(It’s been a slow night of calls, and I hear my coworker say this without any context:)

Coworker: “My soul isn’t black! It’s obsidian! Ain’t no basic color; it’s multidimensional!”

(This, among other quotes, is why I love this job.)

(I’m working at my uncle’s restaurant for a few weeks over the summer. Being new to the job, I’m mostly doing dishes. As I’m washing dishes, one of my coworker brings in a tray of more dishes. As she leaves, I say:)

Me: *pumping fist in the air* “JOB SECURITY!”

(After that, whenever someone brought in more dishes, we’d both laugh and say, “Job security!”)

(One of my coworkers enjoys carpentry as a hobby and a side hustle. He’s done several small to medium projects for our group home where we work and for several coworkers. Today he’s brought in a work in progress that looks like a sign for home decor, with some words starting to get painted on it.)

Me: “Why does it say, ‘PROVE BS?’”

Coworker: “That’s supposed to say, ‘PROVERBS.’ I’m missing my ‘R’ stencil.”

Me: “Ah, I guess that makes more sense than a sign telling us to prove our bulls*** or something.”

I work as a producer for a video game publishing company. Recently I met up with a former employer for lunch. I left the company on good terms, and he essentially got me started on my career, so even though I don’t work for him anymore I still consider him a mentor and am eager to show him how well I’ve done and how far I’ve come. With me is another colleague, and a young intern we have working with us.

Lunch itself goes great. I’m happy to see him and catch up, and my coworker says great things about me to him. Towards the end, he’s chatting with our intern, encouraging him in general but also saying, “Don’t worry. Just stick to [My Name] and learn from her and you’ll be just fine.”

Even though it’s obviously just kind flattery, I beam at him, go to set down my mostly-full coffee cup… and miss the edge of the table entirely so it drops to the floor and shatters, spraying coffee everywhere. There’s a moment of horrified silence, and then the intern looks at my former boss and deadpans, “Don’t worry. I’ll do as she says, not as she does.”

At least I know our intern is quick with a quip, and that I can always rely on the universe to put me in my place with perfect timing if I ever get too big a head.

(Our crew is doing the finicky task of sticking plant cuttings in soil. [Coworker #1] drops one, leans down to pick it up, and bumps his head on the table.)

Coworker #2: “Do you remember your name?”

Coworker #1: “Why, I’m Othar Tryggvassen, gentleman adventurer!”