For A Few Dollars Less

| Loveland, OH, USA | Right | April 19, 2011

(We have closed. I’m letting two employees out when a man runs up to the doors.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we’re closed.”

Customer: “I’ll only be a minute.”

(He comes towards me, trying to squeeze between me and the door.)

Me: “Sir, the store has been closed for 10 minutes. Our registers have been shut down.”

Customer: “I’ll only be a minute; I just need one thing. I’ll be out before you know it.”

Me: “Sir, even if I could let you in the store, our registers have been shut down so no one would be able to check you out.”

Customer: “I was only going to buy a 99 cent item. I swear I’ll only be a minute. I’ll never come back if you don’t let me in.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. There’s nothing I can do.”

Customer: “It’s just a 99 cent item!”

Me: “I do apologise, but we open tomorrow at 9.”

Customer: “You just lost a very large sum of money! I’m never coming back!”

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That’s A Very Good Point

| London, UK | Right | January 26, 2011

Customer #1: “What size needles do I need to use?”

Customer #2: “Well, it depends on the tension of your knitting.”

Customer #1: “Oh, I’m quite loose.”

Customer #2: *laughs* “I wouldn’t say that in this town. You might get in trouble.”

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Ah, Mothers, Part 2

, | | Right | April 27, 2009

(I overhear the following conversation as I’m stocking crafts; it’s a forty-something mother and her teenage daughter.)

Mother: “… okay, we need beads.”

Daughter: “Just make it fast.”

Mother: “Don’t take that attitude with me.”

Daughter: “I don’t know why I go anywhere with you!”

Mother: “Oh, look! Gift boxes! With Rudolph on them!”

Daughter: “Mom, be quiet. Just shut up… please.”

Mother: “Look! Rudolph! You see Rudolph?”

Daughter: “Mom, shut up! Can we leave?”

Mother: “It’s just so god-d*** a** f***ing cute!”

Daughter: *rolls her eyes and stomps off*

 

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Santa Goes Psycho

| | Right | December 24, 2008

(I am stocking Christmas ribbon with a coworker.)

Customer: “You two ladies look like you can help me.”

Me: “Sure, what do you want to know?”

Customer: “I’m looking for a tree.”

Me: “Okay, the trees are in the back of the store under the ‘Seasonal’ sign.”

Customer: “No, no. Let me finish. I want a tree; it’s circular, but it’s a tree, and it’s a circle, but it’s only a half-circle, but it’s a tree. Oh! And you hang it on your window, and it’s a tree, and a circle.”

Me & Coworker: “…”

Customer: “IT’S A TREE, AND IT’S A CIRCLE AND A TREE, AND YOU HANG IT ON YOUR WINDOW, BUT IT’S ONLY A HALF-CIRCLE, BUT IT’S A CIRCULAR TREE!!

Me: “Uh…a wreath?”

Customer: “NO, NO, WHAT THE F***?! IT’S A CIRCLE AND A TREE, AND IT’S A CIRCLE AND A HALF-CIRCLE, AND YOU HANG IT ON YOUR WINDOW!”

Me: “Um, I’m sorry, but I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Customer: “YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT THAT IS?!”

Me: “No… sorry, sir.”

Customer: “Well, is there someone else in here that can help me?”

Coworker: “There are other people here, but with that description, I doubt anyone will be able to help you.”

Customer: “OH, WHAT THE F***?!”

(Customer storms off, but a moment later comes back.)

Customer: “Oh, by the way, do you sell Jello here?”

Me: “Um, no. We’re a craft store, not a grocery store.”

Customer: “Well, people use Jello for crafts.”

Me: “Uh, sorry.”

Customer: “SERIOUSLY! THEY HIRE F***ING IDIOTS HERE!” *storms off…again*

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