Dumbledore’R’Us

| Wilton, CT, USA | Bizarre, Technology

(I have worked in this particular craft store for years, and know all of our product by heart. An older man speaking broken English flags me down.)

Customer: “I’m looking for a little remote that you point at lights and it fixes the lights.”

Me: “Could you describe it a little more, please?”

Customer: “It was all over the TV last night. All over the TV. You didn’t see it?”

Me: “No, sir, I’m afraid not. We have lots of different lights though, string of lights and replacement bulbs—”

Customer: “No, no, it’s not a light; it fixes the lights. You point it at the broken light and it fixes it.”

Me: “I don’t believe we carry anything like that. I’m sorry.”

Customer: “No, all stores carry it. The TV store said every store carries it.”

Me: “Let me ask my coworkers if anyone has heard of it.”

(We use walkies-talkies to talk to each other, and have headsets to the customer can’t hear the responses.)

Me: “Has anyone heard of a device that you point at broken lights and it fixes them?”

Coworker: *through walkie* “You mean a magic wand?”

Me: “No, sir, I’m afraid nobody has heard of it. I’m sorry, I would try [Big Store #1] or [Big Store #2]. Maybe they carry it.”

Their Expectations Are Cut From A Different Cloth

| Salt Lake City, UT, USA | Bad Behavior, Liars & Scammers

(I work in a craft store, and having been there a long time, they often move me around the store wherever they need me. I am cutting fabric for this woman, who insists she needs 7½ inches.)

Me: “We cut by the inch, ma’am, so you will have to purchase eight inches. It’s only five cents extra.”

Customer: *throws a fit* “I only need seven and a half!”

(I cut seven and a half and charge her for eight.)

Customer: “Can I return it?”

Me: “We will not take returns for anything under half a yard.”

Customer: “Can I use my 30% off coupon?”

Me: “The fabric is already 50% off, so we cannot take a coupon.”

Customer: “Well, they let me before; we will see what they say up front!”

(We are talking a sixty-three cent piece of fabric, which has now taken me about twelve minutes with her, and there’s a huge line. I try again and explain that we don’t take back clearance fabric and we don’t take back less than half a yard. She looks at me like I am from outer space, grabs the piece of fabric, and storms off. My manager calls me to the registers and I am just lucky enough to be her cashier. Not surprisingly…)

Customer: “Is this returnable? Also, I want use my coupon.”

Me: “As I already explained, ma’am, it isn’t returnable and you can’t use your coupon as it is already heavily discounted.”

Customer: “THEY TOLD ME AT THE CUT TABLE I COULD USE MY COUPON AND RETURN IT!

Me: *looking at her calmly in the eyes* “No, I did not.”

(She didn’t realize I helped her both times and started yelling again about poor customer service. I waited. She slammed down a dollar and I handed her the change. About ten minutes later the phone was ringing and I happened to be the one to pick it up. Before I could even state the name of the store and my name, she started ranting about being in the store and how she was told she could return her fabric and use her coupon and “Your cashier and cutter are the dumbest people in the world and I want you to get them both fired.” She called me… to complain about me.. and me. She came in two days later to return the fabric and again the story was “when I bought it they said I could.” I didn’t return it, and neither did any of the other cashiers.)

Craft A More Specific Question

| Wilton, CT, USA | Family & Kids

(I work at a well-known craft store. We JUST sell craft supplies.)

Little Boy: “Excuse me? Where are the craft supplies?”

Me: “Sweetie, the entire store is craft supplies.”

Beware Of Crafty Customers

| CA, USA | Bizarre, Criminal & Illegal

Me: “Hi, thank you for calling [Craft Store]; how may I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, do you sell those little bags? The ones you put drugs in.” *I laugh thinking he’s kidding* “Well, do you?!”

Me: “Uh, yeah, we carry them in our jewelry making department.”

Customer: “Why would they be over there?!”

Me: “Uh, because you put beads in them.”

Customer: “Oh, well, that makes sense. Yeah, I want to buy them to put screws in them.”

Attack Of The Customers

| IL, USA | Crazy Requests

(Things customers have said to me today that I thought were jokes… and weren’t:)

Customer #1: “What’s this sale you have going on?” *I explain it* “Oh, but that’s not the stuff I came in for. Can you change it?”

Customer #2: “Last month this was on sale. I want that price.”

Customer #3: “I want a yellow marker.” *I ask for clarification because we have at least 20 types of markers for all different mediums* “I said yellow. That kind. Kids… can’t listen for three seconds…”

Customer #4: “Hmm… I don’t like that price. You need to change it for me. I prefer around [smaller amount].”

Customer #5: *after doing a price check* “You are really annoying me right now. I don’t like that price at all. This is so frustrating that you are telling me this.”

Customer #6: “It’s disgusting that you don’t sell groceries here. Why do you make me go to TWO stores each week?”

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