(Part of our pre-closing duties is to clean the bathrooms. While it’s not hard, one of the cashiers always takes longer than normal to do it and never actually does it right. One day, my manager pulls me aside.)

Manager: “Hey, [My Name], can I ask you to do the bathrooms?”

Me: “Didn’t [Cashier] say she’d do them?”

Manager: “Yeah, but I found out she spends half the time on her phone. And I’m tired of having to go back through to do what she doesn’t.”

Me: “Yeah, fair.”

(We got a lot fewer complaints after she stopped doing the bathrooms.)

(We sell custom mirrors which are made in the building. I have been called down to the front.)

Colleague: “This lady would like to return this mirror, but it was over £800.”

Manager: “I see. What is the problem with it?”

Customer: “It’s warped. It’s making me look huge!”

Manager: “Oh, I’m so sorry about that.”

(I look over the mirror but can’t see any warping. I call down someone from quality.)

Quality: “On the surface, there doesn’t seem to be anything wrong. It’s in perfect condition.”

Customer: “But it’s making me look so fat!” *walks in front of it* “See?!”

(I personally wouldn’t describe the woman as “fat” or even overweight, and the mirror seems to be doing as intended. We all realise the problem, but before we can handle the situation, [Quality] decides to speak up.)

Quality: “Well, there’s your problem. You think you’re fat!”

(The customer turns red.)

Customer: “HOW DARE YOU?!”

Quality: “It isn’t my fault. Try losing some weight.” *walks away*

(We refunded the mirror, and she left, saying she would never shop with us again. [Quality] got a stern talking to, and I didn’t let him out on the floor after that.)

(My office is set up in pods of four. On my pod, there is a Christian who is a Christmas fanatic, [Coworker #1], an atheist Christmas fanatic, [Coworker #2], a devout Christian, [Coworker #3], and me, an atheist who doesn’t particularly like the festive period. It’s the week before Christmas, so naturally, my office is playing Christmas songs. “Mary’s Boy Child” has just finished playing.)

Coworker #1: “Oh, thank heavens. I don’t like that one.”

Coworker #2: “Oh, I don’t really like it very much, either.”

Me: “Why?”

Coworker #2: “It’s a bit dreary in terms of notes for me.”

Coworker #1: “It just isn’t Christmassy, at all!”

(I slowly look up to look at [Coworker #2], who’s looking extremely confused at [Coworker #1]. I look at [Coworker #1], who is typing away.)

Me: “The opening lyrics are, ‘Mary’s boy child, Jesus Christ, was born on Christmas Day. And man will live for evermore, because of Christmas Day.’ It’s been the most Christmassy song played today.”

([Coworker #1] pauses in typing as she digests what I’ve just said. [Coworker #2] starts laughing. [Coworker #3] comes back from the printer at this point and looks perplexed.)

Coworker #2: “The Atheist Scrooge knows more about a religious Christmas song than [Coworker 1]!”

Coworker #3: *incredulously* “How?!”

Me: “Atheist Scrooge went to [Christian School] and was part of the school choir. She also was not always a Scrooge.”

(It is just before Christmas.)

Coworker: “Do you hate Christmas or something?”

Me: “I don’t hate Christmas. Why?”

Coworker: “You haven’t been wishing people a Merry Christmas!”

Me: “Oh, I hadn’t really noticed. I guess it’s probably because of how often I got yelled at for using the wrong phrase. I just kind of stopped.”

Coworker: “Well, you need to start saying it. Otherwise, you make it seem like you hate Christmas.”

(A guest checks out with me a while later, and without thinking, I tell them to have a nice night. My coworker comes rushing toward me.)

Coworker: “NO! It’s Merry Christmas! CHRISTMAS. I know you hate Christmas, but that doesn’t mean you have to ruin it for everyone else!”

Me: “It’s really not that big of a deal. Please calm down.”

Coworker: “No! You need to learn to say Merry Christmas! I’m not leaving you alone until you say it!”

(The next customer approaches and my coworker stares me down as I finish the transaction. I wish the customer a Merry Christmas just to get my coworker to leave me alone.)

Customer: “Oh, I appreciate the sentiment, but I don’t celebrate Christmas. I hope you have a nice one, though!”

Coworker: “YOU DON’T CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS? What is wrong with both of you?!”

(My coworker ran off, and the customer just kind of laughed. Turns out the coworker tried to report me for being insensitive to religious beliefs. They got written up for harassing me and a customer.)

(I am a cashier and it’s Christmas time. For some reason, we can’t hear the music at the tills so, trying to stay sane, I’m singing Christmas carols. My coworkers are having fun bugging me about my singing — “You’re scaring the customers out of the store,” “My ears are bleeding,” etc. On my lunch, I grab some things I need and go through the till. I pay, and the till freezes. Normally, it just takes a minute to unfreeze, and in that time, we get into the habit of threatening the computer.)

Me: “If you don’t start working, I’ll kick you, and I’m wearing my steel toes.”

Coworker: “Not scary enough.”

Me: “I’ll start singing again.”

(The computer instantly starts working.)

Coworker: *laughing* “Now that’s scary!”

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