I have an office in a portakabin of four rooms across the car park from the main building. Only two rooms are occupied.

One day I manage to knock over a glass of water and it soaks a load of papers on my desk and goes all down my trousers, too. I lock the office door, make sure the blinds are closed, and take my trousers off to put them on the heater to dry while I tidy up the desk.

After a few minutes the office door opens and a colleague walks in. She has come to collect some papers and let herself in with the master key. She is lovely but not overly bright.

She sits for a few minutes talking, and then starts to leave. As she is going out the door she asks if I am wearing any underwear. I say of course.

She says that she isn’t sure as it just look like I am only wearing a shirt.

She must have thought that this was normal for me in my office. But it hadn’t crossed her mind to leave when she first saw me, or didn’t she notice till she was leaving?

(It is November 11th, 2016. I’m openly lesbian, and don’t “pass” for straight due to my unique hair and androgynous dress. Unfortunately, there’s a huge rise in hate crimes after the election, and I have been shoved, called names, and had my car vandalized so far. Even though I am just starting out as a lawyer, I can’t stop these things happening. I am talking about the hate crimes issue with a colleague.)

Me: “…so there’s been a lot more anti-minority and anti-gay harassment lately. People feel emboldened, you know? So do you think you could walk me out of work today?”

(Colleague #2, who is a new immigrant from a conservative south Asian country, stops after walking by and hearing this. He smiles.)

Colleague #2: “Do you know what I would do? I would… tell them ‘oh, you’re harassing this gay person? Would you perhaps now like to meet my .38 special?’”

Colleague #1: *describing himself* “Or do you want a six foot six Norwegian carrying a bat?”

(I knew they were joking, but it meant a lot that two very different people felt so strongly about protecting me!)

Today I love/hate my employees.

During a training session earlier this week I had told them all to let me know of any changes needed to their schedule due to long calls, complicated issues, whatever. “Don’t write me a novel. I don’t need War & Peace, just give me the times and a quick note of what happened.”

Wise-a** rep responds this morning by sending me an email that succinctly states the times I need, then goes into 6 pages of an excerpt from War & Peace. Specifically, Part Three, XV.

To his credit, he didn’t write it, he just copy-pasted from a website.

“At eight o’clock Kutzov rode to Pratz….”

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(I have a coworker who is a little on the ditzy side. We are working together in the stock room and chatting about New York City.)

Coworker: “I used to live in New York and it was great! I used to go to this place all the time called the 92nd Street Y. It was on 6th Avenue and um… like, uptown somewhere… I forget.”

(I wait for a few beats to see if she’ll figure it out.)

Me: “Was it on 6th Avenue and 92nd Street, maybe?”

Coworker: “Oh!” *looking sheepish* “…yeah.”

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(I’m moving to Germany to study and it’s been a weird and hectic month, with me looking for an apartment in the city I’m going to. There are no rooms available on campus and every apartment I like online is only available after I visit the place and talk to the rent company personally. I finally manage to find a room in a weird private dorm that doesn’t require any of that. At work I happily share this with my coworkers.)

Me: “…it’s not very big. Actually it’s really small, but it’s already furnished: it has a bed, a table, a chair, a tiny kitchen, a bathroom, and a wardrobe, and even curtains for the window.”

Coworker #1: “This is nice, but isn’t it too expensive?”

Me: “It’s all right. [Amount] per month, but the furniture, electricity, heat, and Internet are included. And even TV, which I won’t be needing. It’s cool. And after some time I can always find something better, if I don’t like that.”

Coworker #2: “Where is it? Do you have to travel to the university a long time?”

Me: “No. It’s nearby. That’s what I also like about this place. Aww, wish me luck!”

Coworker #2: “How are you going to find it, though? Do you have any idea where it is?”

Me: “I’ll have to improvise, won’t I?”

Coworker #3: “Oh, I have an idea!” [Coworker #4, who is from the same city I’m moving to] is visiting me next week. You two should talk! Maybe she could help you out!”

Me: “Okay, I’ll ask her for some pointers…”

(I’m not that optimistic, since I’ve seen the lady a couple of times, but she wasn’t assigned to my project and we just said hi to each other every now and then. Fast forward to next week, when Coworker #3 is off work, but calls me on my cell right after clock-out.)

Coworker #3: “Hi, [My Name], we won’t be able to go out so you could talk to [Coworker #4]. She’s not feeling so well and we have to get her back on her feet so she’ll get home safely on the weekend.”

Me: “Oh.”

Coworker #3: “Wait, she asked to talk to you on the phone!” *hands over the phone*

Coworker #4: “Hello, [My Name]? Are you moving to [City] in about a week?”

Me: “Hi, yes, I am, and I was hoping you could show me around once I get there… Please?”

Coworker #4: “Oh, please, I’ll meet you right at the central station when you come in, and I’ll help you find everything! No problem at all!”

Me: “Wow, this is so nice of you, thank you very much! And you don’t even really know me…”

Coworker #4: “Nah, I’m sure we’ve met. I just can’t place your name with a face right now, but this is all right. We’ll work it all out when you get there!”

Me: “Thank you! And many thanks to [Coworker #3]! Safe flight back home and I guess I’ll see you in about a week!”

(Fast forward again. I catch my very early flight, somehow manage to catch a train from Berlin to the city I’m moving to, and when I somehow get reception, I text Coworker #4 the time of my arrival. Even though she’s at work, she gets out two hours early and meets me in front of the station, where we greet each other, I thank her for meeting me, then she asks me my living situation.)

Me: “This is the thing… I just spoke with the rent office. They can’t give the room today, because all of their agents are fully booked. They asked me to come in at three pm tomorrow.”

Coworker#4: “Ah, these idiots. Why didn’t they give you an appointment when you rented the thing?”

Me: “No idea. I tried to set one a couple of times, but no response. I don’t know what to do now. Do you know any place where I can stay for tonight and tomorrow? But not too expensive…”

Coworker#4: “It’s pretty easy, isn’t it? You’re coming to my place and you can crash on my couch, if you like.”

Me: “But, but…”

Coworker #4: “I don’t bite! Come on, you can relax a bit, tell me where your room is so I can find it on the card, and then we’re going out to find it. Then I’m showing you the city! And later we’re watching a movie! Girls’ night for your first night here!”

Me: *teary-eyed* “You’re literally one of the best people on the planet.”

(We found the building the room was in, she showed me the city, and we ate at a neat tiny noodle place that is now one of my favourite places. The next day I went to fill the huge protocol for the room, then I made a list of things I needed. She fished a bunch of stuff out that she didn’t need — like old tea mugs or dry food jars — then she called her boyfriend to ask him to do the same. Both of them gave me a huge carton full of dishes, cutlery, and a bunch of crap I still use to this day. Then they drove me to a big supermarket so I could get some of the other things I needed plus some food. Finally, they drove me to the apartment building and helped me get all the stuff inside. The next day she brought me a prepaid mobile card. To this day they are one of my best friends here. They are still together and now have an adorable little boy. And a couple of months ago she heard accidentally that I didn’t have enough cups and brought me another box full of kitchen stuff. I’ll never be able to pay her back, not just for the things, but for all the help and for her warm heart.)