I answer a call from a coworker:

Coworker: “Could you come by my office here quick?”

I trudge around the corner towards the hallway and arrive at his office twenty seconds later. He takes me over to his computer and proceeds to show me his e-mail.

Coworker: “I had this e-mail show up, and I can’t get into it. It says something about spam or something, but when I go into it, it gave me a sign-in page, and it didn’t work.”

I gaze at the e-mail entitled “Payment for your services”, emblazoned with a bright yellow banner covering about a quarter of the page that has been helpfully provided by our e-mail provider, informing my user that this e-mail might be spam or a phishing scheme and that they should beware.

Me: “So, you saw the big banner—”

Coworker: *Cuts me off while clicking the link.* “So I clicked on the link here, and it brought me to this page.”

The computer opens up a spoof page requesting his e-mail and password.

Me: “Were you expecting anything like this in your e-mail?”

Coworker: *As he’s typing in his password into the spoof page.* “No.”

Me: “THEN WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?”

Coworker: “Trying to see what it’s about.” *Hits enter.*

Me: “…Well, we definitely need to change your password now.”

Coworker: “How do I do that? Can you do it for me?”

Sigh… 

Related:
Phishin’ For Trouble

Names are changed. I have a coworker, Tim, who, by his own admission, smokes too much. He takes a few smoke breaks throughout the day but gets all his work done and doesn’t stink the office up, fair play.

Another coworker, Gladys, usually stern and miserable looking, is always trying to make him feel bad for smoking.

Gladys: “Ugh! Back from smoking again? A filthy habit!”

Tim: “Never said it was otherwise.”

Gladys: “It’s an addiction! An addiction! You need help!”

Tim: “Okay, well, I’m going back to my desk now.”

Gladys: “I’m only trying to help you! Addicts need help, and I’m—”

Tim: “—enough. There’s nothing you can tell me that I haven’t heard a million times. Go away.”

She continued to pester him until some of us stepped in and told her to leave it alone.

The next day, Gladys storms out of the break room and shouts to the office floor:

Gladys: “Where’s the coffee pot! Someone took the coffee pot! Why is the coffee pot not where it usually is?!”

Tim: *Shouting from across the office.* “Who’s addicted now, Gladys!”

CORRECTION: A typo has been corrected.

Brian (not his real name), in my office, was delighted when his penchant for uttering random shower thoughts publicly in the office was immortalized on this site that one time.

Because just today he did it again.

Brian: *Out of nowhere, to the entire office, but directly at no one.* “If we smelled with our hands instead of our noses, imagine how differently designed the world would be…”

Me: “Then I guess I’d wear nicely scented gloves.”

Boss: “It would be grim because I’d still be picking up your s***, Brian! Get back to work!”

Related:
One Of Philip K. Dick’s Lesser-Known Works

A coworker and I are unloading a new delivery of watermelons onto the produce section.

Customer: “All your watermelons look weird! They have a flat-ish yellow-y side!”

Me: “Oh, that’s normal. That’s just from them being on the ground.”

Customer: “How long were they on the ground to have something like that?! That’s disgusting!”

Me: “Uh, watermelons grow on the ground, ma’am.”

Customer: “No, they don’t! They grow in trees! Like apples!”

She walks off, proclaiming all our watermelons as bad.

Coworker: “Hmm.”

Me: “What?”

Coworker: “Imagine how behind in physics we’d be if Newton was sitting under a watermelon tree…”

Me: “Hey, [Coworker], can you send me your report for tomorrow’s meeting?”

Coworker: “…”

Me: “You did get my email, didn’t you?”

Coworker: “Maybe.”

Me: “Maybe?”

Coworker: “I get so many emails that I just ignore all of them, and when I miss an important one someone will tell me.”

Me: “That’s a terrible system!”

Coworker: “It’s working right now, isn’t it?”

Me: “The email was about how we have to prepare a report for tomorrow’s meeting. Tomorrow… at 9 AM.”

Coworker: “Well… s***.”

Related:
Email Fail, Part 54
Email Fail, Part 53
Email Fail, Part 52
Email Fail, Part 51
Email Fail, Part 50