(It is the holiday season and we have a lot of special orders. I am calling customers to let them know their order is ready and what time we are closing. This particular order is for someone with the same last name as one of my coworkers, a fact which I happen to blank out on.)

Me: *on the phone* “This is [My Name] at [Meat Market] calling for [Customer]. I wanted to remind you that your order is ready to be picked up, and we’ll be closing at [time] tonight.”

Customer: “Okay, thanks! We’ll be down to get it in about an hour.”

(The customer calls back a few minutes later.)

Me: “[Meat Market], this is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, we just spoke about my order. I was wondering if you could tell me the price on that?”

Me: “Of course; it’s [price]. Anything else I can do for you?”

Customer: “No, thank you. We’ll be down to get it soon.”

(An hour later, my coworker arrives for her shift. Her dad browses our selection for a minute before coming to the counter.)

Coworker’s Dad: “I’m here to pick up the order for [Last Name].”

(The realization hits. I get his order together and give it to him. After he has been rung out and left, I turn to my coworker.)

Me: “So… I called your house to remind your family to come get your order before we close.”

Coworker: “I know. I was the one that answered the phone.”

(At least she got to start a hectic shift with a laugh!)

(I’m a paralegal working in the legal department of a company. Between company holidays, the weekend, and paid time off, I have six days off in a row. Before leaving on the last day before almost a week off, I give some important paperwork that needs to be notarized to my coworker, with instructions as to who will be in to sign it and where it needs to be signed. She and I are the only notaries in the company. I also have a habit of answering urgent messages on my days off, something that I’m constantly urged not to do by coworkers. The next morning, I get a phone call from our supervisor, who is a lawyer.)

Supervisor: “Hey, [My Name]. [Person who needs to sign the documents] is here and says that you have some forms for him to sign. Where are they?”

Me: “I gave them to [Coworker] before I left yesterday. She should have them and can notarize them.”

Supervisor: “I haven’t seen [Coworker] at all today. Do you know where she would have put them?”

Me: “I really have no idea. She assured me that she would be in today to take care of them, and I don’t know what she did with them.”

Supervisor: “Oh, okay. Well, [Person who needs to sign] is here right now and can’t stay for long. I’ll print off a new copy and just have him sign the document. You can notarize it next week when you get in the office.”

Me: “Uh, no. I can’t. It’s illegal for me to notarize something I didn’t see signed. I’ll be in the office next week, and while the document is important, it can definitely wait until then, because it’s not due for a few weeks.”

Supervisor: “Well, [Person who needs to sign] is here right now. Can you come in to notarize this?”

Me: *in my pajamas and watching movies with my son* “I really think this can wait until next week.”

Supervisor: “Yeah, but he’s here right now and we might as well just get it done. Can you come in to take care of it?”

Me: “Sure. Can you give me half an hour?”

Supervisor: “I can give you 20 minutes. He has to be somewhere soon.”

(I live about 15 minutes from the office.)

Me: “Um. Okay. I’ll see what I can do.”

(I got dressed with record speed and somehow made it to the office right on time. After taking care of the paperwork, we found out that my coworker had come into the office bright and early that morning, super sick with the flu. One of the executives saw her, took one look at how sick she was, and told her to go home, promising to inform our supervisor what happened. He then waited to tell my supervisor until he overheard us worriedly discussing what could have happened to her, which was half an hour after I got to the office. They let me cancel my PTO for the day and count it as a day worked, especially once my supervisor found out that I had been casually answering emails before he called anyway.)

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(It’s early morning, and we are making ourselves some breakfast before we start working. One of my coworkers is of an ethnicity where the sharing of food is of utmost importance. She will not eat her food without offering it to others, even if she only just has enough for herself. She has just made herself some toast.)

Coworker #1: “[My Name], would you like some?” *holds out her plate*

Me: “No, thanks. You eat it.”

Coworker #1: *pushing plate towards me* “Are you sure you don’t want some?”

Me: “Yes, I am; I have my own food on the table.”

(Another coworker comes into the room.)

Coworker #1: “[Coworker #2], would you like some toast?” *holds out plate*

Coworker #2: “Yes, please. I didn’t get anything for breakfast today because I thought I was going to be late.” *reaches out for a piece*

(I watch in amusement as [Coworker #1]’s hand moves the plate away as it is reached for. [Coworker #2] puts down her hand.)

Coworker #1: “Aren’t you going to take it?”

(Again, [Coworker #1] pushes the plate towards [Coworker #2], and again the plate is withdrawn as [Coworker #2]’s hand moves towards it. [Coworker #2] has a confused look on her face as she puts her hand down.)

Me: “You can have some of mine; I still have more in the packet on the table.”

Coworker #2: “Thanks.” *starts moving towards the table*

Coworker #1: *starting to get agitated* “Why won’t you take some?”

Coworker #2: “I didn’t think you wanted me to have a piece.”

Coworker #1: “I’ve been trying to give you the whole plate and you won’t take it.”

Coworker #2: “I only wanted a piece.” *she is finally able to take a piece of toast*

(I could see that [Coworker #1] had no idea that she was doing what she had been doing; it was obvious that subconsciously she did not want to share!)

(My coworkers and I are sitting waiting for a meeting to start. One of my coworkers is Orthodox Jewish; he wears a skullcap, the whole deal. At this meeting, we have been provided lunch. We don’t really want to be at this meeting, and are fairly certain it will be boring.)

Coworker #1: *looking at lunch that was provided* “It’s okay, guys, the sandwiches have bacon on them. That makes the meeting worth it.”

Me: “This is going to be badly-received, but I still think it’s not worth it, because I don’t understand the bacon hype.”

Coworker #1: “I can’t talk to you anymore.”

Me: “Bacon is just meat. I like it, but it’s overrated.”

Coworker #2: “Yeah, I’m kind of with her. I don’t hate bacon, but I don’t get the bacon hype.”

Coworker #1: “You are both not my friends anymore.”

Orthodox Jewish Coworker: “I don’t get the bacon hype either.”

Coworker #1: “You’re Jewish. Have you ever had bacon?”

Orthodox Jewish Coworker: “No. Still don’t get the hype.”

Coworker #1: “Okay, you can still be my friend, because you’d like bacon if you weren’t Jewish.”

Related:
With Great Bacon, Comes Great Responsibility, Part 21
With Great Bacon, Comes Great Responsibility, Part 20
With Great Bacon, Comes Great Responsibility, Part 19
With Great Bacon, Comes Great Responsibility, Part 18

(We monitor CCTV for high-rise blocks in a large city and we also allow access to the buildings to residents and authorised people, e.g., doctors, police, etc. It’s a quiet morning and we see a postal worker walking towards the door. We’re all ready to open the door to them. However, it’s still quite early in the morning and the sun is quite low, meaning the camera isn’t giving us a great image. As the postal worker gets closer to the camera, this conversation happens.)

Me: “Postman approaching [block].”

Coworker #1: “Get ready.”

Coworker #2: “Postwoman, even.”

Me: “Maybe. Actually, I’m not sure. The sun’s too low.”

Coworker #2: “What about Post Operative then?”

Me: “That’s an entirely different conversation.”