(It’s a few days before Christmas, and it’s one of our VP’s birthdays. We all hear an announcement over the PA system that there is breakfast in our lunch room to celebrate the birthday and holidays. As I’ve already eaten, I remain at my desk. Multiple coworkers have already asked me why I’m not going, and I’ve told them I already ate. Most of them just keep walking, satisfied with my answer, but not this one.)

Coworker: “[My Name] let’s go! There’s food!”

Me: “But I already ate breakfast.”

Coworker: “So? Overeating! That’s the [company] way!”

(As far as I know, I am the only Jewish employee at my location. It is two weeks before Christmas, and I’m cleaning out the dressing rooms when a coworker rushes up.)

Coworker: “[My Name]! I’ve been looking all over for you!”

Me: “What’s up?”

Coworker: “I need you to cover my shift on Christmas Eve! I waited too long to schedule my break so I NEED someone to cover for me.”

Me: “Sorry, no can do.”

Coworker: “Why not? You covered for me on Easter!”

Me: “I know, but I can’t do Christmas because—”

Coworker: “But you’re Jewish. Ugh, why are you people always so selfish?”

(For a minute I just stare at her; she seems to realize that she has just crossed a line, and her face turns bright red.)

Me: *coolly* “My dad’s family is Christian, so I spend Christmas with them because it’s one of the only times I get to see my grandparents. And even if I didn’t, I would go home anyway because my mom’s birthday is the 26th. I’ve already booked my flight, and I asked for the week off months ago.”

(She mumbles about finding someone else and rushes away. I don’t know if she found somebody to cover her on Christmas. What I do know is that I will NOT be covering her Easter shift next year. I have plenty of other coworkers who would appreciate the chance to spend the holiday with their kids.)

(We draw names for a Secret Santa gift exchange at work. Two coworkers have been good friends for many years, predating their employment at our car dealership. They used to be housemates, hang out all the time, get their families together, have regular poker nights, take vacations together, etc. One of the best friends opens his present from [Coworker #1]. It is a bottle of his favorite Scotch. He is thrilled, and his best friend is intensely jealous. A few gifts later, it is the other friend’s turn to open his gift. He receives… a bottle of the same Scotch.)

Best Friend #1: ‘How did you know exactly what to get me?’

Coworker #1: “I asked [Best Friend #2].”

Best Friend #2: *to [Coworker #2]* “And how did you know what to get me?”

Coworker #2: “I asked [Best Friend #1].”

Best Friend #2: “So, we both knew the other was getting what we wanted, but not that we were getting the same thing?”

Coworker #2: “Apparently!”

(We all knew they’d probably end up drinking them together, anyway.)

I manage a retail portrait studio that gets very busy around the holidays. It is just after Christmas and my staff and I are celebrating the fact that we made it through the other side of peak season unscathed. We’re exchanging presents.

I am given a coffee mug that says “Dear karma, I can think of a few people you forgot!” Another person has given me a sign that reads, “By all means, let me drop everything and work on your problem!”

Maybe I should be less vocal about my opinions of our customers.

(For the holidays this year, my workplace has set up a schedule where a different third of the shop will each be off work the week before Christmas, the week between Christmas and New Year’s, and the week after New Year’s.)

Me: “Hey, [Coworker], which week are you off?”

Coworker: “First one, why?”

Me: “Just wondering.”

Coworker: “What?”

Me: *joking* “Just wondering if I had to look at your face next week.”

Coworker: “See, the first time I misheard what you said as “Ghostbusters”, so I think I’m going to go with that instead.”