(I work in a factory in the Netherlands, with a lot of immigrants. Some of them still struggle with speaking Dutch, but they really try to learn, and encourage everyone to talk to them in Dutch. I have a young colleague from Morocco, but born in the Netherlands, who always likes to mess around. He asks one of the immigrants to pass him something from across the assembly table. Upon receiving it, he suddenly points at his nose and yells, “Nose!” Cue laughter from the whole table for the random act. The Moroccan dude just smiles. Later, he asks the guy to pass him something else. This time he points at his eyes and yells, “Eyes!”)

Me: “Dude… What are you doing?”

Coworker: “They want to learn Dutch, right? I’m helping them! This way they remember!”

(So, for the rest of the day, he shouted more body parts at random, pointing at each part with every word. In the end of the day, he quizzed the immigrant guy by just pointing at the body parts and sure enough, this guy blurted out all the right words.)

I work in a real-estate office. Our agents are in and out constantly, as is the nature of the business, but it’s a great group of people to work with and for, and a lot of pretty awesome interactions occur.

One of my favorites is around mid-October. A few of the men have started growing beards for the colder months ahead. One day, a male agent is entering the office and another male agent is leaving, both bearing noticeable chin scruff where they had previously been clean-shaven. They are about to cross paths when they both stop and stare at each other for a few seconds. They then simultaneously point at each other, gave a knowing nod, and then pass each other and go about their business, all without saying a word.

(I work with two guys who have a compulsion to always be right. Whatever you say, whether logic is with you or not, they’re right, and you’re wrong. We work at height a lot.)

Coworker: “We need some eye bolts to tie the ladder to when we’re going on that roof next week.”

Me: “I’ll get some at the weekend.”

(Monday rolls by.)

Me: “I got the eye bolts. They didn’t have the ones for the plastic plugs, so I got all metal, instead.”

Coworker: “They’re not big enough.”

Me: *I’ve read half a page ahead* “That’s okay. Here. I got the next two sizes up, as well.”

Coworker: “They’re… too strong.”

Me: “You’re going to be 30 feet in the air, and these eye bolts could save your life if something went wrong, and they’re too strong?”

(Pause:)

Coworker: “I already bought some.”

I am ordering business cards for one of my coworkers, who is notorious for having what my boss likes to call “small man syndrome” [he’s short, so he compensates with his attitude]. He rejects the first proof that I send him because he wants a second job title added to it. Yes, he has given himself a second role.

I’m gagging internally, but his manager has approved it, and I want to get rid of him, so I have the proof amended to what he wants. The printing company automatically corrects the spelling of one of the words in his second role to the British version. I send the updated proof to my coworker, who approves it. Then, five minutes later, I get a second email telling me that his second job title is spelled wrong.

Being non-confrontational, I email back, “Are you sure? S is the American way; Z is used in English.” His response is, “No, it’s an S. Read my signature.”

Oh, the email signature that you created?

Now, I’m pissed, but, like I said, non-confrontational. So I order the cards the way he wants them. Petty, yes, but I like to think that our educated clients will read them and laugh at him.

(I am working in a warehouse where bulk fruit and vegetables are stored and sorted for distribution. It’s my first day, and there’s only two of us due to it being a slow period. I’m being trained.)

Team Leader: “So, the leaf lettuces are done?”

Me: “Yes. Where do you want me to put the icebergs?”

(We both hear a strange, strangled scream, and a woman appears from around a corner, screaming and running toward us, waving her arms.)

Woman: “You do not say that word! Too many people died in the Titanic! You do not mention icebergs!”

(She just kept showing up to scream at us over random “offensive” words until she was eventually removed by the police.)