Two adult customers come to my cash with two-gallon bottles of paint.
Me: “That’s a lot of paint.”
Customer #1: *Smiling* “We like paint!”
Customer #2: *Giggles* “We really like paint! We like to drink it! Is this nontoxic?”
Customer #1: “Yeah, is it nontoxic?”
Me: *Announcing* “I AM NOT LIABLE!”
I hand them their receipt.
Me: “Have a good night!”
I’m ninety percent sure they were kidding.
I’m cashing a woman out. Her purchase is just over nine dollars and she gives me two five-dollar rolls of dimes as payment. I call my manager to make sure I can take them.
Manager: “You can take them, but you have to count them first.”
Me: *To the customer* “My manager says I can take them, but I have to count them.”
The customer grumbles and says something about rewards membership. I am busy counting the dimes so don’t pay attention.
Me: “I have to make sure that it actually is ten dollars of dimes.”
Customer: “Before I leave, I want an apology for wasting my time.”
Me: “I’m sorry.”
What I wanted to say was, “What the f***, lady? I owe you an apology for wasting your time when you hand me ten dollars’ worth of dimes knowing whoever got it would have to count it?”
My sister, older by four years, has always looked younger than her age, and I have always looked older, with the result that most people think I am older than she is by a couple of years. This time takes the cake.
We are shopping at a small craft store.
Sister: “Can you tell me where cross stitch patterns are?”
Clerk: “They are over there by where your mom is standing.”
Sister: *Pause* “That’s my baby sister.”
Clerk: “Oh, no! Please don’t tell her!”
Me: “I heard you!”
Late Saturday morning, I saunter into a small yarn shop to get some supplies for some Christmas scarves for friends. The proprietor is teaching a woman knitting, so I wander around, picking my colours and weights.
Arms full, I head to the till to wait for a break in the lesson to pay, but the student points at me and speaks to the shopkeeper.
Student: “You should go help the devil. She’s just paying.”
I looked at her in shock at her calling me the devil. I had been nothing but quiet and self-sufficient, and I had been waiting patiently — no toe-tapping or watch-checking at all. But I am not a patient person at the best of times, so I worried that I’d been giving off a vibe.
Then, I remembered that it was Hallowe’en and I was wearing little beaded devil horns. I snorted and thanked the student for taking a break, relieved that my memory was faster than my usually quick mouth.
I work at a craft store that is popular with women. A sign directs customers to go to the cash registers for returns, etc.; however, customers still approach the empty counter for help, forcing the nearest cashier to try and help them instead of customers waiting in line to check out.
I see a man standing at the counter.
Me: “Hi. Can I help you?”
The man shows me a very thick piece of upholstery foam.
Customer: “Can you cut this?”
Me: “The cutting counter in back will be happy to help you.”
Customer: “Can’t you do it up here?”
Me: “No, we don’t have the equipment.”
Customer: “Can’t you have scissors up here?”
Me: “Sir, a saw has to be used and it would damage this counter. You will have to take it to the back counter.”
Customer: “Yeah, they are really busy and I don’t want to wait.”
Me: “…”
It made me wonder what this guy would say if a woman demanded a cashier of a hardware store to cut a piece of lumber for her.
