(I’ve just started a job, and the administrative assistant is showing me my new office. The office has no supplies in it except the computer and printer.)

Coworker: “Just let me know what supplies you need, and I’ll get them for you!”

Me: “Thanks! I think just some pencils, pens, and a pad would be great to start. Oh, and a stapler.”

(She heads to the supply room to get my supplies and comes back a short time later with a box.)

Coworker: “Here you go! Pencils, pens, post-its, pads, a stapler… and…” *she pauses for effect as she reaches into the box again* “…a pencil sharpener! I thought you might want one.”

(I look between the electric pencil sharpener she’s just pulled out and the box of mechanical pencils she gave me. She doesn’t seem to see the issue, as she’s still smiling.)

Me: “Oh, what a great idea! Thanks!”

(She was a nice woman, but definitely not the sharpest pencil in the box.)

(My coworker has just returned from a three-day first aid course, so he can be qualified as the first aider for our pool and gym. On his first day back, we are discussing how his course went.)

Coworker #1: “Oh, God, the course was so boring. I had to fight to stay awake the entire time.”

Me: “Was there nothing that interested you?”

Coworker #1: “Well, the guy who took the course did say he had done something from the course a lot of times.”

Coworker #2: “Resuscitate someone?”

Coworker #1: “No something else, to help keep them alive.”

Coworker #2: “Resuscitation?”

Coworker #1: “No, it was something else! The main thing we learned.”

Coworker #2: “That’s resuscitation!”

Coworker #1: “CPR! He had done CPR to save people!”

Coworker #2 & Me: “What do you think the ‘R’ stands for?”

Coworker #1: “…”

Me: “Please tell me you didn’t sleep through the course.”

(We don’t plan to leave him as the sole first aide of the gym any time soon.)

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(I live in the Midwest, so tornadoes are a real threat. Our loss prevention team comes around to each department in the store to make sure we all know where the tornado shelter is, especially the new people.)

Loss Prevention: “It’s just downstairs, in women’s dresses.”

Coworker: “So, what happens if the power goes out? How would we get down the escalator?”

Me: “…like stairs.”

(My coworkers and I all get along very well. We tend to talk even outside of work and hang out together. The following occurs while we’re all out for dinner together one evening, and one of my coworkers has been having a rough week.)

Me: “Well, just let me know if I can do anything. Even if you need to vent. I mean, I consider you a friend, so don’t feel like you’re overstepping bounds or anything.”

Coworker #1: “Aw, [My Name], thank you. It’s mutual. You’re like the cool sister I never knew I wanted.”

Coworker #2: “Ugh, save it for the funeral, you two.”

Me: “Don’t be jealous, [Coworker #2]; we love you, too.”

Coworker #1: “Kinda.”

Boss: “He’s just jealous because if you two are brother and sister, he’s like the annoying loud uncle who shows up at family gatherings just for the food.”

Coworker #2: “Hey! More like they’re the annoying, lame cousins your mother forces you to hang out with when they come visit for summer vacation.”

Coworker #1: “He still considers us family. That’s beautiful, dude.”

(I graduated a few years ago, but due to the “experience problem” still haven’t managed to find a suitable job. Currently, I’m doing uneducated hospitality work, like catering, banqueting, etc. in a congress centre. One morning, I have a conversation about all and nothing with a colleague.)

Me: “Well, I like being treated like an adult, you know? I mean, my age and my master grade might be signs that I am an adult, don’t you think?”

Coworker: “You have a grade?”

Me: “Yes, university.”

Coworker: “Then, what are you doing here?”

Me: “Earning actual money.”

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