I’m a dude in an office. I’m taking a break and checking my phone when two women coworkers come over to me, already in the middle of what seems like a heated discussion.
Coworker #1: “[My Name], do you think [Coworker #2] is sexy?”
My eyes dart between [Coworker #1] and [Coworker #2] in a quick panic.
Me: “Uh… this feels like a trap.”
Coworker #1: “It’s not! I’m just asking an honest question!”
Me: “My feelings on the matter aren’t relevant or important. Also, it’s not professional to—”
Coworker #1: “—so you do? You do think she’s sexy?”
In all honesty, [Coworker #2] is an incredibly attractive woman, with those classic Hollywood looks that I’m sure most straight men find very attractive. I didn’t want to outright lie and say “no” but I didn’t want to say “yes” in a professional setting.
Me: “It’s inappropriate to discuss this at work.”
Coworker #2: *To [Coworker #1].* “Look, he doesn’t want to answer, which proves my point.”
Me: “What point?”
Coworker #1: “That doesn’t matter! If you didn’t think she was sexy, you’d easily say so! The fact that you’re uncomfortable answering means that you do think she’s sexy, so you’re a pervert!”
Me: “Uh… what?!”
Coworker #2: “Oh my God, [Coworker #1]!” *To me.* “Sorry, [Coworker #1] is convinced that all men are perverts.”
Coworker #1: “They are!”
Coworker #2: “She thinks a man thinking of a woman as ‘sexy’ makes him a pervert, even if he does nothing.”
Coworker #1: “Men shouldn’t be thinking that way!”
Coworker #2: *To [Coworker #1].* “Do you think [famous Actor] is sexy?”
Coworker #1: “Well… yes!”
Coworker #2: *Deadpan.* “Oh my God, you pervert.”
Coworker #1: “That’s different! He’s an actor! He’s supposed to be sexy!”
Me: “Ladies, I don’t know what I got caught in the middle of here, but I was on break and—”
Coworker #1: “—the fact that you can’t just say “no” means that you’re thinking “yes”, which makes you a pervert!”
Coworker #2: “No, it means he is a professional and does not want to discuss such things in the office, which makes him the opposite of a pervert! Take the L, [Coworker #1]!”
Coworker #1: “You’re just taking his side because he thinks you’re sexy!”
Me: “[Coworker #1]! Go away now, or I am reporting you to HR.”
Coworker #1: “I should be the one reporting you to HR for having inappropriate thoughts about a coworker!”
Coworker #2: *To [Coworker #1].* “Let’s go. You couldn’t prove your point, and now you’re being bratty.”
Both ladies did eventually leave, and I tried to forget about it.
Sadly, I was called into an HR meeting a few days later. Not because I was in trouble, but because I was needed to corroborate a few stories.
Apparently, an old senior manager had introduced [Coworker #2] to another coworker as “and this beautiful lady with me is…”. Regardless of your feelings on that, [Coworker #1] had heard it and assumed the senior manager wanted to sleep with [Coworker #2], and things spun out of control from there.
She assumed that every man in the office who even thought that [Coworker #2] was attractive was a pervert, just for having the thought. She had gone around the office asking men the same question she had asked me, and some of the younger and less experienced guys in the office had said “yes” without thinking.
[Coworker #1] had then reported ALL those men to HR, hence the investigation.
Because there had been zero misconduct toward [Coworker #2], no complaints were upheld, but [Coworker #1] was given a talking to about looking for problems that don’t exist.
[Coworker #1] still works in the office, but refuses to engage with any men directly, emails only. She claims we’re all perverts and she doesn’t want us thinking about her that way.
Trust me, [Coworker #1], I’m definitely not.