(Every month at our theatre, we receive a few boxes of new ticket stock which weighs about 25 lbs a box. I currently have a cast on my left arm.)

Me: “Hey, can you help me move these to the shelf? It’s hard to lift them one-handed.”

Coworker: “Mmmm… not right now.”

Me: “What? Why? It would take literally two minutes of your time.”

Coworker: “But I’m reading ‘Not Always Working’!”

Me: “Ah… I see?”

Coworker: “Just take your cast off and do it yourself.”

Me: “But I can’t just pull it off—”

Coworker: “This s*** is hilarious. I’m glad I don’t work with these jerks.”

(I have a coworker, Coworker #1, who constantly tries to one-up illnesses that other coworkers suffer from. It’s really immature and it annoys a lot of us. This takes place after another coworker, Coworker #2, has just returned to us after having a rather severe lupus flare-up.)

Me: “How are you feeling?”

Coworker #2: “Oh, much better now. It’s my own fault, I ignored the warning signs.”

Me: “You just work too hard.”

Coworker #1: “Well, I have drug-induced Lupus. I’m sure that’s way worse than what you have!”

Me: “Actually, it’s—”

Coworker #2: “Oh my God, you do?! Have you started making arrangements? I mean that’s the worst one you can possibly have! How much time do you have left?!”

Coworker #1: “What?! When I looked it up online it didn’t say—”

Me: “Oh, so you don’t actually have it. You looked it up.”

Coworker #1: “No what I meant was—”

Me: “You are so pathetic.”

Coworker #2: “Drug-induced lupus usually goes away if you stop taking the drug, you moron. If you’re going to try and one up a disease, which is really offensive of you, you could at least use half that peanut sized brain of yours.”

Coworker #1: “Why did you tell me it was serious, then?!”

Coworker #2: “Why did you fake having it?”

(Coworker #1 looks really baffled for a moment, then gets embarrassed and slinks away.)

Me: “You know, he does that all the time. If someone has the flu, he has the swine flu. If you had your appendix taken out, he had his appendix and spleen taken out. It’s really, really, stupid.”

Coworker #2: “Yup, unfortunately, you can’t fix stupid…”

(Our manager overheard him later bad-mouthing my coworker and accusing her of faking it. He was fired two days later when that got back to the owner!)

(I was working at a hotel my last semester of college and was promoted to supervisor soon after graduating. A coworker who is male and I, a female, are checking an elderly couple in one afternoon.)

Coworker: “Is there anything else I can do for you today?”

Elderly Couple: “Yes, can we get some help with our luggage?”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, but the bellman just left to take some people to the airport, but he will be back in 20 or 30 minutes.”

Elderly Couple: “Well, can you help us?”

Coworker: “No, that’s beneath me.”

Elderly Couple: *shocked silence*

Me: *to the elderly couple* “Folks, as soon as I finish checking in this guest, I’d be happy to assist you with your bags.”

Coworker: *gives me a dirty look*

(After helping the couple with their bags, they give me a $10 tip. I walk back to the lobby and wave the bill at my coworker.)

Me: “Don’t ever say that again. If you don’t want to help someone with their bags, say you’re unable to then ask someone else to help them.”

Coworker: *walks away in a huff*

(I walk over to the bellman’s stand and put the tip in his drawer, since the bellman work almost solely off of tips, then return to my counter. After coming back from lunch, my coworker goes over to the bellman at his stand.)

Coworker: *to the bellman* “Aren’t we not supposed to help anyone with their stuff and tell them to wait for you to get back?”

Bellman: “Yes, why?”

Coworker: “Because she took someone’s luggage up for them while you were gone!”

Bellman: “Oh, I wondered where this $10 came from. Thanks, [My Name]!”

Coworker: *walks away in a huff*

Bellman: *to me* “And that is why you got promoted to supervisor and he never will be.”

(A coworker and I are planning a non-profit conference.)

Coworker: “Why are we charging $22? That doesn’t make sense. $25 is easier to remember.

Me: “We’re only charging to cover costs. We’re not trying to turn a profit.”

Coworker: “Yeah, but nobody ever budgets for $22. $25 is an even number.”

Me: “$25 is an odd number.”

Coworker: “I mean, it’s a nice, round number that’s easy to work with.”

Me: “Actually it’s a square number.”

Coworker: “Stop that!”

(I’m a woman working with two of my male coworkers. Note that all the female employees have or are studying towards a university degree.)

Male Coworker: “It’s so annoying that [Boss] is coming in today to cash up. Why can’t one of us just do it?”

Me: “Well, has he taught you how to do it?”

Male Coworker: “Well, no, but how hard can it be?” [Female Coworker #1] and [Female Coworker #2] can both do it.”

Me: “Well, yeah, it makes sense that he teaches them to do it since they work full-time. One of them is almost always here if [Boss] isn’t working.”

Male Coworker: “Fine, but I’m smarter than them! He should teach me to do it!”

Me: “What makes you think you’re smarter than them?”

Male Coworker: “They’re women! Of course, you wouldn’t understand.”

Me: *sarcastically* “We also got into university and actually do our jobs well, so I guess there’s that.”

Male Coworker: “Like I said, you wouldn’t understand!”