I’m working at the deli and hot counter in my grocery store. A customer is looking at the bags of rotisserie chickens we leave in the warmer.

Customer: “Is this chicken… hot? Or is it cold? I can’t tell.”

Me: “It’s warm now, we keep them under heat lamps, but they’re not piping hot like fresh out of the oven.”

Customer: “But it’s supposed to be ready to eat, right?”

Me: “Yes, sir, just like if you bought a pie. It’s cooked, but you can warm it more if you prefer.”

Customer: “I don’t want to prefer. I want to know what temperature it is.”

Coworker: *Jumping in.* “Hot enough to be dinner, not hot enough to sue us.”

This, surprisingly, seemed to be the answer the customer was looking for, as he grabbed two bags of chicken and tossed them into his cart.

This is another story about Peter, Swiss police. He is smart, very socially impaired, but has a heart of gold. In the office, we are debating how to deal with homeless people on the street.

Colleague #1: “I ignore them.”

Colleague #2: “Sometimes I give them loose change.”

Colleague #3: “No, they just buy drugs with it. Give them food.”

That week, while going to a restaurant, we pass an unkempt woman on the ground. She has a shopping cart full of random things, like clothes and coat hangers. She looks exhausted and hungry. Peter stands in front of her, for ten or twenty seconds, while he puts his words together. Finally…

Peter: “Frau, magst du avocado?” *Ma’am, do you like avocado?*

Homeless Lady: *Smiling.* “Sehr viel.” *Very much.*

Peter puts his hand into his jacket, and hands her an avocado.

Homeless Lady: “Vielen dank.”

Peter: “Bitte.”

Then he… walked off. Peter simply left for the restaurant, as if it were normal. Seriously, it’s an expensive, exotic fruit usually used as an ingredient. Who gives that to homeless people? I’m confused as to why he even had one.

Me: “Peter, why did you give her an avocado?”

Peter: “Help.”

Me: “Yes… But why an avocado?”

Peter: “She likes avocado. I have avocado.”

Me: “Most people would give her a sandwich or 1CHF.”

Peter looks at me as if to say “Yeah, so?”

Peter: “I do not have sandwich or 1CHF. I have avocado. Sandwich is processed food. Avocado is not. Avocado has energy. Fill you all day. Most important, she likes avocado.”

I still think it’s odd. Not to Peter; he doesn’t care what people think. Avocados have a lot of energy, and it is a good, clean food. He likes them, the homeless lady said she likes them. Maybe she just accepted it out of obligation, who knows? She still said she likes avocados. Therefore, it is perfectly acceptable. Everyone else’s opinion, be d***ed.

It still makes me smile. Peter still regularly eats an avocado in the office.

A coworker walks up to me after a long shift. She looks confused.

Coworker: “So I served this guy, and he gave me a $20 tip on a $95 table.”

Me: “That’s cool.”

Coworker: “But he wrote $20 on the receipt as well, and he paid by card.”

Me: “So that’s a $40 tip!”

Coworker: “Do you think he meant to do that?”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Coworker: “I had a friend who thought you give your waitress a tip in cash and write it down on the receipt as well. She was double tipping for years.”

Me: “Ha! Maybe that’s what happened.”

Coworker: “So… what should I do?”

Me: “Take the $40 and move on with your life.”

Coworker: “But I feel bad.”

Me: “You earn $2.13 an hour before tips.”

Coworker: “…you have a point.”

Related:
Tipping The Scales

When I was fourteen, my twin brother and I got jobs at a local frozen custard/grill joint. This was a popular place for teenagers to get their summer jobs, as it was only open April-September-ish.

The strange thing wasn’t the kids working there, it was the adults. This story is about one such, a thirty-two-year-old we’ll just refer to as [Coworker].

As [Brother] and I were getting trained, basically the overall rule was “don’t argue with [Coworker], but don’t listen to a word she says”.

So, this (again, grown woman) proceeds to do everything wrong that she possibly can. She always makes mediums a large “because they paid so much for it, I might as well!”, takes “breaks” during busy times to vape, and purposefully doesn’t wash the dishes in the hot soapy water, opting instead to wash everything in bleach.

About a month into working there, [Brother] got stuck working the night shift with her and one other employee.

While my poor brother was running both the counter and the drive-through, [Coworker] was sitting at our boss’s desk doing who knows what. My brother, who is very shy and quiet, asked her to help him out because she wasn’t doing anything, and he couldn’t take three customers at once.

She got angry and just… left.

The next day, I’m on morning shift with the boss, and he tells me that [Coworker] had to walk out last night because my brother was making a scene, grabbing her, and yelling at her in front of the customers.

Everyone who knew my brother knew this wasn’t true. I was pretty livid.  After scaring the crap out of my manager, who had been talking smack about the situation with her friend, I was ready to lay into this woman.

In hindsight, obviously what I did wasn’t the best idea, but in my defence, I was an angry fourteen-year-old, so I picked a fight with [Coworker]:

Coworker: “I can’t believe how slow it is, and [Boss] still has me cleaning up front.”

Me: “Why, disappointed you couldn’t sit in his chair doing p***-all while my brother runs the counter and drive-through for you?”

Coworker: “How dare you! Your brother was the one shouting at me. I was just trying to do my job.”

Me: “My brother hasn’t raised his voice since he started working here, and everyone knows he’d never lay a hand on you.”

Coworker: “Listen, little girl. I work my a** off up here every day—”

Me: “Because that’s your job.”

Coworker: “Right… I work so hard, I think—”

Me: “Because that’s your job.”

At this point, my manager came in to break us up and sent me to do dishes, away from [Coworker].

Two weeks later, my brother and I quit. We didn’t want to deal with all this bull. About a month or so later, [Coworker] got fired for complaining about another employee “not doing her job”… while the employee was running the store by herself.

The boss came and apologized to us, and asked us if we wanted our jobs back.

I came back to work there for the next three years. It sucked really badly, and I have a lot of stories from the place (like how my boss was underpaying the girls, complained I didn’t work enough shifts when I worked almost forty hours a week at this part-time job), but I think this one is the worst.

A coworker has just come back from a Mexican vacation.

Me: “How was your vacation, [Coworker]?”

Coworker: “It was good, but very crowded! I read that they only have thirty-one states, so that must be why.”

Me: “I’m not following.”

Coworker: “Well, we have fifty states, whereas Mexico has to squeeze all their people into thirty-one! That must be why it’s so crowded.”

I try to explain, but my coworker is stubborn in their ignorance, so I decide to roll with it.

Me: “Did you know Canada* has ten states?”

Coworker: “Oh my god! It must be awful up there! My friend moved to Vancouver and didn’t say anything! I should call her and ask if they’re doing okay.”

*Yes, I know they’re called provinces, and I know they also have three territories, but I don’t think it would have mattered here.