Your Professionalism Is Melting… MELTING!

, , , , , | Working | April 18, 2019

(One of my coworkers, who has a very intense personality, is leaving, but only the manager and I know.)

Manager: “Does [New Coworker] know?”

Me: “I don’t think so. But I’ve been singing Ding Dong the Witch is Dead all morning.”

A Boob Noob

, , , , | Working | April 17, 2019

(We’re gathered for a meeting. My manager has brought in a weird, squishy, pink stress ball she found at a craft store. Everyone is immediately distracted by it, and spends several minutes passing it around, debating what’s inside.)

Manager: “Do you think this is what fake boobs feel like?”

(As she’s saying this, it gets tossed to one of my coworkers, who is gay. Right on cue:)

Coworker: “Eww, it feels gross!”

(The room cracked up, delaying the meeting for another ten minutes.)

This Sweet Child O’ Mine Knows His Stuff

, , , , , , | Friendly | April 17, 2019

(Some coworkers and I decide to eat out during our lunch break. One of them is showing off some vacation photos on his phone.)

Coworker: “This photo we took at Dunluce Castle. This is the same place Led Zeppelin took a picture for one of their albums.”

(One of my older coworkers turns to another one, who is in his mid-20s. )

Older Coworker: “You see, Led Zeppelin was this rock band that started up in the 60s. We’re not talking about blimps made out of lead.”

Younger Coworker: “Really? Next thing, you’re going to tell me that Pink Floyd isn’t actually a person.”

Older Coworker: *pause* “Ooh, I didn’t expect that pull.”

(The older coworker didn’t try to tease the younger coworker over generational things anymore. In fact, they frequently get together during breaks to talk about music now!)

Someone Needs Sensitivity Training

, , , , , | Friendly | April 16, 2019

This was told to me by a friend. This friend of mine lost his grandmother earlier this week, and five months ago lost his mother.

Two days after his grandmother died, his regional manager, who was visiting his branch, said this to his face: “Aren’t you happy? Now you have fewer family members who can die.” Later, she justified herself saying she was just kidding. Strangely enough, my friend didn’t find it funny and answered in quite colorful language.

This Prank Doesn’t Lose Steam

, , , , , , , | Working | April 15, 2019

(Before he retires, my dad is a fitter machinist and works in a range of pharmaceuticals, food factories, and coal mines over the years. I love to hear all his stories about practical jokes and things that he has done over the years. And no, he has never been fired or reprimanded. In fact, he is usually incredibly well-liked and promoted continually since he works incredibly hard whenever he isn’t pranking someone or goofing off. He works with a great friend who, while apparently clever, seems to have some incredibly ditzy moments.)

Dad: “This would clean up better if we could steam clean it. Ah, I know! [Friend], take this bucket and go ask [Colleague across the factory] for some steam.”

(Thinking he’ll clue into the joke after a minute or so, he is surprised when [Friend] nods and leaves with the bucket. After a few minutes, [Friend] comes back, and surprise, surprise, the bucket is empty.)

Friend: “Ah, no! It’s gone. Hang on. I’ll go again. I must have spilled it.”

Dad: *trying his best at a serious face* “Okay.”

(As soon as he’s gone, he calls the extension for [Colleague], who exclaims that he thought [Friend] was pranking him. Dad laughs and explains briefly, and then [Colleague] puts Dad on loudspeaker so he can listen when [Friend] arrives.)

Friend: “I need some more. I spilled it.”

Colleague: “Ah, I know what it is. It evaporated. What you’ll have to do is pour it quickly and then run to the back with it before it disappears. Here, take two just to be sure.”

(Dad hears a few noises and then it goes silent for a moment before [Colleague] picks up, laughing.)

Colleague: “He’s on his way.”

(Dad hung up and, sure enough, [Friend] was running through the factory, carrying a bucket in each hand, with all of the operators staring at him, and he arrived panting with two empty buckets.)

Page 4/136First...23456...Last