A woman comes to my register along with two other ladies. She hands me a journal.

Customer: “Can you check the price on this, please? A worker told me it was 40% off.”

Me: “Yes, it is. The sale price is $3.00.”

Customer: “But it’s supposed to be 40% off.”

Me: “Yeah, that’s the sale price. The regular price is $5.00.”

She looks over to the other ladies in disbelief.

Customer: “That can’t be 40% off.”

Me: “If 50% off is $2.50, how isn’t $3.00 40% off?”

Customer: “It just can’t be right; it should at least be at $2.75.”

The others just nod in agreement with her.

Customer: “Man, f*** this store, always having the wrong signs and s***.”

She dropped her other item on my counter and stormed off, mumbling to the other ladies.

Related:
They’re Not In The Upper Percentile, Part 3
They’re Not In The Upper Percentile, Part 2
They’re Not In The Upper Percentile

I’m stocking an endcap and I’m approached by a customer.

Customer: “Doily string.”

I try very hard to not reply with a random craft item.

Me: “Beg pardon?”

Customer: “Doily string.”

I just look confused.

Customer: *Exasperated* “You know, string you make doilies with!”

The customer makes vague hand motions in the air.

Me: “Oh! You’re looking for crochet cotton!”

Customer: “No! I said doily string!”

Me: “No problem. Let me show you where we keep our crochet cotton.”

We walk over.

Me: “Here is where we keep all of our crochet cotton, in three sizes and many colors.”

He grabs the biggest package we carry and shoves it in my face.

Customer: “DOILY. STRING!”

The label that is now three inches from my nose says, in big letters, “Crochet Cotton.” As the guest is stomping towards the register bay, I say:

Me: “Have a creative day!”

This story is part of our Crafting Roundup!

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I work in a craft shop. We sell balloons that we can fill with helium for an extra charge. I’m serving on the tills when two women come to my register. One is buying a pack of balloons. 

Me: “Hi there. Do you need the balloons filled with helium today?”

Customer: “No, I don’t see the point. If I just blow them up myself they’ll have air in them, so they’ll be light and float anyway.”

The lady’s friend and I then spent five minutes explaining why this wouldn’t work. Not sure we got through to her, as she didn’t buy the helium.

Related:
Heli-dum

A woman walks up to the register with her daughter and one thing of stickers. I ring her up and ask her for her money, and she hands me three dollars. All of them feel like regular dollars, so I don’t look at them until I’m putting them in the till. Then, I pause. Someone has taken the third dollar and defaced Washington off of it with a rabbit, and replaced all the places that it says, “One dollar,” with, “Bunny Bucks,” making it so defaced it isn’t legal tender anymore.

Me: “Uh… ma’am? This dollar isn’t legal tender.”

I hold it up for her to see. She makes an exasperated noise and rips it out of my hand to stuff it back into her wallet.

Customer: “NOT AGAIN! They gave me one and I thought it wouldn’t happen again. This is ridiculous; I’m going to have to talk to someone.”

She pulls another dollar out and shoves it into my hand. I put it in the drawer andgive her her change and receipt in her bag. She grabs it and her daughter and proceeds to storm out of the store.

Customer: “Come on, let’s go!”

I pause, and then I call on my headset because it is too good not to share.

Me: “Someone just tried to pay me in a dollar that had been turned into a ‘Bunny Buck.’”

Manager: *Pause* “Really?”

Me: “Really.”

It’s Wednesday, around 1:30 or 2:00 pm. I’ve just gotten off the register after helping several customers in a row. We’re waiting on our governor to have another press conference related to the global health situation at 2:00 pm.

My assistant manager is heading toward the same part of the store I am after also doing something up front.

Me: “Is it terrible that I want to say ‘Happy Quarantine’ to every customer I help today?”

Assistant Manager: “Oh, my gosh. Do it, [My Name]! That would be great.”

Me: “Or, like, ‘Happy Lockdown’? I don’t know which is worse.”

Assistant Manager: *Sing-song-ish* “Say it with a smile on your face!”

My co-manager is walking past to go to lunch.

Co-Manager: “Who’s smiling?”

Me: “Me! As usual.”

I laugh as I walk away. Within an hour, our co-manager comes back from his lunch break, giddy that the governor has issued further stay-at-home orders, and our store will be closed starting after business hours Friday. A bit later in the day:

Coworker: “Did you see [Co-Manager]?”

Me: “Not recently, but I heard him singing earlier.”

Coworker: “He was dancing.” *Laughs*

Me: “Sounds right. Oh, [Co-Manager].”

He often sings when he’s bored or excited, but I’ve rarely or never seen him dance. I wish I had! He’s so excited for a break, and I can’t say I blame him.