(Our manager gives lists of work to be done. I have just one more job to finish on my list and am about to start it when my coworker comes up with her list.)

Coworker: “Oh, I have to sort stock in the office; I hate doing that.”

Me: “I actually like doing that.”

Coworker: “Do you want to swap jobs? What do you have left to do now?”

Me: “I have to move this stock from here to this end.” *literally less than a metre apart, I show her the locations* “The stock just basically needs swapping around. This end now goes to that panel and the panel goes to this end” *points* “If you want to do this, I don’t mind doing what you’re supposed to do.”

Coworker: “Great, that will be fantastic. I can do that; it looks really easy.”

(I go off and do her job. It only takes about thirty minutes. It’s now almost closing  time. I come out of the office, and notice that both the panel and the end are completely empty. I find my coworker wandering aimlessly around.)

Me: “Uh, where is the stock that was here?”

Coworker: “It’s in a trolley down at the front of the store, all ready for you to work on.”

Me: “But I thought we swapped jobs.”

Coworker: “We did; you told me these things needed moving, so I moved them.” *gives me a smug look*

Me: “Where are the hooks?”

Coworker: “I put them in the dock.”

(What should have been a simple twenty-minute job became a two-hour job, because I had to sort, rehang, display, and re-price everything. This meant I had to stay back, unpaid, to do it. That was the last time I ever offered or took her up on an offer to swap jobs.)

(Our store allows for product exchanges on the condition that the item hasn’t been used and is still in good condition. We sell a lot of pots and pans, and the best way to tell if they’ve been used is by smelling them for the scent of any food. A lady comes up to the register with an expensive frying pan that has been removed from the packaging. This brand is exclusive to our store and is known to have quite bulky packaging.)

Customer #1: “I just want to exchange this for a different size, if that’s okay.”

Me: “Yup, that shouldn’t be a problem! Just making sure, has it been used?”

Customer #1: “No, I just took it out of the packaging to see if it would fit in my cupboard.”

(I let her go to find a smaller pan, and examine the one she left. It seems to be in perfect condition, but I give it a sniff and swear I can smell just a hint of spices, indicating that it may have been used. One of my coworkers is working the register with me.)

Me: “Hey, [Coworker #1]! Can you take a look at this pan? I think it’s got a smell on it.”

([Coworker #1] comes and stands on my left and takes a whiff.)

Coworker #1: “Um… I’m not too sure. It seems to be fine, though.”

Me: “I don’t know.” *takes the pan back and smells it again* “I swear I can smell chili, or pepper, or something.”

(A second coworker comes to my right side.)

Coworker #2: “What’s going on?”

Coworker #1: “[My Name] thinks this pan’s been used; what do you think?”

([Coworker #2] gives it a good sniff, putting her face up close to it, then shakes her head.)

Coworker #2: “Nah, it’s fine. There’s nothing wrong with it.”

Me: *takes another sniff* “Are you sure?”

Coworker #1: *takes a sniff up close* “Yeah, I think she’s right.”

Me: *takes it back and sniffs again* “Okay, maybe I’m just imagining it, then.”

Coworker #2: *double-checking, smells the pan again* “Yeah, it’s fine, hasn’t been used.”

Customer #2: “Um… Excuse me?”

(All three of us look up and see a man waiting to be served, standing there with an odd expression on his face. It’s at that moment we realise he has been watching the three of us standing at the counter in a huddle, passing around a pan and taking turns to sniff it all while talking in hushed voices. Immediately, [Coworker #1] and [Coworker #2] scatter off in opposite directions and I quickly place the pan to the side and plaster on a big smile.)

Me: “Next waiting!”

(I typically work the closing shift of a major retailer. When the store closes for business, the graveyard shift comes in. Being that they are graveyard workers, they do not have uniforms, nor do I necessarily know them all too well.)

Me: “Hey, man, I’m going home now, so can you lock the door once I leave?”

Guy: “Uh, yeah, sure.”

(I leave through the side exit, and I watch him turn the latch. The following day, my manager has a word with me.)

Manager: “[My Name], when you leave for the night, you’re supposed to tell a staff member to lock the door behind you. You can’t just leave without telling anyone.”

Me: “That’s not what I did. I asked one of the graveyard shift guys to do that for me.”

Manager: “Yeah, about that…”

(Turns out that wasn’t a graveyard shift worker. I had actually asked a customer who happened to be in the store afterhours to lock the door for me!)

(A manager from another store has called us to arrange a transfer of some sewing machines. She said the customer needs them urgently and that she would come over to pick them up in the afternoon. We also have a visit from our national manager around the same time. He sees the transfers waiting for collection.)

National Manager: “I’m going to [Store location] in the morning. I could take those with me now.”

Me: “[Manager] is on her way to collect them now. She has customers waiting for them this afternoon.”

(Oddly, the manager arrives close to closing time to pick them up. The next morning I get a phone call from the national manager, asking if the machines had been picked up.)

Me: “Yes, late yesterday, just before we closed. I had her sign our copy of the transfer.”

National Manager: “You’re sure about that?”

Me: “Yes.”

National Manager: “Okay, thanks. I’ll have to get back to you.”

(Later I find out that the national manager had noticed that there were no machines at the other store and that none had been sold. He asked the other manager, who denied that she had picked them up. She didn’t know that he had remote access to our CCTV and it clearly showed her collecting the machines. They discovered that she had done this for other transfers at different stores as well. She would wait a few weeks and call to say the items hadn’t arrived and then have the transfer cancelled. And she had swapped the signed copy for her unsigned copy when I was helping her carry the machines out. Thank goodness for cameras; otherwise it might have been me charged with theft.)

(I am an IT technician. We have recently appointed a new operations manager, to whom I report directly. We also have a young man of school age in with us to get a bit of summer work experience. I have been asked to move several computers to temporarily accommodate some staff whose office is being renovated. I go with our student to collect the computers. When we arrive at the destination office, I ask the student to connect everything up while I supervise, so he can get a bit of experience. He’s working away — doing a very good job I might add — when our boss, the operations manager, walks in. We get on very well, and spend a lot of time joking around and teasing each other.)

Operations Manager: *to me* “Ah, here you are [My Name]! When you’ve finished, could you go and see [Person in another office]?”

Me: “Of course, [Operations Manager]!”

(The operations manager looks over at our student, who has finished connecting everything up and is about to switch on the computer.)

Operations Manager: *to me* “Hey, why are you making him do all the work while you just stand around?”

Me: “Because I’m training to be an IT manager!”

(The two other people in the office chuckle. My manager doesn’t say anything, just shoots me a dirty look and walks off. As he leaves, the office manager turns to me.)

Office Manager: “That was a good answer, [My Name]!”