You Can’t Get Rid Of Stoners

| Working | May 29, 2017

(I’m cashing out a woman and everything is going normally until I start to give the lady her change. I notice that the dollar that I gave her was written on so instead of saying “one” it says “stoner.”)

Me: *after pointing it out to the lady* “Sorry about that, ma’am. If you want I can get another bill for you.”

Lady: “That’s okay. I’ll take it anyway.”

(Several days later I see her in my line and she pays with dollar bills. I check the money and sure enough one says “stoner.”)

Lady: “It’s back!”

(We both start to laugh.)

Lady: “At least we had our laugh for the day. Have a good one.”

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They Are In The Lower Percentile, Part 3

| Right | April 26, 2017

(A craft store I frequent is notorious for long lines. This incident finally showed me why.)

Cashier: “Ma’am. The discount was applied. It is 40% off one item at full price.”

Customer: “No! You’re cheating me! You didn’t do it right! I should only pay 50 cents!”

Cashier: “The item was $1.00. 40% off of $1.00 is 40 cents. You would only pay 50 cents if it was a 50% off coupon, which we do not have.”

Customer: “F*** you! You’re just stealing from a hard working mother. And what’s this extra money you’re charging me?”

Cashier: “That’s the sales tax, ma’am. It’s applied to every purchase, wherever you go in Texas.”

Customer: “Tax? I never have to pay tax. And now you’re taking money from me! How am I going to buy milk for my kids?”

Customer #2: “Lady… are you seriously arguing about 13 cents? If it’s that big of a deal, I’ll give it to you. And if you really care about your kids, you wouldn’t waste your money on a bubble wand. You’d buy your kids the milk first.”

Customer: “It’s the principle! I should only pay 50 cents on—”

Customer #2: “No. You are not only a terrible parent, but fail at math. 40% off a dollar is 40 cents. Not a single penny more. 50% is 50 cents off of a buck. Coupons here only go as high as 40%. Quit holding up the line, pay for your item, and get the h*** out of the store. And don’t help your kids with their homework. We don’t need more of you in our lines.”

(The first customer ended up swearing and holding up the line even more, but Customer #2 seemed pretty content after that. He’s probably dealt with customers like her before.)


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Crafty Ways To Make A Call

| Right | April 19, 2017

(I work in a well-known craft store. A customer comes up to the cut counter to get some fabric.)

Customer: “Can I get two yards of each?”

Me: “No problem.”

Customer: “Hey, do you mind if I make a real quick phone call?”

Me: “Go ahead.”

Customer: *on phone* “Hi, I’d like to order a large pizza…”

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They’re Sulu Safe

| Working | March 16, 2017

(I have a manager who has a phone that has a ringtone of George Takei saying “Oh, my!”. We have this discussion.)

Manager #2: “I just walked into the office, and whoever’s phone was charging went off and said “Oh, my!” It scared the daylights out of me!”

Coworker #1: “That would be [Manager #1].”

Coworker #2: “Oh, my!”

(A little while later the manager is leaving and is still talking about the ring tone.)

Manager #1: “The acoustics in the bathroom make the ringtone louder. Think I scared some women when it went off in there.”

Me: “At least if they knew who it was they would know he doesn’t pose a threat!”

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Whack Friday

| Right | March 5, 2017

(I work for a popular chain of craft stores. A few weeks before Black Friday, we will hire a number of seasonal cashiers. The girl in this story is sixteen, and this is her first job, so she is somewhat nervous. As she’s ringing up a customer with an overstuffed cart, the customer is complaining away, until it turned into outright abuse.)

Customer #1: “This is taking too long. Why do you need her—” *gesturing to me* “—to come help you every five seconds? Are you stupid?”

(I was the Front End Supervisor, and the registers required my key to punch in a large number of the same item, rather than making the cashier have to ring them up one by one.)

Me: “I’m sorry for the delay, ma’am, but there are eight registers and only two supervisors.”

Customer #1: “Did I ask you? I don’t think so. This girl is an idiot. She has no business manning a register.”

(She continues on like this, until I can tell the poor cashier is almost ready to cry. Behind her are a group of young women who have been waiting patiently. Finally, one turns to another. Both speak very loudly, intending to be overheard.)

Customer #2: “I guess you win the bet.”

Customer #3: “Which one?”

Customer #2: “That we’d get stuck behind a whiny a**-hole before six in the morning.”

Customer #3: “I know, right? It’s like she’s never shopped on f****** Black Friday before.”

Customer #4: “Somebody needs a binky and a nap.”

Customer #2: “Or the stick pulled out of her a**.”

(By this point, I’m about two breaths away from cracking up entirely. Customer #1 has gone very quiet, and is completely red-faced. She pays and scurries out with her cart. I reassure the poor cashier and send her on an early break, taking over the register for her.)

Me: “Thank you for that. That was everything I wished I could say. I can’t actually throw people out unless they start swearing.”

Customer #2: “No problem. I hate people like that. Tell that poor girl we thought she was doing a great job.”

(I later did, and the relief on the girl’s face was a wonderful thing to see.)

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