(I work as a senior programmer in a average-sized development company with many sections. I’ve been sent over to help another team.)

Me: “So, what is the problem?”

Worker: “There is no problem.”

Me: “So, it’s working?”

Worker: “No, it’s not working. It keeps coming up with an error message.”

Me: “So, what is the error message?”

Worker: “I dunno. I’ve not bothered to read it. I just dismissed it. It must be the software.”

Me: “Let me have a look at it…”

(The worker shows me the code; they’ve made a few simple errors which I then fix. However, the worker disagrees.)

Worker: “You just broke it!”

Me: “Okay, whatever. I’m heading back to my own work.”

(I go on a break. When I come back, my boss has given the worker access to my files.)

Me: “What are you doing?”

Worker: “Deleting your programs because you broke mine!”

Me: “You just deleted every program we have stored!”

(The worker actually attempted to delete every program we had on file and was trying to blame it on me because he was convinced I had broken his program. Luckily, we had them all backed up and he lost his job.)

(I’ve come in early to work. I haven’t turned the lights on in my office as I like sitting in the dark in the mornings. This happens when the rest start to arrive.)

Coworker: “[My Name]! Turn your lights on!”

Me: “I can’t. I’m a gremlin.”

Coworker: “Ooh, I hate when that happens!” *leaves*

(One hour later, I overhear the morning meeting for the reps, since it takes place just outside my office door.)

Boss: “So, the important thing today is to remember not to allow any water near [My Name]…”

(This occurs during the lunch hour at work. All of my coworkers in this story and I are female.)

Coworker #1: “I just LOVE that 50 Shades series.”

Coworker #2: “I know, right? They’re just amazing!”

Coworker #3: “I read the whole first book in an evening. I especially loved when…”

(Coworker #3 proceeds to describe a scene from the books. Afterwards, Coworker #2 turns to me.)

Coworker #2: “[My name], have you read them? Aren’t they just a great read?”

Me: “Nah, they’re just not hardcore enough for me.”

(They all go quiet and turn every shade of red. I burst out laughing.)

Me: “Hey now, ladies… you’re the ones talking about smut in the workplace!”

Me: “Hey [Coworker], I heard you interviewed [My Friend].”

Coworker: “Yeah. Sorry, I couldn’t hire him, considering he’s your friend and all.”

Me: “That’s okay. I don’t expect you to hire someone just because he’s my friend. But he said that you told him that the reason he wasn’t hired was that you were looking for female baristas.”

Coworker: *smiles* “Yeah. You know, girls are just harder workers, more detail-oriented. And we need that around here. Us guys… we’re not so good at that. We’re pretty crappy, actually.”

Me: “Um, and you told [my friend] that?”

Coworker: “Yeah.”

Me: “Um, you do realize that that is sexual discrimination, right?”

Coworker: “…What? How?!”

Me: “It’s illegal to not hire someone based on their gender. Because [My Friend] knows you didn’t give him a shot at the job because he’s a guy, he technically could sue you. [My Friend] isn’t going to do that for a job in a coffee shop, but he wanted me to warn you to not say that to people so you or [Owner] don’t get in trouble for sexual discrimination.”

Coworker: “It’s really sexual discrimination? It’s not against women; it’s for women!”

Me: “Dude, sexual discrimination laws go both ways.”

Coworker: “Really?”

Me: *facepalm*

(I’m a hostess at a well-known restaurant chain. One of my coworkers who was hired at the same time as I was consistently acts superior and treats the other workers like it’s their responsibility to get everything done.)

Me: “Hey, can you fix these menus? We only have two left. I’m going to do a table check.”

(My coworker nods, and I quickly walk around the restaurant. When I get back, he’s on his phone, and the menus are next to him, still out of order.)

Me: “Why didn’t you organize the menus?”

Coworker: “Oh, that’s your job. I’m coordinating.”

Me: “But you’re not doing anything right now.”

Coworker: “But I’m not supposed to do menus.”

Me: “Are you kidding me? [Coworker #2] and I are running all over the restaurant taking care of customers, and you can’t even put the menus back together?”

(My coworker glared at me and then went back to his game. For the rest of the night, I fixed the menus, seated customers, grabbed silverware and new menus, answered the phone, and opened the door while he was “coordinating.”)

This story is part of the People Who Should Get Off Their Phones roundup!

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