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Caught Red Hot Chilli Pepper Handed

, | Working | February 9, 2017

We had a lunch thief where I was working.

One day I left my lunch in the fridge, and came in to find it sitting on the counter with one bite gone.

It was the strangest thing . . . just because that recipe called for 3-5 habanero peppers and 3 tablespoons of Tabasco, and the prime suspect in the theft hated spicy food!

I figure that just about took his head off.

And I never had anyone steal my lunch the rest of the time I was there!

Time To Retire That Attire

, , | Working | January 25, 2017

I have an office in a portakabin of four rooms across the car park from the main building. Only two rooms are occupied.

One day I manage to knock over a glass of water and it soaks a load of papers on my desk and goes all down my trousers, too. I lock the office door, make sure the blinds are closed, and take my trousers off to put them on the heater to dry while I tidy up the desk.

After a few minutes the office door opens and a colleague walks in. She has come to collect some papers and let herself in with the master key. She is lovely but not overly bright.

She sits for a few minutes talking, and then starts to leave. As she is going out the door she asks if I am wearing any underwear. I say of course.

She says that she isn’t sure as it just look like I am only wearing a shirt.

She must have thought that this was normal for me in my office. But it hadn’t crossed her mind to leave when she first saw me, or didn’t she notice till she was leaving?

Stronger Together

, , , | Working | January 11, 2017

(It is November 11th, 2016. I’m openly lesbian, and don’t “pass” for straight due to my unique hair and androgynous dress. Unfortunately, there’s a huge rise in hate crimes after the election, and I have been shoved, called names, and had my car vandalized so far. Even though I am just starting out as a lawyer, I can’t stop these things happening. I am talking about the hate crimes issue with a colleague.)

Me: “…so there’s been a lot more anti-minority and anti-gay harassment lately. People feel emboldened, you know? So do you think you could walk me out of work today?”

(Colleague #2, who is a new immigrant from a conservative south Asian country, stops after walking by and hearing this. He smiles.)

Colleague #2: “Do you know what I would do? I would… tell them ‘oh, you’re harassing this gay person? Would you perhaps now like to meet my .38 special?’”

Colleague #1: *describing himself* “Or do you want a six foot six Norwegian carrying a bat?”

(I knew they were joking, but it meant a lot that two very different people felt so strongly about protecting me!)

At War With Your Employees

, , , | Working | December 16, 2016

Today I love/hate my employees.

During a training session earlier this week I had told them all to let me know of any changes needed to their schedule due to long calls, complicated issues, whatever. “Don’t write me a novel. I don’t need War & Peace, just give me the times and a quick note of what happened.”

Wise-a** rep responds this morning by sending me an email that succinctly states the times I need, then goes into 6 pages of an excerpt from War & Peace. Specifically, Part Three, XV.

To his credit, he didn’t write it, he just copy-pasted from a website.

“At eight o’clock Kutzov rode to Pratz….”


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You’re Streets Ahead Of Them

, , , , | Working | August 31, 2016

(I have a coworker who is a little on the ditzy side. We are working together in the stock room and chatting about New York City.)

Coworker: “I used to live in New York and it was great! I used to go to this place all the time called the 92nd Street Y. It was on 6th Avenue and um… like, uptown somewhere… I forget.”

(I wait for a few beats to see if she’ll figure it out.)

Me: “Was it on 6th Avenue and 92nd Street, maybe?”

Coworker: “Oh!” *looking sheepish* “…yeah.”


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