Sizing You Up And Letting You Down

| Friendly | November 21, 2015

(I’m 10 years old and looking at stickers for my scrapbook. I’m dressed in a tie-dye shirt, bright purple shorts, and light-up shoes. I’m tall for my age, but I’m quite obviously a child. A woman approaches me in the aisle.)

Woman: “Excuse me, miss, where are your knitting needles?”

Me: “Uh… I don’t know, I—”

Woman: “It’s a simple question, sugar. Where are your knitting needles?”

Me: “I don’t work here.”

Woman: “Of course you do. You’re wearing a lanyard.”

(I look down at my Spice Girls lanyard that looks nothing like the bright red lanyards the employees wear.)

Me: “I’m sorry. I’m ten years old. I don’t work here.”

Woman: “So you can’t even fathom a guess as to where the knitting needles are?”

Me: “I guess by the sewing stuff?”

Woman: “Useless. Absolutely useless. A girl your size should be more intelligent.”

Me: “I’m taller than you.”

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The World’s Oldest Craft

| Right | November 19, 2015

(My mum and I are in a craft store buying supplies for a skirt I am making. We cannot find the hooks and eyes. We ask a worker at the store for help.)

Worker: “How may I help you?”

Mum: “We need to find hookers.”

(She just stares at us.)

Mum: *laughs uncontrollably* “I mean hooks and eyes!”

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Endowed With Knowledge

| Working | November 3, 2015

(I work as a cashier at a popular craft store in my area. A customer has asked me a question I don’t know the answer to and it just happens that my manager is up front talking to my supervisor. I escort the customer over to ask the manager to help us.)

Me: “Here’s my manager! He’ll be able to help answer your question!”

Supervisor: “Yep, he’s very well endowed!”

(There’s a very long pause as she and everyone else processes what she just said.)

Supervisor: *who is now a bright red* “Oh d***, I meant well INFORMED! WELL INFORMED!” *we’re all laughing at her at this point* “I’m never going to live this down, am I?”

(Nope, she’s never gonna live it down!)

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Completely ‘Stuffed’ That Application

| Working | October 22, 2015

(I work for a national retail craft store. The store recently started taking job applications for seasonal Christmas workers. One applicant seemed good, application neatly filled, references in order, until the last page that page asks about whatever craft skills you have.)

Applicant: “I can do all kinds of s***.”

Me: “On a job application. Seriously? The word ‘stuff’ is too hard to spell?”

(Needless to say, that job application went nowhere.)

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Should Have Framed That Better

| Working | October 20, 2015

(I’m up at the registers when the phone rings.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Craft Store], where you can save 50% on custom framing. Wait, no, you can’t. That was last week. It changes every week. This week, you can save 60% off certain frames, but not custom framing. The custom frame sale will be back in a few weeks, just not this week.”

Caller: *laughs*

Me: “Anyway, thanks for listening to me ramble. How can I help you?”

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