(We are a very sociable company and many of us turn up early to eat breakfast before starting work. A few people have turned up extra early as we are behind on some of our orders. Colleague #1 from the other team has come to our side of the office before we officially start. Colleague #2 is still finishing her breakfast, which today is a chocolate filled pastry that has mostly melted in the heat and so she is covered in chocolate.)

Colleague #1: “Hey, [Colleague #2], I know it is still five minutes before you start, but is there any chance you could do [very quick one-minute task], please?”

Colleague #2: “Sorry, you will need to wait until I have finished breakfast.”

Colleague #1: “Um, really? You know we are behind and I need to get this sent as soon as possible. Could you please do it now and finish your breakfast after?”

Colleague #2: *shows her chocolate covered hands* “You can either have it in a few minutes, or you can have it covered in chocolate. Which would you prefer?”

Colleague #1: “I guess I can wait a few minutes.”

(I’m a supervisor in an office supply store. Recently, my boss hired a new employee who, he claimed, aced his interview and is perfect for the open cashier position. However, we quickly learn that the new employee is lazy, uncooperative, and severely lacking in tact and professionalism when dealing with customers. He even goes so far as to ignore duties and customers in order to go and play videogames on some of our display tablets and laptops. Despite being able to prove that the employee has been shirking duties and playing games via the in-store surveillance, the store manager refuses to fire the employee. One day, while going over the store’s daily task checklist.)

Me: “All right, [Employee], it’s your turn to do the clean-up around the registers. Since it’s slow right now, why don’t you go ahead and sweep up while you’re waiting for customers to come and check out?”

Employee: *sighing dramatically* “Fine.”

(He proceeds to start sweeping, but does it like he’s never held a broom before in his life. He bypasses obvious dust and leaves tracked in by customers and sweeps perhaps three square feet of floor over and over. A customer approaches, and stands there watching him for several seconds.)

Customer: “Honey, didn’t your mama ever teach you how to use a broom?! You’re not doing anyone any good sweeping like that!”

(She proceeded to lecture him on how to properly sweep floors and wouldn’t check out until she could watch him use the broom to her standards. I knew it was a lost cause, but I was glad I wasn’t the only one who could see a problem with the employee’s behavior!)

(My boss hired a new cashier who is absolutely horrible at his job. He ignores the requests of the female supervisors, shirks his duties, and spends most of his time in the electronics section playing games on the display tablets and laptops. As one of the store’s female supervisors, my attempts at getting this guy to actually do the job he is being paid for are more like pulling teeth. One day, I find the guy trying to assemble an office chair directly behind one of the only two registers we have in our little store.)

Me: “Hey, [Employee]? We need to use that register to ring people up, but we can’t get to it with all this stuff. [Other Employee] almost tripped over this box you left here, and I don’t want anyone getting hurt. Can you move to the end of the counter where there’s room for all this?”

Employee: “No, I’m building it here.”

Me: “There is a line forming. We need this second register, and we can’t use it with you here. You need to move. Right now.”

Employee: “No! I’m fine where I am!”

(Fed up, I poke my head into the store manager’s office where he’s taking a conference call.)

Me: “I hate to bother you, but [Employee] is ignoring me and he’s got a line backed up at the registers, and customers are starting to get angry!”

Manager: “What?!”

(He marches out, sees the giant mess of chair parts, packaging, and tools behind our register, the blocked walkway with this employee sitting on the floor right in the middle of it all, and the line of people. He wades through the mess and takes the partially built chair right from the employee’s hands.)

Manager: “[Employee], we don’t build chairs behind the register. Move your stuff over here or clock out and go home. I don’t have time to deal with this!”

(The employee griped and complained the entire time he had to do his work 10 feet away at the end of the counter, and I hopped onto the register and cleared up the line in no time. I’m still shocked at the lengths to which that guy — a grown, 30-something year old man — would go to try and assert his superiority over us female managers!)

(Our office recently switched from Styrofoam to packaging material made out of starch. Even though it looks much like Styrofoam, it’s edible. Also, while the working atmosphere here is generally good, there is one rather lazy woman that has it in for a tomboy who — justifiably — prides herself on her very strong work ethic. In fact, she’s constantly trying to badmouth her.)

Lazy Coworker: “Yesterday I was on my way to meet some friends so I drove by the office and guess who still was here at 8:30 pm. Right, [Hard Working Coworker]?”

Me: “Okay?! Yes, she had an important deadline yesterday. Looks like she finished that project, though.”

Lazy Coworker: “It’s not just yesterday. I mean… [Hard Working Coworker] should get a life already! Some more months and she’ll move in here. She never even goes to lunch break with the rest of us.”

Me: “If you say so. She does good work and that’s what counts, right?”

Lazy Coworker: “Still, doesn’t she—”

(Suddenly said coworker comes through the open door behind our desks. The lazy coworker isn’t sure whether our coworker heard her rant, so she quickly switches her play.)

Lazy Coworker: *deceitfully* “Hey, we were just talking about you. Do you want to grab some food with us? Or should we bring something for you? We were thinking about kebab.”

(Hard Working Coworker grabs a nearby carton of starch packaging material and starts eating it like chips while keeping a straight face. The lazy coworker, who, by the looks of it, doesn’t know it is edible, looks at her in shock.)

Coworker: “No, thank you, but since I’m apparently planning to move in here, I need to make do with what I can find inside the office.”

(She walked away, still eating the packaging material. I immediately burst out laughing. Fortunately, this led the lazy coworker to ignore me for quite some time.)

(We have lots of restrooms in the building; however, we only have one that you don’t have to take a short flight of stairs to get to. We usually keep it locked when there isn’t a performance to keep it clean and keep the supplies from being used up. I’m on crutches, so I ask for the key.)

Me: “Hey, boss, is it okay if I use the accessible bathroom?”

Boss: “Yeah, sure, here’s the key. Just give it back at the end of the day so you don’t have to keep asking for it. I’m not here tomorrow but [Manager who also has a key] will be and she’ll get it for you until we get you a copy made.”

Me: “Cool, thanks. I’ll get a doctor’s note with an estimate of when I’ll be off the crutches, but they’re saying about three weeks.”

Coworker: “Wait, what? Why does she get a key? I hate going up those stairs. I’m older than her and I’ve been here longer. I should be allowed to get a key, too!”

Boss: “She’s on crutches. You don’t have a physical reason, and after her ankle is better she’ll be using the upstairs bathroom like the rest of us — after her doctor okays it.”

(I leave and come back. My coworker is standing in front of the office door, fiddling with something and obviously waiting on me.)

Coworker: “Oh, hey! I’ll give the key back to [Boss]. Go on in. I’ll be there in a sec.”

Me: “Um, actually I’m keeping the key all day so I don’t have to keep asking for it.”

Coworker: “Then I’ll hold onto it for you and you can just tell me when you need it.”

Me: “That’s… not going to happen.”

Coworker: “Look, you’re young. I’m getting on up there and I don’t want to climb those stairs. Just give me the key.”

Me: “Tell you what. You tear several ligaments and tendons in your ankle and come to work anyway and then I’ll hand it over. Until then, you use the stairs like [Boss] said.”

(My coworker tried to get me written up for “insubordination” despite him being the same level of employee as me, but our boss gave him a stern talking to instead. He got fired when we caught him going through my desk, looking for my copy of the bathroom key. Of all the things to be fired over!)