(It’s our company’s annual Golf Day. It’s a fun event. Basically, we get to golf all afternoon at a reduced price, then eat a nice dinner.)

Event Organizer: “[My Name], could you do me a big favour?”

Me: “Well, I was just about to start golfing—”

Event Organizer: “I know, but the other person organizing Golf Day is stuck in traffic, and I need help assigning everyone to their golf carts and making sure that they’re supplied with bottled water. It’ll take about 30 minutes.”

Me: “Uh… Okay, I guess.”

Event Organizer: “Thanks!” *leaves*

Me: “Wait! What exactly do I do?”

Event Organizer: “You’ll figure it out.”

(I did my best, but because I hadn’t done this before, I was slow – plus, I was unable to get everyone their bottled water before their tee-off time. Some people were visibly annoyed. I got very stressed and upset, and the people I was supposed to be golfing with weren’t impressed to be delayed. Still, it all turned out well in the end – or so I thought. Two days later:)

Event Organizer: “Uh, hi, [My Name]. I’m really sorry to tell you this, but you might be getting a call from HR.”

Me: “What? Why?”

Event Organizer: “Apparently, you missed supplying a couple of golf carts with their bottled water. One of the retirees was really angry, and she told me she was going to call HR to complain about you.”

Me: “I can’t believe this. She got that angry over a free water that maybe cost fifty cents?”

Event Organizer: “Well, she’s a retiree. Maybe she has nothing better to do with her time.”

This story is part of our Golf roundup!

Read the next Golf roundup story!

Read the Golf roundup!

(It’s my last day of work; I am leaving to be a stay-at-home mom. I have been at this job for five years, so on my last few shifts I have had customers and family of coworkers coming in to say goodbye. I am on my lunch break, and one coworker and her husband come in. We are standing around talking about my toddlers, about me staying home, etc. After I while, I excuse myself to go clock back in. After doing so, I head back toward my register when I walk past them.)

Coworker’s Husband: “Get back to work!”

Me: *being a brat* “No, I don’t want to!”

(I stomp my foot like a small child, cross my arms, and whine.)

Husband: “Now, or else!”

Me: *evil grin* “Or what, I’ll be fired?”

Coworker: “I can see it now: [Manager] telling you just to go home now and never come back.”

Me: “Woohoo, I can start my summer early.”

Husband: “I never said ‘fire.’ If you don’t get back to work, you will never be allowed to leave; we will chain you to the till.”

(The manager is walking past and only hears about chaining me to till.)

Manager: “Now that would be a way to make her stay. Why didn’t I think of that? By the way, why are we chaining her?”

Me: “Because I don’t want to go back to work, we decided it would be a better punishment than firing me at this point.”

(He walks away laughing. I get back to work and finish my day. I have less than ten minutes left when my manager walks out, telling us he will be back in a minute. Thinking he’s going for a smoke, I don’t think anything of it. Next thing I know…)

Coworker #2: “What’s that for?”

(I look over to see my manager coming back in with chain he got from his truck.)

Manager: *with a really evil grin* “It’s a present for [My Name].”

(I almost die of laughter as he wraps it around me, talking to himself.)

Manager: “Now this goes around here… Oh, this should go up here! Now where should I hook it?”

(When it was said and done, he did manage to keep me for an extra ten minutes.)

(A supervisor comes into the office with a smile on his face. [Colleague], who works on the desk opposite me, is in her late 70s and is retiring in six months. She is known for her conservative views.)

Supervisor: *to me* “I’ve finally converted—”

Me: “What?”

Supervisor: “I’ve converted. You know, the—”

Colleague: “Oh, that’s wonderful news.” *quick side glare at me* “It’s a good day when one of the lost finds the flock again.”

Supervisor: “Ugh, sure… Anyway, I converted my measures sheet to metric. It took me all weekend, but I finally did it.” *beaming*

Me: “Oh, that is wonderful. That should save us some time!”

Colleague: “So, you aren’t converting to Catholicism. You should, unless you’re like [My Name] and her perversions.”

Me: “[Colleague]! You stop that right now!”

Supervisor: *to colleague* “Shut your puss, you old hag. My dad was abused by a Catholic priest when he was ten years old. He’s been very critical of religion ever since, especially Catholicism, which has more than enough secrets to damn the world thrice over. If you don’t like that, you can stick your crucifix where the sun doesn’t shine.”

(My colleague blushes and leaves the office, muttering about being so mistreated.)

Me: “Wow… [Supervisor], you might’ve just lost your job.”

Supervisor: “Who cares. It’s old witches like her that make life worse for the rest of us. What did she even mean, bringing you into that?”

Me: “My sister is gay, and I made the mistake of outing her to the office when she found out she was pregnant. [Colleague]’s been giving me nasty looks ever since. She’ll be gone in six months, and I don’t want the added baggage of a complaint so close to her retirement. It might give her the passion to stay, just to spite me.”

(He grumbled and left. When I went in the next morning, there was a nice new partition blocking my view of [Colleague], and a teddy bear with note attached saying to give it to my sister. To my knowledge, [Colleague] hasn’t complained about [Supervisor], and I’m counting the days until she’s gone for good.)

(Two employees of the store I manage happen to request vacation time over the same dates. We can’t operate with both out of the store at the same time. While usually we give preference to the employee with seniority, this is unofficial. This time, the vacation time is given to the less senior employee. After a complaint, I go to ask the assistant store manager who handles scheduling why.)

Assistant Manager: “Well, you know [Employee #1] is a member of my church. She is going on a mission trip to spread the word of God, and it just seemed so much more important than a plain old vacation. [Employee #2] can just reschedule.”

Me: “I wish you had come to me first, because that’s absolutely not what I would have told you to do. I’m going to make seniority the official policy to stop that from happening.”

Assistant Manager: “You can’t do that! We need discretion for vacation approvals!”

(We each end up writing an email to our district manager to plead our case, and he calls a meeting to hash out a policy.)

District Manager: “Okay, so it looks like your argument is that we should look at the details of the vacation request and give it to who you personally feel has the more legitimate need?”

Assistant Manager: “Yes, but I’m so mad right now! [Employee #1] claimed she was going on a mission trip, but instead, she went to Vegas! The pictures were all over Facebook! I can’t believe she would do that to me!”

Me: “Which is exactly why a simple policy with no personal prejudices would mean less hurt feelings.”

(The policy went into effect corporate-wide a few months ago.)

(I work in a supermarket. On the 21st of June, I get a call from my store manager.)

Store Manager: “Can you replace [Coworker #2] tomorrow morning?”

Me: “She called to say that she will be absent?”

Store Manager: “No, but it’s World Music Day tonight, and she is always absent the day after, and always with a doctor’s certificate.”

(She called in on the 22nd of June.)