft store. The store recently started taking job applications for seasonal Christmas workers. One applicant seemed good, application neatly filled, references in order, until the last page that page asks about whatever craft skills you have.)

Applicant: “I can do all kinds of s***.”

Me: “On a job application. Seriously? The word ‘stuff’ is too hard to spell?”

(Needless to say, that job application went nowhere.)

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Should Have Framed That Better

| Working | October 20, 2015

(I’m up at the registers when the phone rings.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Craft Store], where you can save 50% on custom framing. Wait, no, you can’t. That was last week. It changes every week. This week, you can save 60% off certain frames, but not custom framing. The custom frame sale will be back in a few weeks, just not this week.”

Caller: *laughs*

Me: “Anyway, thanks for listening to me ramble. How can I help you?”

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Won’t Go The Distance For The Sale

| Right | October 12, 2015

Me: “Thank you for calling [Craft Store]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I was trying to order some blackout curtain fabric last night, and the website was acting up and I couldn’t order it. If I come into the store, can you order it for me if you don’t have enough?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Customer: “The problem is that I was trying to order it last night when it was on sale, and the sale ended at midnight, so now it’s full price. Is there any way I can still get it half price?”

Me: “I’m not management, so I can’t tell you for sure, but more than likely if you explain that to one of our managers, they will override the price for you since the website was malfunctioning.”

Customer: “Wonderful. Now, I’m staying in a hotel in [Town]. Can you give me directions? I mean, I’m a local, but [something about a realtor and having to stay in a hotel].”

Me: “I can give you basic directions. From [Town], you just have to take [Highway] until you cross the bridge, then turn right on [Other Highway], go a couple miles north past [Burger Joint] and the bridge, and we’re on the left in [Plaza].”

Customer: “That’s too far!”

Me: “I’m sorry. It’s really not that far from [Town].”

Customer: “Well, let me talk to someone else. Maybe they can give me better directions.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll put you on the phone with [Coworker]. Maybe she can help.” *puts customer on hold and radios coworker* “Can you talk to the woman on line one? I gave her directions, but I guess they weren’t good enough.”

(My coworker takes the call and I hear her give a slightly more detailed explanation of the directions I just gave the woman. Then I hear the phone being not-so-gently hung up.)

Me: “I see that went well?”

Coworker: “Evidently she didn’t like my directions either, because she hung up on me.”

Me: “Well, you gave her the same directions I did, so I guess she was disappointed that talking to someone else didn’t change the location of our store, because she thinks 15 miles is too far.”

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